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    here we go now...

    :new:

    HI Everyone-

    Been browsing the mwo site for about two months after reading the book, buying but not using the supps, downloading but not listening to the cds... I thank you all for such honesty and openness about your struggles and have relied on them to make the first step.

    Obviously I know it's time to make a change in my life, but like many of you it has taken me a bit of time to face the big TRUTH and not the truthiness of my life (something untrue that you believe to be true simply because you want to, thanks to Colbert for that jem). I think I need to start this journey with a definition of those two realities in order to face them and choose the right one. thanks for listening...

    My truthiness: In no particular order: I work hard in a very stressful job and the only way to deal with that is to 'unwind' every single night with a bottle of chardonnay or two... I can easily only drink half the bottle but I just love the taste so much that it seems a shame to waste the rest...

    Many people depend on me in my job, I am constantly 'on', talking, directing, presenting, negotiating, coaching, listening, etc... that when I get home, it is 'my time' to do whatever I want w/out any people around. I'm not social, despite being in my early 30s and unwed, because I am so tired at the end of the day that all I can and want to do is drink and watch t.v. I believe this is all I am capable of doing.

    Drinking and smoking are just part of who I am because I am a sensitive artist and that 'type' of person needs the help just to cope with the stress of the world. Having been witness to 9/11 I have the right to deal with my trauma by relaxing my nerves with wine. I cannot expect to be happy and healthy with those images in my head.

    Global warming is so overwhelming to me that I need the drink just to face the injustices of the world. If we are all going down the shitter, why not be a little loose and enjoy the ride down? Just bearing witness to our world, these wars, this environment, these "leaders", it's a miracle I have just stuck to wine! I congratulate myself for not being a junkie, all things considered.

    My family is predisposed to alcoholism and has been in my home since I can remember. I am a 'Last Name' and we 'Last Name's' are drinkers by nature, it's part of my genetic make-up and so there is not much I can do about that. It's who I am. It's who my parents are (who I have spoken to about my drinking and they feel I am way overreacting. such a perfectionist!...). It's who my grandparents were until they passed of liver disease.

    and so the hard part...

    My TRUTH: My job is more stressful than it should be because I am never fully present and able to effectively deal with the situations that come up because I am always hung over. My patience is short, my solutions lost to a blurry mind, my attitude sour until about 5pm when I start to feel normal.

    I cannot stop at half a bottle and have never been able to unless I was sick to begin with and forced the first two drinks down. I drink to excess, more than is needed to 'unwind' and relax or pair w/ diner. I know that when I open a bottle I will finish it.

    I don't interact socially because I don't want anyone or thing to disturb my chronic medicating every night. It is more important to me than my relationships and that is the worst shame of all. If I do go out, I have one drink w/ people and then go directly home to be with the bottle. I have let many friends and relationships die because I don't have 'time' for the upkeep. I am busy drinking and recovering so I can drink again.

    I will never be able to deal with the feeling from 9/11 or the injustices of the world by being drunk on the couch. Those emotions will just wait around the back door until I sober up and then will come crashing in. They don't go away until I face them, shake their hands, and deal! The longer I wait the stronger they get. The power I'm giving away to the negative elements is exactly opposite to what I want to do in my heart.

    I have watched my parents do embarrasing things my whole life because of the drink and I will lead the same life if I don't face my problems. I have the opportunity to break the cycle and have all the tools of living in the 21st century at my disposal. I know more than they did about the effects of alcohol and I continue to hurt myself by not facing the facts.

    I have the power to beat this, I just have to decide. It is not impossible, it is just hard work and I have preferred to be lazy. I have hard work to do and it will be well worth the effort. My 'friend' the bottle will be missed in the beginning but will be replaced by a life more valuable that the one I am letting go.

    I appreciate you all for listening to my confessions and am looking forward to being a support to others facing the same challenges I am. Here we go now...you, me and the TRUTH.

    good luck to us all!!
    :h

    #2
    here we go now...

    Very insightful Truth. We welcome you and wish you the best.....:welcome:
    I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me

    Comment


      #3
      here we go now...

      Wow Truthiness!!

