A special call out for anyone who needs it.

[almost free]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Hi Slay,

I ended up deleting my last post, but I know you read it already. (Feeling a little parnoid about so much personal business hanging out there forever). It was a relief to vent and give a little more of the picture to someone who understands.

I don't know why he won't comply with the niacin. The non-flush type has no side effects and it's not like it's difficult to do, like having to give up his pot. It is such a small, easy thing to do, but he is almost making it a power struggle. Like an act of defiance. I have no clue, but I have tried to impress upon him how much he has at stake if he ends up losing his job. (We were almost in despair that he would ever get one, with his problems). He could start getting pissed off with customers and get fired. Or quit his job in a fit of anger over some trivial thing.

Once he starts getting into the meltdown, he is even more defiant about it. I simply don't understand why he is making this all so difficult. I can't bear having to stand by and watch as he needlessly destroys his life again, after a year of hard work, expense and stress. And the fix is so easy! To me it was a gift from God, to discover a non psych med treatment that worked so well. Only to have it sabotaged by this kid refusing to take them. I could completely understand not wanting to take the meds. They had horrific side effects. But not the niacin. He should be so grateful that there is a solution that doesn't involve gaining massive amounts of weight, shaking all over, being suicidal and catatonic.

Maybe it's denial about his schizophrenia; he doesn't want to accept that there is something mentally wrong with him. I've tried to put it in such a way, like, hey, I don't process alcohol like normal people, and you don't process adrenaline. It's a medical condition, like diabetes, that you need to manage. That's all.

I'm just sooo frustrated and afraid where all this is going to end. Not well, I'm afraid.

Thanks for letting me vent again. Hope you are holding up ok today. Thanks for listening.


*** New Day, thanks so much for the encouragement and support. I appreciate the kind words. ***

[Slaythefear]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

That standing by and watching them destroy their lives...yeah! However, in my case he is destroying mine as well. In your case, too, if we choose to continue to enable them to do so. That's the hard part...letting go because they are destroying us too.

All these posts on this topic along with another poster has me comparing these mental disorders like ADHD, ODD, and others. There is such a similarity and overlapping in all the symptoms and the use of drugs by those who have these issues. It's upsetting because I feel with research and willingness there can be solutions that can help solve them instead of making them worse or continuing on in the destructive path. Thinking about your son and my situation it would appear the ODD comes into play. They are very defiant and prone to violent outburst and have a low tolerance to frustration. I started looking into ADHD and Niacin and see that it has been used with mixed results. The excess of adrenaline has my attention in my situation, too. Although it will do little good because he is like your son. He won't cooperate or work to fix the problem. My modem stopped working, so I didn't finish researching it. I had to go get a new one today. So, this afternoon I've been working on my Victim Statement and case for the charges. A difficult task...having to recall the details of things that hurt. I think there are ways to help my husband (?), but he is defiant and unwilling to do anything productive about the situation. He is set in his direction and I have no choice but to prosecute and get out of the whole situation. It's going to take time and more pain, but he will just take me down further. (use me) I'm kind of a romantic that says I'll die with you, but in this case when we go down, he'd step on my head to survive and leave me for dead. Not so romantic then.:upset: Alas, accept the things we cannot change and change the things we can and know the difference. Deep breath...another steps.

Defiant: marked by resistance or bold opposition, as to authority; challenging
Difficult
Unmanageable

Underneath the definition online you find advertisements for ADHD and Schizophrenia...yes, we know!!!!

:l:h

Love,

Slay

[paulywogg]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

hope youre doing good slay

[Slaythefear]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

It's rough traveling weather, Pauly. I think I'll go watch my waistline grow with a bowl of ice cream and relax. It's been an exhausting day both physically and emotionally. ZZZzzzZZZZ...ok, ice box, I'm coming for you....

I hope all is well in your neighborhood!:l

Love,

Slay

[almost free]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Hi Slay, Hang in there. The only way to get through these kinds of problems is just as you said: 'Deep breath, another step.' Trying to do the same myself. Hope you enjoyed your ice cream. And hope tomorrow is an easier one for you. Have a good night, will check how you are doing tomorrow. Hugs!

[Siren136]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

I so very much want today to be Day 1 alcohol-free. But then again I wanted that yesterday and the day before that, etc. Sigh, I'm scared of what the day will bring.

[paulywogg]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

be strong siren,i know its hard but after a couple days a.f it wont feel like such a struggle,itll still be hard but not as bad

[Slaythefear]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Siren136;1444173 wrote: I so very much want today to be Day 1 alcohol-free. But then again I wanted that yesterday and the day before that, etc. Sigh, I'm scared of what the day will bring.

