Sinking myself in a different way... Help!

[mustdobetter]

Hi all. I am so thrilled to say that I am 13 days AF now, and going strong. I feel really good about my accomplishment. But recently, I have revisited a different, old "bad habit" and it is just replacing my dinking habit. Years ago I battled an eating disorder (the old binge purge) and as of last week, I can officially say it is back. I fall off the rocker now every day around 5, which is the same time I would typically start drinking. This has happened to me 5 out of 7 days and I am starting to panic. It is useless for me to give up one harmful action and replace it with another. I am sooooo down about this. Last night I actually started telling myself that I should just have a drink because that would stop me from feeling the urge to binge eat. Went the other direction any way. I know this forum does not handle eating disorders, but I am lost on this again. I am going into panic mode because either feeling, the urge to drink or the urge to binge eat, is terribly frightening to me and represents a lack of control. I just don't know what to do now. I keep telling myself, one battle at a time. But this one, that has creeped up on me again, was sooooo damaging to me for soooooo long. How will I overcome both, without falling too deep.

I have been thinking about sharing this here because it helped me tremendously to finally share my problems with drinking. I am hoping that today can be a new start... but as with alcohol, I find myself hoping that is the case every morning.

Hope you all are feeling well and having much success in your day so far. Thanks for reading/listening.:no:

[Ripley]

Sinking myself in a different way... Help!

Hi sweetheart

Ok, I'm with you 1000% here. this is EXACTLY why i got on board with the topa from day one. i knew right away that I would go back to food problems when I had sorted out the drinking. Topa is often prescribed to deal with binge-type eating disorders (not anorexia).

i have a long history of food / eating problems which gradually morphed into drinking. i am not a Dr, and I am not doing this under medical supervision. I am doing the MWO programme exactly a la RJ's book, topa ordered online.

it is working brilliantly from me and, joy of joys, i have if anything a reduced appetite. 10lbs lost in 3 weeks (but I am excercising too). Making a big effort to eat heathy and stay away from sugar and processed stuff (thanks to Paddy). However i am convinced that the topa is the key for me.

I also find the hypno is very helpful as it is REALLY relaxing.

Just my thoughts. Good luck. K x

[irishlady]

Sinking myself in a different way... Help!

Hello mustdobetter,

I don't think this is an issue of lack of self control... It seems to go deeper than that, if it does, then unless you address those issues, no matter how much you try to control things you will just be papering over the cracks..

Have you seen a doctor, I think perhaps you should, because this sounds to much for you to go it alone with... You always have us here to listen and help where we can, but we can only do so much..

I do hope you find some help with all this because you are doing so fantastic with the drinking, 13 days AF, good for you..

Take care,
Love, Louise xx

[lorisunshine]

Sinking myself in a different way... Help!

Must,
firstly, cut yourself some slack. You can only do one good job at a time. It is far more important to give your poor liver a rest than the eating. You can walk of extra pounds from food, but never walk off the devastation liquor does to your body, the calories are massive.

I have not tried topa, but may break down eventually and try it. I am 78 days AF and have not lost a lot of weight, but I have not been excercising either. I like to walk and it is just too icy on the roads (excuses, excuses).

13 days AF are simply awesome. Pat yourself on the back and enjoy your sober day, one day at a time.
Love Lori

[Ripley]

Sinking myself in a different way... Help!

Yes, as usual, the wise Louise is spot on, whilst the topa is enormously helpful for me in addressing the management of the problem(s) - food / alcohol - abuse, I know that I have to do some work on myself in looking at why I am so unhappy inside.

However, it is very hard fix what's under the bonnet when the car is skidding about all over the damn road... so do what you can to calm yourself first.

Wishing you well. your 13 days is brilliant. K x

[Elizabeth]

Sinking myself in a different way... Help!

Hi mustdobetter

Hi mustdobetter,

I can relate to this to. Can I suggest that you visit a gym at exactly 5, the time you say you starting needing to eat lots. The supplements will help but I found that by occupying myself in the gym made all the difference. By the time I get home I'm pleasantly tired, feel revived and full of go and believe it or not the munchies have gone! You've got to keep it up though, on a regular basis.

At first I had no energy for the gym OR friends who were interested in going. But I now enjoy the sessions and it really curbs my eating frenzies.

Give it a go mate.

[Guest]

Sinking myself in a different way... Help!

Must, I have had all eating disorders anorexia, using laxatives. I have thought about bullemia. But i read how bullemia ruins your teeth and we all know how vain I am. Now I am on coffee kick because it curbs my appetite. But am constantly brushing my teeth because of fear of stained teeth. I agree 1 thing 1 day at a time. I just want to encourage you in all aspects.
Keep smiling
mar

[mustdobetter]

Sinking myself in a different way... Help!

Once again all, I am floored at how many people there are out there like me - yet so thankful. I have hated for so long feeling soooo alone with my "issues". Honestly, I am just tired of feeling like a big freak and I am so sorry if I offend. It is not my intention to. I just feel so poor about myself. On the outside, friends and family think I am the picture of health and happiness. On the inside I am suffering from these inflictions I bring upon myself. I don't even remember what is inside any more that lead me down this path. And if it was so bad, to lead me in such a wrong direction, I don't want to recall it. I just want to stop it, and get on the right path.

