2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

[Slaythefear]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

You are welcome. A step at a time we move forward. At my support group meeting last night I found out 1 out of 3 women are in an abusive relationship. I wrestle between being a bit reclusive and my need to meet my needs so I'm not lonely. I realize my loneliness is what got me into my present trouble, so I'll have to be much more methodical about how I solve that problem moving forward.

Hugs to all.

Love,

Slay

[Hippyman]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

Slaythefear;1445180 wrote: You are welcome. A step at a time we move forward. At my support group meeting last night I found out 1 out of 3 women are in an abusive relationship. I wrestle between being a bit reclusive and my need to meet my needs so I'm not lonely. I realize my loneliness is what got me into my present trouble, so I'll have to be much more methodical about how I solve that problem moving forward.

Hugs to all.

Love,

Slay

You are one strong Woman and I am very proud of you!!! :good::wd::applaud:

[FlyAway]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

Slaythefear;1445180 wrote: You are welcome. A step at a time we move forward. At my support group meeting last night I found out 1 out of 3 women are in an abusive relationship. I wrestle between being a bit reclusive and my need to meet my needs so I'm not lonely. I realize my loneliness is what got me into my present trouble, so I'll have to be much more methodical about how I solve that problem moving forward.

Hugs to all.

Love,

Slay

I was in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship before and I have no doubt that it would have turned physical if I had stayed. He was certainly ramping up his "displays" by throwing dishes, kicking his foot through the wall, and punching a kitchen cabinet door in half. It so slowly crept into the relationship that I didn't really realize what it was until I had been out of the relationship for a couple years. Then I read a book called The Verbally Abusive Relationship. I believe the author's name was Patricia Evans. OMG, this was a textbook case. It was shocking to read about abusers and how they isolate people and all of the tactics used.

[Slaythefear]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

January 17, 2013...Meeting New People

Connect With People Through New Activities
Things to Do to Meet New Friends

The people who frequently meet new friends (versus those that struggle) often do one thing consistently: they get out! In order to connect with others, you need to be near other people. Sounds simple, right? But why do so many of us fail to get out of the house when we need to meet friends? If you need a push on what you can do to meet others, here are some ideas that will get you off the couch and out making friends.
Volunteer

Volunteering is a great way to meet new people because you?re doing good work for someone who needs it, and that usually puts you in a positive mood. Good moods mean a better outlook, which in turn automatically attracts people to you. There is no downside to doing volunteer work.

Book Groups
If you love to read, why not join a group of people that share your love of literature? Check out the local bookshops in your area, libraries, or community center to find out which groups are available. One word of advice, you might need to try out different groups to get just the right collection of people and literature you are looking for. It sometimes takes several months to make friends this way, but in the meantime you are interacting with a group of vibrant and intellectual people who enjoy discussion. Not a bad way to spend time as you get to know someone.

Learn Something New
Joining a class or learning a new hobby also helps attract people to you. When you're out of your comfort zone a little bit, you usually try a little harder to connect with people. This works out well if you're looking for new friendships. Aim for a short, 6-12 week class that will be easy enough that you will be able to have fun, but long enough for you to get to know your fellow students. If you are relaxed yet challenged, you?ll give off just the right vibe to make friends.

Join a Support Group
Do you have diabetes? Depression? If you?re struggling with a disease or disorder, there are groups filled with people who know exactly how you feel. Talk about what you?re going through and meet them on the most personal level you possibly can. You?ll be surprised at the friendships you can find this way.

Investment Club
Who doesn't need to learn more about stocks and money? Investment clubs can help you manage a few stocks, but they can also teach you about the economy and money. Not only that, but you'll meet a diverse group of individuals that you probably wouldn't have met elsewhere. Investment clubs are all over, but they aren't always advertised. Do a little sleuthing to find one in your area. Some places to check include:

Join a Bible Study Group
If you're looking to connect on a deeper level with people of your faith, consider joining a Bible study group. These types of groups meet at churches or in homes, and discuss various parts of the Bible or spiritual books. Oftentimes, these discussions lead to something more, and allow you to get to know people on a very personal level.

Stitching Club
If you crochet, knit, or cross-stitch, find a few people who gather together to work on their projects while they talk and meet new people. These types of groups are becoming more and more common, so to find a group, ask around your office, check Meetup or Yahoo groups, or even your local coffee shop to see which groups meet in your area.

