Can an alcoholic ever become a normal drinker?

[supermario]

Hello, I've been sober for 68 days now after 25 years of heavy drinking with the last 5 years being the worst..
Let me start by saying that this is the longest I've been sober so I really don't have any experiences of relapsing and quitting. I haven't relapsed because I had never quit before.
Some of my drinking buddies are telling me that it is possible for an alcoholic to become a normal drinker; with the right mindset and discipline.. WTF??
I know this could never work for me as I tried to cut down many times before.. I just couldn't do it. Are my friends full of it?
Why is this so annoying to me even though I know deep down I can't even consider the possibility to become a "normal" drinker?
Why is this so annoying to me!! I just don't get it!!

Confused.

[JackieClaire]

Can an alcoholic ever become a normal drinker?

Hi Supermario,
We haven't met so hello and :welcome: to you and well done on 68 days AF.

I love to know what your friends define as a normal drinker to start with.
My husband is what I would define as normal. He enjoys a drink, sometimes a few too many but apart from feeling a bit shabby the following day after a bacon sandwich and a big cup of tea he's as right as rain.
Or are they expecting you to drink within controlled guidelines of 2/3, 2 or 3 times a week with at least 2 days alcohol free.

Yep controlled drinking can be done but very, very rarely and IMHO impossible for those who have crossed the line.

Now I may be way off the mark here, but it sounds to me as if your friends are missing their drinking buddy. Yep, it's very, very annoying and we would hope our friends would want what is the best for us. But at the end of the day it's their problem not yours.

Oh and I should add I have tried controlled drinking many times. It's agony.

J x
:l

[Byrdlady]

Can an alcoholic ever become a normal drinker?

No. That's the simple answer. Once a pickle, never a cucumber.

I know, I know...this site was founded on the principal's of moderation, but let's face it...things change. Moderation may work for SOME FEW people, but for 99.9% of us, it is what it is. The very notion is nuts....to think that WE could have 2 or 3 drinks and stop?? What happens after a couple drinks? Yes, you let your inhibitions down, what do you think happens next? Yep, another drink...the 'business model' if you will, of this premise is flawed. It is MY opinion that once you cross the line you can't put the Jeannie back into the bottle. After all, this is addiction we are talking about. If these friends of your are ALK's like me, #1 they are lying to you about being moderate drinkers themselves, or they are not ALK's.
I believe the only way you can moderate is if you don't know it. Normal people don't count drinks or try to control it. Why would they?

After these AF days you've had...was it easy to do? Did you have a difficult time of it? Did you crave it and hear voices? Do you still LONG for a drink? You might find that you can contain it for a week or two...maybe a bit longer...but when you get it, it's as if someone throws you a life preserver and you cling to it...your whole day begins to revolve around WHEN can you get that drink. Your whole week begins to revolve around AL That first drink goes painfully fast.. and you think another one won't hurt...and you are off to the races. Your relationship with AL today is as good as it's ever going to get. Notice I say 'as good' because it can sure nuff get worse!! I never drank harder than the year I tried to moderate! When I finally let myself have AL, I drank in panicked gulps...I couldn't enjoy it for fear someone was going to take it away again. Hard to explain...I guess that's addiction for you. Just like you could never be a moderate heroin addict, I don't think you can be a moderate ALK. Normal people don't understand this, so make sure you are talking to folks who are actual people with AL problems. My hubs is a normal drinker and has offered me some KNOWING I'm a raging ALK! Just one won't hurt you!! That's why having support is so important, the world outside doesn't know the hell we have endured. A drinking buddy may not understand addiction. Some people can just drink now and then and think nothing of it. I'm not one of those. So beware of the words of The Drinking Buddy, they don't want to lose their play mate. Protect your quit with your life!! Everytime you relapse it gets HARDER to quit, not easier! Read, read, read all over this site, the story is the same. One drink leads to another.
That's my 2 cents!! I tried to make it work!! I gave it an honest shot. Trying to moderate was absolutely exhausting. Being AF is so much easier, no decisions to be made...life is simple and normal again. Thank God. Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Can an alcoholic ever become a normal drinker?

Cross post JC!! Same message! xo, B

[Wagoneer]

Can an alcoholic ever become a normal drinker?