      As Lush says trully insightful - you seem to know yourself in relation to alcohol really well. I too am new to the site (2 weeks) and have made great progress with this battle. I am so like you that once the bottle is open it has to be drunk.

      The way you have faced your truth is much needed in this battle of ourselves. The addiction is so devious that it will lie to us to have just one drink.......

      I really hope we can do this together..... oh and by the way,
      I have discussed my drinking with my family who don't want to know as it may spoil the 'party'
      and my sister who I used to fall down drunk with, Point blank refuses to admit she has a prob and insists these days she only has a couple of glasses....
      We have to do this for ourselves and hope that others may come to us when they see how happy and more together our lives are (I am quite prepared that this may never happen!!

      Good Luck

      S

      Comment


        #4
        here we go now...

        Truthiness, that was a heck of a first post....nice! You prove the point...we are our own best councelors and perhaps doctors too. Understanding any "core" truth is a journey, not just a question. Welcome. Looking forward to hearing more from that artistic mind of yours.
        nosce te ipsum
        (Know Thyself)

        Comment


          #5
          here we go now...

          Truth,
          Welcome and you are definately on the right path. To sit down and put all of that in writing is amazing and to realize what needs to change is quite an accomplishment. You will do well your motivation is key. Keep coming here for support....you will get a lot of that.
          Best of luck to you on this journey.
          "Keep your eyes and heart focused on the end goal at all times, and never settle for less."

          Comment


            #6
            here we go now...

            Welcome Truthiness! Well said, you are well on your way! You'll find there are many creative types on the thread..it may be true that creative people live in what some call 'transitional spaces'...a hard place to be, for sure, but the gifts come when we can be in the tension of these places sober. Best of Luck!
            Dianne

            Comment


              #7
              here we go now...

              Dear Truthiness,
              Your message is an inspiration to all of us here.

              When I mentioned this web site to my younger sister (who does not suffer from alcoholism) she said that perhaps I could be the 'ginni-pig' and then introduce my older sister; who like me does have a major problem with alcohol. In addition to participating myself its great to think that one positive move can lead to another. This forum represents strength in numbers and a common goal. United we stand... :goodjob:
              A BushBaby with Attitude

              Comment


                #8
                here we go now...

                Very eloquently stated, truthiness. Scary how I could relate with everything you said (except the part about being an artist) ... it felt like you were telling my story.

                Comment


                  #9
                  here we go now...

                  Welcome truth. Glad to have you here.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    here we go now...

                    Hi Truthiness - welcome aboard!- Never heard that expression before, but it certainly describes a state of mind that I spent many years in. With such insite and honesty you're well on your way to taking back that control - so look forward to seeing you around!
                    :rays: Arial

                    Last first day - 15th April 2012
                    Goals:
                    Days 1-7 DONE
                    Days 8-14 DONE
                    Days 15-21 DONE
                    30 days DONE
                    60 days
                    100 days

                    Comment


                      #11
                      here we go now...

                      Welcome to our little community. There is such a heart felt truth in your story and I identify with much of what you speak. Take the supps and listen to the CDs....they work...and keep coming here...reading...and posting. You fit in here just perfect.
                      Sometimes I wonder...."Why is that frisbee getting bigger?"...and then it hits me.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        here we go now...

                        welcome aboard...

                        Comment


                          #13
                          here we go now...

                          Hi Truth,

                          All I can chip in is that I wish I was in my early-30's again. If I was, I would work up the courage to go to the doctor for proper treatment now.

                          If I had, I wouldn't have wasted the past 10 years or so on Chardonnay.

                          Best of luck.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            here we go now...

                            Dear Truthiness
                            That was such an astounding message. So full of beautiful insight and God honest truth. I'm going to call you Truth from now on.
                            You said "I have the power to beat this, I just have to decide. It is not impossible" That really is the truth - I'm sure you can do this. We are all here to help.
                            Rest in Peace, Bear. We miss you.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              here we go now...

                              Welcome & thanks for sharing.

                              Glad you found us.
                              :flower: Change a life; make someone feel important. ................. ........................ ..................... ........................ ................. ....... sigpic

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