Company needed for Day 1 - Please and Thanks

[NoSugar]

Company needed for Day 1 - Please and Thanks

columbia;1471438 wrote: hey nesters


i am struggling to find out how to reply to fellow nesters on the site? is there a quick and easy answer.........just want to respond to the passages people are entering on the newbie site..............help............

When you touch the QUOTE button in the lower right, a new message pops up with the quote. You can delete parts of the text in there but don't remove the coding for QUOTE at the beginning or end.

Nice to meet you!

[Snowflake]

Company needed for Day 1 - Please and Thanks

KUYA: My questions (Just the start)

Dear Kuya, You are meant to be concentrating on yourself, but....

Well??.. I was meant to go away for the weekend but it would have been a very sociable food/drinks weekend ? I?m not ready yet - so I declined and my husband went with the children. So I am on my own this weekend and the first thing that popped into my head ? was ? wow, I?m at home alone - I?m going to drink, drink, drink yeah? how stupid is that especially since I didn?t go on the weekend as I didn?t want to be faced with temptation. I used to enjoy having the house to myself (not often) ? so I could sit and guzzle my wine, get drunk, not having to cook and wait on everyone and no responsibilities ? just me and my wine! Anyway, I am loving being AF, so why did this thought spring into my head immediately ? when I am so happy plodding along slowly but surely.

Another question: I am/was a wine/champagne drinker, I have none of these beverages at home ? too dangerous ? but there are plenty bottles of beer and other alcoholic beverages and I would never ever think of touching them ? they don?t bother me, but give me wine and I wouldn?t stop until I passed out. I also wouldn?t start drinking until aperitif time normally: 18:00 hrs, I would never think of drinking in the morning for example. Having said that once I started it had to go on until the bottle/bottles were finished or until I had passed out, it was never a case of one or two glasses ? never.

My father (he wasn?t one) who was an alcoholic would/could drink anything that he could find ? and I mean that literally and he would drink 24 hours round the clock, never went to work and he would physically throw up if he didn?t get his alcohol ? he was also very abusive, verbally and physically ? another difference, I?m not. I've done stupid things, had accidents and pass out, but I would never, ever abuse my family in the way he abused us.

So I?m wondering why the voice telling me to drink even though I?m happy AF and why these other drinks don?t temp me?

After all that ? I didn?t listen to the voice ? and I am here quite happily sipping my sparkling water ? but I?m just very curious!

I?m one day at a time, and I am loving being AF, but if I look ahead to a nice dinner out or holidays or any outing for that matter where I would normally drink wine/champagne, I feel quite terrified! Although I think/know that I would be better trying to give up for good ? I?m not there yet ? I still hope to be able to ?moderate? although I have yet to be able to do that ? but happy as I am at the moment AF, I still can?t think of not drinking ever again ? AGH ? I hope this makes sense it?s late here nearly 01:30 and I?m trying to be quick (something I?m not good at).

That?s enough for now Kuya ? thanks so much for listening, you are meant to be taking a break ? so only if you have time ? I can wait

Have a wonderful time at your son?s housewarming!

Night, Night from me

Snowflake
Past midnight so - AF DAY ? 20 ? YEAH!

[kuya]

Company needed for Day 1 - Please and Thanks

Firstly Snow,

Wanting to drink because you have all this time alone is a normal response. Your addicted brain is responding to the trigger of being alone.
After 3 days sober the alcohol has gone, the triggers and habits remain. When people say they are craving it is all in the mind, the part of your brain that wants to return to 'normal' ( drinking) will seize on each and every trigger to get you to drink.

It is your spoiled child, your addicted brain, screaming for candy at the checkout. You are trying to parent this child by firmly saying NO! Each trigger will mean you having to say NO! Which is why early sobriety is EXHAUSTING !!!!

As time passes the triggers get fewer, but as you get stronger you must face the events that used to be terrifying, like the dinners out, and learn to say NO! there too.

