Seeking help for husband

[ajwx]

Hi. My husband left me and our son after being sober for 4 months to try the Sinclair Method. He has moved into a new apartment, stopped working, quit therapy and has financially cut us off. I am alone with a two year old, barely getting by and he is on Naltrexone and (what it seems like to me) drinking himself to death. He says he wants to give it a year and that he is just going to drink all the time until his cravings decrease and if they don't decrease in a year he will go back to AA which he hates. He is putting all his faith in this drug miraculously curing him when he has cut himself off from everyone who loves him, is about to be evicted and broke and he thinks he has it all figured out. Does the drug work like that? If he has been on it for two months and is drunk all the time and his memory is failing him doesn't that mean it is not working? I am at a loss and heartbroken.

[Kradle123]

Seeking help for husband

ajwx;1446576 wrote: Hi. My husband left me and our son after being sober for 4 months to try the Sinclair Method. He has moved into a new apartment, stopped working, quit therapy and has financially cut us off. I am alone with a two year old, barely getting by and he is on Naltrexone and (what it seems like to me) drinking himself to death. He says he wants to give it a year and that he is just going to drink all the time until his cravings decrease and if they don't decrease in a year he will go back to AA which he hates. He is putting all his faith in this drug miraculously curing him when he has cut himself off from everyone who loves him, is about to be evicted and broke and he thinks he has it all figured out. Does the drug work like that? If he has been on it for two months and is drunk all the time and his memory is failing him doesn't that mean it is not working? I am at a loss and heartbroken.

Hi AJ and :welcome:

From everything I have ever read about these meds, your husband is definitely not using them accordingly.

He truly sounds as though he has given over his personal power...to these drugs, to AL.
I am so sorry for your situation. I truly am. Do you have family close by? Your friends?

There is always help available AJ. And you will have great support here.

I'm certain that people who knw specifics regarding these meds will be along soon. If not tonight then definitely early tomorrow . You have people for al over the world here.

Stay close. Here's a hug for you:l
And one for your munchkin:l

:h

[Kradle123]

Seeking help for husband

PS;

AJ,
You ave legal recourse if he is failing to provide financial support. Please don't be afraid to use that avenue. You must for your son. :h

[ajwx]

Seeking help for husband

Thanks you guys, I am not after him for money. I love him and truly am trying to understand how the drug works. I want to support him but having him cut us off emotionally, financially and otherwise is scary and I want to know if he is using the drug as an excuse or if it is part of the process

[ajwx]

Seeking help for husband

Thank you

[martye]

Seeking help for husband

ajwx

So Sorry to heat about your pain. TSM has proven to work for many people. Personally I dont agree with it as it just gives people an excuse to continue drinking.

I myself take Naltrexone but I dont touch a drop of booze while I take it. It tends to numb my cravings most the time.

The key to quitting is WANTING to quit, not being half in, you have to be all in! Maybe he is not 100% ready to give up the booze yet?

[Hippyman]

Seeking help for husband

Kradle123;1446581 wrote: PS;

AJ,
You ave legal recourse if he is failing to provide financial support. Please don't be afraid to use that avenue. You must for your son. :h

Get legal advice. It doesn't sound like your husband wants to quit drinking. He's just using the drug as an excuse. It's a very hard thing for an alcoholic to stop the drink. I think you need to do whatever it takes to make sure you and your son are cared for. Let him go his own way and you get the help you need.

[Cinders]

Seeking help for husband

ajwx,

The TSM method REQUIRES that you take Naltrexone one hour prior to drinking. Never to take it when you are not going to drink.

For people with the correct physiology, I don't know it but others here may know what tests to take to determine if Naltrexone has a chance to work for you, it can be a true cure. It takes away the "reward" the brain experiences from drinking. Over time the brain gets "rewired" to thinking that drinking does not give you pleasure.

At least this is how it is presented and those who have done well on TSM swear by it.

As to your legal recourse, whether your husband is truly using TSM or not, he has no business removing himself from your life and stopping support for you and your children. Do not enable that behavior.

HTH,
Cindi

[ajwx]

Seeking help for husband

Okay, so you are all confirming what I believe, that he is using it as an excuse, so I guess my question is drinking the way he is, taking the naltrexone, can he be "cured" overtime drinking like this? He is in a stupor and swears it just takes time.

