ANGRY!!!

[neney]

Hi there,
Anyone that read my post yesterday, I finally admitted I had a drinking problem. It was really confronting and extemely hard to do-extremely. I felt so low. I asked my husband to come along for support-he was no help he had a migraine so was too into his problems to be there for mine. So, this afternoon we went to the movies and my plan was just a few light beers until I see the Doctor again on Tuesday with my blood test results and plan to get off alcohol safely. I asked my Husband to get me a six pack of light beer and he then proceeded to say 'so yesterday was all a big plan to get more alcohol'. I said 'what, you really think that admitting to a Doctor that I had a drinking problem was easy?' he replied 'I know you just wanted the Doctor to say that the tingling you had, you should not go 'cold turkey' so it gave you an excuse to drink'. I really, really went off at him. I told him 'how dare he be so insulting and did he not think how hard that was for me to admit. I was ANGRRRY beyond words. Wow, what a supportive Husband. He said it was not the first time I had been to a Doctor, I had been six months before but 'sugar coated' the problem by mainly saying I was depressed and drinking a little too much. I focused on the depression, not the drinking. There is a big difference here. Yesterday I left myself bare to completely be open to my problem, a complete diifferent level to a 'sugar coated one'. I don't think at times he really acknowledges my problem even though I have extensively expressed my concerns with him. Now that I am ready to give up the drink, I feel quite confused about what immediate support I will have around me. Perhaps he doesn't understand, but did his comments insult me this afternoon. We had a yelling match in front of the kids in the car, something I never allow myself to stoop to usually. The rage of his seeming lack of support floored me. Honest feedback please.
Thank you everyone :thanks:

[nottoday]

ANGRY!!!

HI neney
I can sympathise, After having a massive health scare caused by Alcohol last Sunday, and getting through 7 days sober and fessing up to my husband the extent of my problem! He came up this last night
" You won't be able to stick to not having a drink, why don't you just have the odd glass of wine"
I had a knife in my hand at the time so he was a very lucky man.
I have a million day ones so I guess he's heard it all before, perhaps once your husband knows you mean business he will be more supportive, and I know I am over sensitive at the moment,so taking everything to heart a bit more

notts

[satz123]

ANGRY!!!

Hi Neney
I too have a husband who does not 'get' that we are truly worried about our drinking.
I have had to do this on my own. But now after confrontation from my adult children he sees there is something to be worked here.
You should use your doctor as your support for now. Just carry on with your plan and when he sees you are serious he will row in behind you & give support.

[TheSunFlower]

ANGRY!!!

As addicts we are really over sensitve to any comment that will take us away from our drug. I am not siding with your husband.....but he does have a right to state the issues. I am guessing....but this probably has been an ongoing issue. The damage we do ak alkies is darkened territory for us.....just blot it out. I am happy that you were honest with your doc....but at the end of appt....he never gave you anything....that you did not walk in with.

Your husband loves you and is with you 24/7.....much more than a 45 minute doctor call. Honestly....out of your post it seemed like your hubby was more honest.

We all want scapegoats. We all what that magicac treatment that will cure us. its a hard road to go down. But, each and every day sober....you will feel like crap at first....then you will start to feel better. So much so....that you will want a drink. It seriously is just what it is.

We are addicts. I plan to cry in bed all day tomorrow....with this freaking realization.....that has been staring me in the face for over 10 years. I am going to do whatever it takes....not for my husband or my kids.....but....for me.

[neney]

ANGRY!!!

nottoday;1455375 wrote: HI neney
I can sympathise, After having a massive health scare caused by Alcohol last Sunday, and getting through 7 days sober and fessing up to my husband the extent of my problem! He came up this last night
" You won't be able to stick to not having a drink, why don't you just have the odd glass of wine"
I had a knife in my hand at the time so he was a very lucky man.
I have a million day ones so I guess he's heard it all before, perhaps once your husband knows you mean business he will be more supportive, and I know I am over sensitive at the moment,so taking everything to heart a bit more

notts

Hey Notts, if you need support-count on me. Is this Ok really that they don't feel a need to help, not just a want-let alone even believe we can do this?

[neney]

ANGRY!!!

satz123;1455376 wrote: Hi Neney
I too have a husband who does not 'get' that we are truly worried about our drinking.
I have had to do this on my own. But now after confrontation from my adult children he sees there is something to be worked here.
You should use your doctor as your support for now. Just carry on with your plan and when he sees you are serious he will row in behind you & give support.

Hi I will support you if you would like. I don't get that they don't see the problem in it's reality. I don't think I could do that to my Husband. I am annoyed that I have express that I want to be around for my 2 young boys and that still doesn't stir him to find help together. Sometimes I wonder if this is meant to be if I can't count on someone helping me, especially being my Husband.
Take care, you are doing a great job on your own-don't give up on your true self-addiction free. Hat off to you.

[Siren136]

ANGRY!!!

Hi Notts and Nenney! OMLG where do I start with unsupportive husbands? RainyDay and I have been commiserating on this topic for a while now. Mine drinks in front of me when he knows full well I have quit. He has a problem that he has not dealt with yet. It just means we have to be stronger and protect our quit. Like Byrdlady says - not for anything nor for anyone will I drink.

