I screwed up....

[Oneredshoe]

Here I go again....I made it to the 21st of this month AF, I don't know off hand how many days I went AF but I unraveled all of my hard work and efforts to stay sober. I AM SO ANGRY with myself. My husband came home from overseas on the 20th due to an injury....it is always a little hard for both of us to adjust to living together again. He has his way of doing things and I have my way.....as with any relationship. As I have said before he used to be a heavy drinker but now moderates it. There have been a couple of times since he has been home that he has overdone it......I couldn't take it, being the sober one around someone who drinks drove me over the edge. I caved and I drank....the first couple of times I did so in moderation but twice I have gotten blind mad drunk! I have nobody to blame for my slip ups but myself. I don't want to live my life like this....So for me I am starting out on day 1 AF. Why do I struggle so much being around him when he drinks.....I need to learn to just walk away when he drinks I need that self control. I am merely venting because I am so angry with myself!

[kuya]

I screwed up....

Red ........can I ask if you have reliable access to the Internet?

[Phin]

I screwed up....

Don't beat yourself up. Learn from it. It's hard to be around someone who drinks when you are trying so hard not to. You did a great job on 21 days, and no one can take that from you!

I recently slipped and I totally get it.

[Oneredshoe]

I screwed up....

Kuya.....yes I do have reliable access to the Internet. May I ask why you you ask that?

[kuya]

I screwed up....

One..... The last time you checked in here was the 17th it is now ten days later.

I actually looked into the stats and it is the people who post frequently and log on here when they are feeling vulnerable that succeed. JOINING a forum is not sufficient, you have to utilise it.

My stats indicate that people who post less than once daily do not succeed. Check this out for yourself by looking at the profiles of newer folk ( AND seniors) who are staying sober and then compare it to your own.

To learn anything new in life you have to be committed to do what it takes.

I used to drink from around 7pm till 11pm EVERY day.... For 23 years I was deeply committed to becoming an alcoholic.

I now spend about 2 hours per day here......and am happy to do so, I am saving my life.

[Oneredshoe]

I screwed up....

Kuya you are 100% correct.....not checking in was exactly how I unraveled myself at my last attempt as well as now. I actually said it myself in one of my posts, I knew better than to stop checking in, to stop utilizing the amount of knowledge here. Thank you so much for actually calling me out on it. You have no idea how much I truly and honestly appreciate what you wrote to me. You have given me a great deal to think about....my lack of commitment is first on my priority list. Thank you again Kuya.

[Nelz]

I screwed up....

I have to admit I have switched camps. I used to think that if you drank you had to "start all over"

The more I read posts on here, the more I realized, your slip did not take away your AF days. It only took away your "consecutive" days, and there is some real success in that.

Ok, you made a mistake and its "Day 1" again, even though in reality, you have more than one AF day. Now obviously our goal(most of us) is to abstain, and have those consecutive days, but its not the end of the world if we fall. We all did.........save a handful of people the first quit did not work.

So, get back on the horse(or wagon) and lets keep trying, once you have done something once, it should be easier the second time.........right?

Wishing you some continued success at beating AL

[kuya]

I screwed up....

I TRULY hope this helps get you to where you want to be.

We will be here for you One, now get back on that horse !

[kuya]

I screwed up....

Nelz;1451079 wrote: I have to admit I have switched camps. I used to think that if you drank you had to "start all over"

The more I read posts on here, the more I realized, your slip did not take away your AF days. It only took away your "consecutive" days, and there is some real success in that.

Ok, you made a mistake and its "Day 1" again, even though in reality, you have more than one AF day. Now obviously our goal(most of us) is to abstain, and have those consecutive days, but its not the end of the world if we fall. We all did.........save a handful of people the first quit did not work.

So, get back on the horse(or wagon) and lets keep trying, once you have done something once, it should be easier the second time.........right?

Wishing you some continued success at beating AL

You are right Nelz, and some people are aiming for harm reduction too.

But One wants to be AF, the problem with relapsing is that it ALSO becomes a habit, as hard to break as chronic daily drinking.

Sometimes I feel terrible being hard on peeps but this is a recovery forum, not Facebook, and I am sure everyone who is NOW AF wishes they could have gotten there faster.

Repeated relapsing is demoralising unless you can work out why. If I think I can see why I feel obligated to say so.

[kuya]

I screwed up....

And Nelz..... Check yourself out......you are nearly two years sober......you still average over 3 posts per day !

[Nelz]

I screwed up....

kuya;1451084 wrote: You are right Nelz, and some people are aiming for harm reduction too.

But One wants to be AF, the problem with relapsing is that it ALSO becomes a habit, as hard to break as chronic daily drinking.

Sometimes I feel terrible being hard on peeps but this is a recovery forum, not Facebook, and I am sure everyone who is NOW AF wishes they could have gotten there faster.

Repeated relapsing is demoralising unless you can work out why. If I think I can see why I feel obligated to say so.

Well then we shall have to play good cop, bad cop, cuz I cant be the bad one......:H

And yeah, as far as my 3 posts a day avg........Im kind of a PW, first word is Post, second word rhymes with Door

[kuya]

I screwed up....

Nelz;1451107 wrote: Well then we shall have to play good cop, bad cop, cuz I cant be the bad one......:H

And yeah, as far as my 3 posts a day avg........Im kind of a PW, first word is Post, second word rhymes with Door

:H:H

But seriously Nelz......us post 'doors' are, often unwittingly, reinforcing our quit by reading these boards and every day being reminded of WHY we quit.

As I said in another post in NN when you repeatedly write about the problems, for yourself and later in posts to help others we are reinforcing the message to our brains of ' I DO NOT DRINK ANYMORE'.

Some people fear it is magic that THEY don't 'get'. It is actually like any other skill really, learn from those that are good at it.

Look at Lav..... Sober since the Ark was built.....still putting in an average of 7+ a day.

I watch and learn Nelz.

As for the style of delivery, there is a reason 'good cop, bad cop' works, we all need both IMO.

BTW ....... KUYA is an acronym for Kick Up Your Arse...... Which is what I had to give MYSELF to get sober :H:H:H

[Oneredshoe]

I screwed up....

Kuya....I have often wondered about your name. I LOVE IT!!!!!! You all inspire me, my goal to stay sober by being a posting "door" too.

[paulywogg]

I screwed up....

it took me a few to figure out post "door" duh,anyways i agree when kuya said relapse can become a habit,its how i lived most of last year,i was just thinking about something today,my co-worker just had a hysterectomy 12 days ago her dr.said she wont be fully healed for 6 weeks,so i was thinking wouldnt it be at least that much of time for my abused brain to heal,to drink would be like scratching a healing wound back open,kind of makes sense?to me it does anyways

[kuya]

I screwed up....

paulywogg;1451175 wrote: it took me a few to figure out post "door" duh,anyways i agree when kuya said relapse can become a habit,its how i lived most of last year,i was just thinking about something today,my co-worker just had a hysterectomy 12 days ago her dr.said she wont be fully healed for 6 weeks,so i was thinking wouldnt it be at least that much of time for my abused brain to heal,to drink would be like scratching a healing wound back open,kind of makes sense?to me it does anyways

That is an AWESOME analogy Pauly, relapsing IS like picking the scab off.

OMNFG..... That will be used time and time again.

And, just like a scab, every time you pick it off the original wound gets deeper!

Loving your work Pauly :h