Announcement

**Siren136** · March 5, 2013, 06:49 AM

Well I did not make it through day 8.

Hi Red,

Sorry you're struggling - I know the feeling. I had 20+ days AF before my first "conscious choice" to drink. Those quotes are for me, not for you. I told myself I had it under control, too. I had a "screw it" moment and thought I would make myself feel better by having just one drink. Well, here I am nearly 6 weeks later and I'm still drinking daily. Most days are better than what I used to be, and for that I am grateful. I'm going to start on day 1 today as well (fingers crossed). I'm feeling pretty good today and I don't have any AL in the house.

Can the cycle actually be halted or is it just too dangerous a place to go?

I'm not sure what you mean here. I think that the cycle can be halted and some people can moderate and some people can't. I know for sure that I need to have some good AF time under my belt before I can even try to moderate. Most people say at least 30 days but that will not be enough for me, I know. I guess if quitting was easy we wouldn't have MWO.

**NoSugar** · March 5, 2013, 07:12 AM

Well I did not make it through day 8.

Siren136;1472940 wrote: Hi Red,

Sorry you're struggling - I know the feeling. I had 20+ days AF before my first "conscious choice" to drink. Those quotes are for me, not for you. I told myself I had it under control, too. I had a "screw it" moment and thought I would make myself feel better by having just one drink. Well, here I am nearly 6 weeks later and I'm still drinking daily. Most days are better than what I used to be, and for that I am grateful. I'm going to start on day 1 today as well (fingers crossed). I'm feeling pretty good today and I don't have any AL in the house.

I'm not sure what you mean here. I think that the cycle can be halted and some people can moderate and some people can't. I know for sure that I need to have some good AF time under my belt before I can even try to moderate. Most people say at least 30 days but that will not be enough for me, I know. I guess if quitting was easy we wouldn't have MWO.

Hi, Siren.

Thanks for all of your recipes in the Real Food thread. You must be a fabulous cook! Your family and friends are fortunate to have you prepare meals for them..

You mentioned that you are consciously deciding to drink each day but today is day 1 and that is over. If later today or any of the following days you make the conscious decision to drink, maybe you could come here and post your decision and why you made it before you pour the drink. Someone here might comment on your decision or maybe it will look different to you when formatted as a published post and you'll make a better choice.

You mentioned that "I guess if quitting was easy we wouldn't have MWO". That is right but you've got to USE everything it offers!

I hope you find great strength today when you need it.

Love from you recipe-pal, NS

**Struggles 106** · March 5, 2013, 08:57 AM

Well I did not make it through day 8.

HEY RED

Sorry to hear about your "slip". BUT thinkk about it-this should not derail your getting sober. THIS time you very very conscious of what you were doing and you poured that second one out. I think this is a very good sign. You KNOW that it's a bad choice.

I hate to be repetitive about moderation but as usual I say it is NOT possible in MANY cases. If I had it to bet, I would bet a lot of $$$ that if you start that thinking and try it you will be back to the excessive drinking in a very short time. May not be tomorrow, may not even be net week, but it WILL happen.

IMO (and it JUST my opinion) you have to accept the fact that you, like me, are simply wired differently. Just because that "off" switch worked that one time is not a green light saying "Oh yeah I got this". You don't.

Many of us here have been down that road, and it inevitably leads right back to hell. But that's just what I think. And that's been MY eperience. I don't think a person with so much concern and anguish over drinking should be doing it. Period.

I hope this doesn;t sound harsh. I don't mean to be harsh, just realistic. I believe that it is critical to get over the notion that drinking is necessary to live, to have "fun", to "reward" yourself for whatever reason your addicitive minds tells you. Quite simply it will kill you; it will win in the end and you will lose.

**rednose** · March 5, 2013, 09:53 AM

Well I did not make it through day 8.

Siren136;1472940 wrote: Hi Red,

Sorry you're struggling - I know the feeling. I had 20+ days AF before my first "conscious choice" to drink. Those quotes are for me, not for you. I told myself I had it under control, too. I had a "screw it" moment and thought I would make myself feel better by having just one drink. Well, here I am nearly 6 weeks later and I'm still drinking daily. Most days are better than what I used to be, and for that I am grateful. I'm going to start on day 1 today as well (fingers crossed). I'm feeling pretty good today and I don't have any AL in the house.