Keep strong and let me know if you ever need to vent.

[Lavande]

ANGRY!!!

Hi neney & everyone!

It's not particularly easy but you can quit drinking without your husband's support - I did!

I set some boundaries (no AL in the house) then turned on the IGNORE button!
I focused on myself, stayed close to MWO, did a lot of reading & worked on my personal gratitude list. I made my quit THE most important thing in my life, because I had to do so.
We don't all have the emotional support we would like to have at home but we have support here

You can do this, just stay close to MWO for all the emotional support you really need!

Lav

[jenniech]

ANGRY!!!

hey all
My husband SAYS he is supportive, but he really doesn't get it. We went away last weekend without the kids. That was the first time EVER in 16 years. So, it was a very special occasion. The first night we were at this really fancy restaurant and he was looking over the notebook of wine selections (really? why are so many different kinds necessary?) I told him that I was NOT drinking. Since August, I have been sober more than drunk but keep slipping. This time, I wanted 2013 to be AF .... Anyway, he said "I think it is great that you have stopped drinking but this is a special occasion. I don't think it is bad for you to occasionally drink on special occasions" So of course, with him encouraging me while looking at the hundreds of selections of wine, I caved. So this weekend, I am arranging for him to meet my AA sponsor. Since he won't believe me when I tell him I can't drink anymore, maybe she will scare him straight. I am lucky because he isn't mean to me and says he is supportive. But, he really doesn't understand what it means to be an alcoholic.

My advise to anyone who has a problem with their husband understanding is to become addicted to this website....read every post possible.....you will gain bits and pieces here and there that will give your strength. Also, I would recommend AA. I am not a big believer in a lot of what they say (the higher power stuff, etc.) but it is a place where I can meet people who UNDERSTAND me. You get their phone numbers and then develop relationships with them. As soon as a craving hits, I call my sponsor. It really does help....or develop relationships on this website by PMing people....then maybe you can exchange numbers with them. My experience: You need immediate access to someone who understands and supports your in times when the husband is being an idiot. The bottom line for me is, as much as I want to, I CANT do this alone. As independent as I am and as much as I have trouble trusting people, I have to reach out for help from others. Alcohol is just too sneaky and it is just too prevalent for me to be able to stop on my own. I need help and if I don't get it from my husband, I have to get it somewhere else.

Hope this helps a little bit..

[kuya]

ANGRY!!!

I am reminded of the saying

"If you are not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem"

I am fortunate, when my husband let me down I paid hit men....no, sorry,I meant to say divorce lawyers :H:H:H

[jenniech]

ANGRY!!!

NENEY:
I forgot to say something to you....I think admitting to your doctor that you had a problem with alcohol is HUGE....That means you have admitted to yourself that you have a problem with alcohol.....To me, that is the biggest hurdle in getting sober and staying that way. So be proud of yourself. You are on your way....it is a long journey, but so worth it!!!

[robbieL]

ANGRY!!!

My missus doesnt get it either....in all truth unless your an alcoholic it is difficult to understand. I wish people could understand my racing brain etc but I had to accept that i needed help from other sources. Its took me a few times but with the help of baclofen and this site I know i can do it. You just have to find your own path and thanks to this site it will be easIER (! not easy!) to get yourself sorted. I actually found going to the hospital more helpful than my GP. Too much waiting around by using the GP in my experience. In the UK most hospitals have an alcohol team but you have to do what u think right. I cannot reiterate though that people who do not have a problem can provide support but find it difficult to understand....thats just my experience. You will be fine though, just takes time (horrible i know)

[Nelz]

ANGRY!!!

Heay Neney,

Try and turn that negative(no husband support or lack of understanding) into a positve. And by that I mean use it as motivation the ol' (Ill show you attitude)

I think we need to have a little understanding in "their world"(those that dont have AL problems). It is VERY hard to understand a problem when you yourself do not have the same problem. Not being able to control ones own drinking must be as foreign to him as a 3 world language.

I can understand your frustration, but I can also understand his. Maybe with some real AF time he will come around and understand and THEN be supportive, then again maybe not.

But in the meantime if you have quit drinking then everyone is a winner.


Wishing you all the strength needed to beat this thing, it can in fact be done. Its not impossible, but it will be difficult, but only really in the very beginning.

[neney]

ANGRY!!!

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. As angry as I was last night, I had this deep sense of knowing that I not only WANT to do this but I WILL do this-his suppport or not. I am ready at that makes all the difference. I am no longer in denial about my problem and want to live a beautiful life. I have ordered some CDs and will be taking time out to relax EVERYDAY. You are all wicked, and I am loving being here sharing with you all. We a have something in common and we CAN do this together.

[aihflvt]

ANGRY!!!

At least your spouses didn't TELL you to drink as mine recently did. While it was a very hurtful for thing for her to say, I have to remind myself she's been conditioned to living with an unreasonable addict and I can't hold it against her.