With a friend (?) like this!

[spiderwoman]

My so-called best friend came for dinner tonight, she was also my best drinking partner too and is aware of my mission. She asked me to collect her from home tonight as she "needed to drink", so far she has managed not to drink at my home since I quit.

I was absolutely staggered at her lack of consideration when she got up and left (she was being picked up) leaving a full glass of wine on the table behind her. It took no effort at all (thank God) for me to go and pour it down the drain, I smelt it and it wasn't a good smell much to my relief. I think I badly need to re-evaluate this so-called friendship since I am now boring and no fun

Rant over, as you were

[ljeanner]

With a friend (?) like this!

Oblivious, for sure. Next time she comes over set the boundaries. If she won't respect them then you know she is inconsiderate of your needs. If she doesn't have a drinking problem herself then she may not "really" get the seriousness of it. Or if she does then she may be sabotaging (even if it is subconscious on her part). You'll be the best judge of that but do speak to her directly before you decide. It would be very upsetting and I completely understand where you are coming from.

[spiderwoman]

With a friend (?) like this!

She has a massive problem with denial lj she had already had a few when I picked her up. She then put away 2 cans of Special Brew lager and most of a bottle of wine but can stop any time she likes- apparently.

[NoSugar]

With a friend (?) like this!

spiderwoman;1469862 wrote: since I am now boring and no fun

Rant over, as you were

Hmmm.... Spiderwoman, maybe SHE is the one who is no longer interesting to you! You have a good while AF (congratulations!) and I bet you are seeing many things differently.

I have read your posts on various threads over the last month or so - you have overcome some big challenges. I am really impressed. Thank you for showing us what can be done.

NS

[ljeanner]

With a friend (?) like this!

spiderwoman;1469866 wrote: She has a massive problem with denial lj she had already had a few when I picked her up. She then put away 2 cans of Special Brew lager and most of a bottle of wine but can stop any time she likes- apparently.

There is your answer right there! It sounds like from NoSugar's post that you have come a very long way in your own recovery. Congratulations and awesome that have grown past where this person is. Maybe take a break from her for a bit?

[Maibaby]

With a friend (?) like this!

Hmmm Friend?

I have not long ago ended a 25 year friendship with my "best friend" as I realised it was not me she was friends with but some person she wanted me to be. I thought I would be devastated but funnily enough I feel great relief! She also is the godmother of my first child so it was not a light decision but you realise one day don't be around people who bring you down. That's not what friends are for you are a champion and don't ever forget it I hope to be AF for as long as you one day so I think you are great!! Ditch her in other words you will feel great and you can always talk to yourself if you get lonely and even tho this may sound weird it works! Or any of us by the amount of compassion I am seeing
Maibaby

[Change]

With a friend (?) like this!

I had a similiar experience on the weekend. A friend kind of looked at me like i was disfigured because i said i wasn't going to drink. I made up some lame excuse. The only person you've got to prove it to is yourself. Good on you for tipping her slops down the drain!

[hadit]

With a friend (?) like this!

Spiderwomen, You done well !!! The whole ordeal will only make you stronger and more determined to keep sober! I admire your strength and hope that one day I can be as good as you. :h:h:goodjob:

[kronkcarr]

With a friend (?) like this!

spiderwoman,

Your post is really pertinent. I'm slightly behind you in sobriety and I've reevaluated some friendships. Most of my friends and I drank excessively. My friends are aware of my not over drinking and they support me. They are willing to not drink in front of me if that's my choice because they truly care about me. I do have one friend who I don't see much and won't have over because she'd be like your friend.

It's true for me that now that I'm sober I'm not cutting much slack like I used to. I kinda like that change.

kronkcarr

[Mootsbill]

With a friend (?) like this!

People are not true friends if you can't be sober round them don't you think?
I've noticed that my good pals who love me don't care if I drink or not, it's only people who know they drink to much that bang on about it. X

[Dayum]

With a friend (?) like this!

I had a conversation with, what I hope will be, a truely good friend on Monday night that I was stopping drinking for awhile as I had a problem. I wanted them to understand that we must be more than "drinking buddies". Time will only tell on this because last time I stopped alot of people I thought were friends simply disappeared!

I also found it curious how my friend tried to convince me I didn't have a problem and that if I don't drink everyday then its fine. Which smelled alot like trying to justify their own drinking to me.

Spider your friend leaving a full glass of wine infront of you sounds alittle suspicious to me, almost like they were trying to tempt you. Well done for pouring it down the sink! score!!

[jenniech]

With a friend (?) like this!

My REAL friends (those with drinking problems which seems to be most of them) are actually in awe of me. They are so impressed that I have taken this step. They say they would never be able to do it. My sister, who stopped drinking after college because she "only drank to get drunk" is being quiet. She knows that this is hard and when I am ready, I will pick up the phone and talk to her about it.

As for those people who give me the funny looks or who try to talk me out of not drinking? Luckily, they are few and far between but I am staying away from them until I have more time under my belt. There will always be the people that just don't get it. Too bad from them. They are usually the ones that need to stop drinking the most.

Speaking of which, my OTHER sister is coming to visit my mom for a whole week starting saturday. My mom lives next door. She is one of those who probably gets it, but just doesn't WANT to. So, Saturday will be hard for me because she will want me to drink with her. I think the time has come to come clean with my mom and my sister and tell them that i have decided to stop drinking for good because I am an alcoholic. I will be ready for them when they try to convince me I am not. But I am anxious about it nonetheless.

Stay away from her Spider. At least for the time being. IF she doesn't understand, then she is not truly a friend but simply a drinking buddy.

[Oneredshoe]

With a friend (?) like this!

I kicked alcohol to the curb 24 days ago....I vowed to myself not to let anyone or anything jeopardize my sobriety. It's funny how my drinking buddies have slipped away and my true friends have stuck around. My load has been lightened.

[K9Lover]

With a friend (?) like this!

spiderwoman;1469866 wrote: but can stop any time she likes- apparently.

Yes - apparently.

I'm so proud of you Spidey for not giving in. A true friend would not throw it in your face like that. Even if SHE has a problem, she should keep it to herself unless she's asking you for help. You were strong by pouring out that wine. Keep up the great work!!! :goodjob:

[spiderwoman]

With a friend (?) like this!

Thank you so much for the support, I can only talk about this to a limited number of people. This friend watched her sister die from alcoholism yet still drinks. I had hoped she would join me here but I realise it won't happen.

The more she tries to push me to drink, the less likely I am to give in, as I explained to her last night, just because I have done it once does NOT mean I can do it again so this is it forever. This morning I was able to drive to work sober - I doubt she ever does. She has never had trouble with the police etc but like I was its waiting to happen.