Museum or Gallery Night
Do you enjoy the arts? Arts and creativity can inspire us to explore our relationships a little deeper, and this of course includes the friends in your life. Go to a lecture or special exhibit at a gallery or museum sometime, and see if you can start up some small talk with the people around you. (Remember, small talk leads to more meaningful conversation.)

Our local museum, for example, offers special lecture nights, where an expert will talk on a certain painting style or work of art. Events like this are golden opportunities to meet others.

Help Out Your Library
Volunteer for your library's used book sale, charity auction, or planning committee. You will have the opportunity to meet people right in your neighborhood, and if you are both passionate about reading, literature, and community, you?ll have that much more in common to help start your friendship off on the right foot.


Community Theater
Are you a thespian at heart? Even if you aren't, there are still plenty of ways to get involved with a community theater group. Community theater companies are always looking for people who act, paint, are great with money, can direct, and more. Your local theater organization will appreciate your help. The upside for you is that you'll meet new people, and possibly make a friend or two.

[Slaythefear]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

Thank you, Hipster! Rough times can make us feel like we can't make it, but after we do, we are stronger. Deep breath, next step.

Flyaway, I have that book. It's a very good book. It allowed me to put a label and recognition to what was happening to me in my first marriage. Many women no what is happening isn't right and are unhappy, but don't really know how to identify it properly and understand what exactly is going on. That book was important to me during my first marriage. I finally got out. I was single for 6 years and planned on staying that way. When I met this man, he charmed me right into believing he a different person and I fell fast and hard to everyone's surprise. I had to marry him quickly or I would have lost him. (A fatal mistake and one well learned.) I now realize I was actually lonely without identifying it and he took that lonely feeling away for a short enough time for me to make a big mistake. Abusers are the same in basic ways of control, ect., but can be very different as well. I now see how he is a different person but shares some of the same traits. One out of three women are in an abusive relationship. I think Ms. Naive caregiver/giver has finally learned her lesson. It's time for a whole different way of looking at life. My friend said to me the other day, "never underestimate evil". It struck me quite hard. He is correct. Time to take off those love conquers all sunglasses. It can be a vulnerability when someone with less than honorable intentions uses it to their advantage.

I hope today finds you feeling alright with whatever your health issues are.:l

Welcome, Breezy Mom. You sound a bit like me when my daughter was living at home through her teen years. Her friends always loved chatting with me. The things you learn about teenagers.


You're welcome, Overit. Your bag is looking lovely today.

Love,

Slay

[Kradle123]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

FlyAway;1445236 wrote: I was in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship before and I have no doubt that it would have turned physical if I had stayed. He was certainly ramping up his "displays" by throwing dishes, kicking his foot through the wall, and punching a kitchen cabinet door in half. It so slowly crept into the relationship that I didn't really realize what it was until I had been out of the relationship for a couple years. Then I read a book called The Verbally Abusive Relationship. I believe the author's name was Patricia Evans. OMG, this was a textbook case. It was shocking to read about abusers and how they isolate people and all of the tactics used.

My dad was a first class verbal abuser though he rarely drank and never hit my mom...just us, his 4 daughters.

I wonder if the generational difference kept him from hitting my mom...not that men of his era didn't do that.

It certainly affected my relationships that's for sure! I'm so glad you had the courage and the strength Slay to get your daughter out of there.

My mom stayed with him and that wrecked us...for sure.

:l:h

[Hippyman]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

I love my new life but I must start trying to allow life to happen instead of trying to force it to. I shall LEARN to be Patient!!!

[Slaythefear]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

January 18, 2013...Thinking Positively

How to Think Positively

What does it mean to think positively?

Quite often when we're going through a challenging time, or we're just plain miserable, we invariably get the advice to just "think positively!"

Sometimes it's difficult to figure out exactly what that means.

Does it mean to deny our pain or discomfort?

Should we pretend everything is alright?

Perhaps, at times, we would prefer to wallow. Surely there must be some merit in wallowing. Indeed there may be, (time heals most wounds) however, at some point we have to pick ourselves up and move on.

In order to do so, we must change our mindset or attitude from a non-productive one, into one that is positive and progressive. Of course, we can't be in denial or adopt a Pollyannaish, rose-colored glasses way of looking at the world.