Hmmmm......moderating. I am not the best person to ask. Moderating the ingestion of lighter fuel seems ridiculous to me. Some people can, I just don't know why they bother. So much effort to restrict the intake of a toxin.

Anyway, if you are honest with yourself and admit that you struggled to get to 30 days sober, you can't moderate IMO.

You used to drink to passing out, your father was severely alcoholic, you sound like an intelligent woman. I think you know the answer.

Sobriety is not for sissies, be brave Snow and give it a chance to change your world.

[Twitch]

Company needed for Day 1 - Please and Thanks

this is day one again for me, been here for years and the longest i managed is a week. i really need some help and encouragement ,i cannot carry on any longer like this,i can hand out the advice but don't listen to myself.

[free at last]

Company needed for Day 1 - Please and Thanks

Dear Snowflake, read your post about having the weekend to yourself and wanting to drink. The four times I have made it beyond three weeks AF, the period of 18-21 days were just as tough as the beginning. I started to think "I've got this" and then somewhere between day 22-26, I took "just one glass" which resulted in months of daily consumption before I was ready to try again to go AF.

I struggle every day to tell myself I don't want to drink anymore. I really do want to continue enjoying red wine -- the trouble is I don't stop until I pass out/fall asleep mid-sentence. ODAT is all we can do right now. It has worked for others, so I am hopeful.

Yesterday, was another struggle to avoid the free red wine or champagne in front of me. Four hours in an airport lounge, followed by the flight attendant offering drinks before take off. The guy next to me was enjoying his champagne -- at one point I fantasized about grabbing his glass and chugging it. The toughest part came during dinner service. I had decided I would never conquer this addiction so why not enjoy a really nice glass (or 2,3, 4) of wine. Then, when asked what I wanted to drink, "soda water" came out of my mouth. I swear it must have been the grace of God for I fully intended to say the "Cote du Rhone." But, once I got past that first hurdle, I was no longer tempted. As least for the rest of that flight. As I write this note, I am in, yet another, airport lounge. But, for now, I am not tempted. Who knows what later the next flight will be like, but for now I am committed to working toward sobriety.

Good for you for starting this link and for staying on your path. I hope, in time, it will not be a struggle, but a way of life.

[Snowflake]

Company needed for Day 1 - Please and Thanks

HI TO ALL

Dear Kuya – Thank you so much for taking your precious time to reply to me – I totally agree with everything you are saying and thanks so much for explaining it all to me in great length. Yes, I think I know the answer but I can’t face up to that yet – so I’ll just keep “trucking” along one day at a time for the moment. – I am not writing too much as I know you won’t be back for a few weeks – so hope to chat later when you come back. I hope that you had a great BBQ at your son’s HW, and wishing you lots of good luck with all your PER things and look forward to seeing you very soon. Thanks again for everything, your advice is invaluable.

Hi Free – Thanks for your post – and kind words! Once again – brilliant news from you – amazing – well done! Me too I want to continue enjoying my wine, but me too, I don’t stop once I start! Yes - One day at a time and we will see where the road takes us! I love your story of the “soda water” coming out of your mouth, that was classic – it put a huge smile on my face – well done I am so proud of you – you really are facing a battle each and every day – and you are coming out the winner each time – YEAH!!

I’m at home safe and sound with my sparkling water with lemon and feeling good. All headaches have gone (due to withdrawal from AL and caffeine) and I am really enjoying having a great sleep at night. Before I would pass out, for a few hours, then waken up in a sweat with my heart pounding away and having panic attacks as I tried to remember the night before. Yes, I am really enjoying my new-found sleep patterns – it’s great! I also took advantage of this situation and started a diet the same day I went AF and I have lost 6 kg to date (I also had to give up my tea with milk – my other favourite beverage) (no caffeine or milk allowed). Anyway, I’m getting used to it and I really need to lose the weight. I have loads more weight to lose but at least the swollen puffed up face has gone because the alcohol has gone also.

A warm welcome to Columbia and Twitch – Sorry I missed you – Please pop over to the Newbies Nest and also check out the Tool Box – links below – you will always find some amazing person to help you in the NN, it is manned basically 24/7 – look forward to hearing how you get on and all the bet of good luck.