I'm not sure what you mean here. I think that the cycle can be halted and some people can moderate and some people can't. I know for sure that I need to have some good AF time under my belt before I can even try to moderate. Most people say at least 30 days but that will not be enough for me, I know. I guess if quitting was easy we wouldn't have MWO.

Siren,
Thank you for your post. I wish you luck today on day one just as I am starting out again.
I have to admit it is hard for me to call it a slip when I made the choice to drink.
I am not sure that I am 100 % clear in my head that I cant control alcohol. But I am not willing to drink everyday to try to find out.
As always I am confused.

I agree if we did not have a problem at one point or another we would not be here on MWO.

Good luck today...

rednose,:l

**rednose** · March 5, 2013, 09:59 AM

Well I did not make it through day 8.

Ann Carolina;1472976 wrote: Sorry to hear about your "slip". BUT thinkk about it-this should not derail your getting sober. THIS time you very very conscious of what you were doing and you poured that second one out. I think this is a very good sign. You KNOW that it's a bad choice.

I hate to be repetitive about moderation but as usual I say it is NOT possible in MANY cases. If I had it to bet, I would bet a lot of $$$ that if you start that thinking and try it you will be back to the excessive drinking in a very short time. May not be tomorrow, may not even be net week, but it WILL happen.

IMO (and it JUST my opinion) you have to accept the fact that you, like me, are simply wired differently. Just because that "off" switch worked that one time is not a green light saying "Oh yeah I got this". You don't.

Many of us here have been down that road, and it inevitably leads right back to hell. But that's just what I think. And that's been MY eperience. I don't think a person with so much concern and anguish over drinking should be doing it. Period.

I hope this doesn;t sound harsh. I don't mean to be harsh, just realistic. I believe that it is critical to get over the notion that drinking is necessary to live, to have "fun", to "reward" yourself for whatever reason your addicitive minds tells you. Quite simply it will kill you; it will win in the end and you will lose.

Ann,

Thanks for your post. You are probably correct if given enough time I could be drinking heavy every day. Last night was differaent for me because the second drink really did not taste at all good to me and so I stopped. But that was one day and I am feeling really good because I have been working out so much.
I can see this is going to be a process for me to figure out. I do hope I get to the point where it is clear in my head one way or another. Otherwise I am going to have a bunch of 7 days AF and a bunch of day one's for a while.
I do feel better not drinking there is no question about that. I guess some of us will always wonder if they can be the one to control the beast.

Thanks Again

Confused as always

rednose:thanks:

**Byrdlady** · March 5, 2013, 10:46 AM

Well I did not make it through day 8.

Rednose....I see so much strength in you. I think you CAN handle the truth. In fact, I think you'd be pi$$ed off if I said something just to make you feel better and it wasn't the truth, am I true? So why don't we take a look at the facts?
'I guess on some level I made the conscience decision to drink'. Well, unless aliens invaded your body, YOU did it. On EVERY level you made the decision. But why? Really....WHY did you buy that bottle? (I don't need to know...this question is for you alone)

'The second drink didn't taste good so I poured it out.' I'm paraphrasing.... let's face it, you are drinking GIN. It doesn't taste good on the best day of the week!! We don't drink for taste, we drink for BUZZ, and for removal from reality. Am I true?

'I went 7 days without drinking, what makes me think I can't go 7 more?' or something to that affect. Well, again, let's check the facts...if you really DIDN'T have a problem, you wouldn't have had THIS episode, right? If you really COULD control it, you wouldn't have sought an ALK forum, right? If you COULD control it, we wouldn't be having this conversation, right? If you answered YES to all 3, you might be one of us. It is my personal opinion, and you DID ask, that once you have a problem with AL you cannot put the jeannie back in the bottle (so to speak). Your brain is wired this way now...and no amount of going without AL is going to rewire THAT. You can stop the behavior for a period of time, but if you start drinking again, you pick up right where you left off and it gets WORSE, not better. You only get one brain in this life, and it knows where you've been. There may be one or two people here and there with loud voices that say, HEY, SHE'S WRONG! YOU CAN control it. More power to you, if you believe that. If 99 people walk off a cliff and die and you choose to step off, what do you think will happen? Adios!

