Do you Matter?

[I'm Strong and in Control]

So many of us are unhappy with ourselves - it's not just the disappointment from the drink (which is a major depressive in itself). Much of my unhappiness is caused by my (unconscious) thoughts about myself. This morning, I called in to work and said I'd be late (or sick, or taking a vacation day, or an errand) because it doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter if I am there or not. I realized this is how I think of myself on an unconscious level - I don't matter. It is ok if I don't exercise, or give my body the nutrition it needs to thrive. I'm loved and have great relationships - none vital. There is absolutely nothing and no one that NEEDS me. Today I'm asking myself - what is my contribution? what do I bring to the party? How do I matter? I'm not depressed (or sucidal - which is what I would think about someone writing this!) but questioning. Am I asking the right questions? How do I build my self worth?

[4thekids]

Do you Matter?

Did you drink last night?

[freethinker]

Do you Matter?

I won't ask if you drank last night. I don't think it matters within the framework of your comments. You could be asking the same questions even if you've never had a single drink your entire life. Ongoing happiness and a sense of purpose are fleeting ideals in this life we live. I think addiction literature has it right when they talk about "one day at a time"

Today is really all you've got. Try to "give to and take from" TODAY. I find the way to happiness is to not contemplate too much whether I am happy or useful or whatever. The key is activity. Try to produce something, even if it is just good will toward another person. Ask yourself, "what can I do today?" Too much introspection can be a bad thing. It leads to constant "navel gazing". Less thinking and more doing is the key. Trust me on this.

If you're loved and have great relationships that's wonderful. Many aren't that fortunate.
You matter to others more than you may think. The problem is people are so self-absorbed that they don't take the time to tell us how much we matter to them. It's sad. You say no one needs you? There is one. YOU need YOU.

When I look outside at my rose bushes, I know they need me. Your questions are important and unique to you. However, we all have the same questions with different contexts. At the end of the day, we are ultimately "alone" with ourselves. We need to learn to enjoy the company.

[nonamegirl]

Do you Matter?

HEY, ISIC!

Hi, Remember me? I am the one who asked if I could put your name on my mirror. I loved what you said so very much about ... ummm, let's see, it was "I am happy, and if you need to, remind me," or something like that. Remember?

I look at your name every single morning and thank you for saying that. "I AM STRONG AND IN CONTROL." Every single time I look in my mirror I send you a prayer that things are going well for you, because you helped me at a time when I needed it. So, here is this nonamegirl in Montana who is telling you that YES, you are important. You have important relationships and you are doing more for people, more than you are even aware of.

I agree with Freethinker that we are all ultimately alone and need to enjoy our own company... that is a very profound statement. But also, remember the take-home message of that marvelous but perhaps over-shown Christmas movie "It's a Wonderful Life." We all touch more people than we ever even dream of, and our pebbles of influence cause waves which continue on past into forever.

:lYOU, ISIC, have helped me. For that I am immensely grateful. :h

PS... I'd like you to change how you look at your day off. Think of it as a "Mental Health Day", which in my career was very important. Do something especially nice for yourself today. You DO matter. At your job, here at the MWO forums, and for everyone you contact. Are you asking the right questions? Yes, of course. All of us need to ask these. The answer is YES. You DO matter.

[free at last]

Do you Matter?

Dear Strong,
Thanks for asking a provocative question. I think for those of us who do not have to be concerned with basic issues of existence-- how to ensure we have adequate food, drinking water, shelter, clothing, how to send our children to primary school (I'm talking basic education, not college)--that it is normal to question "does my life matter?" First of all, we have the luxury to think about such matters. Second, the definition of "matter" is extremely personal. I know I have asked myself this same question at various points in my life.

I came to the conclusion that, in the large scheme of things, none of is really important, in and of ourselves. But, how we live our lifes, what we do with the time we have, how we interact with other beings (not just humans), how much/little we consume, that does matter. On a singular and collective scale. For me, it is important that my work has meaning for me, and really only me -- it may not be bringing about world peace, but in some small way, my contributions add up to something worthwhile.

I will end with two maxims I have tried (not always successfully) to live by: 1) the only thing in life you have control over is your integrity. Make certain you keep it intact; and 2) the person you will spend the majority of your life with, is yourself. Make certain you are interested (in others, topics, causes) and interesting to yourself. Take care, Free.

[NoSugar]

Do you Matter?

Hi, ISIC

You might gain as I have from this thread: https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...ead-71728.html

On a particularly dark day, I read the whole thing and it helped me a great deal. I now read it whenever there is a new post.

