Ugh...

[ScoobyDoo]

I hope you guys had a great weekend! I went to a meditation retreat, and got home Sun afternoon and thought it would be a nice idea to have a glass of red wine while I had a bath. We went to a friends place for dinner afterwards and I proceeded to drink more wine and can't remember the last hour or two of the night. There was a lot of tension between my partner and I which only made it worse as I snubbed him for a lot of the night.

Ughhh.... not good! My head is pounding and I feel like all the great progress I've been making over the past 2 weeks has been unraveled. God I hate this whole drinking issue I have!

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. At least I know I can come here and others will understanding the feeling I have. It just feels like it will never go away.

Doo

[Bluebell]

Ugh...

Aw Doo......things always seem to get worse before they get better.

Maybe the retreat brought a lot of scum to your surface and it was perhaps hard to face or deal with. Perhaps you used wine as a balm and, as usual, it only makes things worse.

Okay, that's a theory on why you did what you did, but what now?

I think you are right. It will never go away. BUT maybe we can learn, through the different situations and feelings we are going to face along the way that it can be controlled somewhat. I certainly hope for that.

There's nothing really you can do now except put it down to experience.

I really hope you feel better soon.:l

[techspice]

Ugh...

I can so relate to you!!

Hey Doo!

Don't be so hard on yourself chick - this one night does not undo the progress you've made so far & I enjoy reading your posts - you've got a good handle on what's going on & seem to be a great self monitor which is really important for us 'addicts'. Keep up the great work Doo, I can relate to you entirely. Just a question though, is your partner supportive or at least understanding of what you're going through?? Mine thinks that if you really want to stop doing something, you just decide to stop it! Hmmm.... wish it was like that hey!

Anyway..... I had a similar thing happen to me last night! Had a great weekend, lots of exercise, cycling etc, met up with friends both nights, drank moderately & controllably with dinner, blah blah blah. Then I played indoor soccer last night, managed to sprain my ankle quite badly, hobbled to the bottle shop on the way home for that "one glass of red" I thought I could enjoy whilst having a bath - and proceeded to drink the whole bottle!
I did the ice pack/elevation thing on the ankle until I couldn't really feel it anymore (HELLO - that's what a bottle of shiraz does!) & when I woke up this morning it was up like a balloon. Yep, a nice "grade 2" ankle sprain thanks very much. I'm now on crutches & feeling like an idiot....and same old same old 'I'm never drinking like that again'
I don't exactly know what happened....it's like there's a trigger between the second & third glass. I'm OK if I have 1 glass but definately NOT OK if I have 2....weird isn't it?
Does anyone else experience that?

Oh & just out of interest, a bottle of red on average is around 2090 kilojoules....& I can't even work that off with this ankle injury so again, feel like the proverbial loser...
Thanks for your honesty Doo & for prompting me to post - I usually prefer to read them than write them!
Thanks again,
techspice :armsaround:

[Elizabeth]

Ugh...

Hi DooDoo,

I feel your disappointment. You just want to pull your hair out you feel so angry with yourself. Well don't be. We've all done it so many times and it serves no purpose beating up on yourself. Rather take this as a sign that you can't moderate as easily as you think. There's no saying you won't be able to do so in the future. Try a full month abs first to clear your mind and whole system. Hang in here matey we're all behind you.:l

[Guest]

Ugh...

Doo..
Use that anger.. use it constructively and consciously.

Get up and fight.
Brigid

[Guest]

Ugh...

Tech..
Get up and fight too...
Both of you... dont beat yourselves up... be honest.. what went wrong... what should happen differently next time...

Dont pity party this... stir yourselves into action.
Brigid

[nattie]

Ugh...

Hi DooDoo,
Please don't be too hard on yourself - I had a similar experience at the weekend and know how strong that dissapointment can be. At least in the light of day we are able to see it as a mistake & get back on track to where we were heading before. I would be a lot more worried had I woken up & though "oh s*d it.....nevermind"
Well done for what you achieved so far - it's not always easy is it. I also think I need to find other ways to relax or reward myself ....I can so relate to the glass of wine in the bath but maybe I will have to develope an expensive addiction to bubble bath instead !
Keep your chin up

Love
Nattie

xx

[satori]

Ugh...

Doo - it happens - but you are back here and annoyed at yourself - so it is less likely to happen again - see - it was actually a POSITIVE thing!



Tech,

I can so relate to the trigger.

For me it is after drink 2 - up till then I can usually stop - but if I crack the third - :upset:

Satori

[betty boop]

Ugh...

Doo, We have All done it!!

Be positive, you have had 2 good weeks and at least you know that you CAN do it.

[Beaches]

Ugh...

Doo,
I agree with what everyone has said. We have all done it and that's why we are here. Brush yourself off and remember how great you've done. Don't let one slip ruin it all. Some for you Tech. You both are doing great remember that!

[Bella]

Ugh...

DooDoo, it is sooo hard this struggle for sobriety. I hope it comforts you to hear all the support you have here on MWO. You have done brilliantly so just carry on remembering why you are doing this and you will be fine. B xx

[dilayne]

Ugh...

