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**betty boop** · March 19, 2007, 01:45 PM

Feeling really down

Jacy,

Families can be tough!!! I din't envy you on this, just remember that you have all the people here as your extended family, and we all truly understand what you are going through.

Just remember that you are doing this for yourself, not your family

Love & Hugs :h :l :h

**DidItForMe** · March 19, 2007, 01:49 PM

Feeling really down

You are also a member of your family. You need to be the support you need sometimes. Do this for you. We are also here. It's hard, but it is well worth it in the end.
xo

**Jacy** · March 19, 2007, 01:53 PM

Feeling really down

Thanks BettyBoop.

I know that they can't understand how I feel or what I am going through. It seems no matter what I can't please them.

I have to do this for myself because I am the one being hurt.

**Jacy** · March 19, 2007, 01:59 PM

Feeling really down

Thanks Diditforme.
I haven't talked to anyone in my family for about 3 weeks I missed them, but the last conversation with my sister didn't go well either. I sent her an email and apologized and she accepted. It seems to me she hasn't forgiven me at all. I thought since we haven't talked she would be happy to talk to me. It was like having pie thrown in my face.

I am tired of being a people please when it comes to my familyr. I think it is best just to leave her alone and work on myself. Everytime I think of her attitude towards me I feel very down.

I am who I am all I can do is accept that I have a problem and work on it.

**cassy** · March 19, 2007, 02:20 PM

Feeling really down

I too have been in a situation where my only sister wont have anything to do with me(..not to do with drinking), I hate that sense of injustice where you feel family have decided who you are and how you act(sometimes based on past behaviours even as a child),Its a known fact that there is sibling rivalry in families and a recent book (i,ve forgotten the title for a minute,,but its English author) discusses rivalry between sisters as common even though its often not obvious.

Maybe let it settle for a while and send your sister an Easter card.if you talk on the phone..keep it general, light and not too meaningful ..because you are not singing from the same hym sgeet at present.

sometimes it never works..my sister cut all contact 8 years ago. I am not taking the moral high ground but i wanted so much to forgive and be forgiven and move on to maybe an improved relationship.she had other ideas and wont talk, write or anything.

Take it from me..do the drink moderation or abstaining for yourself not for anybody else.It seems odd at first as maybe we dont know who we are emotionally without self medicationg emotions with the booze.

I wish you well with your family but maybe you need to protect yourself emotionally. i learnt tough lessons...the more i pursued my sister the more she distanced. The anger she has within her regarding me obviously hasnt subsided over the years but sadly has become part of who she is.

hope this doesnt sound like some sort of lecture...just trying to offer my experience of being misunderstood by my sister and the hurt i went through before any acceptance on my part.

good luck to you Jacy....regardsc Cassy/

**Waves 2** · March 19, 2007, 02:21 PM

Feeling really down

I am sorry that you are feeling so low. I think you are right to think of yourself and to work on this problem we all share. Be kind to yourself.

Cassy has said some very wise words here.

:l

**Breez** · March 19, 2007, 02:52 PM

Feeling really down

Hi J~

I'm an only child so I can't give any good sibling advice. I can say we're always here, willing to give you any kind of support you may need, any time of day!

**sammys** · March 19, 2007, 02:53 PM

Feeling really down

HI, I to have a sister my only sister who is a very cold person. How she got that way I do not know, she just is. If she has to talk to me and gets my message she leaves the most abrupt one she can. If I actually do get her on the phone its one word answers and is always in a hurry or busy and cuts me short. She also is rude to our Mom and that pisses me off. We all went to Disney last easter with our whole family, all expenses paid for for everyone, private guide thru Disney, vip seating at parades et. and at the happiest place on earth was still a snot. I finally said to her I does not cost any extra to be nice and of course she was highly insulted but thinks nothing of the insults she flings all day. I think it is an inner bitterness in them and they just put up walls and of course think they are just fine.

If only they would just give an inch and be kind??
Sammys

**Zinnia** · March 19, 2007, 03:05 PM

Feeling really down

I think feeling worthy is such an important part of getting/staying sober because, from my experience, feeling worthless, bad about myself, inferior to others, etc. gives me an excuse to abuse myself by abusing alcohol. I think I'm useless, so why fight it?
It is only when I feel good about myself that I can counter alcohol urges (with effort of course) by telling myself that abusing alcohol is abusing myself, and I do not deserved to be abused. If I feel bad about myself, it's so much more likely I'll feed the addiction.
Unfortunately a lot of what we feel and think about ourselves comes from the perception of others. It's easy to say not to listen to what others think/ say, but all of us do to a certain extent. Basically, you can't change other people but you can change yourself, and despite your set back you are on the road to doing that. :goodjob: Don't let others' negativity put that in jeopardy. Self-esteem is a very important part of this process. Whether somebody is knowingly or unknowingly sabotaging that, I say keep your distance at least until you have the inner-strength to deal with them.
As for Easter, if you feel you must spend it with family members, why not suggest a church service and/or a nice breakfast out? People won't be drinking in church or at breakfast, and you can just choose not to attend the easter activities where others will be drinking.

**Jacy** · March 19, 2007, 03:37 PM

Feeling really down

Cassie,

Thanks so much for sharing with me. I guess I am just tired people walking all over me. She is my only sister and I have decided the same thing that keeping my distance for the time being is for the best. We are are very different and I get hurt very easily she is more of the tough type that will not take anything from anyone.

She never used to be like this. Over time she has become very close to my aunt and I have never really been close to her and even less so that she married this guy who treats everyone like they're dirt. My sister of course gets a long well with him. The rest of the family worship the ground she walks on so that maybe why she has an attitude.

It is going to be hard to not call her. With the little self-esteem I have I really can't afford to lose it all together. Thanks for your support.

**Jacy** · March 19, 2007, 04:09 PM

Feeling really down

Thanks.

I am trying to keep my head up. Yes Cassie has given me some great advice.

**betty boop** · March 19, 2007, 05:38 PM

Feeling really down

Hi Zinnia & :welcome:

Nice to meet you

**funkymunky** · March 19, 2007, 06:05 PM

Feeling really down

what can ya do??

I can see this from both sides. My mother was an alcoholic when I was growing up and I just got to the stage where I couldn't find it in me to forgive or believe her empty promises of change anymore. I snubbed her to protect myself. Now I am doing exactly the same to my son and he is starting to do exactly the same to me. Tragic isn't it??!!

**betty boop** · March 19, 2007, 06:12 PM

Feeling really down

Hi funkymonkey & :welcome:

You have found a good place here that can help you xx

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