Relationships better or worse

[The time is now]

Hi

When you gave up the booze did your relationship get better or worse ?

I drink more now than ever and i am not sure if its because i am very unhappy in my relationship and drink to cover up the real feelings

I gave up for a while last year and i would say the relationship got even worse , but its pretty much at a all time low now, we never really chat it always ends up in arguments i just cant be bothered with it

[Hippyman]

Relationships better or worse

The time is now;1445717 wrote: Hi

When you gave up the booze did your relationship get better or worse ?

I drink more now than ever and i am not sure if its because i am very unhappy in my relationship and drink to cover up the real feelings

I gave up for a while last year and i would say the relationship got even worse , but its pretty much at a all time low now, we never really chat it always ends up in arguments i just cant be bothered with it

My relationship with myself improved beyond words. I have come to believe that all other relationships in my life will improve as well, given time, but what's really important is how I get along with me and all is well there!

[Byrdlady]

Relationships better or worse

Is this for real??? Can this possibly be a legitiamte question? If you were looking at this post from the outside, what would you think? You are drinking MORE than ever, you fight all the time...could you possibly REALLY wonder if AL is making your relationship better?

You've been here for quite a while...since 2009, what do you think the problem is? You are on a site where people go who have problems with AL, you are drinking more than ever....THE PROBLEM IS ALCOHOL!!

I saw your posts prior to the holidays and you debated whether or not to stop or even try to stop before the holidays...I suggested you not give up ONE MORE DAY of your life to AL. 3 months later, I am sad to see you are still struggling. I wish I could help you before you hit the bottom, but if you can't do it alone, I hope you will seek some help. (more than an online forum) You don't have to hit that bottom, but this is a progressive disease...it's not going to fix itself...a LIFESTYLE change must be implimented.

I wish I could look you in the eyes and say, 'Don't you see what this is doing to you?' When I became faced with an ultimatum from my husband, HIM or AL, it was a hard choice! That's how sick I was!! I wish I could make you see....I wish I could help you stop...It does become irrelevant over time, but right now it is all-consuming!

The time IS now....if not now, then when?? Byrdie

[paulywogg]

Relationships better or worse

not drinking has helped my marriage tremendously,i basically ignored my husband when drunk,i get loud,mouthy and frankly i embarras him and myself!

[K9Lover]

Relationships better or worse

The time is now;1445717 wrote: I gave up for a while last year and i would say the relationship got even worse , but its pretty much at a all time low now, we never really chat it always ends up in arguments i just cant be bothered with it

Sounds like it's time to give up both relationships...the one with your significant other AND the one with alcohol.

The main relationship in my life is between myself and my daughter, and it has improved 150% since I quit drinking.

[The time is now]

Relationships better or worse

K9Lover;1445819 wrote: Sounds like it's time to give up both relationships...the one with your significant other AND the one with alcohol.

The main relationship in my life is between myself and my daughter, and it has improved 150% since I quit drinking.

really ?

[RunningCourage]

Relationships better or worse

I believe that sometimes we have to face up to the fact that when we get sober we realise that some relationships are not worth it. This may take time. Weeks, months, years even. However long it takes, we see it for what it is and get out.

I believe that when we get sober some relationships may have a trying time for whatever reason, but that through working things through properly, with clarity, honesty and a sober head, that a richer, fuller and way more loving relationship can be found and nurtured.

And I believe there are some relationships that naturally become 150% better, simply by realising that booze is a f**k up, and things can only get better if you stop - as exemplified by K9's relationship with her daughter. Now THAT is a good news story.

[madmans]

Relationships better or worse

I wouldn't just give up on your other half just yet, one thing for sure is that drink does change you and the way you feel, it does take a long time to get back to the real you, the one you were before AL took control. At the start for me I had a lot of anger to control and my wife had to deal with that until I figured out how to deal with it. All my relationships with everyone and how I deal with people are better now but it does take time,a lot long than I had first thought.

[techie]

Relationships better or worse

RunningCourage;1445834 wrote: I believe that sometimes we have to face up to the fact that when we get sober we realise that some relationships are not worth it. This may take time. Weeks, months, years even. However long it takes, we see it for what it is and get out.

I believe that when we get sober some relationships may have a trying time for whatever reason, but that through working things through properly, with clarity, honesty and a sober head, that a richer, fuller and way more loving relationship can be found and nurtured.

And I believe there are some relationships that naturally become 150% better, simply by realising that booze is a f**k up, and things can only get better if you stop - as exemplified by K9's relationship with her daughter. Now THAT is a good news story.

:thanks: agree

[K9Lover]

Relationships better or worse

The time is now;1445829 wrote: really ?

REALLY

[The time is now]

Relationships better or worse

K9Lover;1445853 wrote: REALLY

what makes you say that - and how so sure

[K9Lover]

Relationships better or worse

Because now I am the mother that she needs and deserves. I'm not trying to be her best friend, although we really do LIKE each other a lot (you can love someone without really liking them)! She now knows she can count on me no matter what. I'm available physically, mentally and emotionally. She knows when I say something, it's the truth. When I promise something, I will keep that promise. I can say, without a doubt, that quitting drinking was the best thing I ever did....for both of us.

If your relationship is bad when you're drinking and even worse when you're not drinking...it may be time to rethink that relationship.

[NewOne]

Relationships better or worse

My relationships are better. I have more time to spend than hiding away with the al. My relationship with my SO is pretty much the same. He is still a heavy drinker & I do feel bad for him when he wakes up feeling like shit & is drained come Monday.

[Slaythefear]

Relationships better or worse

Whether better or worse, you'll be able to take the appropriate action to take care of them. That may mean cleaning them up or repairing them or letting them go because they have been very unhealthy relationships. Both are handled much much better minus the bad influence you've been using regularly in your life.

I was able to finally act on the bad relationship I was in instead of escaping the inevitable I didn't want to face.

[Siren136]

Relationships better or worse

Back in 2010, after 10 years of marriage, I started training for my first triathlon. What that meant is that I stopped spending my energy taking care of my husband and started prioritizing my time for my activities. He didn't like it and over a couple of years it has led him to want to go to therapy. Since he told me he wanted a divorce back in June, I have been bending over backwards to try to save the relationship. I think it's a big reason why I lost control of my drinking in 2012. That and some health issues that kept me from training. He actually seemed happier when I was self-medicating with AL.

Now that I am AF our relationship has gotten worse again (but hey, it's only been a week so maybe it'll normalize). I think that the only way we are really going to fix anything is for him to quit drinking, too, so we can actually have normal discussions.