This is almost getting emabarrassing!

[Honeysoup]

Ok, so I was on the fence yesterday again and my inner AL back stabbing bitch came out and I bought a bottle of wine. I don't even know why I did it??? After work I went to the gym then I went the the Corner drug store and bought some make up and some multi vitamins and some candy for my kids. Then I walked through the liqueur isle and told myself no. I hurried up and got in line....BUT the lady in front of me was taking for ever and I was thinking "oh screw it" and I ran and grabbed a bottle...I felt guilty for even buying it....then I went home and fed the kids and ate and went to my son's school function..got home got my little one in bed did 3 loads of laundry and the wine was in my head almost the whole time. Once I sat down I got back up and searched for another wine glass and had 1 glass and added some ice to it then another and another then of course I made bad eating choices and made a slice of pizza and then chocolate....needless to say GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY my 3 best friends!!!

I keep telling myself today is a new day....fresh start....get that dirty AL bitch out of your life...FOREVER!!!!

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me?

[Honeysoup]

This is almost getting emabarrassing!

I wrote this in my old post but I just really need support. I wish I could have all of you follow me around for a year or two so I couldn't even sneak it!

[Starfish1]

This is almost getting emabarrassing!

Honey, that sounds exactly like something I would do. I just had to stay outta those corner stores (and any stores) during the "witching hours". You can do this, Honey. We can help. Make solid plans for how you will get around these tempting situations. I tell you, once the beast is in your house, it is VERY hard to avoid it (for me, anyway). I don't let it come into my house anymore.

[Byrdlady]

This is almost getting emabarrassing!

Honey, this is the power of addiction!! It makes us think black when we CLEARLY see white. It is the most damnable thing I've ever encountered!

That part of your head that pitches a fit when it doesn't get its way is going to just have to cry it out...you must tell it, NO, HELL NO! AL is NOT going to take another day of my life! Change your thinking immediately! Name off your cousins...stop what you are doing and do something else. This is what I had to do to retrain that trip down the rabbit hole that became my routine. You have to TAKE control of your thoughts! You are on a mission of getting sober! Your mission is to do anything else except giving in to The Voice tonight. Surround yourself with things you love to do, eat, watch. Keep yourself FULL! You will get the thoughts and hear the voices...but change the channel in your head! GET ALL THE AL OUT of your house!! You are not depriving your self of anything you are about to begin a healing process and the first Day is HARD.
You can do this...I've seen you....wipe away the tears, and pack up the pity party...this is doable!! If I can do it, I know you can!! There is NO reason to drink...NONE! It's just the Addiction Head talking. (Dick Head). Don't listen to him he is a liar, a cheat and a thief! He is NOT to be trusted under any circumstances....Kapeesh???
This is YOUR time. You can succeed...get your head around who the enemy is. Byrdie

[K9Lover]

This is almost getting emabarrassing!

Oh Honey, I can't tell you HOW many times I had to go to CVS for something...anything...that way I could throw in a 12 pack and not feel as obvious as at the liquor store. CVS even (unfortunately) sells cigarettes so I could feed all my demons at once. I'd always try to assauge my guilt by buying something for my daughter. I can't even count the times I bought her a new video game so she'd be occupied so I could drink.

I agree with the others, do NOT have any acohol at home, and stay out of stores that sell it! Don't test your yourself unnecessarily. In time you will be able to breeze by the alcohol aisle, but don't do that to yourself YET.

You CAN do this Honey, I KNOW you can. Please stick close and post and read when you feel that bastard AL calling you.

Love,
K9

[Tess-2]

This is almost getting emabarrassing!

Honeysoup;1459108 wrote: ....then I went home and fed the kids and ate and went to my son's school function..got home got my little one in bed did 3 loads of laundry and the wine was in my head almost the whole time...

I keep telling myself today is a new day....fresh start....get that dirty AL bitch out of your life...FOREVER!!!!

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me?

Honey - Today IS a new day. Yup, yesterday is completely gone. Adios!!

