I feel so stupid

[nattie]

I feel such an idiot & have let myself down....AGAIN. I had a minor slip up last weeekend but managed to get back on track & see it wasn't the end of the world.
So far this week BF has drunk Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday - not very helpful but I managed to abstain. Yesterday I heard news I have been waiting for for a while - the company I work for want to keep me on for a 6 month contract, this is fabulous as they are really nice people & left my previous job unable to cope with the stress & the sexist environment.
So feeling in a celebratory mood I fancied a drink - stupidly bought a small bottle of vodka & smuggled it into the house & proceeded to drink it in under an hour while BF was in the bath. Now we are not talking as he correctly thinks I have lied to him.
So this afternoon he asks me to fetch him some drink on the way back from putting the horses in, the most he has spoken to me all day. So now I too am drinking even though I don't want to......I just can't stand the atmosphere.

xx

[betty boop]

I feel so stupid

Nattie Love, i've been there as well .....

My hubby carried on drinking when I 1st tried to stop, and I know how bad you feel about being caught out.

After a similar episode, I agreed never to drink in secret, and never alone, and that has really kept the peace here. My goal is mods, so if ever I fancy a drink I call on the way home and ask if he wants anything picking up. It has worked so far this year which is an achievment for me bacause for the last several years drinking by myself was a regular occurence.

BTW, well done on your AF days this week.

Love & Hugs,

[nattie]

I feel so stupid

Thanks Betty - I just feel so out of control - he is embarresed when I drink & then suggests on a dinner out I had the other night I drink so as not to "stand out". Which one?!!??
So stupid about the drinking in secret thing...what was I thinking. Standing there swaying & proffesing to not a drop had touched my lips. Stupid.

thanks again

xx

[Arial]

I feel so stupid

Hi Nattie,

Don't let it get you down - I've read threads by long term abstainers who would still probably dispute whether they were fully 'in control' so don't expect too much of yourself - be proud of the fact that you managed 3 day AF while BF still drinking! - Shows you can do it!:goodjob:

Who are you doing this for? is this something you really want to achieve for yourself, your health, your future - or is it to keep BF happy? If it's for you then work out what's best for you and how you think you can achieve your goals- if you go out for dinner and you feel it's best not to drink, then don't - maybe have an excuse ready to keep BF and friends happy for the moment until you're ready to give them a bit more information (eg. you're on medication so you can't drink alcohol, just having a 'rest' as want to get healthier,... whatever works for you) and focus on what you want to achieve - 3days AF with temptation all round is brilliant so you can obviously do it :thumbs: ! Pick yourself up, learn something from it, cut yourself some slack and move forward. Tomorrow's another day ...

We're here so keep talking! no-one promises an easy ride, but keep confident and determined, use whatever tools and support are necessary and you'll get there - Many congratulations on the job, by the way - definitely worth a celebration, but maybe a good time to find another way of celebrating?! I've tried trips to the spa, bought myself flowers, and always the good old retail therapy - buy a new top for the new job!
Anyway, good luck with it all and take care! :l

[Guest]

I feel so stupid

I can't imagine how hard it would be if Ihad to be around it all the time. Maybe you need to explain to him it is impossible to be strong with him drinking. How can he be mad with you when he is doing the same thing?

[betty boop]

I feel so stupid

Quote ; I just feel so out of control - he is embarresed when I drink & then suggests on a dinner out I had the other night I drink so as not to "stand out". Which one?!!

Nattie Love,

He sounds just like my hubby!! He just wants you so suit him!!!!

Be firm, do what you want to do you YOU ...

Good Luck

[YoungAtHeart]

I feel so stupid

Yes, it wasn't right for you to lie, but I find it amazing that he asks you to pick up booze for him but expects you to abstain. The least he could do was get his own booze. Just my two cents.

[marcel]

I feel so stupid

BF's, can't live w' em can't live w'out 'em

The only time I get in trouble is when I lie. For me, it's just not worth it. Better to tell the truth, no matter what.

You are doing a wonderful job. Congratulations on the position!:goodjob:

Keep it up!!

