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[Tess-2]

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Slay, On day 4 and struggling a bit. I expected to struggle, so am not surprised. It does seem as if there is a group who support each other. That makes sense to me. We make connections. Still, those of us new to this site need support too. We also need to give support and understand the process. It takes a while to be accepted. I get that. It's like high school. Only so much more serious. We newbies are fighting for our lives. Really fighting. Thank you so much for the gift that you are to all of us. :thanks:

[Kradle123]

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Slaythefear;1437962 wrote: It is so very hard to keep my head up these last couple days. Not even my own encouragement is working. Losing someone you love or having to walk away can be so very very difficult. It's hard to see the sunshine on the horizon when you are surrounded by dark clouds. and pain. I'll have a decent day and then 'bam', it's as if the lights have all burned out again. Closes family down, too, so no one is carrying the light right now.

PLEASE change me into a Vulcan.

Slay

Oh my dear Slay :l

I just want to give you my best friends phone number :h

She is about three years ahead of you in almost the same situation : lousy, corrupt legal system and all. Some of the details are different of course but the plot is the same... I have been helping her through this for almost five years now.
The main item on your shopping list imo (as someone looking in) is you simply must have a close friend, a close support buddy to call day or night. At that time in my life I was there pretty much 24/7 for her and at one point she even moved in for about 9 months.

I will not get into the specifics. Suffice to say I can not stress having a physical close person there with you...

Also, counseling...and don't be content with your fist choice unless you are certain in your soul that counselor is THE ONE. Janet saw a woman for years who had no fricken idea she had a drinking problem...I was like What!!!! ???? Did she have a degree from a cracker jack box :wow:

Lawyers...well, you know they can be awful but if you find Mr. Right please make certain that any and all communication only goes through the lawyer...not you to the Ex...Let me say that again: DO NOT TALK TO THE EX WITHOUT A LAWYER PRESENT...

Janet and I could right the rule book on proverbial does and don'ts regarding Ex's, the legal system, lawyers, judges, counselors, people wanting to help.....children, property.....

I am sorry I haven't PMd... I am sad too these days...for different reasons of course.

Matt...I don't know...he's home doing this course or trying to. I pulled the girls from that nightmare music studio but the stories about how that bitch fucked with my kids keep coming....I am really struggling with what to do about that...sorry for the language. Just can't not use it when discussing her and her iiT Factor....may it sink into the sea and never be heard from again!

Other than that, we are Okay. Sedona has a cough but everyone seems healthy. Really want to drink lately. So far am riding the desires out. I eat and come on here to distance myself.

Am talking the dog now to a Do It Yourself groomer so the kids can have some fun bathing her...oh, and she has fleas:upset:

Slay, I absolutely do not mean to minimize what you are going through by talking about Janet. I have often said that if I had to go through what she went through I couldn't do it so I have nothing but awe and astonishment for your courage and strength. Janet didn't have the strength at first to get the police involved as you do which is why in the end she lost so badly.

You have really taken the best step in protecting yourself, believe me. I know it looks hopeless and frustrating and a lot of it is but your core action of getting the system in between you and him is a firm foundation.....

Just keep saying to yourself: paper trail, paper trail, paper trail?..

Love you, :l

[K9Lover]

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Hi Tess!

Sorry to hear you're struggling, but like you said, it's normal and to be expected. I know weekends are hard at first. I wish I had an easy answer, but really it just takes determination to not give in "no matter what, no matter who" as our Beloved Byrdie always says! Stick close to us when you feel weak. You can do this and we can help!

K9

[Slaythefear]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Tess-2;1438055 wrote: Slay, On day 4 and struggling a bit. I expected to struggle, so am not surprised. It does seem as if there is a group who support each other. That makes sense to me. We make connections. Still, those of us new to this site need support too. We also need to give support and understand the process. It takes a while to be accepted. I get that. It's like high school. Only so much more serious. We newbies are fighting for our lives. Really fighting. Thank you so much for the gift that you are to all of us. :thanks:

Evening Tess. Yes, a bit like that sometimes. It's a common feeling I've heard from many here. Maybe this thread will help with that a bit. We, also, tend to be pretty sensitive when trying to break the chains that bind us.

My first 30 days were all over the place with mood swings. My first week was savage! I felt like I had a bad case of the flu. Throughout the 30 some days, I had some good days and some real down depressed days as my body tried to figure out what the heck was happening with the zero tolerance. Our brain chemistry is having a fit as your neuro networks change. What got me through the first 30 was hating it so much I gave it a persona and fought it visually whenever it came knocking. I made it my number one enemy and took it out of my friend category. A big key is really wanting to quit!! I kept my mind on the reality of what this poison could, was and had cost me and anyone I loved. After that I had moments where I thought I had it nailed and took a drink here and there...didn't work out well. It's too bad we live in a society that promotes it so glamorously with all the harm it does to people's lives. Addictions are destructive and have consequences.

YOU can do it. Many things are hard in life, but if you believe in yourself and believe you deserve better then what this is doing to you, YOU have it in you to do it. Vent away if you feel the need. There are different reasons people drink. For me, I have to work on some pain inside to keep me heading in the right direction. For others it may be something else. For all of us, our networks get used to it and don't like it when we take it away, but it will get better...so will your thinking.

