I am about to blow a gasket!!!!!!!

[Oneredshoe]

I am so FRUSTRATED right now! My nice evening more or less blew up in my face. My husband decided to have cocktails and get more or less drunk. He used to be a heavy drinker, then became a moderate drinker, BUT since being home from overseas I have noticed over the past couple of days he has taken to heavy drinking again. I got drunk dialed from my friend, whom is not so nice when she drinks. I picked up my husbands bottle of vodka, I thought about it, I almost caved. BUT I DIDN'T! Instead I headed Kuyas advice and came here instead. I took my pooch for a walk just to get away from my husband and have silenced my phone. I am F'n struggling here....not because I want to drink, but because I DON'T want to! YET it is being thrown in my face on pretty much a daily basis as though my sobriety is a flipping joke! My husband is demanding when he drinks, like he intentionally picks arguments with me to see if I will cave and I have on a couple of occasions since he returned home on the 20th. I am now on day 2AF which really pisses me off because I wanted the consecutive days not 2 days here and 10 days there........I have nobody to blame for my slip ups but myself, nobody made me drink. BUT my God can I please just get a flipping break from my husband and my friends. I REFUSE to cave again! I feel like I am being run out of my own home...I don't know how to handle this. Not the not drinking part but the having it thrown in my face on pretty much a daily basis by the ones I love the most, more so my husband.

[kuya]

I am about to blow a gasket!!!!!!!

And you have done the right thing by posting One.
He is trying to sabotage your quitting, doesn't want to lose his playmate. This is common. Many people with a drink problem will drink less than their partner to make it seem like the partner is the one with the problem.

My ex did it.

You could try calling him on it.....basically saying you would value his support. If he can't quit for a month to support you then he is not a moderate drinker but an alcoholic.

If he says he can quit but WON'T quit to support you.....then he is an A'hole or in denial.

( if you think it might shake him to his senses .....print this post and let him read it )

[kuya]

I am about to blow a gasket!!!!!!!

Ow and ignore DooDoo.....she does this sort of post all the time.

Hi Doodoo

[cpn1004]

I am about to blow a gasket!!!!!!!

Hey Oneredshoe,
Sobriety is a very selfish exercise. But I think it is a good selfish.
Good luck to you.

[Oneredshoe]

I am about to blow a gasket!!!!!!!

kuya;1451931 wrote: And you have done the right thing by posting One.
He is trying to sabotage your quitting, doesn't want to lose his playmate. This is common. Many people with a drink problem will drink less than their partner to make it seem like the partner is the one with the problem.

My ex did it.

You could try calling him on it.....basically saying you would value his support. If he can't quit for a month to support you then he is not a moderate drinker but an alcoholic.

If he says he can quit but WON'T quit to support you.....then he is an A'hole or in denial.

( if you think it might shake him to his senses .....print this post and let him read it )

Thanks Kuya....I actually asked him for his support tonight before he started drinking, didn't seem to make a difference. Perhaps I may try shaking him up a bit tomorrow. Was the "Asshole" comment from DooDoo some kind of inside joke? I wasn't sure how to take that.

[Kradle123]

I am about to blow a gasket!!!!!!!

Hi One:

I'm so sorry y have this additional stress. When does your husband go back out to sea? I have a friend here in a similar situation. She just waits for him to leave.

As far as Doo is concerned , no inside joke there- just have a look at her previous posts and you'll see pretty fast that she has difficulty...well...difficulty being tethered to the planet... :earth:

Love you Doo!

[Nelz]

I am about to blow a gasket!!!!!!!

Oneredshoe;1451944 wrote: Thanks Kuya....I actually asked him for his support tonight before he started drinking, didn't seem to make a difference. Perhaps I may try shaking him up a bit tomorrow. Was the "Asshole" comment from DooDoo some kind of inside joke? I wasn't sure how to take that.

The best way to take a post from "Doo" is to simply ignore it..........ignore it, and it will go away. Nothing positive ever comes from a Doo post, I guess we are pretty lucky on this board, with all the members, most all of them can contribute in a positive way, but like any other walk in life...........there is always that "one"

[playland]

I am about to blow a gasket!!!!!!!

Hi Kradle, I'm trying to private message you but your PM box is full. Can you delete a few so I can write to you, thanks ever so much

Sorry to jump in on this thread but I really need to PM Kradle, thanks XO
Play

[honeysuckle]

I am about to blow a gasket!!!!!!!

Hi Oneredshoe, I know you are faced with all these obstacles at the mo, you are right to silence your phone and ignore everything and everyone, you are being so strong! It doesnt help having people on this forum who have no social ettiquette at all, no excuses sorry!!!!

Keep it up!

[Mick]

I am about to blow a gasket!!!!!!!

Onered well done you keep it up........

By the way..not all the clowns are in the fkn circus!!!!!

[Siren136]

I am about to blow a gasket!!!!!!!

Hi RedShoe, My husband is the same way. He knows I am trying to quit but had 3 vodka martinis right in front of me last night (vodka is my spirit of choice) and drinks beer in front of me all the time.