SlayTheFear and FallenAngel have taken the time to share passages that for me are great gifts.

All the best to you, NS

I'm Strong and in Control;1479911 wrote: So many of us are unhappy with ourselves - it's not just the disappointment from the drink (which is a major depressive in itself). Much of my unhappiness is caused by my (unconscious) thoughts about myself. This morning, I called in to work and said I'd be late (or sick, or taking a vacation day, or an errand) because it doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter if I am there or not. I realized this is how I think of myself on an unconscious level - I don't matter. It is ok if I don't exercise, or give my body the nutrition it needs to thrive. I'm loved and have great relationships - none vital. There is absolutely nothing and no one that NEEDS me. Today I'm asking myself - what is my contribution? what do I bring to the party? How do I matter? I'm not depressed (or sucidal - which is what I would think about someone writing this!) but questioning. Am I asking the right questions? How do I build my self worth?

[K9Lover]

Do you Matter?

I'm sure we've ALL had these thoughts at one point or another. I've had those thoughts about my job too...like "who cares if I'm really there or not?"...then again, I would hate to be SO important that the world DID stop if I didn't go in, because then how could I ever take a day off??? LOL There's a saying that you should never be irreplaceable, because if you are, you can never get promoted...or something like that. Sorry if I'm rambling here and not being very helpful

My long-winded point is that YES, you do matter...we ALL do, in different ways, to different people. I, for one, am glad you're here, and I sure hope you stick around!

Love,
K9

[Oneredshoe]

Do you Matter?

freethinker;1479928 wrote: I won't ask if you drank last night. I don't think it matters within the framework of your comments. You could be asking the same questions even if you've never had a single drink your entire life. Ongoing happiness and a sense of purpose are fleeting ideals in this life we live. I think addiction literature has it right when they talk about "one day at a time"

Today is really all you've got. Try to "give to and take from" TODAY. I find the way to happiness is to not contemplate too much whether I am happy or useful or whatever. The key is activity. Try to produce something, even if it is just good will toward another person. Ask yourself, "what can I do today?" Too much introspection can be a bad thing. It leads to constant "navel gazing". Less thinking and more doing is the key. Trust me on this.

If you're loved and have great relationships that's wonderful. Many aren't that fortunate.
You matter to others more than you may think. The problem is people are so self-absorbed that they don't take the time to tell us how much we matter to them. It's sad. You say no one needs you? There is one. YOU need YOU.

When I look outside at my rose bushes, I know they need me. Your questions are important and unique to you. However, we all have the same questions with different contexts. At the end of the day, we are ultimately "alone" with ourselves. We need to learn to enjoy the company.

I COULDN'T AGREE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kradle123]

Do you Matter?

Oddly enough I couldn't agree Less.

While we all inevitably ask, 'What's it all about Alfie? ', those of us whose heads revolve around drinking will never be able to answer that question constructively for ourselves or others.
And when I am drinking a fair amount on a regular basis, I really could care less about my myself, never mind my rosebushes...

Seeing ourselves clearly simply won't ever happen while we are drinking... Darn It!

Trite but true IMO.

:l

[Snapdragon]

Do you Matter?

freethinker;1479928 wrote:

When I look outside at my rose bushes, I know they need me. Your questions are important and unique to you. However, we all have the same questions with different contexts. At the end of the day, we are ultimately "alone" with ourselves. We need to learn to enjoy the company.

I loved your quote about the rose bushes Freethinker. I have started feeding the birds in my garden (as it's very wintery here in the UK) and take enormous pleasure in watching them eat and knowing that I have made a difference for them today.

[freethinker]

Do you Matter?

Kradle123;1480005 wrote: Oddly enough I couldn't agree Less.

While we all inevitably ask, 'What's it all about Alfie? ', those of us whose heads revolve around drinking will never be able to answer that question constructively for ourselves or others.
And when I am drinking a fair amount on a regular basis, I really could care less about my myself, never mind my rosebushes...

Seeing ourselves clearly simply won't ever happen while we are drinking... Darn It!

Trite but true IMO.

