For the past 12 days I've been hitting it hard and things are beginning to unravel. I've avoided some responsibilities and taken my health down quite a few notches I'm sure. I've done some very shameful things that I won't go into extreme detail just yet.
Started out drinking beers then swapped that for 2 pints of vodka. I figured those would be easier to hide since I certainly wasn't telling anyone about it. My wife seems like she knows though. See we've been down this path before and I didn't want to go there again.
Around day 8 I figured I needed to bring this to an end so I stupidly decided to taper off to avoid all the withdrawal symptoms that would probably be waiting for me with open arms. It didn't work. It can't when you keep buying the same amount even if you spread it out. The bac just comes down and you feel even worse!
So this morning I said that is it and took what was left and nipped a few off (stupid) and poured it out. Not long after the dull ache in the left temple, the dull ache in the upper right abdomen, nausea, vomiting, slight shaking and the anxiety with overwhelming sense of dread kicked in. I couldn't sit still.
I have a supply of Lorazapam that will probably last me for 5-7 days and I stocked up with water and gatorade so I was reasonably prepared to do this. Problem was since I had nipped off (not full 1.5oz shots) that last bottle 5 or 6 times up until 930 I did not want to take a Lorazapam because of the interaction. I had to wait until I couldn't take it anymore and felt sober and finally took one that I split up (1mg) at 1245 and 130. Finally the anxiety, nausea and shaking have been brought down to reasonable level. So I'm gonna continue with the prescribed timeline for using it try to become human again.
I did some real rotten stuff that I want to make amends for and I plan to. I just need to make it through the next few days.
BP: 128/88 Pulse: 62 (that is up a bit because get this I wasn't taking my BP meds at all because they would damage the liver right! :upset: idiotic)
Started out drinking beers then swapped that for 2 pints of vodka. I figured those would be easier to hide since I certainly wasn't telling anyone about it. My wife seems like she knows though. See we've been down this path before and I didn't want to go there again.
Around day 8 I figured I needed to bring this to an end so I stupidly decided to taper off to avoid all the withdrawal symptoms that would probably be waiting for me with open arms. It didn't work. It can't when you keep buying the same amount even if you spread it out. The bac just comes down and you feel even worse!
So this morning I said that is it and took what was left and nipped a few off (stupid) and poured it out. Not long after the dull ache in the left temple, the dull ache in the upper right abdomen, nausea, vomiting, slight shaking and the anxiety with overwhelming sense of dread kicked in. I couldn't sit still.
I have a supply of Lorazapam that will probably last me for 5-7 days and I stocked up with water and gatorade so I was reasonably prepared to do this. Problem was since I had nipped off (not full 1.5oz shots) that last bottle 5 or 6 times up until 930 I did not want to take a Lorazapam because of the interaction. I had to wait until I couldn't take it anymore and felt sober and finally took one that I split up (1mg) at 1245 and 130. Finally the anxiety, nausea and shaking have been brought down to reasonable level. So I'm gonna continue with the prescribed timeline for using it try to become human again.
I did some real rotten stuff that I want to make amends for and I plan to. I just need to make it through the next few days.
BP: 128/88 Pulse: 62 (that is up a bit because get this I wasn't taking my BP meds at all because they would damage the liver right! :upset: idiotic)
This time 4 SURE! 
I'm actually going to do the grocery shopping today and I will be looking out for a lot of stuff that is going to aid me but is good for everyone else around me. 
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