Wishing a great weekend to one and all.

Snowflake
AF DAY 20

NewbiesNest: https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...est-30074.html
Toolbox: https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

[NoSugar]

Company needed for Day 1 - Please and Thanks

Conducting experiments

It sounds like most of us here like our wine. I sure did.

When I was in graduate school conducting experiments, they were carefully designed and executed. All variables in the study were tightly controlled. Then, a single variable would be changed, the experiment conducted again, results compared and the variable that caused whatever difference we found identified. Then, we would design the next experiment to test the next hypothesis. etc. etc.

When I designed an experiment that failed, I might repeat it once, or at the most twice, to see if I had just missed something, used a bad reagent, etc. Definitely after 3 failures, I would go back to the design stage.

Fast forward 25 years to my How to Quit Drinking Wine experiments.

Hypothesis: I can drink moderately like normal people such as my husband.

Promise myself to just drink one glass and at the most 2.
Drink 2.
Drink another.
Take swigs out of the bottle when passing through the kitchen (just so so many things I needed to attend to that take me there... weird!). Very Classy.
Hide empty bottle somewhere and concentrate on remembering where. FOCUS!!!
Fall asleep on the floor watching TV.
Wake up with wool carpet marks on my face and haul myself to bed.
Sleep in whatever shirt I wore that day.
Wake up and swear I will NEVER do that again.

Repeat this experiment almost nightly for months.
Give up experimenting and just drink.
Go back to experiment.
Don't change any variables.
Don't check to see if any reagents are bad (Bad Wine? - never!).

Every once in a great while stop at the first or second step --- but not very often.
When I did, those results were by chance and really, should not have been considered significant.
But -- those aberrations were the ones I 'published' in my brain.
See, I can drink moderately and stop after 1 or 2!!!! Hurrah, my experiment worked.

Finally, finally, finally after lurking on MWO for awhile and re-conducting for about the 500th time my experiment on 1/23/13, I declared it an EPIC FAIL, a phrase often reserved for when the experimenter inadvertently kills some of the subjects with the treatment.
I have not repeated it since.
I have no plans to redesign it and try again.

I didn't kill myself or anyone else but that was not because I was in control of my little experiments. I was lucky and I over-drank only at home.

I'm sorry if this is harsher than it should be. I would just like to spare anyone conducting repeated and ultimately fruitless experiments that sometimes really are epic fails. Over in the nest I am trying to get help to forgive myself for time lost to drinking and to trying to stop drinking and to failing over and over again. I would love to say something, even if it sounds rough, that helps someone avoid the crushing regrets. I only really felt the weight of them now, AFTER I have been AF long enough to start feeling anything again. It hurts but it is going to be worth it.

NoSugar

[hadit]

Company needed for Day 1 - Please and Thanks

Hello Everyone. Just checking in after a very stressful weekend. My son and his wife have decided to get divorced and told my wife and me last week. I was doing pretty well with 4 AF days and what did I do when the news broke......drank!!! I have got to learn to deal with the stress of life without hitting the booze. I love this thread though and have been busy today catching up with all your posts. It really does help to know your not alone and that there are people out there just like you struggling with A Addiction!! Hope everyone has done well this W/E. I so much appreciate everyones comments!! AF today.... looking fwd to taking on the beast again this week! I have read so many times that eventually it CLICKS!! Will post again later.

[Snowflake]

Company needed for Day 1 - Please and Thanks

Thank you NoSugar

Thanks so much for caring NS ? I see that you are looking out for all of us here at MWO - You really have a wealth of wisdom and advice and are such a valuable member/friend to have here. I look forward to reading your posts, they are so inspirational, and help each and every one of us. I have never tried to MOD ? it has been always been Nothing or Everything for me ? Same when it comes down to dieting ? all or nothing. Anyway, that is another story for another day, but thank you so much for the advanced warning ? It is much appreciated, as always.

