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new girl- the 14 year hangover

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    new girl- the 14 year hangover

    Hi,
    I found this site a few days ago and really it has been such a comfort to me as although I have glanced at other sites over the years looking for 'the answer' I suppose it was here that I felt at home just reading other people's stories knowing that it isn't just me.
    The thing that is literally keeping me going at the moment is finding out about baclofen and naltrexone. I actually ordered the naltrexone first but think it may be a scam site and at ?175 quid I would never be able to afford that long term so have now ordered the baclofen but will take a while to arrive.
    So this is my story I never had an immediate problem with alcohol, like most teens I binged drinked if we went out (for confidence and just i suppose because everyone else was) even at university I drank at most probably once a week if there was an event on at the su bar but looking back by year 3 I was lodging without other students so felt I had to stay in my bedroom and some nights I would think 'Oh I need a bottle of wine' I guess that was about twice a week.
    Anyway after university I got a job at ITV in London and I think there were about 22 floors but of course the bar was on my floor and at lunchtime everybody from my department drank a couple of beers or wine so out of shyness at being the newbie I started having 2 glasses of wine every lunch. It really helped the boredom of the afternoon pass but then I would get back from work and we were living at the time with my ex husbands mum and they were big wine drinkers and she used to offer me some wine and I guess I had it to help get over the slight hangover from lunch, I think it was usually a 2 - 3 glasses. so I was kind of getting a problem but then I handed in my notice and then found out I was pregnant, well I was lucky at that stage that my love for my unborn baby and maybe the fact my problem hadn't got totally out of hand meant that I didn't touch a drop. After having my daughter though things went rapidly down hill and I although I loved my daughter with all my heart I was totally out of contol vodka in the day and then 2 bottles of wine in the evening. I didn't understand what was happening to me and to this day I don't know if I had postnatal depression or the pregnancy and birth caused a chemical inbalance in my brain.
    Well since that time (I was 25 am now 39) drink has controlled me. I went to AA, tried anti depressants, read books, listened to hypnotherapy tapes, went to hypnotherapists, changed my drinks etc but nothing stopped me for good. Of course there were times when I managed a short detox and actually felt in control. For a while it was one bottle of wine a night but always I wanted more. And then of course there is all the shame, the guilt, the blackouts, drink driving, embarassment, the utter hopelessness. At times I was able to hold down a job but mostly not. My weight would yo yo from being skinny as I ate tiny amounts to allow for the booze calories to when of course I couldn't sustain it and would be too hungover to exercise and would crave junk food.
    My last job was actually 2 years as a barmaid. Perfect. I got so many drinks bought for me that it was surely only fair to drink them, behind the bar as well. I would just hide my glass when the boss came by.
    So because I split with my first husband for 7 years it was just me and my daughter living together so I could drink when she was in bed and boyfriends would comment on my drinking but i could play it down to a certain degree. Then I married again early this may to a weed addict so we kind of made excuses for each other to allow ourselves to continue and then I became so unhappy in the marriage that drinking got worse again we are now going through a nasty split and so of course although I need to be sober and strong to rescue myself from this situation of course who do I need most? My good friend pinot grigio or even better 14% chardonnay, nightly between one and a half and two bottles.
    I look and feel like crap and I feel so sad that I have wasted a big part of my life this way. I had a media degree and did a post grad in drama but drink robbed me of any motivation, everything seemed so 'hard' and so overwhelming that I just gave up. 14 years pretty much spent entirely hungover, infact I just got used to feeling like death and of course all the desperate pleas to God and promises made and broken to my daughter and myself that I would give up and then constanly convincing myself I could crack this, just drink at weekends, stop at one bottle etc.
    Anyway, then a few days ago I was googling medication to stop you drinking all I had ever heard of was the one that makes you sick and I asked by then doctor 14 long years ago for it and he said 'I'm not giving you that because if you do drink you will be really sick'. But that's the point doc? So I was so shocked to find out about these tablets and then stumbled on an article about the baclofen doctor (I can't remember his name so I will call him the bac doctor) I have the book coming today and like I say drugs ordered. Honest to God this is like a gleam of hope for me because everything I read in the article rung true for me. I honestly believe it's all about the chemicals in the brain because as I said to my mum what makes me need alcohol and yet my husband needs the weed and can take or leave the booze and likewise I tried weed once when I was about 22 and didn't feel the need to ever try it again. Maybe drink, weed, all the diffrent drugs, sugar addiction etc maybe they all match to a different level in the brain chemicals of an individual which would explain why people need doses varying so greatly to get the same results.
    So that's my story in brief even if it seemed long so the plan is to use the naltrexone if it actually arrives then start on 5mg baclofen a day and slowly increase. I just hope to god it works for me like it has for so many people on here then maybe I can actually start living rather than clawing my way from one day to the next. Thanks for taking the time to read.

