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Help with self forgiveness as a Mother

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    #1

    Help with self forgiveness as a Mother

    Hi there,

    I am really excited to be ending my toxic relationship with Alcohol. I have 2 beautiful boys, just turned 4 and 2. I would like some help in dealing with my guilt and shame I feel about being a mother that drank and got drunk in front of her kids. When I think of this my eyes well with tears. I want to focus on all the positives and find peace in myself about how bad I feel about my boys that I love endlessly. My pain is in wondering if I have hurt them longterm in their formative years and I struggle to find peace inside about something I find unforgiveable.
    Thanks everyone
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    #2
    Help with self forgiveness as a Mother

    Neney, I attended a self-empowerment course a few years ago. The biggest lesson I learned was to let the future define you, not your past. If you put the past in the past (it can't be changed, anyway), the future is a big, wonderful blank slate that you can make whatever you want. Forgive yourself for what you have done and focus on what can be.

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      #3
      Help with self forgiveness as a Mother

      The boys are young enough that as long as you get sober now they won't remember you were any thing but sober. You can do it. You can stop the madness and live a happy healthy sober life. All the tools you need to do it are here on this site. Read alot and post often. The BEST is yet to come! :welcome:
      Sober since Sept. 24th 2012 This time 4 SURE!
      https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-3162-30074.html Newbies Nest
      https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html Tool Box
      https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/what-plan-how-do-i-get-one-68554.html How to get a sobriety plan

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        #4
        Help with self forgiveness as a Mother

        They are too young to remember much........and all the happiness you are going to create will obscure any memories.

        (I am assuming you just mean getting drunk, not hitting them)

        Comment

          #5
          Help with self forgiveness as a Mother

          Hey Neney

          I agree with Hippy. They will be OK. Just vow to stay sober and work it whatever way you have to.
          My parents were drunks and all of the kids were damaged. A lot. So whatever you do keep in mind the effects on them. It will change WHO THEY ARE if you continue drinking. And not in a good way.
          My daughter is 23 and has forgiven me for being a drunk mom long ago. Forgive yourself and forge ahead! By admitting and addressing this you are already ahead of the game!

          Stick around here and stay strong

          Comment

            #6
            Help with self forgiveness as a Mother

            kuya;1456364 wrote: They are too young to remember much........and all the happiness you are going to create will obscure any memories.

            (I am assuming you just mean getting drunk, not hitting them)
            Thank you, and I will clarify that I just mean getting drunk-NEVER have I hit them whilst drunk or verbally abused them either.:thanks:

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              #7
              Help with self forgiveness as a Mother

              neney;1456366 wrote: Thank you, and I will clarify that I just mean getting drunk-NEVER have I hit them whilst drunk or verbally abused them either.:thanks:
              Then you really have nothing to fear. Both my sons had to grow up watching me drink, they are 32 and 23. It WAS damaging so you and your children are very lucky

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                #8
                Help with self forgiveness as a Mother

                kuya;1456364 wrote: They are too young to remember much........and all the happiness you are going to create will obscure any memories.

                (I am assuming you just mean getting drunk, not hitting them)
                Thank you, and I will clarify that I just mean getting drunk-NEVER have I hit them whilst drunk or verbally abused them either.:thanks:

                Comment

                  #9
                  Help with self forgiveness as a Mother

                  Just start today as a new life for you and your kids

                  The past is in the past and guess what .... there is nothing that can be done! By focusing on the past you are missing the present. Move on now, today, right away! Dont touch the booze and build loving realtionships with your family.
                  If drinking is interfering with your work, you're probably a heavy drinker. If work is interfering with your drinking, you're probably an alcoholic.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Help with self forgiveness as a Mother

                    They'll be fine as long as you stop now. My daughter began being affected around 12...that's when I began quitting because I realized what I was doing to her emotionally. I got sober for her, stay sober for me, and it benefits us both! You CAN do this too!
                    :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                    Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Help with self forgiveness as a Mother

                      Neney-- I don't post often but I was once in your shoes--could not imagine how I could forgive myself for the drinking I did which started after the post partum depression I had went untreated and got worse and I felt anxiety-- and drank to relieve stress and boredom after my young child was in bed. I let my shame eat at me but that did no good and just kept me drinking and engaging in destructive behavior. I finally got sober when my son was 5 and he is 7.5 now. He doesn't remember any of the drinking at all. And I am sure if you concentrate on one day at a time and making the positive changes-- your children won't remember anything but their wonderful mom!! It's so worth it. You can do it!!

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                        #12
                        Help with self forgiveness as a Mother

                        ATLThrash;1456391 wrote: Neney-- I don't post often but I was once in your shoes--could not imagine how I could forgive myself for the drinking I did which started after the post partum depression I had went untreated and got worse and I felt anxiety-- and drank to relieve stress and boredom after my young child was in bed. I let my shame eat at me but that did no good and just kept me drinking and engaging in destructive behavior. I finally got sober when my son was 5 and he is 7.5 now. He doesn't remember any of the drinking at all. And I am sure if you concentrate on one day at a time and making the positive changes-- your children won't remember anything but their wonderful mom!! It's so worth it. You can do it!!
                        THANK YOU ATL Thrash, Thank you for your story. It has give me some ability to let go of the guilt and look forward this day forward. I'm going to be reugular here, so visit as much as you can!!! Thanks so much :thanks:

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                          #13
                          Help with self forgiveness as a Mother

                          Neney, I too am a mother of a little girl 6 and boy 4. I've been up and down with my drinking, and have spent periods drinking heavily, it makes me sad to think I have been drunk around them, or not been at ,y best for them ;0( but since last year I've not been drunk in front of them, my husband drinks beer and Wine at home and I heard Martha my daughter say the other day that wine won't be mummies she only drinks tea :0) they dont notice when they are so young. But becoming a sober mummy is the best present you can give them and yourself. Don't beat yourself up, move on and be positive. Xxxx
                          AF since 2nd Oct 2012
                          Day by day

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                            #14
                            Help with self forgiveness as a Mother

                            Mootsbill;1457031 wrote: Neney, I too am a mother of a little girl 6 and boy 4. I've been up and down with my drinking, and have spent periods drinking heavily, it makes me sad to think I have been drunk around them, or not been at ,y best for them ;0( but since last year I've not been drunk in front of them, my husband drinks beer and Wine at home and I heard Martha my daughter say the other day that wine won't be mummies she only drinks tea :0) they dont notice when they are so young. But becoming a sober mummy is the best present you can give them and yourself. Don't beat yourself up, move on and be positive. Xxxx
                            Hi Mootsbill,

                            Thank you for sharing with me. You are an inspiration and I will look up and on. Thank you so much-it means so much. :h

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Help with self forgiveness as a Mother

                              Hi just checking in to see how everything is going?
                              If drinking is interfering with your work, you're probably a heavy drinker. If work is interfering with your drinking, you're probably an alcoholic.

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