Hi there. Just found this place. I am on day two of tapering which doesnt sound like much- to me even. But to me it is also empowering as I have finally admitted to myself what I tried to deny for so long- that I am an alchoholic. I am not at the point I have admitted this to anyone else, including my family. But I am determined to taper off my alchohol and give myself back my life for the sake of my 3 young children most of all.
Alchoholism runs in my family. I got the occasional glass as a child as my parents were wine enthusiasts who went to wineries. My parents separated at 16 and my father moved out, my mother gave me drinks on special occasions and by the time I was 17 she occasionaly bought me alchohol and I was going out to parties and drinking. Still remember the first time I got moderately drunk..By the time I was 18 I was binge drinking. I would go to clubs and get pissed. By the time I was at uni I started drinking lots due to stress and depression...would drink most days and drink to get drunk. I am now 33, am single and have 3 kids the eldest is only 7. I never drank when I was pregnant after finding out, except for one on special occasions like christmas. But aside from that have been having trouble with binge drinking for years. The last couple of years have been the worst. The last year...beyond words. I have been studying again, have problems with my ex, my children my mother. Have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and panic disorder. Started drinking way too much on a daily basis, first starting at five at night, then 4, then 3...then sometimes I would start drinking during the day or even morning.
I finally went to a doc and got pills for the depression and anxiety when it came to the point I found I would just lay around in bed not wanting to move, unable to work or function beyond what I had to, the panic attacks became debilitating and I would lie there and worry each laboured breath would be the last. I had dry mouth, trouble breathing, swallowing, would be so scared I was dying, my heart rate was irregular, couldnt eat or sleep properly, couldnt focus. The alchohol was the only thing that helped.
First day on the meds, got prescribed effexor, took them in the morning, had a few drinks that night too I'll admit. Then woke up 2am next morning feeling awful, and so strange, could barely walk and my heart was racing. Called an ambulance, then called my mother who live downstairs in a granny flat to watch the kids. Had to then admit in front of the ambos with her there that I had started taking antidepressants and had been prescribed valium as well. I apparently had a reaction to it similar to an ecstacy overdose, they prescribed more valium and told not to mix with alchohol. My mother was extremely annoyed that I was taking antidepressants and only discouraging about the whole thing rather than supportive. got prescribed another one and told to keep taking the valium. Then seeing as I suddenly stopped drinking-started going through withdrawls..felt awful...worse than I have ever felt ever and after two days called an ambulance again...and my mother again..was scared of going through dt's..was shaking so much I couldnt barely walk, was sick, hot and cold, dizzy, nauseaous etc. They gave me b12 on drip and sent me home doc said have a glass to help with agitation...so I did. Then another.
A week later I was back to drinking as I had been. Another week even more. Cut to couple months later and I am worse than I have ever been in my entire life. I know now I have crossed that 'line'. Up to 15-20 drinks a day I think (not that I was counting so could even b e more), morning cravings, shakes until the night, trembles esp in the legs, insomnia, blackouts, and still very depressed to the point of being suicidal, anxiety as bad as ever the only thing the new meds helped with was the panic disorder. Always fatigued, stressed, worrying about trying to get out to buy 'secret wine' that my mother wont know about as she has been critical of me since my hospitilsation. Going through 4 litres of wine plus other drinks on top of that in 3 days, then having to try and hide and dispose all the darn boxes. Hard to get drunk where I feel that high anymore, only occasionally have hangovers though often have headaches. Feel like crap all the time. I would go online and write things drunk, would talk to family drunk, let my kids get away with crap cause I was drunk..and next only remember half of it.
But it made me realise I have a problem. And I am so tired of feeling unwell, unhappy, having trouble with remembering things, all the worry and stress and knowing if I keep going down this road it will be to a very dark place whether it be to an insitution, an accidental or purposeful death, hurt to my friends and family. So I have made the decision to quit but because of my kids, study, work, commitments etc I cant do medical rehab, and I know it is too dangerous for me to go cold so I am tapering.
Day one I had 13 drinks, was 11 but I woke at 1:30 feeling very very weird and anxious, starting to have a panic attack so I read forums like these and had 2 more drinks worrying I had not had enough for a smooth taper considering how much I had been having. Today is day two and so far I have only had 6 drinks. Very determined to do this for me and my children but scared too.