    #2
    new girl- the 14 year hangover

    Hi MissH and :welcome: to MWO.

    Your story is so sad, but like so many we hear. Don't worry though cos you CAN find a way out of your nightmare.

    I don't take meds but there are plenty here who can guide you in this, I am sure someone knowledgeable will post a reply soon.

    You are young and have a long life ahead of you ...... I am glad you have found us

    Comment


      #3
      new girl- the 14 year hangover

      Welcome, I can relate to your story. Please keep posting here and continue to tell us your story.

      Ask away about questions, drugs, life, love we will do our best to help.

      All I can suggest is check in here as often as possible
      If drinking is interfering with your work, you're probably a heavy drinker. If work is interfering with your drinking, you're probably an alcoholic.

      Comment


        #4
        new girl- the 14 year hangover

        Hi, MH.

        Just wanted to say:welcome: and thanks for posting your story. You are not alone here, and will find lots of help, support and advice. I did not take meds, although had Campral prescribed a couple of years ago. Didn't stop drinking long eneugh for it to work, though. I do take lots of vitamins and supplements, and come here every day. You can read my older posts to see what I have been through, and I truly believe that if I can do it, anybody can.

        :l to you!

        TDN
        "One day at a time."

        Comment


          #5
          new girl- the 14 year hangover

          Hi MissH and welcome to the site.

          First thing's first - It's time to get rid of all the alcohol in your house. Dump it down the sink or throw it away. If you are waiting until your meds are delivered, then start now to look into tapering. You can start to taper while you wait. It's time for you to control your drink instead of the drink controlling you. Any little steps you can do to start this process will help and will make you feel less out of control.

          Secondly, have you spoken to your doctor? I'm concerned that you are planning to take these meds while not under a doctor's care. I would urge you to speak to a medical professional about this. There is a section in these forums where you get some guidance, so at the very least I would urge you to do some reading over there - Link: Topamax, Campral, Naltrexone, Baclofen, other meds - My Way Out Forums

          Lastly, please come over to the Newbie's Nest. There are many of us just starting out. It's a very warm and supportive place. You'll get lots of support and advice from people who know exactly what you are going through because they have been there and are successful in the fight against alcohol.
          Well it's all right now. I've learned my lesson well. You see you can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself.

          Comment


            #6
            new girl- the 14 year hangover

            Hey Miss Honey

            It is great that you recognize what is happening and want to stop it. That is a big part of the hurdle. You are still young and it's a good time to stop wasting away with the alcohol in so many ways. I wish I had quit at 39 believe me.
            Welcome to MWO. Everyone here knows exactly what you are talking about.
            I believe you were talking about antabuse in your post, as the drug that makes you sick if you drink. Some of us here take it, I do and I am happy to have it.
            I did not have a doctor who would prescribe it so I ordered it from River Pharmacy. It really does make you sick if you drink, I have found that for me a relatively low dose a few times a week keeps me on the right track. Some people take it every day, but I don't find that necessary and it is a bit expensive.
            Hang in there and stick around here; lots of good people here who have been on this road a long time with priceless guidance and support.

