A special call out for anyone who needs it.

[Slaythefear]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

This is a post between RC and I.

I think it will be good here. Remember when you reach back for the water wings, you aren't a failure. You are just reaching for the familiar. It takes time to change the familiar.


Quote:
I wasn't being lubed! I want lubrication! I want to have my tongue loosen, be able to converse, join in, have "Dutch Courage", say to such-and-such "Hey, wanna grab a coffee sometime."

I wondered at dinner tonight that if I had my minimum 2 glasses of wine, whether this would be a good enough lube to encourage more in-depth dialogue.

But I want to believe that's BULLSHIT. Why?

Because I want to believe I CAN do all of the above WITHOUT AL. I know AF peeps. Two in particular - one lives in Perth, Australia and the other in London, so not as if I could ever just go hang with them for an afternoon! - and when i think of them in social occasions, AL was so clearly NOT on their radars. It wasn't what they were about. It wasn't who they were. It was US who made AL something about them. It was US that raised an eyebrow of curiosity as to the fact that they didn't imbibe and yet seemed to be having a great time, and it seemed so easy to them.

I have a sneaky suspicion that being AF makes you stronger than being tied to AL.


My Reply:

I was AF for years...that will become your normal once you make it to that point. Kuya just got a taste of it as posted in the newbies nest. I drank when I was young like a party animal, then stopped for A LONG LONG TIME...YEARS. I started again about five to six years ago and went wild (many reasons). Right back into my addiction craziness again. Anyway, you need to reestablish yourself without AL. It's like giving up your water wings and learning to swim without them. You don't just jump in the water and swim. You have to learn how. You are in training. It's just like anything else. You won't feel safe at first because you've been relying on those water wings. With time and practice, it will become second nature. The trick is getting to that point where you trust and believe in yourself...look in that mirror and quit letting programs tell you what you like or don't like about yourself. What do YOU want to be as YOU and be it. You'll never please everyone else. Nor will everyone else like you, and rejection will always be a possibility for EVERYONE! BE you and let those who like you like you and those who don't, don't. We'll get comfortable again without those wings. Patience grasshopper. (Don't use my words against me later...yikes....what have I done?!)

DAMN right you'll be stronger!!!! AL is something we hide behind and it doesn't develop courage and strength. How can an illusion do that? Ok, I'll quit babbling now. It's getting late. Just finished my movie and thought I'd check in. Feeling AF strong tonight, so thought I'd use some of my muscles.

Love,

Slay

[New Day]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

As I posted earlier, I'm glad this thread has been started. I really like the peeps in NN and received wonderful support. However, they all seem to be doing so well, that I stopped posting there when I slipped. I felt I'd let them down......no one made me feel like that, but that's how I felt.
However, as I've been told, posting while struggling is one of the ways to ensure success. So I will try and keep posting here until I feel I've had more success.

Today I will be AF.

Thank you all:thanks:

[Alcoholic]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Slay:

Sorry to hear about what is going on with your personal life... That is difficult to live with and I hope you are ok.

I think alcohol is a just part of an overall problem, a big problem, but noneless, we are human being w more complex things going on in our lives than just alochol. So, it is important to get the emotional support for other issues in our lives from this site too. I know I have met some wonderful people here who are helping me deal w difficult personal problems now in my life and I am forever grateful.

So, find the positive people here, and ignore those that are negative. elimate negative energy in your life overall.... that's what we all have to do here and in real life, right?

hugs....

[Kradle123]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

The self-loathing, the shame, the failure, the regret... i know intellectually this is all in my mind. I am not physically addicted to anything except maybe maintaining my own comfort zone of misery...But mostly the knowing just doesn't help all the time: sometimes but when those thoughts hit they are like plunging into ice cold water- I get numbed and tortured all at once.

I bounce around these threads. Get myself in trouble on some. Feel good about myself on others. Just maintain status quo for myself on others. But no where on these boards as a whole do I feel I don't belong- some threads yes but in total no. Too many stories like mine. And even those that aren't resonant becasue the thinking is the same. But when I first came here it was harder. And I know that others have said that as well.
But it's always hard to be the knew kid on the block But for me this place was still the best block in town!

