Day nine begins with some depression.

[Persephone1]

Day nine begins with some depression.

Hi Red, U and I started this journey close to one another...today is 11 for me. I too am dealing with some struggles, feeling down, ending a difficult relationship and no longer have AL to fill in the gaps.

One of the things that has really helped me over the last couple of days is just reading random threads: people who came here for a day, a week, a few months and left their stories about things they've done while wasted; people they've hurt, children, spouses, family they've devastated...I don't mean to use their misfortune as a 'help' per se, but holy crap, I am one drink (because 1 leads to ? many for me) away from THAT fate! It TERRIFIES me! I've already allowed that F'r to rob me of years and experiences that I can never get back! For me, I can no longer trivialize, or justify or persuade myself that I can ever navigate through it again without potential catastrophic consequences. It feels like life or death to me...one more binge and who knows where it could land me...I can't risk it and I hope you don't either...It's not romantic and it's not a loving, caring friend. It's a lying, thieving bastard that ONLY TAKES FROM US. Please don't buy into the lie.

Stay strong my friend. So many people are here when you need a hand, a kind word, encouragement. Please rummage through your tool box, reach out, read your Day 1 post again...they all help. Here's to today, a day without poison!

[Oneredshoe]

Day nine begins with some depression.

Red....I a sorry to read all of the sadness, trials, and losses you have suffered. Thank you for sharing and for being so honest. Someone wrote a post somewhere on MWO, it was a break up letter to their dear old friend alcohol. I am not really sure how to search for it, perhaps you are more familiar with navigating a search. The letter was inspirational, I hope you can find it, or maybe a Senior member can direct you to it. I have been keeping tabs on you and you have been an inspiration to me. Have your sobriety plan ready....I know that you can do this. Chin up today......

[tree23]

Day nine begins with some depression.

I know I have been feeling a little *more* of everything right now: depression, anger, frustration, fatigue. I am taking it; I know if I was drinking I'd feel a heck of a lot worse. I think I am actually allowing myself to feel and explore those feelings, which is scary and overwhelming at times. I am still really happy with being AF; I am still accomplishing more dealing with these new emotions that I would if I was drinking. For me my mood changes crazy fast, and it is hard to keep up, but I allow myself to be a little off-kilter and I try to recognize the feelings and what prompted them.

[rednose]

Day nine begins with some depression.

tree23;1457682 wrote: I know I have been feeling a little *more* of everything right now: depression, anger, frustration, fatigue. I am taking it; I know if I was drinking I'd feel a heck of a lot worse. I think I am actually allowing myself to feel and explore those feelings, which is scary and overwhelming at times. I am still really happy with being AF; I am still accomplishing more dealing with these new emotions that I would if I was drinking. For me my mood changes crazy fast, and it is hard to keep up, but I allow myself to be a little off-kilter and I try to recognize the feelings and what prompted them.

Tree

Wow that is so right on for me as well. When I was drinking I was trying to numb out everything. No those feeling that have been hidden under the influence of alcohol are starting to float to the top.
Some days they seem overwhelming and other days not so much.

Thanks for you perspective. It helped me what is going on with me and my feelings.

rednose. :thanks:

[rednose]

Day nine begins with some depression.

Oneredshoe;1457626 wrote: Red....I a sorry to read all of the sadness, trials, and losses you have suffered. Thank you for sharing and for being so honest. Someone wrote a post somewhere on MWO, it was a break up letter to their dear old friend alcohol. I am not really sure how to search for it, perhaps you are more familiar with navigating a search. The letter was inspirational, I hope you can find it, or maybe a Senior member can direct you to it. I have been keeping tabs on you and you have been an inspiration to me. Have your sobriety plan ready....I know that you can do this. Chin up today......

Thanks redshoe.
I appreciate you cheering me on. It is for sure a learning process for me to deal with feelings without alcohol. But I will take AF over what I was feeling before. complete and total despair....

rednose:thanks:

[rednose]

Day nine begins with some depression.

cathysgottastop;1457612 wrote: You said your day started out with some depression sorry to hear that. But. You also said its DAY 9 woohooo that's something to be very very proud of. Congratulations. Keep it going I know you can

Thanks Gottastop.
Yes I am proud of having day 9... I am also proud of having 13 of the last 14 days AF.

Thanks for the support.

rednose:thanks:

[rednose]

Day nine begins with some depression.

aihflvt;1457514 wrote: Red, Maine can be such an enjoyable and pleasant place, would it be possible for you to "reward" yourself (not the best word) after dealing with your stressors and triggers with something really enjoyable and pleasant? Understandably, you've made negative associations with the place in your mind. Maybe those negative associations can be offset or mitigated by doing something just for you.

Aihfvlt,

Thanks for the reminder. Sometimes it is hard to see the forest from the trees.

Rednose.:thanks:

[rednose]

Day nine begins with some depression.

Glass Half Empty;1457603 wrote: Thanks for sharing that with us Red. I'm sorry you've bee been feeling down.

The trip to Maine sounds like it will be very difficult, but try to remember that although it may be unpleasant, it's also only temporary. Instead of dwelling on being there, think of getting through it and how nice it will be to come home.

Will you be able to check in with us while you're there?

Glass,

Thanks for checking in on me. Yes I will be in touch everyday while I am away.
This place is great for me..

Thank you for the encouragement.


rednose:thanks:

[rednose]

Day nine begins with some depression.

RunningCourage;1457575 wrote: Hi Red,

Sorry to hear about your family history. That is hard - no matter how far back in the past, these things always hurt.

Depression, feeling low, lacking energy, under a fog or some other varient are feelings most of us here will get. For my two cents worth, I am feeling pretty low right now, but I recognise a few things that help me:

One of the main reasons i feel low is that i am having to deal with, channel, worth through stuff i have spent 15+ years hiding from - mainly through AL

I believe I am and will be stronger for dealing with these things sober

Having been sober for 66 days, I am finding it easier and don't particularly want a drink. My resolve is still strong, I believe, and I have a determination to face things in life sober - I believe I have broken the back of the habit.

I recognise these because i am sober. Sobriety brings clarity.

Don't give into the depression Red. Yes it hurts, but it will pass. And if you need to speak to someone, to see someone, then that is good. Better to be dealing with these things sober than drowning them in AL.

Running,

Thank you for the post. Yes dealing with feelings and issues is TOTALY different than when I was drinking. I need to remember that now that I don't have a fifth of gin in me everyday to block out those feelings of shame, loneliness and despair. Today there is hope

Thank you

rednose :thanks:

[tree23]

Day nine begins with some depression.

How are you doing Red? When are you headed to Maine? I hope all is well. Sending good, strong, positive vibes your way!

[tree23]

Day nine begins with some depression.

Hey Red, Check out this thread from Just Starting Out by Paullywogg: Day 34 feels alot like day 4
I found it helpful. Hopefully you will too!