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    Ready to be done

    I have been lurking on here for about two weeks now and today, I've finally decided to join and start my new AF life.

    I am 38, have a great husband and two wonderful daughters. I worked in the health care field for 12 years and just recently (a year ago) left my job to be at home for my girls (they are 6 and 2). I love being a stay at home mom but my alcohol use has gotten out of hand.

    I never drank in high school, there is no history of alcohol abuse in my family (that I know of), my parents drank at times, always responsibly, college I worked in a bar and rarely had more than a beer or two. In 20s, while working, I would go out with friends and drink occasionally but never drank alone at home. But my use of alcohol completely escalated about six years ago.

    After my first pregnancy, I started having some issues with anxiety and started drinking more and more wine at night to calm myself and "relax". I remember feeling shocked when I would realize I had finished one bottle of wine to myself. This went on at least four nights a week. Always at home, didn't drink much in front of friends and family. My husband drank more at that time too and we never really confronted each other about it.

    It got better for a time. I saw a therapist, started feeling better, and we started trying for another baby. I was healthy and feeling great during that pregnancy and our daughter was born in the summer of 2010. I nursed her for 10 months so didn't drink then either.

    Then things got crazy at work. My office moved further and doubled my commute. My husband changed careers (to a job he loves so much more but the schedule is tougher/longer). It was stressful and I felt like I was shouldering everything. So I started drinking again. Always in the evening, on my own.

    That continues now. Generally finish about two bottles of wine each night on my own. I start around 4:30 when I start prepping dinner (seems to be a common theme around here!). Would finish up around 10:00 and pass out on the couch. I hide it in the baking supply cabinet in the kitchen because my husband never goes in there. He has never said anything and I wonder sometimes if he even has any idea of how much I drink.

    I was just diagnosed with reflux. I don't want this to turn into esophageal cancer and my risk factor with drinking is just too frightening to continue.

    So today is my day one. I poured out an entire bottle of wine so there is no more in the house. Going to check out the newbie nest and get comfortable here.

    Thanks to anyone who reads this. I'm glad to finally be a "real" poster on here. I look forward to having a signature that shows my AF days and watching that number grow. Going to order the book and check out the meditation stuff too.

    #2
    Ready to be done

    welcome! i totally relate to your story. there are a lot of folks here who will as well. good to see you posting and relating, your health is worth it, for sure.

    peace!
    10-06-2012

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      #3
      Ready to be done

      Welcome JCW

      Nice to have you here! I admire your determination, that you poured out the wine. Great idea! Good for you.

      Your children need a sober and fully finctioning mom so this is such a good thing.
      You have found a wonderful place for help and support. All of us have been where you are and might have tips on how to get out.

      My sister drinks wine every night but unlike you she is in denial and just keeps on and on. So happy for you that you recognie admit and address the issue.

      I hope to get to "know" you here

      Comment


        #4
        Ready to be done

        Welcome to MWO!

        Your story sounds so familiar. Most of our drinking escalated over time. I remember way back in the day when 4 beers would get me drunk. A decade later, I was drinking 12-14 per night, and somehow functioning through the next day! It wasn't until I got sober that I realized how SICK I felt every single day...back then it was just normal.
        :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

        Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

        Comment


          #5
          Ready to be done

          Welcome to MWO!

          Your story sounds so familiar. Most of our drinking escalated over time. I remember way back in the day when 4 beers would get me drunk. A decade later, I was drinking 12-14 per night, and somehow functioning through the next day! It wasn't until I got sober that I realized how SICK I felt every single day...back then it was just normal.

          I quit for my daughter but I stay sober for me, which benefits us both. You'll notice a huge difference in your interaction with your children once you get rid of the alcohol. Things may not be "bad" right now, but they will get so much better!

          I'm glad you're here and hope to get to know you better!

