Hi,
I found this site a few days ago and really it has been such a comfort to me as although I have glanced at other sites over the years looking for 'the answer' I suppose it was here that I felt at home just reading other people's stories knowing that it isn't just me.
The thing that is literally keeping me going at the moment is finding out about baclofen and naltrexone. I actually ordered the naltrexone first but think it may be a scam site and at ?175 quid I would never be able to afford that long term so have now ordered the baclofen but will take a while to arrive.
So this is my story I never had an immediate problem with alcohol, like most teens I binged drinked if we went out (for confidence and just i suppose because everyone else was) even at university I drank at most probably once a week if there was an event on at the su bar but looking back by year 3 I was lodging without other students so felt I had to stay in my bedroom and some nights I would think 'Oh I need a bottle of wine' I guess that was about twice a week.
Anyway after university I got a job at ITV in London and I think there were about 22 floors but of course the bar was on my floor and at lunchtime everybody from my department drank a couple of beers or wine so out of shyness at being the newbie I started having 2 glasses of wine every lunch. It really helped the boredom of the afternoon pass but then I would get back from work and we were living at the time with my ex husbands mum and they were big wine drinkers and she used to offer me some wine and I guess I had it to help get over the slight hangover from lunch, I think it was usually a 2 - 3 glasses. so I was kind of getting a problem but then I handed in my notice and then found out I was pregnant, well I was lucky at that stage that my love for my unborn baby and maybe the fact my problem hadn't got totally out of hand meant that I didn't touch a drop. After having my daughter though things went rapidly down hill and I although I loved my daughter with all my heart I was totally out of contol vodka in the day and then 2 bottles of wine in the evening. I didn't understand what was happening to me and to this day I don't know if I had postnatal depression or the pregnancy and birth caused a chemical inbalance in my brain.
Well since that time (I was 25 am now 39) drink has controlled me. I went to AA, tried anti depressants, read books, listened to hypnotherapy tapes, went to hypnotherapists, changed my drinks etc but nothing stopped me for good. Of course there were times when I managed a short detox and actually felt in control. For a while it was one bottle of wine a night but always I wanted more. And then of course there is all the shame, the guilt, the blackouts, drink driving, embarassment, the utter hopelessness. At times I was able to hold down a job but mostly not. My weight would yo yo from being skinny as I ate tiny amounts to allow for the booze calories to when of course I couldn't sustain it and would be too hungover to exercise and would crave junk food.
My last job was actually 2 years as a barmaid. Perfect. I got so many drinks bought for me that it was surely only fair to drink them, behind the bar as well. I would just hide my glass when the boss came by.
So because I split with my first husband for 7 years it was just me and my daughter living together so I could drink when she was in bed and boyfriends would comment on my drinking but i could play it down to a certain degree. Then I married again early this may to a weed addict so we kind of made excuses for each other to allow ourselves to continue and then I became so unhappy in the marriage that drinking got worse again we are now going through a nasty split and so of course although I need to be sober and strong to rescue myself from this situation of course who do I need most? My good friend pinot grigio or even better 14% chardonnay, nightly between one and a half and two bottles.
I look and feel like crap and I feel so sad that I have wasted a big part of my life this way. I had a media degree and did a post grad in drama but drink robbed me of any motivation, everything seemed so 'hard' and so overwhelming that I just gave up. 14 years pretty much spent entirely hungover, infact I just got used to feeling like death and of course all the desperate pleas to God and promises made and broken to my daughter and myself that I would give up and then constanly convincing myself I could crack this, just drink at weekends, stop at one bottle etc.
Anyway, then a few days ago I was googling medication to stop you drinking all I had ever heard of was the one that makes you sick and I asked by then doctor 14 long years ago for it and he said 'I'm not giving you that because if you do drink you will be really sick'. But that's the point doc? So I was so shocked to find out about these tablets and then stumbled on an article about the baclofen doctor (I can't remember his name so I will call him the bac doctor) I have the book coming today and like I say drugs ordered. Honest to God this is like a gleam of hope for me because everything I read in the article rung true for me. I honestly believe it's all about the chemicals in the brain because as I said to my mum what makes me need alcohol and yet my husband needs the weed and can take or leave the booze and likewise I tried weed once when I was about 22 and didn't feel the need to ever try it again. Maybe drink, weed, all the diffrent drugs, sugar addiction etc maybe they all match to a different level in the brain chemicals of an individual which would explain why people need doses varying so greatly to get the same results.
So that's my story in brief even if it seemed long so the plan is to use the naltrexone if it actually arrives then start on 5mg baclofen a day and slowly increase. I just hope to god it works for me like it has for so many people on here then maybe I can actually start living rather than clawing my way from one day to the next. Thanks for taking the time to read.
