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    #1

    Would love some help in creating a new future

    Hi there,

    I am ready to give up the drink after 2 years of everyday drinking. I have had past drinking problems but not like this. So, what started this for me? Financial issues. I am 37 and built my own home at 25. It was a big flat block and 4 bedrooms with a rumpus room and I owed less than $90,000. I was proud but my life was not happy, I had lost my Mum to cancer and this had a massive impact on me. Having experienced quite a sheltered life I needed to learn new life skills and really how to be an adult. It was quite a co-dependant relationship and my Mum depended on me greatly. I sold my home at 30 for $425,000, walking away with $325,000. I married and moved into my Husbands townhouse that he owed the full amount on ($250,000). I didn't know that he had $30,000 in personal debt, but I never asked either. I paid for our wedding, our honeymoon and ultimately the $10,000 engagement ring he brought me as I was sick of the debt. We put the townhouse on the market so we could build a home. We got a contract which we were assured the buyers had already had finance approval it would not be an isssue. On the day the contract was to go unconditional finance fell through. I was pregnant and on one wage. We had to sell the block of land less the interest we paid and less the commission for agent, less the downturn in economy. I started working 5 nights a week and had my second son in the January. I started drinking after he was born as the loss of my dreams was really big to me. Now we owe i would say $220,000 on a townhouse worth $280,000(haven't been able to look at home loan for past year now). I have gone from having $325,000 to having $50,000 if we sold up after commission. I honestly don't know how to deal with my life. I don't know if I trust my Husband to want a fiancial plan. I love him and this is what makes it hard, he is compassionate and a wonderful Dad. Money just doesn't seem to be the thing for him, happiness is more important. I am all for happiness, but without security this is hard for me. Please if you can offer you support and help me on my journey I would love for you to help.
    Many thanks. God Bless:new:
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    #2
    Would love some help in creating a new future

    Hi and welcome to MWO.

    Reading between the lines it sounds like you may be bloody furious with your partner and drinking back your anger.
    Perhaps marriage counselling could start to address this.

    In the mean time this is a wonderful site to get sober.

    Join the people in the newbies nest, get a period of sobriety ( say 30 days) giving you time to think soberly on the other problems.

    Check out the toolbox for tips to help you in the early days

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      #3
      Would love some help in creating a new future

      Thank you for reply,
      You are right about being angry, I appreciate your help.
      I can't tell you how nice it is to hear from supportive people willing to get me beyond this.
      :goodjob:

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        #4
        Would love some help in creating a new future

        Where do we want to start?

        Welcome!
        If drinking is interfering with your work, you're probably a heavy drinker. If work is interfering with your drinking, you're probably an alcoholic.

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          #5
          Would love some help in creating a new future

          Welcome, Neney! Good choice to get sober. You can't well make great plans for the future if you are drunk all the time, wallowing in the mistakes of the past. The issues in marriage you state probably exist in 90% of marriages these days, so I think marriage counseling is an excellent idea.

          I like to focus on the positives. You love your husband. He is a warm, caring, and compassionate father to your children. Those are great and wonderful things. I understand the need for financial security, but you also need to try to accept that money isn't everything, either. I think you both need a bit of compromise and to appreciate the strengths that each bring to the relationship.

          Your husband doesn't have a head for finance. Some people don't - so try to forgive him. You will need to be the one that plans for your financial future. Tasks are often split like this in a partnership. Does your husband spend money as if it grows on trees? If no, great! If yes, have a frank discussion with him and put him on a budget according to the amount of disposable income you have.

          You could try sitting down with him at the end or beginning of each month and going over the household finances together. This could be a time to talk about your short range goals (e.g., paying off a credit card) vs. long term goals (e.g., saving for retirement). If you engage him in the discussion on a regular basis, he may start to get it and help you work towards the goals for your family. Do you have a financial advisor?
          Well it's all right now. I've learned my lesson well. You see you can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself.

          Comment

            #6
            Would love some help in creating a new future

            Thank you so much for your insight as well. It is time to look forward and start fresh. I do focus too much on finance, which i need to let go of. I am excited and scared at the same time, but more excited.
            Thank you so much for your support.:thanks:

            Comment

              #7
              Would love some help in creating a new future

              What are your plans! I love your story and I am excited to hear what you will learn along the way!
              If drinking is interfering with your work, you're probably a heavy drinker. If work is interfering with your drinking, you're probably an alcoholic.

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                #8
                Would love some help in creating a new future

                Siren136;1452061 wrote: Welcome, Neney! Good choice to get sober. You can't well make great plans for the future if you are drunk all the time, wallowing in the mistakes of the past. The issues in marriage you state probably exist in 90% of marriages these days, so I think marriage counseling is an excellent idea.

                I like to focus on the positives. You love your husband. He is a warm, caring, and compassionate father to your children. Those are great and wonderful things. I understand the need for financial security, but you also need to try to accept that money isn't everything, either. I think you both need a bit of compromise and to appreciate the strengths that each bring to the relationship.

                Your husband doesn't have a head for finance. Some people don't - so try to forgive him. You will need to be the one that plans for your financial future. Tasks are often split like this in a partnership. Does your husband spend money as if it grows on trees? If no, great! If yes, have a frank discussion with him and put him on a budget according to the amount of disposable income you have.

                You could try sitting down with him at the end or beginning of each month and going over the household finances together. This could be a time to talk about your short range goals (e.g., paying off a credit card) vs. long term goals (e.g., saving for retirement). If you engage him in the discussion on a regular basis, he may start to get it and help you work towards the goals for your family. Do you have a financial advisor?
                What a considered and useful post......you can help me with my finances any time Siren :h

                Neney.....you love your husband and he is a good father, you are very fortunate. Money comes and goes but children raised by loving parents are priceless to us all.

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