I am not new to this site by any means. I have had a lot of do's and don't's advise here and I love it. Problem is I am back at square 1 once again. The longest I have gone this year without wine is 35 days. I think it was the best 35 days I have felt in many years. Problem is just when I think I can control myself, I can't. So, I'm back here again lurking around. I want today to be day 1, but we have planned a big New Years Eve party for some friends and family and that's pretty much what we do is drink and drink and drink...and eat and eat and eat!
I'm torn, last week I made 4 days sober free. Then I drank friday, saturday, sunday, monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, and the day is not over yet. All I know is I am starting to notice my body difference from when I wake. If I don't drink, I can think, I feel lighter, I'm not so bloated and I can remember when I went to bed and what I ate for dinner. When I drink, I don't remember tucking my kids in, how much I drank, what I ate, when I went to bed and I feel guilt, shame, and I can't think!
Why would I keep doing that to myself? I don't want this anymore, my husband and I talked and said that after the first of the year we will stop all the nonsense. I think I need to start now, but then there is that stupid party. I don't know???
THanks for listening
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