To be fair, I haven't really told him the truth about why I'm quitting. I have told him that I want to lose weight, not that I have a problem with alcohol. So I can't really fault him too much. Is your husband fully aware of your issues and why you have chosen to be AF?

I try to carve out a 'safe place' for myself where I can retreat and not be around him when he's drinking. The only place I can be sure that I get privacy is in the bathroom, so I try to take long baths and then I go to our bedroom and read or watch TV there. Going for a walk was a good idea - it got you out of the situation. Coming on to MWO is good, too, as we all well know.

Stay strong and PM me if you ever need to vent about unsupportive husbands!

[honeysuckle]

I am about to blow a gasket!!!!!!!

I havent told the truth either Siren

[Oneredshoe]

I am about to blow a gasket!!!!!!!

Siren136;1452051 wrote: Hi RedShoe, My husband is the same way. He knows I am trying to quit but had 3 vodka martinis right in front of me last night (vodka is my spirit of choice) and drinks beer in front of me all the time.

To be fair, I haven't really told him the truth about why I'm quitting. I have told him that I want to lose weight, not that I have a problem with alcohol. So I can't really fault him too much. Is your husband fully aware of your issues and why you have chosen to be AF?

I try to carve out a 'safe place' for myself where I can retreat and not be around him when he's drinking. The only place I can be sure that I get privacy is in the bathroom, so I try to take long baths and then I go to our bedroom and read or watch TV there. Going for a walk was a good idea - it got you out of the situation. Coming on to MWO is good, too, as we all well know.

Stay strong and PM me if you ever need to vent about unsupportive husbands!

I have told him the truth....this has so far not helped him to be supportive. I will try again today and see how it goes. Thanks for all of the support. I will check in again later.

[Hippyman]

I am about to blow a gasket!!!!!!!

Oneredshoe;1451927 wrote: I am so FRUSTRATED right now! My nice evening more or less blew up in my face. My husband decided to have cocktails and get more or less drunk. He used to be a heavy drinker, then became a moderate drinker, BUT since being home from overseas I have noticed over the past couple of days he has taken to heavy drinking again. I got drunk dialed from my friend, whom is not so nice when she drinks. I picked up my husbands bottle of vodka, I thought about it, I almost caved. BUT I DIDN'T! Instead I headed Kuyas advice and came here instead. I took my pooch for a walk just to get away from my husband and have silenced my phone. I am F'n struggling here....not because I want to drink, but because I DON'T want to! YET it is being thrown in my face on pretty much a daily basis as though my sobriety is a flipping joke! My husband is demanding when he drinks, like he intentionally picks arguments with me to see if I will cave and I have on a couple of occasions since he returned home on the 20th. I am now on day 2AF which really pisses me off because I wanted the consecutive days not 2 days here and 10 days there........I have nobody to blame for my slip ups but myself, nobody made me drink. BUT my God can I please just get a flipping break from my husband and my friends. I REFUSE to cave again! I feel like I am being run out of my own home...I don't know how to handle this. Not the not drinking part but the having it thrown in my face on pretty much a daily basis by the ones I love the most, more so my husband.

Does he know that you are sincere in your desire to stop the drinking? Alcoholism is a life threatening disease and needs to be taken seriously. You made it four days and so you know you have the power within you! You can get and stay sober, one way or another. I know you can! In the past I could not have lived with a drinker in my house and stayed sober. Today I still wouldn't want that to happen but with the baclofen I take I really have a feeling of indifference to alcohol. If I had to be around drinking all the time I would take Antabuse to make sure I could never drink. This time I'm gonna do whatever it takes to stay sober!

[Byrdlady]

I am about to blow a gasket!!!!!!!

OneRed, you've gotten some really solid advice here (not a Doodoo joke!).
Misery loves company, but it also loves MISERABLE company. He doesn't want you to get better ....because where does that leave him? When you eliminate one major problem in a household (your drinking) and a big part of that problem remains, what does THAT tell us? What does that tell HIM? That mirror gets hard to face when we have to admit that our favorite thing in life (The Buzz) has to go. If he can't get you to stay down there with him and his buzz, he has a hard bit of medicine to take doesn't he?
I fought this for a long time...but I have come to the conclusion that there ARE no moderate drinkers. The people who do drink in moderation aren't aware that they are doing it....once you spot a problem and try to moderate, it's already got you. If he is telling you that he is 'better about it' or drinking less than he was....I'd bet my lunch money that isn't the truth. Why? Been there and said that!! There are no moderate heroin addicts and there are no moderate ALKS. (my opinion).
So I know you are angry and frustrated, but like they say on the flights we take, secure your own mask before assisting others. If you aren't on your way to recovery how can you possibly have any impact on someone else you are trying to help?? Fix yourself first, then reach out....Unless you have walked the walk...who will listen? It is HARD to quit drinking with another drinker in the house...but it CAN BE DONE and I've done it! You can too! We are pulling for you, and we know you can win!!! Byrdie