I found this site a few days ago and really it has been such a comfort to me as although I have glanced at other sites over the years looking for 'the answer' I suppose it was here that I felt at home just reading other people's stories knowing that it isn't just me.
The thing that is literally keeping me going at the moment is finding out about baclofen and naltrexone. I actually ordered the naltrexone first but think it may be a scam site and at ?175 quid I would never be able to afford that long term so have now ordered the baclofen but will take a while to arrive.
So this is my story I never had an immediate problem with alcohol, like most teens I binged drinked if we went out (for confidence and just i suppose because everyone else was) even at university I drank at most probably once a week if there was an event on at the su bar but looking back by year 3 I was lodging without other students so felt I had to stay in my bedroom and some nights I would think 'Oh I need a bottle of wine' I guess that was about twice a week.
Anyway after university I got a job at ITV in London and I think there were about 22 floors but of course the bar was on my floor and at lunchtime everybody from my department drank a couple of beers or wine so out of shyness at being the newbie I started having 2 glasses of wine every lunch. It really helped the boredom of the afternoon pass but then I would get back from work and we were living at the time with my ex husbands mum and they were big wine drinkers and she used to offer me some wine and I guess I had it to help get over the slight hangover from lunch, I think it was usually a 2 - 3 glasses. so I was kind of getting a problem but then I handed in my notice and then found out I was pregnant, well I was lucky at that stage that my love for my unborn baby and maybe the fact my problem hadn't got totally out of hand meant that I didn't touch a drop. After having my daughter though things went rapidly down hill and I although I loved my daughter with all my heart I was totally out of contol vodka in the day and then 2 bottles of wine in the evening. I didn't understand what was happening to me and to this day I don't know if I had postnatal depression or the pregnancy and birth caused a chemical inbalance in my brain.
Well since that time (I was 25 am now 39) drink has controlled me. I went to AA, tried anti depressants, read books, listened to hypnotherapy tapes, went to hypnotherapists, changed my drinks etc but nothing stopped me for good. Of course there were times when I managed a short detox and actually felt in control. For a while it was one bottle of wine a night but always I wanted more. And then of course there is all the shame, the guilt, the blackouts, drink driving, embarassment, the utter hopelessness. At times I was able to hold down a job but mostly not. My weight would yo yo from being skinny as I ate tiny amounts to allow for the booze calories to when of course I couldn't sustain it and would be too hungover to exercise and would crave junk food.
My last job was actually 2 years as a barmaid. Perfect. I got so many drinks bought for me that it was surely only fair to drink them, behind the bar as well. I would just hide my glass when the boss came by.
So because I split with my first husband for 7 years it was just me and my daughter living together so I could drink when she was in bed and boyfriends would comment on my drinking but i could play it down to a certain degree. Then I married again early this may to a weed addict so we kind of made excuses for each other to allow ourselves to continue and then I became so unhappy in the marriage that drinking got worse again we are now going through a nasty split and so of course although I need to be sober and strong to rescue myself from this situation of course who do I need most? My good friend pinot grigio or even better 14% chardonnay, nightly between one and a half and two bottles.
I look and feel like crap and I feel so sad that I have wasted a big part of my life this way. I had a media degree and did a post grad in drama but drink robbed me of any motivation, everything seemed so 'hard' and so overwhelming that I just gave up. 14 years pretty much spent entirely hungover, infact I just got used to feeling like death and of course all the desperate pleas to God and promises made and broken to my daughter and myself that I would give up and then constanly convincing myself I could crack this, just drink at weekends, stop at one bottle etc.
Anyway, then a few days ago I was googling medication to stop you drinking all I had ever heard of was the one that makes you sick and I asked by then doctor 14 long years ago for it and he said 'I'm not giving you that because if you do drink you will be really sick'. But that's the point doc? So I was so shocked to find out about these tablets and then stumbled on an article about the baclofen doctor (I can't remember his name so I will call him the bac doctor) I have the book coming today and like I say drugs ordered. Honest to God this is like a gleam of hope for me because everything I read in the article rung true for me. I honestly believe it's all about the chemicals in the brain because as I said to my mum what makes me need alcohol and yet my husband needs the weed and can take or leave the booze and likewise I tried weed once when I was about 22 and didn't feel the need to ever try it again. Maybe drink, weed, all the diffrent drugs, sugar addiction etc maybe they all match to a different level in the brain chemicals of an individual which would explain why people need doses varying so greatly to get the same results.
So that's my story in brief even if it seemed long so the plan is to use the naltrexone if it actually arrives then start on 5mg baclofen a day and slowly increase. I just hope to god it works for me like it has for so many people on here then maybe I can actually start living rather than clawing my way from one day to the next. Thanks for taking the time to read.
This time 4 SURE! 
but read read red and you are on your way! 
Comment