HaLt

[rednose]

Ok,
I know what to do when I am hungry. Easy one to
Fix. Angry is usually a trigger but it is one that I
am learning to deal with fairly quickly.
Lonely is the one that might trip me up.
I love my dogs and am so grateful for them in my
Life. But making new friends in being AF seems
Like it could be difficult for me.
And tired I have no problem with. I will be asleep on
The plane tomorrow before it leaves the ground.

So anyone else here have to deal with the lonely trigger?

Appreciate any and all feed back.
I am sure many of you are in relationships and it is not
An issue. But as for those of us that are single is it
A problem for any of you??

rednose

[lizker]

HaLt

Boredom is more of a trigger than loneliness. Loneliness is more
of a motivation to stay sober as I choose not to date while
starting recovery.

[Slaythefear]

HaLt

One way is to get your mind off of the thought of being lonely. Redirect your attention on something else. In time, you can join groups or activities that you share a common interest with. I just sent these to someone who is feeling down today. I think this can help, too. Doing things to love yourself.



Attached files [img]/converted_files/2052022=7409-attachment.jpg[/img] [img]/converted_files/2052022=7410-attachment.jpg[/img]

[Oneredshoe]

HaLt

Red...a person can be in a relationship or even be married and still be very lonely. Take me for example. My husband works overseas....sometimes his stints away from home are 6-9 months long. When he is home for his break he isn't really home....his mind is consumed with work still, or he is relaxing by way of drinking. He likes to be left to his own devices, I am an after thought. The one he remembers on his last night home regretting the time he pissed away doing everything else BUT spending time with me. Being in a relationship doesn't make a person less lonely. Sometimes it can be more lonely. I have no family where I live and most of whom I looked upon as friends were honestly just drinking buddy's. So I truly am alone 85-90% of the time. So I got a dog....I take her to play groups everyday for 2 hours this has been a great way for me to meet new people in which alcohol is not a factor. I have also enrolled us, meaning her and me into different classes. Also has been a great way to meet new people in which alcohol is not a factor. I know you have 2 beautiful labs....utilize them. See what your area has to offer by way of different activities to do with your dogs. The loneliness is a huge trigger for me but I am learning to do things differently to get a handle on it and I know you can too! Red you are doing flipping GREAT keep it up!

[patrice]

HaLt

Hi REd,

Lonliness is also an issue for me. I live overseas and it is hard to meet anyone who is culturally relevant to me apart from Expats.. but there is a big drinking scene there.

mmm. I agree with all of the above advice

Take care
Patrice

[Siren136]

HaLt

Hi Red - I agree with RedShoe - sometimes being in a relationship is lonelier than not being in one. At the end of the day you are responsible for your happiness, relationship or not.

Have you looked into meetup.com? It's a good way to find people near you who are into the same sort of activities you are. And classes for your dogs are always good. I used to do agility and Rally classes, as well as puppy kindergarten with my 3. They loved it and there were all sorts of people there.

[decided]

HaLt

3ed, been following your progress and am glad your still at it! As for the lonely thing...it was the wort part for me bar non so far. It worried me the most. Didn't realize how isolated I had become and had no idea how I was going to change it.

In the end I just focused on what I could improve on at the moment (because trying to force myself into people meet sites was just making me feel like crap) and that feeling of lonelyness (and in my case feeling like a loser with no firends) didn't hur as much. I have slooowly started to see improvements though not by focusing on it. ( If that makes any sense). I was also carzy bord and unmotivated and spent a lot of time looking for new activitied to spark some excitment and when I found one it gave me something to do, new people to talk to and something to non AL related to invite old friends to join me in.

It might be too early to tell but it seems like once I got comfortable with being with myself sober and building the life I want for myself, it started to fall into place. So I'd say maybe try to find things you enjoy doing or have wanted to try, find events and activited that relate to those things and be ok with doing them for your own fufillment. Takes a lot of the pressure off I found and things just started to happen.

Hope that helps.

[rednose]

HaLt

Thanks you all. Some good ideas on here.
Yes I have been lonelier in a relationship than
I ever have been being single.
Just want to start meaningful friendships now that
I am AF. All in time I guess.

You guys are great.

Red