            Comment


              #7
              new girl- the 14 year hangover

              welcome to mwo miss honey,sounds like you have a good plan to get healthy,keep us posted on your progress
              I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink:sohappy:

              I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me":thumbsup:
              Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

              Comment


                #8
                new girl- the 14 year hangover

                :welcome: I'm glad you have found us. You will find lots of great ideas here on how to get sober and stay sober. Baclofen worked best for me. Without it I could get sober but the over whelming compulsion to drink would take over and I'd be back at square one. Baclofen took that compulsion away. I also have Antabuse as a safety net so if the compulsion ever hits me I will take that and then I can't drink. I found my way out with these meds. You can find your way out too!!!
                Sober since Sept. 24th 2012 This time 4 SURE!
                https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-3162-30074.html Newbies Nest
                https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html Tool Box
                https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/what-plan-how-do-i-get-one-68554.html How to get a sobriety plan

                Comment


                  #9
                  new girl- the 14 year hangover

                  Thanks for the replies guys. I appreciate all the advice. I know it's not a great idea to self med but I do feel that is the only option for me at the moment. Drinking has come up in past with gps but not for a long time and although it would be great to have that support it is a worry for stuff to go on your record and also in my experience the gps tend to be very rigid in their thinking.
                  But that said my current gp is lovely so if I felt worried I would be happy to approach her. I have realised I do need to start tapering and not just put all my hopes on the meds.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    new girl- the 14 year hangover

                    Good morning Miss honey and I'm so glad you found us! :l

                    You're story is very similar to mine...even the degree in communications and working in television. But like Ann I to wish I had your insight at 39 and cut AL out completely. The self loathing and guilt I can wrap myself up in are overwhelming at times and I am now 50. But this place, these people here have truly hapless me in so many ways. It does take time and. You won't get it for a bit- at least I didn't! but read read red and you are on your way!

                    Head to the newbie ASAP because you will see a ton of people staring out like you and Byrdie and K9 and Ms. Lav are like the den mothers over there :H They are super helpful.

                    The links are the bottom here and Siren gave them too as well as really useful meds links.. There are PLENTY of discussions regarding meds. No one here thinks of the meds as a magic bullet but there is no question that they are a fantastic tool in our arsenal to move up and out of the AL world we all built for ourselves.

                    Stay close,
                    :l
                    On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                    *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

                    Comment


                      #11
                      new girl- the 14 year hangover

                      Hello, sweet Miss Honey -- You aren't alone! :l I could have written your story, except that I have two teen daughters and a non-drinking husband, and I'm 45. You can do this -- and you still have parenting time left with your daughter, so hold onto that.

                      If it's the MWO book you ordered, just a bit of warning that it won't come right away, despite the claims at the MWO Health Store site. I ordered my book and starter kit on Feb. 1 and still don't have it. Rather than waiting, I just bought a bottle of Kudzu and other supplements that are supposed to help reduce cravings, and they have definitely helped, I think. And most important, EAT, and eat well and anything you want. Eat an entire tub of ice cream if you want - there's something about dairy that makes a wine or liqour chaser unappetizing. Try not to allow your stomach become empty, ever. But the best help of all has been this community, which is the absolute best.

                      You've taken such a huge step - I had also nearly given up and didn't care about myself anymore, and just 9 days later I feel completely different. If I can do this -- and I'm not known for self-discipline, you definitely can do this! Like someone else said, come over to the Newbies Nest and join us other beginners and you'll get tons of support. :h
                      Elliesmom

                      -------------------------------

                      For supplement dosage/schedule go to:
                      http://www.mywayout.org/supps/update.pdf

                      Comment


                        #12
                        new girl- the 14 year hangover

                        Miss H, Im so glad you found us welcome, your story has similarities to mine. But you are here now amongst others and using this forum and the MWO way you can get on your way to freedom.
                        I dont use Baclofen as I dont feel im that bad but it is meant to be very helpful. I take lots of supplements that I have researched and read about to death :0)
                        Im in the UK, have children and am the same age as you so keep posting and we can all support each other best wishes hugs xx
                        AF since 2nd Oct 2012
                        Day by day

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