[Cinders]

Seeking help for husband

ajwx,

Here is the Sinclair Method forum link.

You will find successful stories there and some failures and those struggling currently.

As I said previously, the people for whom it has worked are very happy with the results.

But I still cannot understand his moving out and leaving you and your children without support.

thesinclairmethod.com • View forum - Sinclair Method Questions

Cindi

[Kradle123]

Seeking help for husband

ajwx;1446591 wrote: Thanks you guys, I am not after him for money. I love him and truly am trying to understand how the drug works. I want to support him but having him cut us off emotionally, financially and otherwise is scary and I want to know if he is using the drug as an excuse or if it is part of the process

I think it is both, AJ. But as Hippy and Conders said right now it is probably.more of an excuse.

Drinking or not, he still has responsibilities to you and his son. Your not 'coming after him' for money...that's his job. He is still an adult making choices. Your son should not be punished for his bad choices and if he isn't supporting him- has cut him off - as you said, that is unacceptable no matter what he is going through.

I know it's tough, AJ. But IMO if let him shark those basic fatherly duties that's not really supporting him...or your munchkin...or yourself.

:l:h

PS: You can be nice in reminding him remember

[Mootsbill]

Seeking help for husband

Hi, sorry to hear about your struggles with your husband, must be so hard for you especially on your own with a little one ;0(
I don't know much about TSM, but I would assume if you were hoping to tackle a drinking problem you need to tackle all other issues too and running away is certainly not doing that!
I obviously cannot speak for or presume to know what his intentions are but I think the others are right and you need to take care of yourself and your child, I realise this is very painful for you though.
Sending you hugs from my way out xx

[ajwx]

Seeking help for husband

Thanks you guys. I have filed for food stamps and medicaid. We have a roof over our heads and are getting by. It is just so hard to understand why he is doing this. I filed for custody and a legal separation and even though I can't afford a lawyer and I am in the right he has hired a lawyer to fight me. He is drunk and stoned all the time and isn't even responding to his lawyers emails and refuses to sign papers from the court. I am at a loss. They have no idea that he is doing this or never sober but he paid them a retainer, so they are representing him.:upset:

[Siren136]

Seeking help for husband

What exactly is he fighting? The custody? I'm not sure where you live, but I would hope and pray that a good judge would insist that he appear in court in person in such matters. If he is as bad as you say then I doubt he could keep it together enough to pull that off and actually get even partial custody. Can you gather some friends and family to come with you to the hearing to testify as to his behavior, just in case? At the least they would be a good source of support for you.

Lots of good thoughts coming for you and your little one!

[Kradle123]

Seeking help for husband

ajwx;1447550 wrote: Thanks you guys. I have filed for food stamps and medicaid. We have a roof over our heads and are getting by. It is just so hard to understand why he is doing this. I filed for custody and a legal separation and even though I can't afford a lawyer and I am in the right he has hired a lawyer to fight me. He is drunk and stoned all the time and isn't even responding to his lawyers emails and refuses to sign papers from the court. I am at a loss. They have no idea that he is doing this or never sober but he paid them a retainer, so they are representing him.:upset:

AJ

I have seen this behavior before and if he is crazy enough to get a lawyer to fight you, he may be crazy enough to pull it off:shocked:

The fact that he has spent $ on a retainer (min $1000.00) while you and your son are on food stamps is a HUGE red flag. Though AL affects us all differently, we all share the intense self centerdness it causes and because we become so consumed by our own ...strategy, fear, pain, defense we are not tethered to the planet while drinking....your husband has locked himself away, cut you guys off and now wants to 'fight' to keep this way of life no matter what.

This is not someone IMO who is based in reality. This is someone based in AL reality and believe me, the two are NEVER the same...

Please get a paper trail going ASAP. This means any and all correspondence from him, police reports, declarations from friends. And please get a lawyer now. I'm pretty certain his lawyer knows he's an Alcoholic but it's not his lawyers job to counsel him on his addiction it's his job to win his case. It sounds disgusting and it is so please circle your wagons as best you can.

Stay close AJ. You are not alone:l