Mornin' Doo...(((hugs)))
Most people that know me on this board know that my spiritual interest run deep and are influenced by psychology..Carl Jung talks of the shadow, the unacknowledged parts of ourselves..which can be negative or positive. What I've learned in my studies is that 'owning our shadow' is an important part of individuation, which just means, becoming whole..we (all human beings) spend their lifetime on that journey and our faith (whichever brand we subscribe to) can be a big part of it. Long story long, is that it is not uncommon, when we do something really good (your retreat), or are being really 'good', that the shadow will exert itself to seek balance. Think sun and moon, the opposites...I always thought that was interesting. I've read that we can 'manage the opposites' by acknowledging them. One way would be going out and doing something that will help balance your state.. For example..if somebody is the 'perfect' wife, mom and employee..ALL of the freakin time, it would be very healthy for her to do something totally wild and crazy from time to time..have a night out with the girls, go to a bad movie, etc. etc. The same holds true for someone who lives a highly negative charged life..be it working in an emergency room or police station...going to mass, taking a walk or anything positive, quiet and nurturing would help balance their energies. My point (and a reminder to me) is that if I can remember this, maybe the urge to over do the drinking won't overtake me..if I give myself permission in more healthy ways to balance my energies..then I'll generally be more centered. As I've grown older, I've loved accepting the fact that I don't always have to be the 'good' girl...what pressure!!! I very much enjoy being the bad girl in a good way, if given the chance...maybe you should visit Lushy's, 'how to be a bitch' thread....it could be a very zen thing to do. :0) Sorry it took so long to write this, but your post really got me to thinking about it.

Have a good day everyone. Be gentle with yourselves.
Namaste!
Di

[marcel]

Ugh...

Doo Doo, Tech, Please don't beat yourselves up. That was yesterday. This is a new day, week, .... I suffer the same condition. I have one glass of red wine and after that it's 'katy, bar the door'. Don't know if you auussies know that expression but I think it means that after one glass there is no holding me back. Maybe wine is a trigger in itself?
Be better, Techspice. Be patient.
Everybody have a great day.

[buckledown]

Ugh...

You can turn this around ...look at what you have achieved ...not just that one day...but the whiole picture...get back on the path and the journey will come...i'm rooting for you...tomorrow will be a better day...buck

[ScoobyDoo]

Ugh...

God, I'm in love with you guys! It is just so incredibly comforting to know that we can all relate to this bloody addiction.

BB & Dilayne, I think you are both right on th money with regards to the retreat having a polarised affect on my actions. Dilayne, Jung's theory makes perfect sense and I can relate to a spirituality that runs parallel with psychology. During the retreat, they talked a bit about 'god' so I just thought of the sun as being my 'god' and source of energy, which worked well for me.

Tech, my partner is supportive and I have been chatting with him a lot about what it's like for me. Being a guy who can have a couple of glasses of wine and can stop at any time, can not relate to what it's like, and that's ok. I know you guys here can relate. We've agreed that he will stop ordering wine for the cellar (he's ok with that) and he won't cook foods that require a glass of red wine (like last night for example... where I drank the remainder!).

I've realised now that for me, it's red wine that ropes me in and gets me every time. 90% of the time, I just can't stop at 1 or 2 glasses. Mick, my partner thinks perhaps I have an allergy... who knows. I love the stuff but it's not doing me any good.

Tech, I am the same as you with the 2nd to 3rd glass theory. After the 2nd glass, something just clicks in, and I just have to have another! Oh and Tech, I jumped on the scales this morning and have lost 2 kilo (from previous 2 weeks effort of AF during the weeknights) without changing my diet, so that's exciting to see there are some added benefits to AF.

About Time Too; I've decided that I'm going to take your advice here and do the 30 days AF starting today It's such a gorgeous day in Sydney today, and would be even nicer if I didn't have this slight fuzzy hangover from last night. Neverthe less, I'm feeling good about my decision. I'm up for the fight. Thank you

Marcel, yes, red wine is one of my real triggers! I'm even wondering if there is something in red wine that isn't so much in other alcoholic drinks that acts as more of a trigger to drink more of it, in some people (like us).

Thanks so much for all your support... I really do appreciate the efforts you've all made to help me work through this. I'm feeling really good about this decision to have 30 days AF and I probably couldn't have reached this point so easily without your collective support here. I'm going to re-evaluate after 30 days and consider extending it to 90 days.

Mick, my partner is a bit of a smart boy and has not just 1 but 2 science degrees up his sleeve. Last night he explained a bit about Dopamines (sp?) to me, and that it takes 90 days to readjust themselves from any addiction be it alcohol or a narcotic. I haven't explained it very well but found it interesting. So on this basis I'm leaning towards a minimum of 90 days AF but will re evaluate down the track and for now am doing 30 days. Interesting stuff!

Also, just want to add that I'm supporting RJ's 2nd year celebration idea because I'm going to be here for a looong time

Doo