You can spend the next year denying you have a problem at all (like I did) or you can accept the fact that you and AL don't mix and move forward. AL is a choice. You do not have to have it to live. It is a disease for us, and there IS a cure!! Is it hard to do at first? Yes, it is...we are changing our lifestyles. Is it possible to live life and actually ENJOY it without AL? You betcha!!! The person I THOUGHT AL brought out is still in there begging to get out. I can go to parties and be the life of the party still, and not have one drop of AL. ALCOHOL is the big lie. Everything it says to us is to get us to cave in to it. This is the power of Addiction. And like it or not, we are card carrying members....at least we're in the team photo. It's not bad at all! It IS different though. We have to learn a whole new set of coping skills. Once again, let me urge you to check out the Tool Box. You know HOW to do this, now you have to WANT to do it. The sooner you stop bullshitting yourself, the better, don't you think? Don't you always want to know the truth so you can make choices based on that rather than smoke up your skirt? Sure. So...get yourself a PLAN. GET all the AL out of your space. Idiot proof yourself. AL makes us idiots. Yes, I can say that...Let's begin this thing again with all the facts in place...and make informed decsions. Hope is not a strategy...Living an AF life is GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and I fought it like you wouldn't believe!!)

You can do this!! Grab on and let's get going! Byrdie

**Overit44** · March 5, 2013, 11:21 AM

Well I did not make it through day 8.

What Byrdie said, why? Seriously, what was your intention. Did you get a buzz from just that little bit that you drank? I only drank for the drunk. I would not even like to have just one, even now, I would want the whole bottle. It doesn't taste good enough to sip it, roll my eyes and go "mmmmm". Yuck! I have had those thoughts but I've worked to hard to have to start over. My life is just a life without AL, and I'm OK with that. I'm glad I'm not on that constant mental roller coaster anymore. It was exhausting.

I hope you find what you are looking for. Good luck.

**madmans** · March 5, 2013, 11:59 AM

Well I did not make it through day 8.

Byrdie has said it far better than I could have worded it.
Don't fool your self because you stopped after one drink.

**Struggles 106** · March 5, 2013, 02:09 PM

Well I did not make it through day 8.

TRUTH-TELLING

I wish I had a dollar for every time I had a drink or two and told myself-"Yep, this is it. I can control this." If I had said dollars I would not be on this forum. I would be on a beach in Fiji. With Eric Clapton. Or Russell Brand. Or somebody. LOL

**Mick** · March 5, 2013, 03:24 PM

Well I did not make it through day 8.

Red just guessing now ,but reckon there a couple of things that may have jumped into your head...As you said you made that choice ..but why?2 reasons why imo
Firstly you thought hey Ive done 7 days...I can control my drinking ..secondly as a reward for doing 7 days af..
For me you did 7 days..no reason why you cant do 7 more and another 7 and so on
Secondly dont try and kid yourself you are in charge of your drinking..you arent, and I suspect never will be...You can instead be in charge of your life.. instead of an odourless,tasteless running you

**rednose** · March 5, 2013, 03:48 PM

Well I did not make it through day 8.

Byrdlady;1472996 wrote: Rednose....I see so much strength in you. I think you CAN handle the truth. In fact, I think you'd be pi$$ed off if I said something just to make you feel better and it wasn't the truth, am I true? So why don't we take a look at the facts?
'I guess on some level I made the conscience decision to drink'. Well, unless aliens invaded your body, YOU did it. On EVERY level you made the decision. But why? Really....WHY did you buy that bottle? (I don't need to know...this question is for you alone)

'The second drink didn't taste good so I poured it out.' I'm paraphrasing.... let's face it, you are drinking GIN. It doesn't taste good on the best day of the week!! We don't drink for taste, we drink for BUZZ, and for removal from reality. Am I true?

'I went 7 days without drinking, what makes me think I can't go 7 more?' or something to that affect. Well, again, let's check the facts...if you really DIDN'T have a problem, you wouldn't have had THIS episode, right? If you really COULD control it, you wouldn't have sought an ALK forum, right? If you COULD control it, we wouldn't be having this conversation, right? If you answered YES to all 3, you might be one of us. It is my personal opinion, and you DID ask, that once you have a problem with AL you cannot put the jeannie back in the bottle (so to speak). Your brain is wired this way now...and no amount of going without AL is going to rewire THAT. You can stop the behavior for a period of time, but if you start drinking again, you pick up right where you left off and it gets WORSE, not better. You only get one brain in this life, and it knows where you've been. There may be one or two people here and there with loud voices that say, HEY, SHE'S WRONG! YOU CAN control it. More power to you, if you believe that. If 99 people walk off a cliff and die and you choose to step off, what do you think will happen? Adios!