[weemelonhead]

I feel so stupid

Hi Nattie....I'd just like to second Arial..(great post missus) she pretty much said all that I feel...it's so right...this about YOU, your plans for your lifestyle and health, and your drinking patterns...this is NOT for someone else to decide when it is or isn't 'suitable' for you to have a drink....I know how you feel...my partner drinks nearly every night, there is always a cask of wine in the cupboard, but, as I did not want him dictating to me...I will not do the same to him. It is entirely up to him if he wants to drink...I cannot remove every temptation or trigger in the whole world, so I may as well get used to the idea at home.

This is about you, and your choices, regardless of whatever else is going on around you, or whoever else is there...you will only 'stick out' at a meal with friends by not drinking IF somebody ELSE makes a big deal out of it...that is not your problem...

Look after yourself sweetie...you deserve it....good on you for all the AF days you are collecting so far....that's a great forward step...be proud:h
Weemelon xx

[overit]

I feel so stupid

Hi Nattie
Ariel has said to you exactly what I wanted to say, only in alot more of a polite way.
BF sounds to me like he's acting like a big baby, I think like Ariel asks "who are you doing it for?". It really sounds to me that you really want this for yourself despite the fact that BF seems to think hes the one holding the reigns.
The suggestion of pretending you're on medication is always a good one. I intend to use that myself when I've got my next dinner party. I don't think you should need to use that with your husband, but he sounds a bit of... , never mind who am I to judge, my husband has huge anger problems and I'm still with him.
This is day 7 for me, so I'm a novice, however this time around I started off doing it for my husband, we made a deal that I would stop drinking, and he would arrange professional help for his anger problems.
I got to day three and felt bloody fantastic, I'd joined a gym got a personal trainer, started walking on a morning, I didn't want to see 27 years of marriage and 4 children go down the toilet. Hubby did nothing!
I'm now doing this for the kids and me, I've already lost weight, am as stiff as buggery from my trainer,but I'm sitting here at 5.45am Sun morning waiting for my 9yo to wake up so that we can go for a run. I'm going to bed each night early, and reading, which I haven't been capable of for a long time and getting the best nights sleep ever.
Nattie listening to you I want this so much for you.
This has taken a year of failures for me. My husband's still drinking, only he hasn't got a problem. When I came down this morning, I noticed he'd opened the very expensive grenache we were going to share at some romantic point. I would have been devastated before, that he'd opened it alone, but it made me smile as I realised that he might as well drink it himself as I'm not going there again. 3/4 of the bottle is still left by the way!!
Please Nattie do it for yourself, and next time he says something like that when you're out for dinner, remind him that you don't drink anymore, and if he fel=els uncomfortable then tell him he's welcome to sit at another table. Sorry, you've got to do it your way but that's what I would say, again not so politely.

Take care Nattie
Love Alison

[cke123]

I feel so stupid

I feel for you Nattie. As I type, I am sitting at home while my boyfriend is out at a bar, then off to a party. And he has asked me to join him. I wont because I know that I cant be at a party where I know no one (not even if I knew everyone....) and NOT drink.

Here comes the hard part though...i am alone in the house and we have beer and wine in here. I know that I can drink it and be asleep by the time that the BF gets home. He wont know, but I sure will. I am trying to read and watch TV and eat to distract myself.....and also reading these great posts.

If your BF really and truly wants you to quit, then he has no right to tempt you that way. IT really sucks, and I know how you are feeling.

Be strong!

CKE

[marcel]

I feel so stupid

You, too!! I hope it's a good book.

[cke123]

I feel so stupid

I sure am trying!!

Thanks Marcel

[Mags]

I feel so stupid

Nattie and cke are both doing great jobs - against terrible odds. that's really hard to do!!
:goodjob:

[nattie]

I feel so stupid

wow - just logged on & wanted to say thank you so much for the lovely messages & support.
I DO want to do this for myself & think in some perverse way he is trying to see me fall flat on my face. We haven't been getting on for a long while, a lot to do with the drink and its almost like he has written off my attempts before I start.
I have just asked him a minute ago that should he want to drink I don't have a problem with it but please don't ask me to buy it - it seems te 2 times I have done I have felt the need to drink myself.......some stupid sort of association, who knows.

thanks again guys - you are all so great.

xx