Negative feelings and circumstances do exist and often serve as an indication that something is not working or needs to be attended to. In such cases we must employ positive thinking and use it as a strategy for interpreting everything that happens to us in a useful, constructive way in order to make our lives work. Of course, it doesn't mean denying pain and discomfort. It means making sense of them and using what we can to strengthen our resolve and build resilience muscle.

Tips on Developing a Positive Thinking Mindset

Accept that you are here to grow and evolve. Life doesn't always go smoothly. Not everything is meant to be a joyride or exercise in pleasure. Life's lessons can be difficult, but are more so if you approach them with avoidance and apprehension. If you see them as opportunities to become stronger, wiser and more resilient, you are thinking positively and productively.



Learn to turn lemons into lemonade. Look for the lessons to be learned in every situation. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself when things don't go your way, do what you can to make the best of it. You can learn to avoid falling in the same traps, making the same mistakes and by doing so, be the better for it.

As James Joyce said: "A man's errors are his portals of discovery."



Believe in yourself. Know that you have what it takes to succeed. Your dreams and goals are an indication where your talents lie and where your true potential is. Needless to say, you must develop your inherent gifts; however, recognize that you have a unique contribution to make. You're one of a kind.



Acquire perseverance. When you possess a positive thinking mindset you never give up. You pursue your dreams, your goals and objectives with everything you've got and you don't settle for anything less. That's not to say you won't have roadblocks and various setbacks along the way. It just means that you won't let them stop you!

"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail." Ralph Waldo Emerson



Look for inspiration and support. Read about and study the triumphs of others. Many successful people have gone through challenging circumstances to get where they are. Learning about their trials and tribulations can motivate and inspire you to achieve what you desire to achieve. To help you stay positive and focused, garner support from family and friends.

"Most of us, swimming against the tides of trouble the world knows nothing about, need only a bit of praise or encouragement - and we will make the goal." Jerome Fleishman


Benefits of Thinking Positively

According to the Mayo Clinic, there is a wide range of health benefits linked to thinking positively. Here are some of them:

Better overall psychological health
Lower rates of depression
Longer life expectancy
Lower stress levels
Increased resistance to the common cold
Better stress management and coping skills
Lower risk of heart disease and related death
Increased physical well-being



Ultimately, thinking positively doesn't mean being unrealistic or deluded. It means dealing with life and life's challenges as they are. It means willing to do the work necessary to get on with the business of living fully, with everything it entails. So the next time a well-meaning person tells you to think positively, just smile back confidently and let them know that it's part of your everyday, productive mindset.

"Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will."
Zig Ziglar

[catch22]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

Slaythefear;1445180 wrote: You are welcome. A step at a time we move forward. At my support group meeting last night I found out 1 out of 3 women are in an abusive relationship. I wrestle between being a bit reclusive and my need to meet my needs so I'm not lonely. I realize my loneliness is what got me into my present trouble, so I'll have to be much more methodical about how I solve that problem moving forward.

Hugs to all.

Love,

Slay

You are a inspirations to me Slay, did a few things today was hard but got some advise. Am scared to be honest . The lady give me information on womens support group. Part of me saying i dont need it. But i know i really do need to be talking with other women experiences and how they have got through bad times lonely times hungrying time cold time sad times ect. Feeling proud of myself today that i did do something evenif it little. x

[Slaythefear]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

Am scared to be honest .
Of course you are. It's not comfortable, but you can't move forward without action. Do it even when you don't feel like it. I am forcing myself through some things, but I feel more empowered and in control of my life. You'll gain confidence as you take each step.

Feeling proud of myself today that i did do something evenif it little.

Great! You will continue to feel better, but there are ups and downs, but action is what we need to make things better. I'm expanding myself out a bit more. Sometimes I have to fake it til I make it, but being proactive to make your life better is the right move. Productivity makes us feel better. I'm proud of both of us. We are going to make our lives better.:l

Love,

Slay

[catch22]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

Thanx Slay, not feeling too good today. Feels like am heading for a breakdown or a relaspe. Am shaking feeling sick cant eat or go to the toilet. Part of me feels dead. Have to fake it and go to work am scared just in case i my breakown or go crazy. Am not in a good place right now. Love u all. X

[Slaythefear]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

Catch

Morning girl! This sounds very serious and trust me, I've BEEN THERE!!!!! I've experienced a mental meltdown more than once through real bad times of tremendous stress and depression, so this isn't something that is going away on its own and may well need more support. I don't know your situation well, but I am more than happy to talk to you on PM for privacy, and you don't have to worry about it going anywhere but between us. I would not be here today had I not received medication for depression. I fought against the idea until my every waking moment was suicidal years back. Since then some abusive stressful situations have brought me to meltdown mode, so let's take this serious!!!! There is help and a way out of your mental and/or physical state, but you'll need to reach out to get it which is tough in and of itself when we feel this way.

