Relationships better or worse

[paulywogg]

Relationships better or worse

hi siren,yeah husbands act weird when we quit,mine made fun of me for going to a.a and being on here,i think hes in denial im an alkie,plus hes losing his drinking buddy,oh well deal with it dude,i may be being selfish but i was way more selfish and preoccupied with drinking before so whatevs,you just focus on you little lady

[Siren136]

Relationships better or worse

Thanks, Pauly! I am trying to carve out my own little AF niche where I can exist the way I want to.

[Hippyman]

Relationships better or worse

Siren136;1448336 wrote: Thanks, Pauly! I am trying to carve out my own little AF niche where I can exist the way I want to.

Finding a way to be comfortable in my own skin was a goal I had for many years. Some how it's becoming my reality now. I wish the same for you!

[moni]

Relationships better or worse

That's interesting Hippyman - appears the same applies to me.

I have to be very careful with my wording here as I don't want to phrase this incorrectly. It would appear that unhappiness caused me to drink and drinking caused me to be very unhappy. It also appears that I'm not alcohol dependant and never was. I do have issues with alcohol, I wouldn't dare touch a drop in case I went down the same road again.
I'm not in a "romantic" relationship, I've been single 5 years now. This has mainly been deliberate due to some very bad choices over the years. I felt it was safer to be single than outdo myself with an even bigger A-hole. I do believe my bad choices were partly due to alcohol though.
My relationships with other people have changed. I think I was a door mat when I was drinking. I think I felt it was easier to be silent and less hassle to not stand up for myself. Since I've begun standing up for myself, it's not been met with good reaction really.
I've also recently noticed that some of my 'friends' are quite rude, unfair towards me and not very nice people. I had a friend stay one night last week and something came on the TV about women drinking at home. She immediately began laughing and said 'Hey, that's you'.. knowing I no longer drink. I was quite hurt but said nothing at the time. Perhaps I'm over-sensitive.
Anyway, I've begun counselling and the first things we have identified is that I don't and haven't had a good relationship with myself. So this is the next relationship I really need to work on.

[sweetpea29]

Relationships better or worse

Hi Moni- how are you?

I identify totally with your post.
All of my previous 'romantic' relationships from teens onwards began in an alcohol daze. Drink played a role in keeping me in bad relationships and in ending better ones. Drink and lack of self-esteem/respect/confidence/love. Its like the chicken and egg tho which came first? Lack of confidence or drink problem. I dunno, but do know that towards the end drink certainly was not improving my self-respect just eroding it further.

If im being honest it is the relationship with myself which is at the root of my issues/problems. Years ago a stranger read my tea-leaves one thing she said has always stuck in my head 'until you start loving yourself, no-one else can love you'
Where to start repairing that? I dunno but quitting drink is my first step.

I wish you well with the counselling and if you dont mind i would be interested in how you are working on improving your relationship with yourself

[Wildflowers]

Relationships better or worse

I agree with RC & Madmans posts here. It takes time..... Most professionals suggest one year of sobriety before making any big life changing decisions, when it comes to long term romantic relationships. Unless there are bad abuse issues & your in danger. Or the other person has said no more & has left. Alcohol destroys many in it's path!....

Other relationships have different values, meaning, & boundaries.

I also very much agree with Sweetpea, that much of drinking for some is due to lack of loving one self in a healthy way. I'm working on my emotional sobriety & have been for the last few months. I've heard, read that it's key to lasting sobriety. I also went to counseling for two years. There are f2f & on-line meetings that can help.

[moni]

Relationships better or worse

sweetpea29;1448402 wrote: Hi Moni- how are you?

I identify totally with your post.
All of my previous 'romantic' relationships from teens onwards began in an alcohol daze. Drink played a role in keeping me in bad relationships and in ending better ones. Drink and lack of self-esteem/respect/confidence/love. Its like the chicken and egg tho which came first? Lack of confidence or drink problem. I dunno, but do know that towards the end drink certainly was not improving my self-respect just eroding it further.

If im being honest it is the relationship with myself which is at the root of my issues/problems. Years ago a stranger read my tea-leaves one thing she said has always stuck in my head 'until you start loving yourself, no-one else can love you'
Where to start repairing that? I dunno but quitting drink is my first step.

I wish you well with the counselling and if you dont mind i would be interested in how you are working on improving your relationship with yourself

Sweetpea - you're right, it is a vicious circle. I think really it comes down to learning to love yourself and not in a vain 'up your ownself' way. But in a nice, comfortable with who I am way. No more paranioa. No more automatically assuming you'll fail at something. These are only some of the issues I have to tackle along with why I consistently got involved with bad choice of partner. And each time (if I were to be perfectly honest) knowing it wasn't right for me.

[sweetpea29]

Relationships better or worse

Hey Moni,

Again just wanna wish you well with the counselling. Keep us up-dated on how it goes xo