Slay, this is a wondeful thread as are all your posts and insights. I feel horrible that I havent PM'd you and you've been so supportive. I'm just up in my own head these days. Waging that inner battle big time.

And speaking of Battles...i have lost a few since starting my AF journey last May but I am more and more wining this war. I KNOW it...and that is the best mindset I have had in years. When I post encouragement to those struggling to I always try to remind them of that. And yes I also feel like I am letting people down when I loose a battle... but maybe that's the point so to speak. We finally have people in our lives who can help us want to get past this....in a way peoplel on the outside just (through no fault of their own) can not.
Thinking how Byrdie or K9 or Slay others I know I should mention might be disappointed in me keeps me posting and not drinking... I'll take that motivation any day!

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. :l:h

[RunningCourage]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Slaythefear;1433005 wrote: I think it will be good here. Remember when you reach back for the water wings, you aren't a failure. You are just reaching for the familiar. It takes time to change the familiar.


I was AF for years...that will become your normal once you make it to that point. Kuya just got a taste of it as posted in the newbies nest. I drank when I was young like a party animal, then stopped for A LONG LONG TIME...YEARS. I started again about five to six years ago and went wild (many reasons). Right back into my addiction craziness again. Anyway, you need to reestablish yourself without AL. It's like giving up your water wings and learning to swim without them. You don't just jump in the water and swim. You have to learn how. You are in training. It's just like anything else. You won't feel safe at first because you've been relying on those water wings. With time and practice, it will become second nature. The trick is getting to that point where you trust and believe in yourself...look in that mirror and quit letting programs tell you what you like or don't like about yourself. What do YOU want to be as YOU and be it. You'll never please everyone else. Nor will everyone else like you, and rejection will always be a possibility for EVERYONE! BE you and let those who like you like you and those who don't, don't. We'll get comfortable again without those wings. Patience grasshopper.

Slay :l Thank you.

It's a little odd reading that when it is so often the kind of thing i say myself. Yet if ever i were to say or write that TO myself, I'd think "pffft - balderdash!" (I think that's a posh word for "rubbish, please correct me if wrong)... YET, when it is written by another, and written by you with such passion, it, well, it hits home a little harder.

It's going on the Stella Thread.

[moni]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

I find this place great for support and great for comparing what's 'normal' at each stage. However, most the work comes from within myself and it's not easy. I have to constantly stop myself from buying alcohol because once I even stray to that, it's the end of my dry run.

[Dottie Belle]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Thanks for starting this thread. I love the NN too but need more right now.
Went to visit my dad on Christmas and it just brought me down so i consoled myself with wine...finished it off last night....no wine in the house....The dreaded holidays are behind me and new years is not a concern since we don't go anywhere. Maybe I can actually remember the ball drop at midnight...
I did so well earlier this year with the help of the folks here so i know I can do it again....
Thanks for being here...
Dottie

[cuckoosnest83]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Slaythefear;1432663 wrote: There are wonderful people on these boards who give a lot of themselves but can't meet everyone's needs and sometimes people slip though the cracks and feel very isolated and alone. Some people feel they have been missed or aren't getting a hand when they need it. Although we can't solve all problems, we can give a hug, compassion, and some love and maybe by starting a thread that makes a point to say, please don't miss me, I really need a hand, it will help alert people here to take a moment to reach out to one or two people who are feeling that way. I'm making this thread out of request and for those who feel isolated so they don't have to feel that way. Sometimes we just need a pathway to call attention to it.

Love,

Slay

Slay, thank you for starting this thread. As someone who lives alone and lives in a different state from my family and friends it is difficult not to feel isolated and alone. I do not post on threads if I have been drinking because I do not want to discourage anyone who is having success. By starting this thread I feel I can post honestly with people who want desperately to stop this madness but are still struggling. IMHO by starting this thread you have done a great service for many. I know it is totally up to me to make and stick by the decision not to drink but sometimes the loneliness is overwhelming. Again, many thanks to you for this thread.