The word "nervous" in nervous breakdown implies anxiety or panic. While it is true that prolonged panic or numerous anxiety attacks can lead to a nervous breakdown, significant depression is also a common cause. There are other simple reasons why a person might have a nervous breakdown. People dealing with significant grief, losing a long held job, failing in school, going through divorce, caring for someone with a lengthy illness could suffer a nervous breakdown without adequate support. The strong emotions that can arise during any of these situations can cause emotional response that seems too much to bear.

Though the nervous breakdown is often described as sudden and acute, it usually is not. Stress builds and when people don?t get help in the early stages of stressful situations, their panic or depression may rise. The person who lost a job, for instance, may have undergone many months of rumored layoffs, or a sense that a job is tenuous. When the job is lost, stress may seem completely overwhelming.

Reluctance to get help from mental health professionals in the early stages of high stress situations can ultimately contribute to the final ?nervous breakdown.? Conversely, people who are able to utilize talk therapy and possibly medication at the onset or near the beginning of a stressful situation may head off a nervous breakdown because they have a healthy support system in place. It helps when that support comes from someone outside the situation, like a therapist, because assistance from family and friends may not be enough.

Mental illness may trigger a nervous breakdown. Conditions associated with nervous breakdown include depression, anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia. Again these conditions are normally present to some degree prior to a mental breakdown, and treatment for these conditions, especially through therapy and medication may help. It should be noted that the need for hospitalization or psychiatric intervention might not always be avoided in these conditions because not all treatments immediately work. A person may need several adjustments to medication prior to being fully helped, and some have strong drug resistance, where mediations simply don?t work.

In rare cases, a nervous breakdown may be a sudden event. A person with bipolar disorder who suddenly swings into a manic or depressive state might have a mental breakdown. Schizophrenia can also cause an acute mental breakdown that seems to appear without warning, especially at the onset of the illness.


My ear is here and in PM if you want to use it.:l:h

Love,

Slay

[Slaythefear]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

January 19, 2013...Get help in a crisis

Getting Help in a Crisis
Get help in a crisis
Do you need help now?

If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

If you feel you are in a crisis and need to speak to someone immediately and you live in the United States, you can call:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – Suicide Prevention Crisis Hotline.

Lifeline is a free, confidential, 24 hour hotline for anyone who is going through emotional distress or is in suicidal crisis.

Another option if you are feeling distressed is to call the Boys Town National Hotline at 1-800-448-3000, available 24/7, and also available for email support online at Contact Form or through a live chat feature at https://secure.yourlifeyourvoice.org/YLYV_Chat.

If you are a victim of child abuse or know someone who is being abused, please call the Child Help Line at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453).

Poison Control at 1-800-222-1222.

Poison control is a free, 24 hour hotline for anyone in need of medical information and resources for poisoning, including alcohol and household cleaners.

Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network (RAINN) at 1- 800-656-HOPE (4673) or online at National Sexual Assault Online Hotline

RAINN is a free, confidential and secure crisis hotline 24/7 for victims of sexual assault or violence as well as their friends and families.

National Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474 or online at loveisrespect.org.

loveisrespect.org is the ultimate resource to engage, educate and empower youth and young adults to prevent and end abusive relationships.

National Runaway Switchboard at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929).

1-800-RUNAWAY is an anonymous and free 24 hour crisis line for anyone who might want to run-away from home or find themselves homeless. This hotline can also help if you want to come home if you are on the run or have a friend who is looking for help and is thinking about running away or is already on the run.

The Trevor Project at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR (488-7386) or online at http://www.thetrevorproject.org/helpline.aspx

The Trevor Project is the leading national organization focused on crisis and suicide prevention efforts among lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ) youth.

The Trevor Project operates the only accredited, nationwide, around-the-clock crisis and suicide prevention helpline for LGBTQ youth. If you or a friend are feeling lost or alone, call The Trevor Helpline. There is hope, there is help.
ReachOut

ReachOut does not provide online, email or telephone counseling but you may feel that you want to read more. The Get Help section of ReachOut can give you information about how to get help in a crisis; how to find the right people to support you over a period of time; what types of treatments options you might have; how you can help a friend on a lot of issues they might be dealing with and how to figure out if you need help.

