I think I've hit rock bottom

[paulywogg]

I think I've hit rock bottom

i feel ya new one,back to reality,its rough!

[NewOne]

I think I've hit rock bottom

Well, I was totally jumping the gun when I thought my system would be the same as before within a couple of weeks. It is better, but not totally back to normal. I don't know what I was thinking. I've been on a year long binge.

I knew better than to get caught up in 'expectations' but I did anyway.

Here is a strange thing I have noticed. When I start to watch the tele I get sleepy & start to doze off. I go all the way down into the sleep zone then slowly come back up into awakefulness. (there is really no nap in-between) During the process of awakening, I feel a bit of panic & anxiety.

I just realized what it is all about.

It's the brain/physicality remembering & re-experiencing waking up in the morning after a booze fest. The anxiety, the remembering all of the crap, the regret, guilt, the fear.

I don't have this feeling in the mornings, just during my doze off periods.

[Nelz]

I think I've hit rock bottom

NewOne;1438580 wrote: I am not happy. I am gaining weight. I am sure it is due to the constant sugar spikes from drinking so much coffee. I've been staying low carb so I don't know what else to blame it on except menopause.

So...my plan, from this day forward...is to drink black coffee. Ack! I love my creamer so much & use gobs & gobs of it. I'm sure drinking it black will slow down the consumption rate. Bleck!

Nope. Not happy about this.

Id blame the meonpause as well, wifey went through it and the very same thing happened....pretty sure your bodies hormones are all kinds of wacked. I feel for ya on the sugar cravings, I still cant beat those, kudos to you for the straight coffee!!

But, all that said, its still gotta be better to deal with that, than AL, way to go, keep it up :goodjob:

[LibraryGirl]

I think I've hit rock bottom

Hi Newone. I've read through all your 'journal' and just wanted to say hello. I think it's great that you are writing out your thoughts on a more or less daily basis as you quit. It also is very helpful to others to see that they are not alone. Some of our experiences as a group here, in regards to quitting AL, are the same. I quit nearly a year ago and this site was the catalyst, or what I needed to do it. The catalyst was being hungover for the umpteenth time and not wanting to feel that way again. Congrats on your sober time and on doing the work to figure out this journey. It is probably one of the best things you will ever do for yourself.

[NewOne]

I think I've hit rock bottom

I actually thought the menopause was supposed to be done AFTER the year without menses. I didn't know that is when it BEGINS.

I'm confused about how this works. Do I have it right? Hell, I went thru many years of perimenopause. Enough already.

I have finished my year of no menses. Am I over menopause or IN it? I'd appreciate it if someone could clue me in. I have googled, more times than I can count & only get confusion. For some reason I can't seem to wrap my head around the concepts.

I did start having some moodiness this year....last year...2012...or maybe the end of 2011. I can't recall. I was drunk. :-P

[decided]

I think I've hit rock bottom

Hey Neo!

I know what you mean about those little random axieties...they don't last half as long as I did, so when I get them...I remeber how lucky I am that its just a "reminder" and I'm not actually in that state anymore.

I remember what you had said about the "AL fog" on my thread, and just wanted you to know that after working out yesterday, It was worse but I was so tired I slept reaally well! Then I woke up this am and its gone! I'm loading on on water and vitamin c as well wich I think is helping. Give it a try! Even if you just run as fast as you can for 2-3 mins take a 5 minute break and repeat as much as you can...just get a sewat on get out of breath, get tired drink water rest and repeat! I feel a lot less lethargic.

[NewOne]

I think I've hit rock bottom

Thanks to all who are replying & reading. A big Hi Ya! I think I am actually catching up on my sleep. No more 3am sugar drops wakening me. I am getting close to 8 hours sleep in the last couple of days & I took a real nap yesterday.

The high doses of C and acidipholous combo seems to be taking care of the insane cravings. And with the money I have saved, I bought a lap top & upgraded my desktop. Last year, my boyfriend stopped drinking thru the week & now owns a brand new Harley. He was a 12 packer per evening.

I also have a new interest. I am making stuff homemade. I have made ketchup, and yesterday I made dishwasher detergent. The detergent turned out better than the ketchup. But, it's fun and something new to do. Plus the money I save I get to spend on me instead of house necessities. My next project is homemade laundry detergent & fabric softener.

I have also decided to bite the bullet & buy new jeans & live with a little weight gain. I look better, healthier & more youthful.

I've come to a routine with my supps. ABDE one day, pot/calc/mag the next. With daily double C and ac.

[decided]

I think I've hit rock bottom

You sound so upbeat! That sleeps doing you some good love to hear more about all that home made stuff your making! Sounds like fun nice post to wake up too!

[NewOne]

I think I've hit rock bottom

No drinky. But man oh man oh man...I want to sleep all of the time. No amount of coffee or nicotine seems to wake me up. Supposedly, and according to the 'spiritual gurus', we are being hit with a big energy wave the 15th, which is today. I'm hoping that is what the cause of this is.

I'm smoking myself too death (cough cough), Man, I want to give these things up but don't have a clue as to how 'not to' smoke. I'm sure it will eventually come to me because when I started all of this...I didn't know how to not drink.


I had a big aha this morning. First one I have had for a while. Aha's are few and far between when the brain is focused on napping. Anyway, it's all over a freaking dog. My last one died about 8 months ago. He was old old old. I swore I wouldn't get another one as I had recently lost my old old old husky a year or so back before that. My daughter has a most fabulous creature that I cared for about 6 months and that took away some of the sting. And while she did come to visit during xmas, she took Miss Most Fab back with her.

But now, I am dogless. I've never been dogless. Now really, this is not about dogs & I will get to that in a moment.

Anyway, I have ran into several adoptable dogs but nothing seems to work out. This is the way I make decsions. If the Universe doesn't supply, then I figure it isn't meant to be. This is where the aha comes in & if anyone has made it this far in reading, I salute you in navigating the convulatedness. I realized that it has nothing to do with 'not meant to be' but everything to do with what I want. Of course my being a drunk for years, I no longer have a clue as to what I want. Or maybe that should be I don't know how to recognize what I want.

I have a cat. She was feral when I first met her several years ago. I worked hard to gain her trust so I could catch her. I caught her kittens & adopted them out way before I could catch her. I finally caught her. I drove many hours in the wee of the morning to get her to a vet then did it again the nexty day to pick her up. I have a lot sweat blood & tears in this cat.

The moral of the story is...if I sit back after a half assed attempt to do something and allow for the Universe to supply...then it is not what I want. I cannot say "it's not meant to be". I have to honestly say that this is not what I really want.

Another example: I'm not working. Sometimes I think about going to work & bemoan about nothing interesting coming my way. Woe is me, The Universe hates me & is plotting to keep me unhappy. But the truth is, I don't even have a resume typed up. So therefore, I must not REALLY want a job.

So that was my big aha.

But, otoh, it is about a dog. So I am counteracting the 'woe is me, I don't have a dog' with, 'but I do have a dog, I have Miss Most Fab the Granddog whose mother is finally coming home from College next month for good'.

Anyway...I am knocking back huge amounts of vitamins & laying around a lot. I watched 52 episodes of Mad Men on Netflix. I higly reccoment it for anyone who is in the veg state.

Oh wait...I did go on a small sugar binge at my Mothers last week. Not too bad, just enough to piss me off.

I think I am going to try some ginko biloba to see if I can wake up my brain.