I hope that you are managing to look to the future and let go of the past, it has gone and we can?t get it back, but I do very much sympathize with you, but please don?t be too hard on yourself ? just remember, yes,you lost precious time ? we all did, and I too regret that very precious lost time terribly, but it could have been worse ? you didn?t do anyone any physical harm ? some of the stories you hear nowadays ? related to AL are horrendous ? so please remember ?it could have been worse? ? and you can?t take it back, it?s gone. Sending lots of love your way, please try to stop being so hard on yourself, you don?t deserve it ? you did what you could and you had to travel that road to get you where you are today, so pamper yourself a little today ? please, try to let go of that lost time. Snow :l

Hey Free ? Missing your news today, hope you are well and making it through your travels and all the temptations that you are faced with daily ? AF, once again I admire your strength so very much and look forward to hearing from you, thinking of you.

Nice to hear from you B ? I have been thinking of you ? so sorry to hear about your son?s marriage ? so much of that going on nowadays and sorry that you turned to the enemy for comfort (even though it gives you the opposite at the end of the day). Never mind ? the past is the past, you sound as if you are ready to get up and fight it again ? that is the main thing. ? So wishing you lot?s of good luck and encouragement, you can do it!

Busy day ? family coming back ? so lot?s to do today, still enjoying very much being AF - one day at a time ? It?s amazing!

Have a wonderful AF Sunday.

Snowflake
AF Day 21

[Snowflake]

Company needed for Day 1 - Please and Thanks

Thank You NoSugar

Thanks so much for caring NS ? I see that you are looking out for all of us here at MWO - You really have a wealth of wisdom and advice and are such a valuable member/friend to have here. I look forward to reading your posts, they are so inspirational, and help each and every one of us. I have never tried to MOD ? it has been always been Nothing or Everything for me ? Same when it comes down to dieting ? all or nothing. Anyway, that is another story for another day, but thank you so much for the advanced warning ? It is much appreciated, as always.

I hope that you are managing to look to the future and let go of the past, it has gone and we can?t get it back, but I do very much sympathize with you, but please don?t be too hard on yourself ? just remember, yes, you lost precious time ? we all did, and I too regret that very precious lost time terribly, but it could have been worse ? you didn?t do anyone any physical harm ? some of the stories you hear nowadays ? related to AL are horrendous ? so please remember ?it could have been worse? ? and you can?t take it back, it?s gone. Sending lots of love your way, please try to stop being so hard on yourself, you don?t deserve it ? you did what you could and you had to travel that road to get you where you are today, so pamper yourself a little today ? please, try to let go of that lost time. Snow :l

Hey Free ? Missing your news today, hope you are well and making it through your travels and all the temptations that you are faced with daily ? AF, once again I admire your strength so very much and look forward to hearing from you, thinking of you.

Nice to hear from you B ? I have been thinking of you ? so sorry to hear about your son?s marriage ? so much of that going on nowadays and sorry that you turned to the enemy for comfort (even though it gives you the opposite at the end of the day). Never mind ? the past is the past, you sound as if you are ready to get up and fight it again ? that is the main thing. ? So wishing you lots of good luck and encouragement, you can do it!

Busy day ? family coming back ? so lot?s to do today, still enjoying very much being AF - one day at a time ? It?s amazing!

Have a wonderful AF Sunday.

Snowflake
AF Day 21

[crocus]

Company needed for Day 1 - Please and Thanks

Dear Snowflake,
I am returning too after some time away. I've been up and down with my wine consumption this past year. Some weeks none and some way too much. I'm 62 and a mom to three FABULOUS grown kids all of whom are marrying wonderful people this year.

Last afternoon, I started sipping, and by 10pm I had finished the bottle and drunk 4 beers before I went to bed. I really don't know why. I had been out of work last week with whooping cough of all things, and it was my first day out of bed, really. What was THAT all about?

My husband is very mad at me and I've been crying (and coughing )most of the day out of guilt and shame. Maybe you and I could start chatting, maybe touch base each day. I have zero idea why I drank so much yesterday.

