A special call out for anyone who needs it.

[New Day]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Yes, great thread Slay.....and love your new avatar.
Pauly......it's something we have to go through....but look at you now.....day 4 .....and stick with it and you won't have to go through it again. The days will get better and so will we all. It's good that you come and post here.....I find that it helps to stop by MWO to gather strength when the going gets rough. Thank you to all for the support we find here

[Slaythefear]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Hi New Day. How are you doing with your battle/battles?

Just like my AL brain vs. my non AL brain, I have two sides to my personality. One is completely sweet and very giving. It takes someone A LOT of bs and garbage before the other one is summoned. Once she is, she is a ferocious warrior. The survivor instincts come out to protect the sweet girl within. Like Elecktra, she will fight with everything she has to win justice. I used her to stop AL my first 30 some days against AL and she won. A harmful enemy needs a strong fighter to prevail.

DETERMINATION and PREPARATION!

Slay

[New Day]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Hi Slay.....had you asked me 1/2 an hour ago, I would have said "great"..... But for some reason I'm feeling really shaky and anxious. I'm on day 6 and this is probably the worst I've felt. Just making myself a cup of camomile tea to help me relax. I'll also do some demo breathing. I'm sure it will pass
I'll check in later if I'm still struggling
Thanks

[FlyAway]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

New Day;1439346 wrote: Hi Slay.....had you asked me 1/2 an hour ago, I would have said "great"..... But for some reason I'm feeling really shaky and anxious. I'm on day 6 and this is probably the worst I've felt. Just making myself a cup of camomile tea to help me relax. I'll also do some demo breathing. I'm sure it will pass
I'll check in later if I'm still struggling
Thanks

It will definitely pass! Try to find something to distract yourself. Exercise is a great option. I hope you are well.

[Slaythefear]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Almost Free, I'm answering your post over here as to not take up the RC thread.

I'm afraid that when I finally bow to the inevitable, I will be so overwhelmed with grief and depression that I will just give up on my sobriety, too. Nothing left to fight for.....just acceptance of complete failure.
You are talking to the choir, AF. I know what you are going through. I've had to struggle through this with my own child at points in her life and I am now going through that with the man I married who has some severe mental issues a resulting drug addiction and has been abusive. I stayed in it for the exact reason you stated. Each time I separated from him, I took him back because the pain was so great, I wanted to escape it and yet the pain I was in with him was bad. It's our way of staying in denial and not wanting to suffer through it...not sure we can make it through it. I am struggling greatly right now with much pain. The problem with staying on the fence is we can never move into a peaceful contented place. We eventually have to face our fear because in time, it's going to come get you anyway...denial and avoidance only work for so long and keep us in prison. I now have to go through the full blown pain of the finality and admitting all the things I tried to lie to myself about and avoid. It's TOUGH, it's devastating to me, BUT it is inevitable. I was only stalling it and wasting my life during that time in pain anyway.

I feel it is my primary duty, to raise my kids to be independent and able to take care of themselves. Unfortunately, time has run out for me and for him. I greatly fear, when all doors are shut and he is truly desperate, that he may harm himself.

My heart goes out to you. YOU are in a very tough situation. I've been in plenty and somehow, in the end we just have to accept it once we've done all we can. There is a point where we are dying and we have to make the choice on whether we are going to sacrifice all we are and go down with them like a martyr or let them do what they will in hopes it won't turn out as we fear. The fear immobilizes us to not move forward. It's bondage. I had to jump out of a ledge a few times and just let go because I had know other choice. We love people in our lives so much it can be very harsh on our emotions.

I would greatly appreciate any good thoughts and prayers that anyone can send our way.

Of course!:l:h:l

Love,

Slay

P.S. - My computer went out that night...been having issues. Also, going though some really rough stuff right now, but thinking of you.

[paulywogg]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

totally different subject but,i cannot BELIEVE what a trigger hunger can be! ill be getting that need a drink feeling,eat something,drink some water and poof,its gone,amazing to me

[almost free]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Hi Slay,
Thanks for your response. Sorry you are still suffering so much. It's so hard when you love someone. You keep hoping that each apology will be the last and things will really change. Hope springs eternal.....

I actually had a couple of completely unexpected wonderful days with my son. He called on his birthday (Sunday) and wanted to come over and hang out. We had pizza, etc., rented a whole season of Dexter. He was pleasant, courteous, grateful....He stayed over night, because he was off the next day. Same good behaviour the next day. He was under the weather with a sore throat, etc., so I made him french toast for breakfast and mac and cheese later. All his favorite comfort foods. I couldn't get him moving to take him home, so he ended up staying over again, and I had to drive him home this morning so he could shower and get dressed for work.

Well, because he is always running last minute, I offered to wait while he got dressed and drop him off at work. (It was raining hard, too). Well, there was some mix up about where I would be parked, while I waited for him (parking being a bitch, at his place). He ended up running up the block and came back red-faced, sweating and extremely upset that now he would be late. (I gave him my cell phone, so i didn't have one to call him or receive his call on).