Love,

Slay

P.S. - Thanks Hipster!!! Lobster, perhaps?! Haven't had it in a long time.

[Slaythefear]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

WOW, Kradle! I want to give you a big squeezy hug! :l Very thoughtful post and very wise. Paper trail/evidence, indeed! It's funny because what us women usually do in these situations is wind up trying to protect the very person who is hurting us, so we don't get the proper documentation. We cover it up in each good period and make excuses to everyone. We don't want to hurt the person we love. It's a bit mind blowing. However, with that said, this isn't my first go around with abusive situations; although different in many ways, so I have some evidence. It was starting to get VERY bad and more violent, so it became harder and harder to stay in denial and he hurt me this time. I know it's hard for some to understand, but it is SO difficult to do this...I know I HAVE too for my protection, but I hate doing it because my heart is still attached as the protector I have been. Abusers often have you feeling sorry for them. I posted a toxic relationship thread that has some real good points and are dead on with the games they play. I could see this problem so clearly for someone else and yet kept trying to keep the blindfold on in my own situation. Sounds like something else, eh?

Your friend is very lucky to have you. My heart goes out to her. We talked about my gf. She moved away but even being around her as she drinks regularly would be too difficult for me. I'm pretty much fighting this battle alone. When I moved here, most of my friends were/are fellow cheers patrons. Family lives elsewhere except my daughter, so it's a tough battle. That may, also, be why I put up with it so long, but late today I got the call from the prosecutors office. They are pressing charges and issuing a warrant. Now, for the safety measures. Phew! This will probably get very ugly. High stakes.
This is a new year and I'm breaking those chains. I'm not going to let anyone abuse me again. These are issues I have to address if I want to stay free of escaping with AL. I understand your urge. I get them, too. When your world is full of stress and you feel pain from or for loved ones, it gets tough. It's hard to be a rock all the time. You've got a lot on your shoulders. When I look back at all I've made it through in life, I am amazed that I am still standing. However, I'm ready for some peace! I'm tired. I know you feel those battle wounds as well. Go ahead and cuss. We deserve an outlet from time to time. It's better than the other choice.:l:h:l

With regards to Matt...the mom in me can feel your struggle and your pain.

Love,

Slay

[Tess-2]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Dear Slay, Near the evening of Day 4. Yes, emotions going everywhere. Brain is screaming for what was familiar. Want to help and be helped. Want out of this miserable place. Thank you so much for all that you give, all that you are. Thank you!! :thanks:

[Slaythefear]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Tess, hang tough. Know that you want this and YOU CAN BEAT THIS ENEMY! Find something to do with your mind so you don't give in and go to bed early if you can. I went to bed earlier through the toughest parts. Rather sleep then suffer. If you can make it through a case of the flu (no choice), you can make it through this. Don't give yourself a choice. My battle is past the withdrawal early phase. Mine is into the deeper issues now so I don't go back to trying to escape. Get your mental game! Tell the side of your brain that tries to lie to you to shut the BEEEEEEP up! lol

Love,

Slay

P.S. - I haven't checked the NN in a couple days. There is probably some folks right where you are as well. Partner up with someone or a few. Try to help one another. Use every space here that will help you. KNOW that ultimately YOU have the power to say no. :l

[Slaythefear]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Well it's a new day. I'm working to be in a better frame of mind today. Yes, change is definitely uncomfortable, challenges can be scary, but staying in a hole is no way to live.

Have a pleasant day all and know that the gift of life was not meant to be lived in an escape hatch of fog.

Slay those fears one by one, one day at a time. I'd also like to add a quote: "Chance favors the prepared mind." ~Louis Pasteur~

Love,

Slay

[Kradle123]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Dear Slay:

You sound strong today.:h
And you are a philosopher!
I know you will have total victory here. Remember that "The most beautiful Lotus Flower Grows from the Deepest Mud"

[I]Lotus Sutra[/I

:l]

[paulywogg]

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you do sound strong today slay,i like it!

[merry]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

hang in there tess-2
you can do it

[Slaythefear]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Check the daily encouragement thread today for some inspiration...NEVER give up! AL can't beat a person who won't give up!

I had a couple bad days inside my head and heart, but I'm printing out my own quotes today to place around my home to keep me focused on victory in a few areas of my life. If it helps, get angry at your enemy and fight for your life, just like you'd see in a movie or novel.

Love,

Slay

[stella123]

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This is a great thread thanks guys x

[paulywogg]

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on day 4 and i feel extra anxious! i hate this part the worst,if ida stayed strong i wouldnt be going through this b.s!

[Slaythefear]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

paulywogg;1439189 wrote: on day 4 and i feel extra anxious! i hate this part the worst,if ida stayed strong i wouldnt be going through this b.s!

Sometimes we have to fall many times and have bad consequences before we finally get tired of it. Then somehow our brains can fool us into thinking it really wasn't that bad or what's the harm of doing this just this time. It's not really failure as much as maybe sometimes people just aren't at the point where they are completely fed up. Have you made a list of reasons why you really want to stop drinking? The benefits of not drinking?

Love ya, Pauly.

Slay