You might also want to read these fact sheets if you are worried about yourself or a friend.

Stress
Depression: causes, types and symptoms
Coping with a stressful event
Experiencing Grief
Wanting to end your life
When someone takes their own life
When your friend is talking about suicide
If your friend has taken pills or has done something to hurt him or herself
Worried about a friend who is self-harming
Deliberate Self-harm
Experiencing violence
Intimate partner violence
Helping a friend in a sexually abusive relationship
Abusive relationships
Getting Help in a Crisis : Get Help : ReachOut.com USA

[Slaythefear]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

For you Catch and others, too.

Cute: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RP4abiHdQpc[/video]]Baby Laughing Hysterically at Ripping Paper (Original) - YouTube

We were born to be happy. Find your way, luv. It's there for you.

[Slaythefear]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

January 20, 2013...The emptiness inside

The Real Cause of Inner Emptiness (And What to Do About It)

Do you often feel empty inside? Do you believe that others should be filling you up? Discover the real cause of inner emptiness and what to do about it.

If you feel empty, you are not alone in feeling this way.

Many people feel empty inside, and most people who feel empty have some deep, false beliefs regarding why they feel empty. Below are some of these false beliefs.

I feel empty because:

My partner is not giving me enough love and attention.

I don't have a partner.

I'm bored because my partner doesn't provide me with enough stimulation.

My work is unsatisfying.

I'm not successful enough.

I don't have enough money.

I have no one to play with on weekends.

Nothing excites me. Life is boring.

I don't get enough love, attention and approval from friends and relatives.

I don't get enough sex.

None of these situations is a real cause of inner emptiness.

What do you usually do to try to fill the inner emptiness? Do you try to fill up with:

Substances, such as food, sugar, alcohol, drugs or cigarettes?

Processes and activities, such as TV, Internet, sex, computer games, work, shopping, spending, gambling, telephone or email?

Attempting to get others' attention or approval with niceness, care taking, over-talking, story-telling, anger or blame?

There are many substances, processes, behaviors and activities that people use addictively to try to fill the emptiness. These may work for the moment, but not for long. Soon, the emptiness is back and you are looking for someone or something to temporarily fill up the black hole.

The problem with all these behaviors is that they only address the symptom of inner emptiness -- not the cause.

The Cause Of Inner Emptiness

There is only one thing that truly fills the emptiness. Love. There is only one cause of inner emptiness: a lack of love.

But it is not a lack of someone else's love that causes your emptiness. Inner emptiness is caused by self-abandonment -- by not loving yourself.

Inner emptiness comes from a lack of connection with your spiritual source of love -- from not opening to the love-that-is-God and bringing that love to yourself through true thought and loving action in your own behalf.

When you abandon yourself by judging yourself, ignoring your feelings by staying in your head, numbing your feelings through substance and process addictions and making others responsible for your feelings and for loving you, you will feel empty. You are causing your own emptiness by your self-abandonment.

Your ego-wounded self is filled with false beliefs regarding who you are. Your wounded self may see you as inadequate, unlovable, not good enough, not important, selfish, bad, wrong. Your wounded self operates from core shame -- that you are intrinsically flawed.

These are programmed beliefs that have no basis in truth, but they may be running your life. When you believe that you are not good enough, then you turn to others and to addictions to try to feel okay -- to fill the emptiness that you are causing with your self-judgment/self-abandonment.

Filling Your Inner Emptiness: Learning To Love Yourself

The truth of who you are comes only from your personal source of spiritual guidance -- whatever that is for you. When you open to learning with a source of higher guidance about the truth of who you are, and about what is loving action toward yourself and others, you open to the love-that-is-God coming into your heart and filling your inner emptiness.

This occurs when you shift your attention -- from protecting against pain and avoiding responsibility for your feelings through your addictive and controlling behaviors -- to learning, with your higher guidance, about what is loving to yourself and others.

Today, choose the intent to learn with your higher guidance about truth and about loving yourself -- even if you don't believe that anything is there to answer you -- and see what happens. You might start to feel full of love inside!


You can replace God with your inner core, inner spirit or inner energy source. When I act counter to my inner core/spirit and don't nurture and acknowledge it, I feel a tremendous emptiness. My core being is love and she cries when I neglect her.

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