Honeysuckle's Log book
Day 12: clean and feelin better, only now the kids are ill. Still, at least I am on my break. I have to say I am feeling a bit chuffed I have managed 12 days. That's very cool! i am still a wee bit volatile though! I really do wonder still if I have a problem, though I know I do. I still wonder if any of the recent illness was come down effects, although I did genuinely have the worst flu and chest infection for many years now. I was reading another person's blog and depression was discussed and since al is a depressive, I wonder if I was subconsciously depressed before, will my mood change? I had a dream last night that there was a school reunion, and I did drink in that, but again it was like most other people there were not drinking but I was wacking them back and kept going for a top up from a dodgy cupboard of supplies I had. It was only a dream but, that's who I am, never been able to moderate. I have never been a conventional girl, always a bit naughty, always done my own thing, but not real badass. I quit school at 16 and was workin in a local restaurant, again drinking at the end of a shift, worked in pubs and saw 'real alcoholics' because that is the image of an alcoholic to me, not my image, because they are, in fact very different. it was not until I had genetic counselling for a family rare genetic disease (I was the lucky one but my dad, and two sisters were not) that I stopped living as I wanted, happy go lucky, worry free, that I got my Masters, had children (since no genetic risk) and now suddenly I am 40 (but feel and often act 16 totally!!!) and wtf? all these years from like 11 or 13 years old to 40. Thats some booze!!!!!!!!!!
Day 12: clean and feelin better, only now the kids are ill. Still, at least I am on my break. I have to say I am feeling a bit chuffed I have managed 12 days. That's very cool! i am still a wee bit volatile though! I really do wonder still if I have a problem, though I know I do. I still wonder if any of the recent illness was come down effects, although I did genuinely have the worst flu and chest infection for many years now. I was reading another person's blog and depression was discussed and since al is a depressive, I wonder if I was subconsciously depressed before, will my mood change? I had a dream last night that there was a school reunion, and I did drink in that, but again it was like most other people there were not drinking but I was wacking them back and kept going for a top up from a dodgy cupboard of supplies I had. It was only a dream but, that's who I am, never been able to moderate. I have never been a conventional girl, always a bit naughty, always done my own thing, but not real badass. I quit school at 16 and was workin in a local restaurant, again drinking at the end of a shift, worked in pubs and saw 'real alcoholics' because that is the image of an alcoholic to me, not my image, because they are, in fact very different. it was not until I had genetic counselling for a family rare genetic disease (I was the lucky one but my dad, and two sisters were not) that I stopped living as I wanted, happy go lucky, worry free, that I got my Masters, had children (since no genetic risk) and now suddenly I am 40 (but feel and often act 16 totally!!!) and wtf? all these years from like 11 or 13 years old to 40. Thats some booze!!!!!!!!!!
)
Comment