What is the secret

[MJL]

:new:
Not sure that I want to be here but here I am...
I do want to stop drinking the amounts that I drink - I usually binge at the weekends or once in a while when I am socializing at home. Feel so guilty, fat and depressed the next day and always make a note never to drink or finish the bottle again but unfortunately to no avail. What is the secret - not to drink at all or how do I drink just one glass of wine and leave it it at that?

[Nursie]

What is the secret

Oh MJL, I know where you are right now. Welcome to MWO and please read as much as you can here. Especially helpful is the toolbox (someone will post a link for you, I don't know how to do that), and get to know us in the Newbie's nest thread. Start at the last page and click back a couple of weeks to get to know us.
The secret is simple and yet so complex. We either want to drink or we don't.
What got you HERE cannot get you THERE, so something has to change.
Chances are, you have tried moderating, you have made promises to yourself, and yet you ended up over and over with a guilty hangover, surfing the net for an answer and you landed here. (At least that's how I found MWO!) I was so sick of myself that I looked up antabuse implants so that I could never drink again, and I found this site.
Still, I coasted, drunk, sober, drunk, sober, for quite awhile before I decided I just can't do it anymore. I got on antabuse and haven't had a drink in 22 days.
Everyone has a different "answer" or "secret" but it build down to how bad you want it and what you are willing to change in order to get it.
For most of us, there is no "in-between" or we wouldn't need to be here.
I wish you the very best, and I'm sure more people will be along to help you! :welcome:

[almost free]

What is the secret

Hi MJL,

Welcome to My Way Out. You have come to the right place. We have all been where you are. This is a community of people from all over the world, sharing what is working for them. There is a mwo book that you can download, cds available, feedback on meds and supplements that help, and strategies that are helping others to stay sober.

Join us over in the Newbie's Nest (under "Just Starting Out"). There are many people over there who are just starting out or starting over. You will find lots of support, encouragement and friendship from others who are struggling with alcohol. Most people recommend trying to go AF (alcohol free) for thirty days, and then, when your head is clear, you can decide where you want to go from there.

Most of us have tried to moderate for years and found that it is just too slippery a slope for us, but that is a decision that each of us has to make for ourselves. I believe that there is a thread for those who wish to moderate, somewhere on this site.

There is also a Newbie's Nest roll call, which you can jump on to, where people check in every day, if you wish to do that. Some people find it helps to keep them 'accountable'. We give out prizes for milestones achieved, such as 7 days, 30 days, etc. You just copy the post just previous one to your own, paste the previous list to your new post, add your name and days, then click 'submit'.

Read back a bit and get to know us. Keep posting, so we can get to know you, too. You don't have to struggle through this alone. We are here to help you. So glad you joined us! We look forward to getting to know you.

[Struggles 106]

What is the secret

HI MJL

Welcome. And the short answer is there is no secret. There is no magic bullet.
Fortunately for you you have realized and admitted there is a problem. That's the first part and you have done that.

As suggested the Newbies Nest is great, and most would say you need a plan. The stopping is hard, but the living without alcohol is hard too. Sometimes.
The thing we turned to for all kinds of "reasons" cannot be used, so we must have a plan for getting comfort elsewhere. Of course those "reasons" include stress, anger, depression, reward,celebration, and all manner of bullshit we tell ourselves to justify drinking.
So wait-maybe that is the secret--when you know in your mind and heart and soul that you are pouring poison down your throat to manage your life, to cope, maybe that's it.
I am no expert and I don't know.

As to your question of how to drink one glass of wine and "leave it at that"--do you REALLY think you can do that? Do you even want to do that? Or do you drink to get drunk like most of us here? It takes a harsh clear look at things a decision that life CAN be better! And it can, and it will; you just have to try. And keep trying.

For support and help this is the place to be. There may be more places but I have found this site to be a lifesaver. Noone will judge you and many will encourage you.
Take care and stick around

[Kradle123]

What is the secret

Hi MJL and. :welcome:

I second third and fourth everything Nursie, Almost and Ann have said.

Please find the links to the tool box and the newbie nest in my signature below. And read read read!! That is very key.

Glad you found us :l

[columbia]

What is the secret

Hi MJL............

i was once told by a counselor that the only time you will be able to manage your drinking is when you take all the emotional attachment away from it.......................just a thought.......

we do not want to live thru our emotions..........

keep posting and reading............welcome......