MAJOR meltdown, which makes me believe Dr. Hoffer's assertion that schizophrenics can't process adrenaline like normal people (with his recommended niacin antidote to neutralize the detrimental by-product that causes the symptoms). As soon as there is stress and the adrenaline starts flowing, he just goes into major, violent meltdown: screaming, cursing, throwing things; a total maniac. He threw his (my) cell phone, his umbrella, was pounding the inside of the car, screaming, calling me names. It is REALLY something to endure, as you well know from your own experience. Extremely demoralizing and draining, not to mention frightening.

And what a coincidence, there were none of these extreme meltdowns for a year, (before he moved out) and we've had at least five of these episodes since he moved out and stopped taking his niacin. The two days when he was wonderful, involved no stress and were great, but the minute he started getting upset about being late, not finding the car, etc., it all went to pieces. He called from work to say he was sorry. I told him if he is sorry, then he will do what he needs to do (take his niacin) to prevent a recurrence. I told him that I can't be around him when he is like that. Sorry.

[almost free]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Hi Pauly, you are absolutely right on the hunger thing. It really helps alot. A good piece of advice in the battle for sobriety. Thanks.

[Slaythefear]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

MAJOR meltdown, which makes me believe Dr. Hoffer's assertion that schizophrenics can't process adrenaline like normal people (with his recommended niacin antidote to neutralize the detrimental by-product that causes the symptoms). As soon as there is stress and the adrenaline starts flowing, he just goes into major, violent meltdown: screaming, cursing, throwing things; a total maniac. He threw his (my) cell phone, his umbrella, was pounding the inside of the car, screaming, calling me names. It is REALLY something to endure, as you well know from your own experience. Extremely demoralizing and draining, not to mention frightening.

This is very interesting, Almost Free. It's the same type of behavior here. He has a low tolerance for stress and your description pretty much sums it up. Outside the schizophrenia, it's a very similar behavior...like a little boy having a temper tantrum. Both reach for marijuana. It makes me wonder what other mental issues can be helped by this B vitamin. I'll have to look into it for my own information regarding its uses in regards to stress. I wonder if it helps people with PTSD? I hope your son realizes how helpful and important this is for him and will start doing his part. I had offered many times to do the research and find solutions to the violent outbursts and reactions to stress, but he would just become angry about that. We can't help them if they don't want the help or won't do their part.

Thanks for mentioning this. Adding to list. lol

I don't remember why your son can't live outside the home and have a job where your husband is? No job available there for him? You may have mentioned it, but I don't recall why he has to be so far away. You sound strong today.

Love,

Slay

[Slaythefear]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

paulywogg;1440806 wrote: totally different subject but,i cannot BELIEVE what a trigger hunger can be! ill be getting that need a drink feeling,eat something,drink some water and poof,its gone,amazing to me

Yep, that HALT does cover some triggers.

H-hungry
A-angry
L-lonely
T-tired

Out of habit, we'll go for the booze, but if we go eat a meal, it often satisfies. Information is power.

Love,

Slay

[Kradle123]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

paulywogg;1440806 wrote: totally different subject but,i cannot BELIEVE what a trigger hunger can be! ill be getting that need a drink feeling,eat something,drink some water and poof,its gone,amazing to me

I'm so with you Pauly!!

I have taken to buying cases of bottled water and leaving them in the car because. Seem to get aving hits while driving for some odd reason. But the moment I crack open a bottle band drink drink drink, I'm prett good to go!

Eating chocolate tonight which I know is a no no but...rolling up with a lemon water

:l

[Kradle123]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Wow! typo city in that post! :nutso:

Hope it was mostly understood :h

[Juja]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

Dearest Slay and Almost,

My heart breaks for both of you, and all going through something similar.

Almost>I hope, somehow, someway, you can tap into Slay's strength. Your son will either deal with his problem or he won't. What else can you do--really???

Slay>I need your strength, too. Oh, to go where I'd like to go! (Apologies to Seuss)

There's an excellent interview in this month's Oprah magazine about the need to follow our spirit/intuition/inner voice, otherwise we're in prison and doomed. Good read.

[catch22]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

God i think this is a brilliant thread. I will be posting on here. Dont like opening a thread.
Feeling really down finding it out to get out of bed. Am slowly islating myself the sign arr there. Am not drinking i will be nearly 3yeats soon, but it still a day at a time for me
just b4 christmas i hav split up with my other half wont go in to details. But need somewhere like mwo. If i had not had to take my daugjter couselli.g i wud stay in bef. It hard for me to post because am on a mobile but thsnk god i hav a
mobile to keep in contact. ..Dont want to drink it only makes it worse.
Thanks for anyone who is reading x

[paulywogg]

A special call out for anyone who needs it.

i feel ya catch,today is one of those cant get out of bed,leave me alone days,but life steps in,booo!