Siren, when you are ready, prepare yourself a bit and jump on the Newbies Nest and try to pare yourself up with someone to cheer each other on. You'll have struggles, but if you really want it, YOU can do it. We have successes here everyday. Many worthwhile things are not easy to achieve, but one thing you must have is a determined and willing mind. That's your best asset. The withdrawals will silence out after a short time and then you'll have some issues with ups and downs as your brain rewires from the change, but you will accumulate days that you feel well and confidence to use as further motivation. If you feel you will withdraw too hard, try to get something from your doctor to help get you through. Many people use Ativan or something to help keep them from having issues that are too hard to deal with. Depends on your situation.

Love,

Slay

[Slaythefear]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Thanks Almost Free. Deep Breath, take step. I did enjoy the Moose Tracks IC. With everything I'm going through, this is not a time to be to tough on myself. Too many restrictions with all this is just too much for me to deal with right now. So the other goals are going to wait for a bit. When this is all over with, maybe I'll work for that body of the girl in my photo and not just her spirit. Some daily workouts with weights and bam...let's rumble. lol

Love,

Slay

[almost free]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Welcome Siren! Lots of people here starting and starting over. There is a newbie's nest roll call, where people check in every day. Jump on if you feel comfortable. You will see you are not alone, in struggling through the early days. Drink lots of water (with lots of fresh squeezed lemon, if you can). Eat some nutritious food and treat yourself well today. Like Slay said, if you need something to get you through the withdrawals, ask your doctor. Just rest and take care of yourself. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion. You deserve it. So glad you are here!

Hey Pauly, good to see you! Hope everything is well with you.

Hi Slay, you are sounding pretty positive today. Good for you. You are right, this is no time to put more pressure on yourself. Enjoy every small thing you can. Other things will come in time. Right now, just take good care of yourself. You deserve it. Thinking of you and praying for you to get the strength you need to get through all the difficult issues you are dealing with. Deep breath, another step........Hugs!

[EmbracingIt]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Day 1

Hello, Siren.

You and I are in the same boat. I almost can't imagine getting through today without a drink (or 4) and it is only noonish. I know I want it. It just feels really hard in the beginning because my whole body and my habit mind are fully craving it. I am trying to just do it anyway and trust I will at least a little better tomorrow and the next day and so on. Let's try to cheer each other on! What time is it where you are and how are you doing?

[EmbracingIt]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Day 1

Wow. I can't even type. What I meant to say is that I know I want "it" (meaning to be AF). And, I meant to say, I am trying to suffer through this one day somehow and trust that tomorrow I will feel noticably better. Basically, I have a hangover and cravings at the same time, pretty sick, eh? And, I have started using alcohol to temper hangovers which is a sure sign this problem is escalating.

[K9Lover]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

EmbracingIt;1444496 wrote: Basically, I have a hangover and cravings at the same time, pretty sick, eh?

No sicker than me smoking cigarettes while I had pneumonia! Addiction makes us do unreasonable things! Please realize that this will get easier, if it stayed this hard forever, there'd be very few success stories around here...but there are plenty!

Stick close to us and keep us posted on how you're doing!

K9

[Siren136]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Well today isn't day 1. Maybe tomorrow. I'm going to try to stay sober enough tonight so that I don't feel too bad in the morning. Then work out and get some healthiness under my belt. Then I can try again. I can't handle the withdrawal symptoms while trying to get work done. I was thinking of going somewhere else in the morning.

[EmbracingIt]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Question for K9

Would you mind sharing your story with me? I see you are a parent. I have a boy, just turned 6. I fear this is escalating/has escalated to a point where it affects my parenting. Who the fuck am I kidding. It has affected my parenting.

Who wants a mom that checks out at 5:00 most days. I try to convince myself how it isn't that bad, and hey, I almost always read him a bedtime story and I tell him I love him and how wonderful he is all the time, and I make careful decisions about his schooling and make sure he is treated very well by all who care for him and giving lots of fun, interesting and healthy opportunities and activities. For gosh sakes, even in this moment at 4:58 p.m. I am trying to convince myself it would be o.k. to drink just one more night (maybe 3 instead of 4 or 5, just to taper... this is ridiculous! I really do not feel like the person inside me who wants to be sober will win tonight and I am starting to get discouraged like I will never do it and all this focus on it may make it worse, like I am doomed or something). I felt stronger the last time I tried this (and even then I only got 4 days).

Man, the ideal of admitting I am an alcoholic is just so hard! I don't want to be that person!!

Siren, please start again tomorrow. I keep telling myself every day I fail, just get back up and TRY AGAIN. It will stick if I do that (I want to believe that - why do I believe it so much for you, but for me it seems less likely in this particular moment?)