Sorry for the overlong post had to vent a little I guess have no one to talk to right now. If you read all this- thankyou. If you take time to post back I would thank you too
Alchoholism runs in my family. I got the occasional glass as a child as my parents were wine enthusiasts who went to wineries. My parents separated at 16 and my father moved out, my mother gave me drinks on special occasions and by the time I was 17 she occasionaly bought me alchohol and I was going out to parties and drinking. Still remember the first time I got moderately drunk..By the time I was 18 I was binge drinking. I would go to clubs and get pissed. By the time I was at uni I started drinking lots due to stress and depression...would drink most days and drink to get drunk. I am now 33, am single and have 3 kids the eldest is only 7. I never drank when I was pregnant after finding out, except for one on special occasions like christmas. But aside from that have been having trouble with binge drinking for years. The last couple of years have been the worst. The last year...beyond words. I have been studying again, have problems with my ex, my children my mother. Have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and panic disorder. Started drinking way too much on a daily basis, first starting at five at night, then 4, then 3...then sometimes I would start drinking during the day or even morning.
I finally went to a doc and got pills for the depression and anxiety when it came to the point I found I would just lay around in bed not wanting to move, unable to work or function beyond what I had to, the panic attacks became debilitating and I would lie there and worry each laboured breath would be the last. I had dry mouth, trouble breathing, swallowing, would be so scared I was dying, my heart rate was irregular, couldnt eat or sleep properly, couldnt focus. The alchohol was the only thing that helped.
First day on the meds, got prescribed effexor, took them in the morning, had a few drinks that night too I'll admit. Then woke up 2am next morning feeling awful, and so strange, could barely walk and my heart was racing. Called an ambulance, then called my mother who live downstairs in a granny flat to watch the kids. Had to then admit in front of the ambos with her there that I had started taking antidepressants and had been prescribed valium as well. I apparently had a reaction to it similar to an ecstacy overdose, they prescribed more valium and told not to mix with alchohol. My mother was extremely annoyed that I was taking antidepressants and only discouraging about the whole thing rather than supportive. got prescribed another one and told to keep taking the valium. Then seeing as I suddenly stopped drinking-started going through withdrawls..felt awful...worse than I have ever felt ever and after two days called an ambulance again...and my mother again..was scared of going through dt's..was shaking so much I couldnt barely walk, was sick, hot and cold, dizzy, nauseaous etc. They gave me b12 on drip and sent me home doc said have a glass to help with agitation...so I did. Then another.
A week later I was back to drinking as I had been. Another week even more. Cut to couple months later and I am worse than I have ever been in my entire life. I know now I have crossed that 'line'. Up to 15-20 drinks a day I think (not that I was counting so could even b e more), morning cravings, shakes until the night, trembles esp in the legs, insomnia, blackouts, and still very depressed to the point of being suicidal, anxiety as bad as ever the only thing the new meds helped with was the panic disorder. Always fatigued, stressed, worrying about trying to get out to buy 'secret wine' that my mother wont know about as she has been critical of me since my hospitilsation. Going through 4 litres of wine plus other drinks on top of that in 3 days, then having to try and hide and dispose all the darn boxes. Hard to get drunk where I feel that high anymore, only occasionally have hangovers though often have headaches. Feel like crap all the time. I would go online and write things drunk, would talk to family drunk, let my kids get away with crap cause I was drunk..and next only remember half of it.
But it made me realise I have a problem. And I am so tired of feeling unwell, unhappy, having trouble with remembering things, all the worry and stress and knowing if I keep going down this road it will be to a very dark place whether it be to an insitution, an accidental or purposeful death, hurt to my friends and family. So I have made the decision to quit but because of my kids, study, work, commitments etc I cant do medical rehab, and I know it is too dangerous for me to go cold so I am tapering.
Day one I had 13 drinks, was 11 but I woke at 1:30 feeling very very weird and anxious, starting to have a panic attack so I read forums like these and had 2 more drinks worrying I had not had enough for a smooth taper considering how much I had been having. Today is day two and so far I have only had 6 drinks. Very determined to do this for me and my children but scared too.
Sorry for the overlong post had to vent a little I guess have no one to talk to right now. If you read all this- thankyou. If you take time to post back I would thank you too
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