[RingingCedars]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

You back yet Slay? Thinking about you....

[paulywogg]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

i think this thread is just for some of us who just need a hand? whenever im feeling low,or shitty i can not go to nn,i refuse to bring anybody there into my struggles,people on this site,are people i wish i knew in real life,i never want to drag anyone down,this is just a place to post everyday feelings?struggles?life

[Guitarista]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Slaythefear;1433003 wrote: I've been in an abusive toxic relationship and my way of dealing with the pain of it all has been to drink. I'm finally facing up to it after being body slammed into the concrete and am forcing myself to take this to the law now. Today I have to go to the police station and file criminal charges. Now, I've let myself feel the pain and am going to walk through it. Do I want to? NO! Do I need to? Yes! Alcohol would just leave me in a state that doesn't address the pain so I can heal from it. I need my clarity of mind to get through this and it tells me this is the only way to get to the other side of this mess and hurt. No way to stop it with alcohol. All that does is keep you in a state of avoidance and denial. Alcohol will never give someone a clean peaceful life. It will only create the illusion until some truly bad harm comes to your life. If you start the fight today, you can eliminate the regrets and more loss of time and as you get more time in your reality, you'll start to feel empowered and your other self will become less and less.

Slay
So true. All the best with the legal stuff Slay. Are you safe where you are now?

Slaythefear;1432995 wrote:

but if you stay where you are at, it will not only not change, but your life will get worse. Look at where it takes people. The damage their lives are filled with over time and you never have true relationships. They are all based on this false state while you slowly poison your body and health.




The mind is a critical battlefield in this war. You have two personalities fighting one another. When the AL supporting one is winning, the real you is losing. The AL supporting one has been in control for a long time. It has been strengthened, built a large weaponry room, and has the home field advantage of familiarity and brain chemistry. The real you is weak and needs time to get trained and as strong and advantaged as the AL side. You have to get reacquainted and become a friend and advocate for him/her again. So, you can expect to feel all kinds of tricks and lies. We have believed them for a long time. We don't even know who that other person is to function or be or COPE with things under him or her. Not only that but all around you the battle is be waged through commercialism and many of your friends are duped, too. Time heals is right, but you will lose some battles along the way, but you can win the war and reclaim yourself the way you were born to be, not drugged up and artificial.

There are so many ways to escape our stress and uncomfortable feelings in life and alcohol is one of them. They have even found that shopping is an addiction that releases dopamine and can cause an addiction to escape to get pleasure. It takes more and more to get that pleasure. If there are things you are trying to escape that are tripping you up, maybe in time you can let some of that out and start to feel it is something you can conquer and heal from or fix. You have to get in a state of mind where you can do that though and be willing to get there with some work. Eliminating AL out of your life is work and it isn't easy because of the above factors.

Brilliant! Thanks.

[Lavande]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

pauly,
When you are feeling low or shitty is precisely the time you should visit the newbies nest for support & encouragement & for solutions to help make things better for yourself
If you truly want to feel better then you have to take the leap & make changes.

MWO was designed to help people make those changes! Have you ever read RJs story?
How I Quit Drinking, an Excerpt from My Way Out

Make your plan & when you are ready - just go for it!

[Alcoholic]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

As long as we are not criticizing others, putting others down, alienating others, then in my opinion, you should be able to share what you are feeling, what and how you are doing with others.

[Alcoholic]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

moni;1433183 wrote: I find this place great for support and great for comparing what's 'normal' at each stage. However, most the work comes from within myself and it's not easy. I have to constantly stop myself from buying alcohol because once I even stray to that, it's the end of my dry run.

I love what you said, Moni: "most the work comes from within myself and it's not easy." and I think that beautifully put! It is each and everyone of our own responsibility to work at it. So don't let others affect your drinking and don't feel that your comments will affect other's drinking, Pauly.

[paulywogg]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

truth is,im damned if i do or dont,when im sober im totally comitted,hubby says im zoned out,kids ask whats wrong with me,i need this thread to know,am i normal?i understand theres a certain withdrawal time,but crimeny,it gets old!