You can spend the next year denying you have a problem at all (like I did) or you can accept the fact that you and AL don't mix and move forward. AL is a choice. You do not have to have it to live. It is a disease for us, and there IS a cure!! Is it hard to do at first? Yes, it is...we are changing our lifestyles. Is it possible to live life and actually ENJOY it without AL? You betcha!!! The person I THOUGHT AL brought out is still in there begging to get out. I can go to parties and be the life of the party still, and not have one drop of AL. ALCOHOL is the big lie. Everything it says to us is to get us to cave in to it. This is the power of Addiction. And like it or not, we are card carrying members....at least we're in the team photo. It's not bad at all! It IS different though. We have to learn a whole new set of coping skills. Once again, let me urge you to check out the Tool Box. You know HOW to do this, now you have to WANT to do it. The sooner you stop bullshitting yourself, the better, don't you think? Don't you always want to know the truth so you can make choices based on that rather than smoke up your skirt? Sure. So...get yourself a PLAN. GET all the AL out of your space. Idiot proof yourself. AL makes us idiots. Yes, I can say that...Let's begin this thing again with all the facts in place...and make informed decsions. Hope is not a strategy...Living an AF life is GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and I fought it like you wouldn't believe!!)

You can do this!! Grab on and let's get going! Byrdie

Thanks Byrdlady, I appreciate you telling it like you see it.

rednose:thanks:

**rednose** · March 5, 2013, 03:52 PM

Well I did not make it through day 8.

Thanks to you all for your honest post. Maybe I am not ready to face the truth. I don't know.
I for sure don't want to go out on a runner to prove that I can't control my drinking.

rednose

**SKendall** · March 5, 2013, 05:23 PM

Well I did not make it through day 8.

Hi Rednose. The first 3 days are really tough, so don't go back to another day 1. If you are sure you can control it, I suggest you read your first posts when you came to MWO. I think so many of us with our alcohol altered brain believe this - I am one who did. It takes time for the body, but mostly the brain to find new paths to healthy thinking. Good Luck, and congratulations on day 7.

**Byrdlady** · March 5, 2013, 06:35 PM

Well I did not make it through day 8.

SKendall....you are so right, THAT is the power of this site. Sometimes when no one else's words will get thru, your own words will. I went back and fetched that first post up for us.

Rednose wrote:
Ok Here I go.
I have been drinking a bunch for the last 6 months. It started with wine but now I have progressed to drinking about a fifth of gin a day. I can't afford to go to a treatment center or a detox center at this time.
I am worried about seizure's and the other things that will come with stopping drinking.
Does the beer taper work? With what I have written here what do you suggest.
I have tried to quit in the past and have had some success but have always come back to drinking after a time. My main concern at the moment is to stop drinking a fifth of gin a day and taper off slowly. The holidays are hard for me but I need to do something.
I won't bore you with what has brought me to this place but it has been a rough couple of years. deaths in my family, put mom in nursing home, got robbed at gun point in my own house, so on and so on.
SO IS THERE ANY HOPE FOR ME HERE FOLKS?

Thanks Robert rednose

A bit about me. I am 58 and have drank most of my adult life with stopping on and off, mostly off. Last night I blacked out and had an argument with my girlfriend on the phone and I don't remember one word about the conversation other than what she told me. Yes she said I was quite the asshole, No big surprize. I have tried AA and it did not work for me. I went to a treatment center for 30 days to get sober and was drinking 6 months later and I was 20 grand poorer. I don't have insurance that will cover a treatment center and I really think I need to figure this out my way.
I am hoping for some support here and I want to be of support to others. So if you see something here that you can relate to or some words that might help It will be greatly appreciated.
End quote.

So based on this post...what is the next best step? Byrdie

Welcome Guest to My Way Out Forums.

Announcement

Well I did not make it through day 8.

Well I did not make it through day 8.

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment