Failed on Day 30

[change=freedom]

I've been so looking forward to posting on the Roll Call that I went 30 days AF. But I fell down at the last hurdle and drank a bottle of wine. At least it wasn't a bottle of vodka, but still pathetic. I'm angry and feeling sorry for myself. I'm proud I went 29 days AF but what is happening? I keep wanting to isolate myself. It's not helpful.

[techie]

Failed on Day 30

Never give up. Day 1 again and go rack up those AF days!

[kuya]

Failed on Day 30

Find the trigger so next time you can dodge the bullet.

Don't beat yourself up, it's a learning process......could be me next. :l

[Lavande]

Failed on Day 30

Hi change,

I'm sorry to hear you decided to drink. Do you know why?
You mentioned wanting to isolate, are you possibly not wanting to face someone or something?
I used bottle after bottle of wine over the years to do just that!

One thing I have learned along the way is what I was fearing the most was the 'unknown'. I didn't know who I was going to be as a sober person. I, didn't know how I would handle stress, etc. Turned out my fears were completely unjustified. I pushed myself to learn healthier, better ways to think & handle life. You can do all this too.

Never give up trying:l
Come back to the Nest, we'll help.

Lav

[Wildflowers]

Failed on Day 30

change=freedom;1417537 wrote: I've been so looking forward to posting on the Roll Call that I went 30 days AF. But I fell down at the last hurdle and drank a bottle of wine. At least it wasn't a bottle of vodka, but still pathetic. I'm angry and feeling sorry for myself. I'm proud I went 29 days AF but what is happening? I keep wanting to isolate myself. It's not helpful.

For nearly everybody it's part of the natural journey to test the waters again. For some of us we repeat many ~ many times. But, you don't have to!!!!... Lav, hit it on the nose about the fear. I did it to & am learning that much of it was unjustified.

I think isolation is all part of this addiction, it wants us to hide & keep us stuck. It doesn't want to let go easily. In the beginning I gave that fecking ~ biotch a name. I separated her from me. My higher self, the one who knew better, the one who was learning it was OK to love & like me. Lav doesn't know it, but I lurk around many of her posts. She has also been very instrumental in helping me with my emotional sobriety!!! :thanks: Lav :l

Change it's OK to be upset, disappointed in yourself for a few, but no longer. You are far to beautiful, smart, good, & kind for that nonsense!!! Listen to Lav & stay connected to others here, it's vital to your sobriety ~ recovery!!! You can do this!!!.... Before you know it you will have 30 days again & you haven't lost the ones you had. You just learn from them like many of us hun. :l You aren't a failure, you are a natural learner.

[Wildflowers]

Failed on Day 30

kuya;1417547 wrote: Find the trigger so next time you can dodge the bullet.

Don't beat yourself up, it's a learning process......could be me next. :l

I just saw that part Kuya. It better not be you next young lady! :no:

There will be no more stealing my images. You will be officially cut off. :H

Sorry change I couldn't help myself.

[kuya]

Failed on Day 30

Wildflowers;1417567 wrote: I just saw that part Kuya. It better not be you next young lady! :no:

There will be no more stealing my images. You will be officially cut off. :H

Sorry change I couldn't help myself.

Just saw this......what ME? Tis you thieving my ideas and images then passing em off as yerown, everybody knows their mine WF. :H

[Mick]

Failed on Day 30

Change...pick yourself up ,dust yourself off ,work out how to beat that point next time and you are on the road...dont quit ..you can do it

[Byrdlady]

Failed on Day 30

Yep, consider it a blip on the radar and keep on trucking...push it out of your mind just like you do when you have a thought about AL. NO, HELL NO! AL will not take one more day of my life! We are all with you! Stick close and don't give in! Byrdie

[Patrick]

Failed on Day 30

change=freedom;1417537 wrote: I've been so looking forward to posting on the Roll Call that I went 30 days AF. But I fell down at the last hurdle and drank a bottle of wine. At least it wasn't a bottle of vodka, but still pathetic. I'm angry and feeling sorry for myself. I'm proud I went 29 days AF but what is happening? I keep wanting to isolate myself. It's not helpful.

I agree with all of the above replies,you've only failed if you don't try again,lets try for 29 +1 this time and go on from there.:goodjob: on the 29 days btw.Just call it a blip and move on.If you can do it once..................

[gmc38609]

Failed on Day 30

Someone said to me once, don't count the days as it is almost like counting how long you can last before you fail,
Just consider yourself no longer a drinker of alcohol less pressure and forget the amount of days
Easier said than done but i can see the logic

[change=freedom]

Failed on Day 30

Thank you all so much for your support. I'm on my phone so it's difficult to address each of you and the very good points you made, and your supportive comments. I've only managed to read these now as I've had a well-deserved hangover - probably due to the fact that I'm on antibiotics. Sigh! I'm feeling shaky and a bit paranoid, ashamed and now having to fight the urge to get another bottle of wine 'to make myself feel better' (this is what part of my brain is telling me). I'm still thinking about the isolation factor and the escape from stress factor and just how I managed to trick myself into buying a bottle of wine.

Gmc - I like that...I deleted my signature with all the counting of days and everything...makes sense to me not to count anymore either.

Thanks again guys and I'll see you later when I'm back home and on the computer.

[kuya]

Failed on Day 30

I don't post roll call or have my AF date in my signature and whilst I am aware of milestones I am less focused on the days.......sometimes I have to work out where I am up to.

Another possible factor is falling at milestones may be a bit of your brain saying......'see, I told you I COULDN'T !

I know I got very low at 30 days and this may be a factor, my first quit was without MWO and I put no significance on the amount of time. But the downside was I had no support and we all need support.

[RunningCourage]

Failed on Day 30

Hey Change,

Peeps here are saying lots of sound and excellent things. Read, absorb and move on.

It was one blip. Don't beat yourself up about it. It happens. We all have done it, some more than once.

But, if you can, don't let one blip be the ajar door for AL / Dr Richard Head to come barging in again. (Actually he doesn't barge in, he is way more sly. But once in, however, he can make a hell of a racket). Once he is in, it seems a lot harder to get him out.

So slam the door shut.

He's an arse. (Please excuse my French).

[change=freedom]

Failed on Day 30

kuya;1417916 wrote: I don't post roll call or have my AF date in my signature and whilst I am aware of milestones I am less focused on the days.......sometimes I have to work out where I am up to.

Another possible factor is falling at milestones may be a bit of your brain saying......'see, I told you I COULDN'T !

Yes, I'm done with all the days and dates etc. I agree with the brain thing. Thanks Kuya!

RunningCourage;1417926 wrote: Hey Change,

Peeps here are saying lots of sound and excellent things. Read, absorb and move on.

It was one blip. Don't beat yourself up about it. It happens. We all have done it, some more than once.

But, if you can, don't let one blip be the ajar door for AL / Dr Richard Head to come barging in again. (Actually he doesn't barge in, he is way more sly. But once in, however, he can make a hell of a racket). Once he is in, it seems a lot harder to get him out.

So slam the door shut.

He's an arse. (Please excuse my French).

Haha RC "Dr Richard Head" - took me a second to get that. I did slam the door shut. It *was* a blip (phew!) Took me about 48 hours to start feeling 'normal' again. I can hardly believe what I put my body through all those years. I keep telling myself I've added a few years onto my life now! Thanks RC.