Friends Reaction

[Dayum]

Hi guys & gals,

Was anyone else shocked and abit stunned at friends reaction when you tell them you're not drinking anymore as you have a problem?

So far I've told two friends and their reaction was the same. I kindof bemused smile and shake of the head and "you just need to cut back abit" or "just have one or two and thats it". Even when I explained the quanities I've been drinking and they are shocked, I still got the same reaction. "just cut back for while".

I was also told by one of them to keep a few bottles of beer in the flat to prove to myself I can control it. When I explained I would simply drink them all and then go by some more... it was more like I was trying to convince HIM that I had a problem.

It's like they're trying to talk me into drinking or something. Was very surprised.

I'm starting to get the feeling that only other alcoholics truly understand.

Dayum

[Overit44]

Friends Reaction

Same responses here to those that I told about my problem, (excluding my DR) including my husband. I still don't think he believes I truly had a problem.

Friends? I haven't told them "I had a problem". When I tell them I'm not drinking, no one is interested in finding out why. No one cares.

[kuya]

Friends Reaction

Overit44;1473638 wrote: Same responses here to those that I told about my problem, (excluding my DR) including my husband. I still don't think he believes I truly had a problem.

Friends? I haven't told them "I had a problem". When I tell them I'm not drinking, no one is interested in finding out why. No one cares.

In a sense be glad no one cares.......it means you did not cause too much damage with your drinking.

Many spouses won't accept their partner has a problem they associate with down and outs on park benches.

Also any threat to the status quo is terrifying and will be denied until it crashes around their ears. That is why me must all quit for OURSELVES first and foremost.

It may be that it feels like a reflection on THEM and their choice of partner.........selfish? Yes !

Human nature ? .......definitely !

[spiderwoman]

Friends Reaction

Dayum I have had this problem since I quit. Most of my friends insist I don't have a problem as was functioning normally, going to work etc. The reality was I was rarely (if ever) fully sober. I didn't get a lot of hangovers, I was permanently drunk. My best friend still is!

She insists she is in control but I know she is not. I am happy to live with the comments and ignore them now as I am finally sorting out my life and finances. I learnt the hard way grief lies in wait until you sober up and face it. Financial problems multiply and I have yet to make some decisions about tat aspect of my life. Not drinking will give me much more chance to sort myself out. Stick firmly to what you want to do -you really won't regret it.:

[Mootsbill]

Friends Reaction

Everyone has the same reaction, unless they've seen you at your worst. People who have seen me at my worst think that me not drinking is the best thing to happen to me ;0)

[moni]

Friends Reaction

I've had some mixed reactions. Some are very supportive and know it's the best thing for me. Others not so supportive and seem to think it's a temporary fad. I've had some suggest that we meet up and have a few drinks and even get 'one night won't kill you'.. oh the irony in that because it could very well depending on my frame of mind.
Last weekend was interesting as I stayed with a friend. I hadn't intended staying over but we were chatting so much etc I decided to. I had a bottle of AF wine with me, she had a glass or two of Port. There was no pressure at all and when her 3 year old wanted a 'glass of wine' to mimic me we laughed at the irony that it wasn't even wine (per say). She was given diluted blackcurrant juice nonetheless.
Funnily enough, the friends who are less supportive and often suggesting 'just a glass' etc are the very people whose alcohol intake I've questioned.

[Struggles 106]

Friends Reaction

HEY DAYUM

I think the people who would understand would be alcoholic, and the remarks you mention seem insensitive unless they really just don't get it. OR people who have issues themselves and question their own drinking can me made uncomfortable.

In my case though, people were more like "THANK GOD" when I said I quit. LOL

[supermario]

Friends Reaction

People who know me well cried of hapinnes when I told them I was quitting (my wife, my parents, my sister). Some close friends told me: about time man!!
But others friends who do not know me that well, but drank with me occasionally were really surprised..
Their reacction was, really! why are you quitting? Come on, you can handle it better than anyone!!
It can't be that bad..! Just drink once in a while!! Why don't you just control your drinking? I just lowered my eyes and said in a low voice, I can't control it bro, because I am addicted. If you care one bit about me, please do not offer me a drink, I won't take it and I don't want you to be offended my me saying no.. I also told someone, don't you feel sorry for me, I am happy to be a non-drinker.

[FlyAway]

Friends Reaction

moni;1473648 wrote: I've had some mixed reactions. Some are very supportive and know it's the best thing for me. Others not so supportive and seem to think it's a temporary fad. I've had some suggest that we meet up and have a few drinks and even get 'one night won't kill you'.. oh the irony in that because it could very well depending on my frame of mind.
Last weekend was interesting as I stayed with a friend. I hadn't intended staying over but we were chatting so much etc I decided to. I had a bottle of AF wine with me, she had a glass or two of Port. There was no pressure at all and when her 3 year old wanted a 'glass of wine' to mimic me we laughed at the irony that it wasn't even wine (per say). She was given diluted blackcurrant juice nonetheless.
Funnily enough, the friends who are less supportive and often suggesting 'just a glass' etc are the very people whose alcohol intake I've questioned.

I don't want to drag this thread off topic, but did the bolded part above stick out to anyone else? We are taught from a young age that drinking is what adults do and what kid doesn't want to be a grown up?

[moni]

Friends Reaction

FlyAway;1473659 wrote: I don't want to drag this thread off topic, but did the bolded part above stick out to anyone else? We are taught from a young age that drinking is what adults do and what kid doesn't want to be a grown up?

Kids like to mimic Adults. We actually had that discussion after it happened. The previous visit it was her wanting to wear rings because I was. It does make you more aware of your behaviour around them. A reminder that you are an example to them.
Saying that, my parents smoked around us from when I was an early age. As a result I saw nothing wrong with smoking and they didn't stop me when I started as a teen.

[Supercrew]

Friends Reaction

I never really went out of my way to tell people, but the people I used to drink with asked, and I just told them I was on a health kick, and wanted to get healthier and alcohol wasn't working for me. No one but the other big drinkers seemed to care.

Now I think if I told everyone I was a problem drinker bordering on alcoholic and I drank 15 to 20 drinks a day 5 days a week. Some would never believe it and others would look at me an ask if that was really a problem.

I think how you present the fact that you are no longer drinking plays a much bigger role on how others are going to perceive it.

I approached it in a positive manner like I was making a positive healthy change in my life. Who would ever tell you "no, don't be healthier"? But if I said, "I'm quitting drinking because I am a lush and I embarrass myself when I drink, and I think I might be an alcoholic", most people...especially those who drink with you are going to try to make you feel better by saying you don't have a problem....and maybe because they are normally right there next to you and will feel guilty by association.

The reaction of others will most likely depend on how you present it.