I decided...

[decided]

I decided...

Finally hit the double digets 12 days ago I never would have believed it. Tonight I went out for dinner and turned down the al for the first time. Felt great!!! I kept stairing at everyone elses glasses and taking in the smell. Lol part of me wanted too, especially as everyone was talking about random drunken escapades. I felt a momentt of sadness that I wouldn't be sharing in those any longer. At the same time risisting the urge gave me a sense of power knowing that I was demonstrating some self control for a change.

Yesterday, I eat some food that was clearly cooked in wine. And it was fine, so I'm glad I'm ok with that. I can however see now, how much more dificult it may be not to drink in a party environment where everyone is drinking with the goal of getting drunk and "having fun" . When your sober heariong funniny storis about drunken nights are entertaining and seem like a good time, then again, you never hear about the hangover or reprocussions after the fact. AL seems to have a fantastic ability of helping you to forget that part lol.

Feeling a dull sense of axiety but I know its over one of those things I can't control. Just a reminder that there is always work to be done I guess! Keeps me on my toes and moving forward. So tonight I'm going to focus on accepting that no amount of worriend or analizing is going to change the outcome all I can do is my best, keep focusing on myself, and putting the pieces together one by one.

As I'm writing this I'm realizing that its 2 hours before my pass out time and I'm tired! Its about five hours before my AF bed time! The insomnia is dwindeling woohooo!

Hope everyone found their "moment" today and charished it. It really can help keep you going.

[Nelz]

I decided...

Double digits.........thats gotta feel great! Keep at it :goodjob:

[paulywogg]

I decided...

great job decided! i went to a birthday party on sunday and i could tell the sauce on the pasta had wine in it too,it was o.k,they also had a bunch of wine and beers but i drank coke,yay! were getting there

[Hippyman]

I decided...

It keeps getting better and better. Keep adding up those AF days!

[decided]

I decided...

Hi Nelz! Cute pic btw and thank you yes it does I'm now dealing with the things that Azl was hiding from me but that too is a good feeling after all. Learning to accept and even appreciate the ups and downs of human emotion.

Pauly that's awesome!!! I love hearing people war storries! Keep em comming as they remind me I'm not fighting alone lmao!

And Hippy thanks for ur unwavering positive energy! Its a spark that reminds me that the sun is nmever gone and positive is the only way to keep it close.

I find the AL voice become more dlear and recognizable but at the same time weaker...the oposit of when I was drinking actually! I'm also much better at realizing why and when it desides to speak. The lonelyness has turned to bordom lmao! So my focus now is finding positive and fufilling motivations as I feel frustated by this sense of....lethargy. All in good time

[NewOne]

I decided...

Glad to hear that you are still hanging tough. The boredom, the lethargy...oh yeah. I've got that going on myself. But, I was able to keep awake the entirety of the day. And I noticed the boredom & lethargy had dissipated some. At least I kept my clothes on until evening. Lately my pj's have been coming on at around 2 in the afternoon...lol.

So hopefully this is all temporary for both of us. Hell, it may be part of the process. We'll do it.

[RunningCourage]

I decided...

Hi decided, good to hear your doing so well. You're right - there is work to be done and you do need to keep on your toes, but the anxiety will abate after a while. It really does. And finding each day's 'inner moment' is a great way to stay positive. Keep trucking!

[merry]

I decided...

good on you decided I've made 17 days feeling good

[decided]

I decided...

Hi Neo, I'm glad to see your still in it with us, lethargy and all

Running! Long time no see yah, the axiety is pretty managable right now (so thankful that is actually better than when I was drinking) all this sober time has me thinking about how little I love and respect myself all these years. I don't even know how it seems, so now-i find myself acting a little desperate for attention wich I "wasent" when drunk. Feel empty and unloved...I think this is the hard part for me, the not drinking was rather easy. The aftermath of picking up the pieces is a daunting task. BUT! At least I'm moving in that direction. Just have to be pacient and give myself permission to not be perfect and build myself up. Merry! I'm still right behind you keep it up! Its always more enjoyable to have a running mate!

I've done therapy for years but don't think it was very effective because well...I was either hungover or getting drunk again soon after my session and so nothing stuck. Geez!!! No wonder I though it was useless.

Currently watching a doc. Called "happiness" so far its very interesting! Check it out when you get a chance.

I think that just like when I quit AL- I need to make a plan every day that includes establishing regular behaviors that will boost me self esteem. Tomorrow I make one attempt towards cleaning an area of my home. Waking up and spendong 10 minutes being thankful and speaking lovingly to myself, taking my supliments, making my lunch, and exersising for 45 minutes. I also have a buisness call I've been putting off, and a plan for tuesday to make. Tomorrow is a new day! And so I make another attempt and personal progress.

Love you all lots!!! And Keep sharing!

[NewOne]

I decided...

lol....I do the 'one area of my home" thing also. It mostly consists of throwing my shit in the basement. God help me when spring comes & I have to clean that thing out. I usually wait for high wind storms. That way I can stay busy & not think of my house or the neighbor's tree falling on me.

[Ready4This]

I decided...

Hi Decided - I am glad to see you are doing so well!

So, here's my update... First off I want to reiterate why I decided to quit drinking. 1. I was drinking way too much, and 2. I felt that my liver was hurting and I was seriously concerned that my heavy drinking had caused serious (potentially life threatening) liver damage. And I guess a third item was the fact that I drank every day (evening) for years and didnt know if I _could_ quit.