:l

You say you couldn't agree less with what I said. What part? I simply said that one doesn't even have to be a drinker to have an existential moment. The OP is questioning her value and reason for being. That's a very human thing to do that most people, if they're honest, would admit to asking of themselves (whether they drink or not)

The OP didn't mention anything about drinking or being hungover. She said she wasn't even depressed. Every honest question posed on here by someone doesn't have to revolve around their drinking life. I found her questions to be sober and cogent. I think my response was as well. Your way of giving a helpful answer was basically "until you quit being a drunk, you'll never figure anything out". And on top of that, you don't seem to fond of roses. If the OP is feeling worthless because of her drinking, then you have a point. BUT, she didn't mention drinking. I just believe that self-worth has to transcend sobriety. I know totally sober people who feel worthless and hate themselves.

[kuya]

Do you Matter?

THE FOLLOWING IS FROM ANOTHER THREAD YESTERDAY.

Isaic........learning to love yourself, warts and all, is hard but vital. No amount of approval from others will equal self love ( and self forgiveness). Acknowledging that you are a 'perfect' flawed human being is the source of peace and happiness.



Quote:
Originally Posted by I'm Strong and in Control
I see that I am not alone in my constant criticism and judgment of myself, how terrible I am, lazy, undependable, a drunk, unattractive, fearful, socially inept, yada yada yada. We all do this to ourselves and we are our own worst enemy. No wonder I'm depressed - I'm always telling myself what a jerk I am! AND IT JUST ISN'T TRUE! I'm funny and vibrant and actually quite lovely - but how often do I tell myself that? What if today all you did was tell yourself the good things about you instead of the bad?




Better yet.......make an extensive list of ALL the good and bad faults and attributes......stand back, read them, laugh and humbly accept that you are just a normal, cuddly, loveable, annoying, etc etc HUMAN BEING.

You gotta love yourself first, my dears

there is NOTHING wrong with you, there never was........... you have just been brainwashed or brainwashed yourselves into thinking badly of yourself.

[I'm Strong and in Control]

Do you Matter?

4thekids;1479913 wrote: Did you drink last night?

no, didn't drink last night. Just realizing how I think about myself. I'm actually in a pretty good mood.

[I'm Strong and in Control]

Do you Matter?

nonamegirl;1479936 wrote: Hi, Remember me? I am the one who asked if I could put your name on my mirror. I loved what you said so very much about ... ummm, let's see, it was "I am happy, and if you need to, remind me," or something like that. Remember?

I look at your name every single morning and thank you for saying that. "I AM STRONG AND IN CONTROL." Every single time I look in my mirror I send you a prayer that things are going well for you, because you helped me at a time when I needed it. So, here is this nonamegirl in Montana who is telling you that YES, you are important. You have important relationships and you are doing more for people, more than you are even aware of.

I agree with Freethinker that we are all ultimately alone and need to enjoy our own company... that is a very profound statement. But also, remember the take-home message of that marvelous but perhaps over-shown Christmas movie "It's a Wonderful Life." We all touch more people than we ever even dream of, and our pebbles of influence cause waves which continue on past into forever.

:lYOU, ISIC, have helped me. For that I am immensely grateful. :h

PS... I'd like you to change how you look at your day off. Think of it as a "Mental Health Day", which in my career was very important. Do something especially nice for yourself today. You DO matter. At your job, here at the MWO forums, and for everyone you contact. Are you asking the right questions? Yes, of course. All of us need to ask these. The answer is YES. You DO matter.

thanks noname, I'm moved to tears all over my dinner. I don't even care that my potstickers are wet.

[I'm Strong and in Control]

Do you Matter?

freethinker;1479928 wrote: I won't ask if you drank last night. I don't think it matters within the framework of your comments. You could be asking the same questions even if you've never had a single drink your entire life. Ongoing happiness and a sense of purpose are fleeting ideals in this life we live. I think addiction literature has it right when they talk about "one day at a time"

Today is really all you've got. Try to "give to and take from" TODAY. I find the way to happiness is to not contemplate too much whether I am happy or useful or whatever. The key is activity. Try to produce something, even if it is just good will toward another person. Ask yourself, "what can I do today?" Too much introspection can be a bad thing. It leads to constant "navel gazing". Less thinking and more doing is the key. Trust me on this.

If you're loved and have great relationships that's wonderful. Many aren't that fortunate.
You matter to others more than you may think. The problem is people are so self-absorbed that they don't take the time to tell us how much we matter to them. It's sad. You say no one needs you? There is one. YOU need YOU.

When I look outside at my rose bushes, I know they need me. Your questions are important and unique to you. However, we all have the same questions with different contexts. At the end of the day, we are ultimately "alone" with ourselves. We need to learn to enjoy the company.

You are so right, free. Thanks for that - today is all I have.