My story

[kallie]

Hi everyone.

I've been visiting the site after binges and during withdrawals for a few years. I just need to come clean with my story. I've never told anyone the whole story.

It all started with binging while at university. I missed a lot of classes, but becaue we had a team of three bingers - i thought my drinking habits were normal. Fun. I never thought it would catch up with me.

After university i started a job - which i hated, my relationship with my girlfriend of 3 years was falling apart... and I started drinking more and more. I hated work because i was permanently hung over.

I started consuming alcohol before going out - i always said it was to make the other people more interesting!

The day my girlfriend left me - i told her that i would quit drinking as it had changed me. Made me reckless with words, and her heart.

I immediately barged into another relationship... it would be the start of a two year binge.

My drinking escalated into a nightmare. I started drinking before work, and after work i would drink till i passed out. I started hiding bottles, and making secret trips to the liquor store. I think the moment i started hiding bottles the penny should have dropped that i was in trouble.

One day i was rushed to the hospital... my black-outs, dehydration and immobility had caused blood to "thicken" and my lungs were full of clots. After a few days in ICU i recovered and was on my way home. I was prescribed warfarin and told that if i drink on warfarin as i drink i will die.

My drinking just escalated. I was dry for about 5 days after i got out of the hospital... the urge to drink was just too strong. I took a bottle of tequila to the bathroom and pleged to drink only 5 shots. I finished the whole bottle later that night. Alone.

One day I woke up in the ambulance. I had drank myself into a stage where i was non-responsive. My blood alcohol level was 5 times above what the doctor said any human should be at.

Embarrased i got home and promised to quit drinking. I was dry for about 5 days and i went on another binge. Everyday.

I would wake up at night and go for a drink. My weekends were a blackout. If i was awake i drank till i passed out.

Rock-bottom:

I went away for a weekend with my girlfriend and her parents. I got so drunk on my way to the lodge that i couldnt walk a straight line when we got to her parents. The whole weekend was a binge. i was drunk out of my mind. i was a major embarrasment. After the sunday lunch my girlfriend said we must go for a walk. She broke up with me.

Her brother drove me home. When i got home i sat down and admitted i had a serious problem.

I went to see my doctor. She said i should be admitted to hospital for the detox but i insisted i should do it at home.

I commited to stay clean for a year. And i did. Not a single drink.

After a year i took a drink again. Before i knew it my drinking was back. Full blown binge drinking.

I had met a wonderful girl during my dry year. And we got engaged.

She's really been amazing. I've had 4 extremely bad binges in our year together. BUT i am commited to getting my ducks in a row. Being honest with her was really hard - but we worked through it.

This Saturday evening i snapped and got drunk, i drank sleeping pills and went to bed. I woke up and i had wet my bed.

I feel ashamed today. I feel anxious.

BUT - at leasy my disease has a name. I am an alcoholic.

I asked my fiancee to give me antabuse every day - since i dont have the stranght to take it myself.

Its been a long road. Its been humbling. Its been scary.

I cant have one drink. I will lose everything.

I'm getting married in two weeks time; and i really hope it will be a new beginning.

Thanks for reading.

[almost free]

My story

Hi Kallie, I just posted to you over in the Newbie's Nest. It WILL be a new beginning. You've come to the right place. We are here for you and you don't have to struggle alone. We've all been through the hell that is alcoholism. No one understands like we do.

Try to get something, like valium, from your doctor, to help you get through the first hellish days of withdrawal. Drink lots of water, preferably with lots of lemon squeezed in it. It is very hydrating and helps the liver to detox. There is a My Way Out book that you can download, some helpful cds, information and feedback on various meds and supplements. And a 'toolbox' of tips that you can get by clicking on the link in many of our senior member's signature lines.

Most of all you will get the support and friendship of the wonderful people here. There is no condemnation here, no dogma, and no 'our way or the highway'. Welcome and thank you for sharing your story. We are so glad you found us. This can be the start of your beautiful new life of alcohol-free living. We look forward to getting to know you!