I started tapering on Jan 2 with a plan to cut back until Jan 8 and then go AF, but I tapered faster than planned and was AF by Jan 5. I stayed AF for two weeks (yes, I started drinking in moderation two days ago)... Let me explain why...

1. During my AF period I kept cold beer in the fridge, there was an open wine bottle in the fridge the whole time (I had a couple of glasses out of it during my taper and left the rest in the bottle), and I have a full liquor cabinet. Alcohol was readily available and I did not "slip" or turn to it out of weakness, proving that I didn't have a problem with willpower...

2. I went to the doctor last week and had a complete physical and blood work done and the results came back that I was essentially as healthy as a horse and my liver function test came back very healthy as did kidney, pancreas, cholesterol, cancer markers, etc. So my concerns that I may have had serious liver damage was unfounded (although if I had kept drinking the way I was, liver damage was inevitable at some point).

3. I found the #1 reason why I was drinking so much... It is the simple fact that I love beer and it is my drink of choice in the afternoon and evenings. I started drinking non-alcoholic Becks beer and found that i wasn't drinking beer for the alcohol, I was drinking it because I prefer it over other drinks. Yes, there is _some_ alcohol in it, but as it is 0.3% it would take 16 of the Becks to equal one regular beer. I found that I could hang out with friends or work around the house and put back 8-10 non-alcoholic beers over the course of an evening and feel totally satisfied. I guess I was never really drinking beer for the alcohol, I just like the taste and the fact that I drank so many equalled a drinking problem, when really my main problem was that I was drinking beer that had alcohol in it when non-alcohlic beer meets my needs just as well.

4. Advice from my doctor and my dad... Interestingly enough, my dad, who did AA about 15 years ago and stayed sober for nearly 10 years before drinking in moderation was not a big fan of me being totally alcohol free - he recommended drinking in moderation - specifically a couple of glasses of wine most days. When I told my doctor I was AF and worried about my liver he suggested that we wait to see what the lab results were, and when they came back (the only item he was concerned about was that my HDL level was a little low) he suggested that I should eat walnuts every day, quit smoking (smoking lowers your HDL), and drink one to two glasses of wine a day. I told him about my heavy drinking and why I went AF and he said that being AF wasn't really necessary and that drinking in moderation (especially red wine) had several health benefits...

So... Just like I made a plan and went AF, I decided to try drinking in moderation. Clearly my biggest problem was the amount of beer I consumed, and since I really like the Becks NA I am going to stick with that as my beer of choice. It only has 52 calories per bottle and I couldnt possibly drink enough of it to have any significant amount of alcohol in my system.

Then if I feel like it I will have a couple of glasses of wine with dinner or with friends. If I am out and about and somewhere that NA beer is not available I don't have an issue with having a couple of regular beers with friends. I just have to make sure that I keep things in check and I think I can do that.

I realize that MWO is mostly about being AF and some of you will see my returning to drinking as a failure, and I hope I am not setting a bad example for others. I am personally very happy with the outcome. There is no question that I was drinking WAY too much - an amount that not only affected my health, but also my quality of life. MWO helped immensely in going AF and I was able to break my damaging habit of drinking in excess every day.

Will I be able to drink in moderation and not slip back into my old ways? I believe so, otherwise I would stay AF. By being AF for two weeks I proved that I could do it. I made a conscious decision to start drinking in moderation (it was not a "slip" in a moment of weakness) - and this decision was made only after I received lab results showing my liver was fine and doctor's advice. So we will see... If I can't control it then the only answer will be to be AF, but in the meantime I'll just plan on keeping to my plan and see what happens. I think I can do it.

I'll continue to check back in occasionally and let you know how things are going and check on you and see how you are doing in your path in life. :-)

All the best to all of you and thank you so much for all your support during some very difficult days and helping me to plot a new and healthier course for my life!

Salud,
R4T

[paulywogg]

I decided...

hey r4t,theres plenty of people on mwo that drink moderately,i think the most important part is having it under control and not go on huge weekly benders ya know? if you feel you have control well then that works for you,please do keep us posted,dont be a stranger o.k?

[decided]

I decided...

Lol! Neo, I didn't do a damn thing in my home today...I did however make a bogger mess cooking. FML! I'm feeling more up beat than over the weekend though! I realized that I had skipped my b vitamins.

3eady!!!! I'm glad your in a good place, I'm with @olly on this, if moderation works for you and your happy and healthy, do it! I've thought about moderation, but really don't feel any desire for it right now so I'm sticking AF. I realize I have a lot of personal things to workout and get together and I don't want AL getting in my way not even for a day. for me I wasted enough time and have too much catching up to do! Don't go to far were gonna quit smoking soon remember much love and congrats on getting where you want to be.

[merry]

I decided...

I can't do moderation because when I have the first I don't stop till the bottle's finished
It's a mental thing the bottle has to be empty as it goes off (the wine)
cask's can't keep track to easy to fill up another one
I'm doing the af (but thats for me )

[RunningCourage]

I decided...

Hey decided - how goes? Just ready in the NN about your roomies having friend/s over, the drinking and your courage and resolve to remain AF. YOU ARE STRONG. Keep going. It's really good to hear your progress.

R4T - if it works, excellent. Let us know how it's going. It is good to hear how peeps have overcome their initial problem, their reason for coming to MWO in the first place. For me the jury is still out on whether any AL is actually good for us. Interesting Radio 4 programme here (got to 20mins into it)
Radio 4 Programme on AL consumption