JackieClaire;1474694 wrote:
Oh and I should add I have tried controlled drinking many times. It's agony.

J x
:l

THIS.

[DriftyAlison0]

Can an alcoholic ever become a normal drinker?

I tried to moderate, but my moderation plan was no plan. I thought of myself was doing pretty good in only drinking 2 times a month but in honesty when I did drink, I had way too much and at the end it was back to being weekly so I quit for good and its easier to abstain for me then to moderate. So I would say no. Its just your friends trying to get you to drink again.

[Struggles 106]

Can an alcoholic ever become a normal drinker?

Hey SUPERMARIO

I'm with Byrdlady-the answer is NO. And like someone else mentioned -what is their definition of a "normal" drinker? To me this means a person who can go out for a beer or two and it is just THAT-a beer or two. Without wanting more, without having more,and without going home and having more.
You have some good sober time going now, I assume you wouldn't want to tempt fate so to speak. I can only speak for myself and I drank to get drunk. Period. For those with an alcohol addiction that is just the way it is.

Maybe your friends do miss their drinking buddy. Only you can decide what is best for you. It sounds like you are on the right path.

Just an aside---my sister lives with a man who drinks a tremendous amount every day. EVERY day. I never drank every day but I was really bad, and probably would have eventually. Anyway--I am just amazed at this guy. He has done this for years, and I have seen people die from end stage alcoholism much sooner than the length of time he is at right now. That death is so horrible, with lots of terrifying manifestations at the end. It is astounding to me that this guy is not in organ failure by now. He btw hates me but I don't feel the same. I just fell sorry for him, and for her for being too weak to get away from it.

Sorry to ramble there....but I do not think an alcoholic can ever be a "normal" drinker, no matter how you define it.

Take care

[supermario]

Can an alcoholic ever become a normal drinker?

I also only drank to get drunk.
Having a drink or two means nothing to me, they just mess me up so bad that I crave another and another. So, for me it's all or nothing. What a terrible position I've placed myself in, I just have to learn to accept that..
Thank you for your comments, couldn't agree more. Heck! Some of you could have been great drinking buddies!! Sorry, still my drunkenness talking.. I am learning so much here, you guys rock!!

[Struggles 106]

Can an alcoholic ever become a normal drinker?

Hey Supermario

I think we are alike in the sense that drinking at one time seemed to be fun. I say seemed to be because maybe our idea of fun was a bit skewed. LOL

But eventually it is not fun anymore. I found that fear came up quite often, that I was thinking that if I started drinking I could not know what would happen. It just gets crazy and unpredictable. At some point you have to recognize that it's WAY out of hand and it's time to wake up to where you're headed.

I believe that one of the things that feeds the delusional notion of some people that they are not "that bad" is the fact that they drink at home. Of course in reality drinking to excess is bad in any case, but it just seems more sad and desperate if you are drinking at home alone, as opposed to out with friends at bars, or ballgames, or whatever. Drinking at home lets them escape several aspects of alcoholism-like drunk driving, drunken injuries etc. My sister drinks at home alone most nights if not every night.

I hope you stick to the path you're on. It is freedom after all.

[kuya]

Can an alcoholic ever become a normal drinker?

supermario;1474737 wrote: I also only drank to get drunk.
Having a drink or two means nothing to me, they just mess me up so bad that I crave another and another. So, for me it's all or nothing. What a terrible position I've placed myself in, I just have to learn to accept that..
Thank you for your comments, couldn't agree more. Heck! Some of you could have been great drinking buddies!! Sorry, still my drunkenness talking.. I am learning so much here, you guys rock!!

You know, it's not a terrible position really. It's only that alcohol abuse is so common.

We drank, we over drank, we got addicted, we quit.

I rode horses, I rode horses a lot, I had a couple of falls that frightened me, I quit riding.


Basically with regards to both these activities I GREW UP and took responsibility, end of story.

[friedabee]

Can an alcoholic ever become a normal drinker?

SuperMario, I saw in another thread that you'd read Allen Carr's book, and that it was very helpful to you. Give it another quick read, and also try Jason Vale's book. The topics you've brought up in this thread are addressed in both books. I, too, am convinced that I can't drink in moderation, but I count myself as one of the lucky ones!