Think I am losing my mind

[rednose]

Ok, I swear one minute or hour I want to quit drinking. Then an hour later I start thinking that I don't have a drinking problem. The problem was with the toxic relationship I was in.
Because when I did slip I did not go out and buy a fifth of gin I only bought a pint and I only drank 1/4 of the pint.

Anyways I really feel like I am going nuts.

rednose

[kuya]

Think I am losing my mind

rednose;1463974 wrote: Ok, I swear one minute or hour I want to quit drinking. Then an hour later I start thinking that I don't have a drinking problem. The problem was with the toxic relationship I was in.
Because when I did slip I did not go out and buy a fifth of gin I only bought a pint and I only drank 1/4 of the pint.

Anyways I really feel like I am going nuts.

rednose

It is the drink talking! Just because you had all those AF days doesn't change that you are back on day 1.

Every quit is harder so make this your last !

If your brain isn't lying to you .....how come you drink when you DON'T WANT TO !

That is alcoholism, my friend, do not delude yourself.

Be strong

[Byrdlady]

Think I am losing my mind

I hate to tell you this, Rednose....but I think you are one of us....
Normal drinkers don't even think about drinking...AND they can stop and not give it a thought. Once you can stop bullshitting yourself whether you ARE or AREN'T, you will be amazed at how much faster you can begin to heal. And for us, ONE drink is too many. You are angry and that's one of our big triggers. HALT. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, and I bet you are all of these things.
AL is not going to improve one single thing that is going on in your life. It won't affect your ex at all, and that's who you are drinking AT. Sober is going to be the best revenge... How about THIS time, soldier thru these feelings and get thru the other side....Fight for your sobriety instead of giving in to AL...quitting doesn't get easier it gets HARDER. NO problem can be solved with AL. Trust me, I tried. Please keep checking in, and also check out the Tool Box it is an amazing vault of information and inspiration. You can do this....DON'T give in no matter what and no matter who!! Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Think I am losing my mind

Cross post, Kuya! Same message!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! B

[aihflvt]

Think I am losing my mind

Red, you've got to let the toxic relationship go. If you put it in the past where it belongs, your future will be clear of its baggage. I know it sounds like a platitude, but it works. Right now you're trapped in a vicious circle where the future becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy based on what has happened in the past. I don't want to go Dr. Phil on you here, but to me it's pretty clear that you're getting some kind of payoff by continuing to fixate on this toxic relationship. I can't tell you what that payoff is - you have to figure it out yourself. But once you do, you can break free of this vicious circle, the end result of which is you want to drink. Again, it may all sound like bullshit platitudes, but I genuinely believe if you take ten minutes of real, honest, maybe even harsh self-reflection, you'll figure it out.

[Byrdlady]

Think I am losing my mind

I'm not done yet....I was just thinking: You were in 2 toxic relationships...One with Whats-her-name and the other with AL. When an important relationship ends there is grieving. Remember the 5 stages of grief? Anger (I don't have to tell you about this one, but as it relates to AL, please indulge me). This is you...."I hate AL, I'm never drinkiing again, THIS time I've had it!!!" That's prolly when you found us here. "Something's gotta change!!" So you get underway, the next stage is Denial. . "Maybe I don't have a problem after all!" "What's all the fuss about, I PROVED I can go without it?" "Other people drink MORE than I do!". The next stage is Bargaining. This is where the Pity Party is thrown. "I'll try to moderate". "I'll go AF thru the week and then just drink on weekends". The next stage is Depression. This one hits around the 30 day mark. "Is this all there is?" "What's next?" "How am I supposed to live the rest of my life while the rest of the world is drinking?" Finally, the last stage is Acceptance. I'm telling you, this is what all the fuss is about. Once you can come to terms with how it's got to be...everything else falls into place. Once you take that choice of Drink/Don't Drink out of the equation MOST of the battle is done. I don't think there are any shortcuts thru these stages of grief...not that I've seen and experienced. But you have to get thru them to get to the other side. What IS the other side? That's where you can look at AL for what it is...you don't LONG for it any more...and feel sorry yourself...it's just one of those things. You can get thru the whole day and not think about it! There IS NO struggle. THAT'S the goal, right? Please keep going, we have ALL been in your position...and it does get better...if it didn't none of us could do it! If I can do it, I know you can!! Byrdie

[NewOne]

Think I am losing my mind

You probably feel like you are going nuts because it hasn't yet been decided who is running the show in your head. It's like the al has created another aspect of yourself (the al dude) & it has run the show for years. But now the real you wants back in.

You gotta decide, man. I know it sucks, but it's got to be done. Right now it's like a ping pong ball going back & forth in your head.

Who are you? Do you remember? Think about it. Who is the real you?

[lizker]

Think I am losing my mind

Every relapse is 7 times worse. Alcohol comes back with 7
of his friends worse than himself & your state becomes worse
than your original state. Next time you quit do everything in
your power to make it your last. If you keep allowing
alc back, it'll come to a point where you may never have the
strength to ever fight him again.

[tony boy]

Think I am losing my mind

Thanks


:new:

Thanks folks. There is some very helpful advice here.

It is good to realise that I am not the only one trying to get on top of this.

[Kairos]

Think I am losing my mind

I think New One has hit it on the head. I think all alcoholics go through some kind of similar thing. Once you have decided who is running the show you are home and dry (scuse the awful pun!)
Kairos