"The wine was in my head almost the whole time..." Of course it was. That bottle decided to take advantage of your empty home, your empty heart, like a squatter.

You are a fabulous and beautiful and amazing person.

You just don't fully realize it.

Join the club.

Today IS a new day, Honey. Fill your heart with thoughts of "I am worth this miserable struggle." The struggle gets easier.

I still cringe (and want to pull in) when I drive by the mini-mart. It's full of everything that I do not need but, sometimes, desperately want. I push with a tad more effort on the gas pedal of my car. I kind of have to zoom on by.

So happy, Honey, to share this journey with you. ~ :strawberry:

p.s. You are a lovely parent with fortunate children.

[decided]

This is almost getting emabarrassing!

I did the same thing for years!!! Seems we all have. Just keep looking for ways to change your patterns, habbits, and retrain your mind. It will all come together just keep at it.

[NoSugar]

This is almost getting emabarrassing!

Honeysoup;1459110 wrote: I wrote this in my old post but I just really need support. I wish I could have all of you follow me around for a year or two so I couldn't even sneak it!

Hey, HoneySoup -- it is great to have you hanging around with us today!! And you don't need to be embarrassed here. I think that maybe one of the reasons this anonymous board works so well is that we are honest about the things that in real life, we are indeed embarrassed about. I don't think any progress can be made until exactly those things are out in the open.

Don't drift away this weekend, ok?

[K9Lover]

This is almost getting emabarrassing!

Tess, I hear ya' on the "pull" of the mini-mart. My fave little store is only about 5 blocks from my house so I still drive by, and that flashing Bud-Light sign grabs my eye everytime...but I keep going. I think of all the times I went in there drunk and caused a spectacle...how many charges I had on my bank account to "Speedy Liquor"....

Honey, I will gladly follow you around...I'm quite good at being a nag! :H But seriously, if you need a text-buddy for support...send me a PM and we'll get the digits. :h

[kuya]

This is almost getting emabarrassing!

Honey..... You mention food. You MUST plan to eat well, to be excited by the food you are planning on having.
Most of us kept ourselves deliberately hungry so the buzz was quicker and better. Your brain remembers the pattern and says HUNGRY = ALCOHOL.

I know SO many women, stick thin and alcoholic with crinkled skin looking 10-15 years older than they are because they keep substituting food for booze.

NEVER shop hungry, keep snacks like nuts in the car with a bottle of water.

[Honeysoup]

This is almost getting emabarrassing!

I am making a list.

Reasons not to drink:
1. Feel like crap the next morning
2. Usually can't remember getting to bed
3. Weight gain from binge drinking then binge eating
4. No self control
5. money
6. people tell me I'm a completely different person
7. I always get mad at my husband for some stupid reason
8. my kids say my voice even changes
9. Have conversations with friends/family I don't remember
10. Major anxiety
11. Depression
12. I can't think clearly the next day
13. I forget things
14. can't drive my kids to places they want to go
15. I've missed several days of work bc of it
16. Look like crap

I have to go to the store after work and I can still feel that little devil on my shoulder saying "I'm fine, it's friday, go ahead and get a bottle or 2...you can handle it"

Then the angel is saying "No way, you don't need it, its bad and makes you feel like crap and will wake up feeling worse the next day."

Thinking brain shut up!!!

[Starfish1]

This is almost getting emabarrassing!

Honey- Get a big snack either before you leave work or before you get to the store where they sell the alcohol. Eat, Honey! EAT!!!

[Honeysoup]

This is almost getting emabarrassing!

ok, I'm having some mandarin oranges and cocoa flavored almonds...oh dear!

[Starfish1]

This is almost getting emabarrassing!

Lots of almonds, honey. They will stabilize the blood sugar

[cathysgottastop]

This is almost getting emabarrassing!

Hi honey and oh my gosh everything you described is ME to a T I do all the same and think the same. I become an entirely different person when I drink I don't even know who that person is but I know I don't like her and oooh so embarassed the next day. I can relate totally