Just started - 5 days since I drank

[Blossoms]

Just started - 5 days since I drank

Here again today - day 8 for me

Last night (day 7) was really hard because my husband really wanted me to drink a bottle of wine with him. I really seriously considered it because he was grumpy and moody and that would have made him happy to drink. We also are getting along a lot better now than we were a few years ago, but a good part of that new spending time together is drinking together.
He is really not happy that I have decided to go AF. He doesn't really understand it, and is saying that I don't drink that much. It's true that I don't drink as much as in the crazy binge drinking days before I had my daughter, but the drinking has been creeping up again and I had ended up drinking pretty much every night. I was pretty much passing out rather than going to sleep most nights. Then there's the night last month I went out with him for dinner and to a bar and was so drunk that I was flirting with a lot of strange men and then threw up in the stairwell outside the bar - and that was for Valentines day. I spent the whole next day in bed with a hangover.

Wow.... That was longer than I intended, but I really wanted to say how much I appreciated and needed the congratulations and encouragement last night in the Roll Call..... Thank you so much Star!!!

I was so excited to know I'd get it...... And that motivated me and helped me deal with everything Thank you!! Thank you!!!!!!!

[Blossoms]

Just started - 5 days since I drank

I knew I had a problem - and I finally admitted it and knew I had to face it. Typing it out just confirmed it to me.

Most people would agree with me that I do have a problem with alcohol..... but my husband has his own problems with alcohol - so I can understand that what I am doing feels very threatening and is putting him off balance. I know I enable him, because he is often so grumpy until he gets to drink. I was there in that mind frame last night. But that doesn't help him, and it certainly doesn't help me.
I'm not saying he can't drink, because that is not my decision to make - but I have decided not to drink and have asked him to help me by being careful about the way he drinks around me and that I won't be drinking together with him.
I made a point to say thank you to him this morning for supporting me. He is doing things a bit differently, and he is drinking less himself - all positive things

[Blossoms]

Just started - 5 days since I drank

I agree with going to bed early to avoid most of the evening and the regular drinking time. I've been going to bed at the same time as my 9 year old
I've also has a lot of baths and consumed a lot of chocolate - often at the same time

(I also stocked up on a lot of yummy juices and sparkling mineral water .... So I can have a special drink just like I want)

[Blossoms]

Just started - 5 days since I drank

I hadn't fully appreciated what it was going to mean going in - just knew that I had to do it for myself, to be the person and mother I wanted to be.

But of course with alcohol being an important part of the marriage it was going to bring lots of stuff up.

We have had some truly terrible times in our marriage, and I was really unhappy and wanted to leave for a long time.
We are an inter-cultural couple - he is Japanese and I am Australian and we live in Japan. Different cultural understanding of roles and ways of communication were killing us. We did turn it around, but it was really hard.

Part of the way we did manage to come back was reconnecting as friends and people - he seemed to look at us in our roles as mother and breadwinner rather than as partners - for me that was unbearable
Part of this re-connection was about getting away from the roles and having fun again together... Which of course involved drinking together.

(Drinking is a huge part of Japanese culture - I'd say even more than Australian culture. It's a way to put aside the roles and rigid expectations. Traditionally women didn't drink that much, even though men did, but that is changing.)

So - me not drinking anymore with my husband is a huge change, and may threaten the partnership feeling that we have managed to find again. But, I need to do this for me..... And I hope we can make a new reality that keeps the feelings of partnership and friendship without the alcohol.

[Alexis45]

Just started - 5 days since I drank

Hi
1st day and not sure how my life can cope without Alchol I mean going out or sitting in on a Saturday night, feel really scared.. How are you doing

[NoSugar]

Just started - 5 days since I drank

Alexis45;1478092 wrote: Hi
1st day and not sure how my life can cope without Alchol I mean going out or sitting in on a Saturday night, feel really scared.. How are you doing

Hi, Alexis and :welcome:

You have found some help!! A good place to start is in the Newbies Nest - see the link in my signature. There is also a toolbox link -- several ideas to help you down this path are in there.

You can do this!! It probably doesn't seem like it right now but so many people here are kicking alcohol out of their lives with the help and support of people here.

Hope to see you over in the nest!!

[free at last]

Just started - 5 days since I drank

Hi Blossoms,
Just checking in with you -- from other posts it looks as though you keep racking up the AF days. Great job -- you inspire me.

[Guitarista]

Just started - 5 days since I drank

G'day Blossoms.

Just popping in to wish you courage, strength and a clear head on your journey.

You're doing a great job taking back your life. Keep it going.

Best wishes, G.

[Blossoms]

Just started - 5 days since I drank

Oops I haven't been checking my own thread
Thankyou for the wonderful encouragement and good wishes
I'll have to add updates.... Now on day 16
There have been ups and downs.... But I'm hanging in there

[prettytulip]

Just started - 5 days since I drank

Hi blossom, i've been reading through your posts and was struck by how many similarities we share. My husband and i are also from different cultures (i'm british and he is egyptian) and my drinking has been causin. g problems from the moment we got together really. Unlike japanese culture, drinking in egypt in a big social taboo and while there is a large number of people who drink there it is considered shameful. So, these different cultural understandings of drink, combined with my problem have almost torn us apart. And now that i am on day 2 and fully comitted i feel like i have little emotional support as he can't understand why a just can't quit. And, i've made so many promises before that understandibly, he just doesn't trust me.

I know that alcoholism often causes problems in all marriages but i believe the cultural fifferences can add extra strain. I just want to offer a little support and let you know that your not alone in this struggle. It must be extra hard going through this without your husbands full support, but remember you have the full support of mwo members

[Blossoms]

Just started - 5 days since I drank

prettytulip;1479384 wrote: Hi blossom, i've been reading through your posts and was struck by how many similarities we share. My husband and i are also from different cultures (i'm british and he is egyptian) and my drinking has been causin. g problems from the moment we got together really. Unlike japanese culture, drinking in egypt in a big social taboo and while there is a large number of people who drink there it is considered shameful. So, these different cultural understandings of drink, combined with my problem have almost torn us apart. And now that i am on day 2 and fully comitted i feel like i have little emotional support as he can't understand why a just can't quit. And, i've made so many promises before that understandibly, he just doesn't trust me.

I know that alcoholism often causes problems in all marriages but i believe the cultural fifferences can add extra strain. I just want to offer a little support and let you know that your not alone in this struggle. It must be extra hard going through this without your husbands full support, but remember you have the full support of mwo members

Thankyou pretty tulip (what pretty flower names we both have )
Yes.... Cultural differences can add that icing on the cake of difficulties.
Luckily the support has gotten better - he has stopped trying to sabotage me and is being fairly supportive, by his standards. He is not drinking in front of me and is now drinking sparkling apple cider together with me.
Once it became clear that I was serious then things fell more into place, but at first I was very much in my own.

It's hard that you don't have your husbands support and more importantly understanding. Hopefully when he sees that you are indeed serious then he will support and encourage you more.... And until then you can come here for support

[prettytulip]

Just started - 5 days since I drank

Thanks blossoms (i do love flower names!)

i'm pleased that you are getting more support from your husband; it must help u on your journey towards your af future i understand what u say about him helping u in his way, and i hope that my h will soon believe in me and offer support in the best way he can. I keep reminding myself that we have more similarities than differences and corny as it may sound- love can conquer all. So, i'm fighting my demons and hoping that his anfer and disappointment will soon give over to support and understanding.

And congratulaions on your sobriety! I also live in a culture where drinking is not just accepted, but expected (spain)...and i live in hope that these extra challenges will make us stronger and more determined!

Have a happy af day blossom!