[free at last]

Company needed for Day 1 - Please and Thanks

Hi all,
Great post, NS --I am guilty of conducting the same experiment over and over, including last night.

Thanks, Snowflake, for asking about me. Last night, I succumbed to temptation. Arrived in a new city, checked into the hotel (4 nights here before I go home), and went to a nearby restaurant. Saw all the bottles of red wine on display and was like the kid in the checkout line screaming about candy. My entire being said "go ahead" you can have a glass of wine with your meal. But, like No Sugar's experiment, I didn't stop at one, but a whole bottle.

Woke up this morning with the worst headache ever -- I think the 9 previous days of no alcohol reduced my tolerance. The good thing that came out of this is that I don't want to feel like this again. I know what it feels like to wake up refreshed and want that back.

Spent the day walking around this city, checking out art, churches, and contemplating a life without alcohol. Am back to day 1, but not back to the same experiment.

Haven't heard from several people who posted early on -- Patrice, how are you doing?, Sober 22113 (I think that is the number) are you doing ok? And a big welcome to newcomers.

[I'm Strong and in Control]

Company needed for Day 1 - Please and Thanks

Twitch;1471506 wrote: this is day one again for me, been here for years and the longest i managed is a week. i really need some help and encouragement ,i cannot carry on any longer like this,i can hand out the advice but don't listen to myself.

been there, done that. We keep coming back and will keep coming back as long as it takes. Hang in there - I'm with you.

[I'm Strong and in Control]

Company needed for Day 1 - Please and Thanks

free at last;1471512 wrote: Dear Snowflake, read your post about having the weekend to yourself and wanting to drink. The four times I have made it beyond three weeks AF, the period of 18-21 days were just as tough as the beginning. I started to think "I've got this" and then somewhere between day 22-26, I took "just one glass" which resulted in months of daily consumption before I was ready to try again to go AF.

I struggle every day to tell myself I don't want to drink anymore. I really do want to continue enjoying red wine -- the trouble is I don't stop until I pass out/fall asleep mid-sentence. ODAT is all we can do right now. It has worked for others, so I am hopeful.

Yesterday, was another struggle to avoid the free red wine or champagne in front of me. Four hours in an airport lounge, followed by the flight attendant offering drinks before take off. The guy next to me was enjoying his champagne -- at one point I fantasized about grabbing his glass and chugging it. The toughest part came during dinner service. I had decided I would never conquer this addiction so why not enjoy a really nice glass (or 2,3, 4) of wine. Then, when asked what I wanted to drink, "soda water" came out of my mouth. I swear it must have been the grace of God for I fully intended to say the "Cote du Rhone." But, once I got past that first hurdle, I was no longer tempted. As least for the rest of that flight. As I write this note, I am in, yet another, airport lounge. But, for now, I am not tempted. Who knows what later the next flight will be like, but for now I am committed to working toward sobriety.

Good for you for starting this link and for staying on your path. I hope, in time, it will not be a struggle, but a way of life.

You are my idol. I think I love you. I upgraded to the platinum card just so I could get the free wine in the airport lounges. I intellectually know that for me, moderation is not possible, but my inner stupid child still needs convincing. I will not even entertain the possibility of red wine. No wine for 7 days in a row for me. It has been years since I could say that. I'm feeling really good about myself this weekend. Pray that I don't get cocky.

[free at last]

Company needed for Day 1 - Please and Thanks

Dear Strong and in Control,
Thanks for your kind words. As you see from my post, I succumbed to temptation last night. I think I was feeling sorry for myself -- I am on the road 18 days this trip. Definitely feeling lonely. Realize that if I had gone to the hotel gym for even a quick workout and then eaten at the really expensive hotel restaurant with expensive wine (rather than the local bistro with cheap wine) that I probably would have not been as tempted. But, tomorrow is past and I am back on the path to sobriety. Three days more and I am on my way home, where I am less tempted to drink.

Best wishes to everyone, including those reading but not posting (as I did for years)!