mark1961

[mark1961]

hi everyone. just registered yesterday. this is all new to me. tried 3 times to download
an image so you may relate a bit who i am . i will try later. i just wanted to say what is
on my mind. i started drinking at 16. im 51 now. i liked drinking. still do. but i quit february 18. i quit because my future , my best friend and lover of 5 years left me.
she says that if i prove to her being sober 6 months and join this group she will take me
back. but its different now. shes gone. she does not rise or retire with me. we both work
different shifts. how is it possible to stay connected for 6 mos. living apart. i say its not.
she says she will wait. wait ? i need her now to prove to her i want her more than to
drink - not 6 months away. i tell her people and circumstances and feeling change.
once we are dis-connected well than the odds are you will never get back what you once
had. p.s she was drinking along with me all the time . she just had enough and quit.
my question is it realistic she will come back or am i wasteing my time ?

[Nelz]

mark1961

First of all you would not be wasting time by giving up drinking........we both know that.

I can not comment on the relationship side of your question, because each one is very different, but, what have you got to lose by proving to her for six months that you have stopped.

Here's a suggestion I have. Try to negotiate some sort of compromise, with the final reward coming at six months. There has to be something you two can agree on as you build AF time.

She needs to see you are serious, and yet you deserve some pats on the back along the way....say somewhere around 7 days.......30 days and so on. In my opinion, if she sees you trying, and more importantly not drinking, she may come around much earlier than six months.

You also need to see "yourself" in her eyes. She is going to be very skeptical, and probably rightfully so that you will not be able to quit.

I cant think of any better motivation for stopping drinking than the reasons you have mentioned, I can promise you that keeping the love of your life will be wayyyyyyy better than keeping that nasty demon AL in your life.

You will also probably see the relationship get better without living in the haze and the shadows of AL

I have more to say, but have rambled on long enough....I wish you strength in beating this beast my friend. :welcome:

[lizker]

mark1961

You stand a better chance of success if you want to do
this for YOU. If she had quit more than likely she isn't gonna
allow herself to be around you for fear of her own relapse.
If she never returns atleast you would have something to
show for it. Sobriety.
Personally, I would never wanna date me. Work on being
a better you without the beast. Everything else will fall into place.

[mark1961]

mark1961

to those who replied ...

meant so much. im on my way to work now. maybe im not alone. :thanks:

[Struggles 106]

mark1961

HEY MARK

I am so happy that you came here. It is a wonderful place for support and no judgement.
As Nel said relationships are all different, and complicated. If she was drinking with you was it "easy" for her to quit? Just curious anout the differences between you. I have known people who just said ENOUGH and quit, seemingly with not as much struggla as I have always had.

If drinking was a main tenet of your relationship then yeah it may be a HUGE change. We are after all not the same when sober,especially long term.

But, as had been mentioned, there is NO good reason to continue drinking with or wihtout her, I hope you find your way in thsi sometimes baffling struggle

[Byrdlady]

mark1961

Hey Mark, if you are ready to get rid of this Beast you have landed in a great spot. Hop on over to the Newbie's Nest and get started. The link is in my signature line below...also you will see a link to the Tool Box. There are 100's of tips and coping skills in there to help you with those first challenging days...please spend some time in there reading, you will see that you are far from being alone. We are from all over the world, yet we fight this common demon. You can do it! This place saves lives and I'm one of them! Byrdie

[TheSunFlower]

mark1961

Quitting drinking is not easy. From what I read....you are doing it under pressure. You have to want it. But, many times...this is what a person needs to get themselves there.

I guess the question is....do you want to quit?

And you are never alone. As much as we think we are the only people like this.....there is a world of people experiencing what you are right now. World of people who have gone through it before you.

[mark1961]

mark1961

thank you for confirming i am not alone.

:l

TheSunFlower;1468078 wrote: Quitting drinking is not easy. From what I read....you are doing it under pressure. You have to want it. But, many times...this is what a person needs to get themselves there.

I guess the question is....do you want to quit?

And you are never alone. As much as we think we are the only people like this.....there is a world of people experiencing what you are right now. World of people who have gone through it before you.

[mark1961]

mark1961

thank you ann carolina

:thanks:

Ann Carolina;1467834 wrote: I am so happy that you came here. It is a wonderful place for support and no judgement.
As Nel said relationships are all different, and complicated. If she was drinking with you was it "easy" for her to quit? Just curious anout the differences between you. I have known people who just said ENOUGH and quit, seemingly with not as much struggla as I have always had.

If drinking was a main tenet of your relationship then yeah it may be a HUGE change. We are after all not the same when sober,especially long term.

But, as had been mentioned, there is NO good reason to continue drinking with or wihtout her, I hope you find your way in thsi sometimes baffling struggle

[mark1961]

mark1961

thank you everyone who replied. wow ! i was so hurting . so alone. you have given me a lift.
wow!

[mark1961]

mark1961

Byrdlady;1467903 wrote: Hey Mark, if you are ready to get rid of this Beast you have landed in a great spot. Hop on over to the Newbie's Nest and get started. The link is in my signature line below...also you will see a link to the Tool Box. There are 100's of tips and coping skills in there to help you with those first challenging days...please spend some time in there reading, you will see that you are far from being alone. We are from all over the world, yet we fight this common demon. You can do it! This place saves lives and I'm one of them! Byrdie

thank you byrdlady

[Persephone1]

mark1961

:welcome: Mark,

So glad you found this site. There are wonderful, supportive and wise people here for you. The Newbie's Nest and Toolbox links are at the bottom if you're interested.

I was tangled in a messy relationship when I realized it was time to stop the madness of the alcoholic train-wreck of a life! I loved this person, but drinking only complicated an already difficult situation. I didn't know what were alcohol related issues and what were bonafide relationship problems ~ everything was a blur. Regardless of what happens with your BF/Ex/Partner, a life without alcohol will be a great gift to 1st yourself and anyone else who touches your life. I can honestly say that I do not regret this decision at all. It's worth every bit of effort!

I hope you hold on and fight for the new life that you deserve. We'll be here to support you in any way we can.

All the best to you, P :h

[Struggles 106]

mark1961

Hey Mark

Just an aside- I hope to be in Vancouver in June; I see that you are from BC.
It will be a work trip but I hope to have some time to look around.

Just thought I would mention it. I hope you are doing well this weekend.

Is there anything you know about Vancouver that I should check out while I'm there?

[Nursie]

mark1961

How are you doing today, Mark?

[Persephone1]

mark1961

How are you today Mark? Stay close...:l