As a younger woman, I tried to get a hold on my eating disorders with meds and therapy. Nothing ever really helped. I just seemed to move past it on my own... twice, never completely, but was able to go significant amounts of time without falling down. But looking back on it, I've always had the drink to fall back on. Now what will I do? I don't know. I know all of the triggers and how I can work around them. I guess I am just afraid to give up all of my bad habits, because believe it or not, they have comforted me for a very long time.

Thank you all again for your support. I think if I continue to discuss here, it will help me... that's how it has been with the battle of the bottle any way.

[mustdobetter]

Sinking myself in a different way... Help!

kate7173;109810 wrote: Topa is often prescribed to deal with binge-type eating disorders (not anorexia).

i have a long history of food / eating problems which gradually morphed into drinking. i am not a Dr, and I am not doing this under medical supervision. I am doing the MWO programme exactly a la RJ's book, topa ordered online.

Kate - I have only ever been prescribed anti-depressants for this disorder. I have not done a lot of research on Topa but will look up some info on it. I don't know anything about ordering online. Not sure if I can do that here in the states... well, I have heard that you can but never tried. I have not finished reading the book and have not tried the CDs yet. Perhaps that is something I should try today when the kids are napping. Thanks.

[nancy]

Sinking myself in a different way... Help!

drinking and eating disorders

Hi

I am really focusing on self-esteem as a way of getting out of these self-punishing cycles.

Interestingly, i found some psychotherapy CDS called: Eating, drinking and over-thinking, the toxic triangle of eating, drinking and depression.
See:
[ame=http://www.amazon.com/Eating-Drinking-Overthinking-Triangle-Depression/dp/0805082603/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-0121651-9268068?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1174505627&sr=8-1]Amazon.com: Eating, Drinking, Overthinking: The Toxic Triangle of Food, Alcohol, and Depression--and How Women Can Break Free: Books: Susan Nolen-Hoeksema[/ame]

This is interesting because it goes over some issues unique to women. we tend to suffer more from depression. the bad behavior reinforces low self-esteem. i actually think you need higher self esteem to get out of a drinking problem. because if you think you are not worth much, what is the point of improving, you are inherently bad.

So, these CDS mentioned buddhism and then i read a lot about buddhism and this has improved my self-image dramatically, you really are not alone. see the wholistic section on this website for some threads about meditation and buddhist philosophy. it helps you to judge yourself less. the cds mentioned above might give you some insight about why we women get intot these messes. i don't have an eating disorder, never have, but i definitely drink and overthink.

[Jacy]

Sinking myself in a different way... Help!

Mustdobetter,

I have been feeling like a idiot for some time now I had a hold on my d a couple of years ago and found myself feeling worthless and back where I started maybe worse because everytime I said I was going to stop I felt like I was losing my best friend. I truly found it extrely hard I liked the high I would get everytime and I felt relaxed not tense all the time. If I wasn't happy what was going on in with my family then I was certainly miserable with my job.

I have used alcohol to manage all my moods whether I am happy to being out and out miserable.

I have been told that beneath my wanting to cover up what I am feeling I am using it mask all the hurt and anger that I endured through my life. I had to agree that is a big part of it. I am not able to deal with that yet.

[marcel]

Sinking myself in a different way... Help!

Hi, MDB,
I do so enjoy watching the numbers in your signature increase each day, one day at a time. I agree with Elizabeth. If you could distract yourself at 5:00 maybe that would help, or maybe even start at 4:30? Go to the gym, go for a walk, go swimming, read posts on MWO site, post on MWO site, whatever. Have you tried the L-Glutamine? It's really good at quieting things down. Keep posting and
good luck!

[ScoobyDoo]

Sinking myself in a different way... Help!

mdb, first of all I wish I could give you a hug for what you're going through.

I think Kate could be onto something with the Topa. I also really like Elizabeth's suggestion of going to the gym at 5pm, or whenever you can fit it in during the day, but before that 5pm mark. I know it's hard getting the motivation sometimes, but if you just start, the motivation will come.

Doo

[betty boop]

Sinking myself in a different way... Help!

MDB

Hope I don't get ripped to shreds for a short reply, I don't have experience of eating disorders but just want to say that i do understand the alcohol issue, well done so far for that xx

[mustdobetter]

Sinking myself in a different way... Help!

Nancy - thanks so much for the reading suggestions. I will look into it asap.

And thanks to everyone for your kind words. It really makes a difference. This "bad habit" is not visible to anyone but me, unlike drinking. Binge eating is not something you can do socially and not something you would want to do in front of anyone. It ain't pretty. So it is very private to me and no one knows when I do it. Therefore I don't have a support system in place. Just knowing that you guys think I can make it through the day makes all the difference in the world to me. Yesterday I was able to forego the urge. Unfortunately I replaced it with a trip to the mall where I practiced another bad habit... spending money.

Thanks again. My body is very grateful to you all. My pocket book is feeling a little pain, but my kids have some new spring clothes to wear today. :danthin: