just starting and I'm scared

[formenow]

I thought I posted something earlier but I guess i didn't do it right so here I go again.
I am ready to change my ways. I am living a lie. I get up and go to work and no one knows how much i drink. I drink a bottle and a half of wine a night on average, then go to bed and wake at 4am to beat myself up for doing it again. By the evening those feelings are knocked aside to do it again! i am sick of it. i want to be true to myself and others. I blew it already again today when I promised I wouldn't.
I need this site and your help!!! Why am I so weak?

[paula]

just starting and I'm scared

Hi and welcome Formenow, you have taken the first step, admitting the problem is the key to solving it. You are not weak, it takes a lot of strenghth to admit, even to ourselves that we have a problem. Take a look at the tools thread, lots of suggestions and help there, also the newbies nest is very supportive. Don't beat yourself up, just keep logging on, any time you feel like drinking, you can overcome this. Take care.

[kdog]

just starting and I'm scared

Formenow, welcome to a great site! Yes its hard to quit, but so worth it. I am not a great one to give advice because I have been on and off the al for quite a while, more off then on though. The first few days are the worst. Drink lots of water with fresh lemon, get some supplements Lglut, vitamins etc. I am sure someone will be along to give you better advice. I have made it for long stretches at a time, then blow it due to some stupid reason or another. I have full intentions of giving it up for good again. Best of luck to both of us! Keep trying, get through 1 day at a time and you will feel better!
Kdog

[formenow]

just starting and I'm scared

Thank you for your kind words. I feel like 2 different people. The person that everyone thinks I am and the person I really am living this secret. I want to be the person I'm proud of. i will keep signing on this time.

[Nelz]

just starting and I'm scared

I personally dont consider any one of "us" weak. In my humble opinion we have been wired just a little different, and that is the big issue. Im pretty sure most on here would agree that one is too many and a thousand isnt enough. Thats not weak, thats genetics.

However, that said, we can in fact be strong, stronger than you would have ever imagined, if, and when you TRULY want it.

I was guilty of thinking I wanted it for years only to end up failing over and over ad nauseam.

With a lot of encouragement from here, and some real sole searching, I tried one more time, with REAL conviction and so far (knock on wood) it has been working.

But, it was a royal pain in the ass to bear at times. Ive called it a roller coaster, and thats just what it is. I was a carbon copy of you, to a "T"


You can do it, good luck, and all the strength you need to be a success

[merry]

just starting and I'm scared

I feel the same as formeow i would do the exactly the same thing
but have decided enough is enough
day3 and feeling great

[paula]

just starting and I'm scared

I think I am also like a dual personality. A lot of my drinking was alone, even my husband didn't realise how bad it was. But it is how we feel about ourselves that is most important. When I drank, even if only I knew about it, I would be eaten up with guilt and remorse. Have you managed to stop previously without any bad withdrawal ? or do you think you might need medical help? Like Kdog says keep hydrated, also the supps will help. Google alcohol withdrawal if you are unsure. I would think if you have been drinking approx a bottle of wine a day, you should be able to stop without too many adverse reactions, but please get medical advice if you feel too bad. Normal reaction is sweating, insomnia, aches and flu like symptoms.

[paula]

just starting and I'm scared

Good for you Merry.

[Overit44]

just starting and I'm scared

Forme & Merry-please join us on the Newbies thread and roll call. You will find people with years of sobriety and those with 2 days on there. It is a great forum. Good luck to you.

Don't feel like a failure most of all. To me, alcohol is like a demon. It is a living, breathing thing that constantly raises it's ugly head until i beat it away. But it comes back and says "come here little girl, see what I've got for you that is pretty?" it's just a ploy, but it's real. You have to kick it in the balls, real hard, and run the other way screaming and flailing. Just get away from it as fast as you can. I think that soon enough, it will get tired of trying and move on.

[Struggles 106]

just starting and I'm scared

HEY FORMENOW

Stick around for the support here. Everyone knows exactly what you are talking about.

And it is not about weakness. It's like Nelz says-we are just wired differently, which means we are UNIQUE,sort of LOL

A lot of us are trying to make 2013 an entire alcohol-free year. It is a challenge but I really am psyched to give it a go. But it really is one day at a time. Just hoping to string together 365 of them!

Stay close to this place and reach out if you want to. We are all one drink away from madness and well aware of it. Hang in there!

[formenow]

just starting and I'm scared

Oh my it is so nice to be able to connect to people "like me". Thank you for your support! Today I blew it but tomorrow i will have no alcohol and start there. I will be on here for support. I have taken the supplements suggested here but not consistent so I need to do that. I have them and will refill my pill box.
Thank you for responding and being there for me. Its nice to have friends in this!!!

[formenow]

just starting and I'm scared

Oh my it is so nice to be able to connect to people "like me". Thank you for your support! Today I blew it but tomorrow i will have no alcohol and start there. I will be on here for support. I have taken the supplements suggested here but not consistent so I need to do that. I have them and will refill my pill box.
Thank you for responding and being there for me. Its nice to have friends in this!!!