:new:
HI Everyone-
Been browsing the mwo site for about two months after reading the book, buying but not using the supps, downloading but not listening to the cds... I thank you all for such honesty and openness about your struggles and have relied on them to make the first step.
Obviously I know it's time to make a change in my life, but like many of you it has taken me a bit of time to face the big TRUTH and not the truthiness of my life (something untrue that you believe to be true simply because you want to, thanks to Colbert for that jem). I think I need to start this journey with a definition of those two realities in order to face them and choose the right one. thanks for listening...
My truthiness: In no particular order: I work hard in a very stressful job and the only way to deal with that is to 'unwind' every single night with a bottle of chardonnay or two... I can easily only drink half the bottle but I just love the taste so much that it seems a shame to waste the rest...
Many people depend on me in my job, I am constantly 'on', talking, directing, presenting, negotiating, coaching, listening, etc... that when I get home, it is 'my time' to do whatever I want w/out any people around. I'm not social, despite being in my early 30s and unwed, because I am so tired at the end of the day that all I can and want to do is drink and watch t.v. I believe this is all I am capable of doing.
Drinking and smoking are just part of who I am because I am a sensitive artist and that 'type' of person needs the help just to cope with the stress of the world. Having been witness to 9/11 I have the right to deal with my trauma by relaxing my nerves with wine. I cannot expect to be happy and healthy with those images in my head.
Global warming is so overwhelming to me that I need the drink just to face the injustices of the world. If we are all going down the shitter, why not be a little loose and enjoy the ride down? Just bearing witness to our world, these wars, this environment, these "leaders", it's a miracle I have just stuck to wine! I congratulate myself for not being a junkie, all things considered.
My family is predisposed to alcoholism and has been in my home since I can remember. I am a 'Last Name' and we 'Last Name's' are drinkers by nature, it's part of my genetic make-up and so there is not much I can do about that. It's who I am. It's who my parents are (who I have spoken to about my drinking and they feel I am way overreacting. such a perfectionist!...). It's who my grandparents were until they passed of liver disease.
and so the hard part...
My TRUTH: My job is more stressful than it should be because I am never fully present and able to effectively deal with the situations that come up because I am always hung over. My patience is short, my solutions lost to a blurry mind, my attitude sour until about 5pm when I start to feel normal.
I cannot stop at half a bottle and have never been able to unless I was sick to begin with and forced the first two drinks down. I drink to excess, more than is needed to 'unwind' and relax or pair w/ diner. I know that when I open a bottle I will finish it.
I don't interact socially because I don't want anyone or thing to disturb my chronic medicating every night. It is more important to me than my relationships and that is the worst shame of all. If I do go out, I have one drink w/ people and then go directly home to be with the bottle. I have let many friends and relationships die because I don't have 'time' for the upkeep. I am busy drinking and recovering so I can drink again.
I will never be able to deal with the feeling from 9/11 or the injustices of the world by being drunk on the couch. Those emotions will just wait around the back door until I sober up and then will come crashing in. They don't go away until I face them, shake their hands, and deal! The longer I wait the stronger they get. The power I'm giving away to the negative elements is exactly opposite to what I want to do in my heart.
I have watched my parents do embarrasing things my whole life because of the drink and I will lead the same life if I don't face my problems. I have the opportunity to break the cycle and have all the tools of living in the 21st century at my disposal. I know more than they did about the effects of alcohol and I continue to hurt myself by not facing the facts.
I have the power to beat this, I just have to decide. It is not impossible, it is just hard work and I have preferred to be lazy. I have hard work to do and it will be well worth the effort. My 'friend' the bottle will be missed in the beginning but will be replaced by a life more valuable that the one I am letting go.
I appreciate you all for listening to my confessions and am looking forward to being a support to others facing the same challenges I am. Here we go now...you, me and the TRUTH.
good luck to us all!!
:h
HI Everyone-
Been browsing the mwo site for about two months after reading the book, buying but not using the supps, downloading but not listening to the cds... I thank you all for such honesty and openness about your struggles and have relied on them to make the first step.
Obviously I know it's time to make a change in my life, but like many of you it has taken me a bit of time to face the big TRUTH and not the truthiness of my life (something untrue that you believe to be true simply because you want to, thanks to Colbert for that jem). I think I need to start this journey with a definition of those two realities in order to face them and choose the right one. thanks for listening...
My truthiness: In no particular order: I work hard in a very stressful job and the only way to deal with that is to 'unwind' every single night with a bottle of chardonnay or two... I can easily only drink half the bottle but I just love the taste so much that it seems a shame to waste the rest...
Many people depend on me in my job, I am constantly 'on', talking, directing, presenting, negotiating, coaching, listening, etc... that when I get home, it is 'my time' to do whatever I want w/out any people around. I'm not social, despite being in my early 30s and unwed, because I am so tired at the end of the day that all I can and want to do is drink and watch t.v. I believe this is all I am capable of doing.
Drinking and smoking are just part of who I am because I am a sensitive artist and that 'type' of person needs the help just to cope with the stress of the world. Having been witness to 9/11 I have the right to deal with my trauma by relaxing my nerves with wine. I cannot expect to be happy and healthy with those images in my head.
Global warming is so overwhelming to me that I need the drink just to face the injustices of the world. If we are all going down the shitter, why not be a little loose and enjoy the ride down? Just bearing witness to our world, these wars, this environment, these "leaders", it's a miracle I have just stuck to wine! I congratulate myself for not being a junkie, all things considered.
My family is predisposed to alcoholism and has been in my home since I can remember. I am a 'Last Name' and we 'Last Name's' are drinkers by nature, it's part of my genetic make-up and so there is not much I can do about that. It's who I am. It's who my parents are (who I have spoken to about my drinking and they feel I am way overreacting. such a perfectionist!...). It's who my grandparents were until they passed of liver disease.
and so the hard part...
My TRUTH: My job is more stressful than it should be because I am never fully present and able to effectively deal with the situations that come up because I am always hung over. My patience is short, my solutions lost to a blurry mind, my attitude sour until about 5pm when I start to feel normal.
I cannot stop at half a bottle and have never been able to unless I was sick to begin with and forced the first two drinks down. I drink to excess, more than is needed to 'unwind' and relax or pair w/ diner. I know that when I open a bottle I will finish it.
I don't interact socially because I don't want anyone or thing to disturb my chronic medicating every night. It is more important to me than my relationships and that is the worst shame of all. If I do go out, I have one drink w/ people and then go directly home to be with the bottle. I have let many friends and relationships die because I don't have 'time' for the upkeep. I am busy drinking and recovering so I can drink again.
I will never be able to deal with the feeling from 9/11 or the injustices of the world by being drunk on the couch. Those emotions will just wait around the back door until I sober up and then will come crashing in. They don't go away until I face them, shake their hands, and deal! The longer I wait the stronger they get. The power I'm giving away to the negative elements is exactly opposite to what I want to do in my heart.
I have watched my parents do embarrasing things my whole life because of the drink and I will lead the same life if I don't face my problems. I have the opportunity to break the cycle and have all the tools of living in the 21st century at my disposal. I know more than they did about the effects of alcohol and I continue to hurt myself by not facing the facts.
I have the power to beat this, I just have to decide. It is not impossible, it is just hard work and I have preferred to be lazy. I have hard work to do and it will be well worth the effort. My 'friend' the bottle will be missed in the beginning but will be replaced by a life more valuable that the one I am letting go.
I appreciate you all for listening to my confessions and am looking forward to being a support to others facing the same challenges I am. Here we go now...you, me and the TRUTH.
good luck to us all!!
:h
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