          K9

          p.s. Sorry for the double post...I wasn't done and somehow it posted anyway! LOL
          :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

          Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

          Comment


            #6
            Ready to be done

            Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply. I really feel like I used to be fun, confident, and happy. AL has robbed me of those things in so many ways. I managed to get past one trigger already today. Normally when I call my mom on the phone, I would have a glass or two of wine. We get along great and are very close, it just was something I did because it felt more "fun" to be drinking and chatting and laughing. I just called and talked to her for an hour without a drink. Kept my hands busy making the beds and washing dishes while on the phone. Glad to remind myself of the things I can do better without wine.

            Comment


              #7
              Ready to be done

              Hi there JCWoman

              That sounds a lot lilke my drinking was, its hard at first to break the habit and turn your back on the vino but trust me once you've done it for a few days you'll wonder why you left it so long. Wishing you well and will watch the AF days climb with you.

              :welcome:
              AF since 9 December 2012 :yay:

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                #8
                Ready to be done

                Hey JCW

                Good job on resisting the wine for the phone call. Habits can be hard to break for sure.

                I can relate to feeling like I used to be fun confident and happy. When it becomes miserable it's kind of sad really. But I believe it's a progressive situation in the sense that it WILL get worse.

                I am now actually terrified of drinking. I know that if I start it will get out of control and anything could happen. And none of it would be good.

                After a while you just marvel at how good you feel.

                Just curious-what part of the country are you in? If you're in this country that is. If not then what part of the world?

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                  #9
                  Ready to be done

                  Best of luck, JetCity, you can do it!

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Ready to be done

                    You sound great, jet- like a lady with a plan!
                    :heartbeat:

                    Star:star:

                    08-13-15

                    I am only one drink away from never being sober again.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Ready to be done

                      JetCityWoman,

                      Welcome. You sound ready and MWO is a great place to share and get support. Read, read and read more and post to have a record of your journey, to reach out for help and to help others who may relate to your story.

                      For me, being sober is a blessing. It's your first day!!

                      kronkcarr

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Ready to be done

                        Hi JetCity.

                        Wine was / is also my vice. I can relate to your post, as we all can in one way or the other. I'm a newbie to this as well- just 2 weeks ahead of you. Just take it one day at a time. I have a small child, hubby travels for work, and I too, let the stressors of feeling like I bare all the weight, get the best of me.....so I escaped with wine.

                        My daughter (just as yours do) deserve a present, happy mom. Thankfully my daughter is small enough that she won't remember seeing mommy drunk......I was/ am determined to keep it that way.

                        Please reach out if you need to chat, and welcome! We can do this!
                        AF since 3/12/13.


                        Completed over a year AF and fell off the wagon.
                        Back to it, new day 1= 7/1/14


                        I'm on my way.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Ready to be done

                          JetCity,

                          Welcome! Just wanted to reiterate that one of the best ways to succeed in your plan to become AF is to check on MWO as often as you can, especially in the beginning. Everyone is very supportive and if you need advice or a place to vent instead of having a drink to relieve stress, post here, that is what has worked for many newbies.
                          On a mission, and the only option is success. My family and I deserve a better life, an AF life.:h

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Ready to be done

                            Thanks so much, everyone! It was a good first day. I am watching a movie with my husband and the girls and then getting them ready for bed. I kept busy but just sort of had a sense of calm today. Probably because I wasn't constantly thinking about when I could start drinking, how to hide it, etc. I just knew it wasn't going to be a part of my day.

                            I made huge fresh salads for dinner and some homemade chicken noodle soup. I feel like I took my time and enjoyed the food more. It was nice.

                            Tomorrow I'm going to write up my plan. This site and all of you are a Godsend. I have been checking in almost hourly today. Will probably be doing that for a long time!

                            @Ann Carolina - I'm in Seattle. I think it helped that my day 1 was a nice, sunny and warm (64 degrees!) day here.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Ready to be done

                              JetCityWoman;1483094 wrote: Probably because I wasn't constantly thinking about when I could start drinking, how to hide it, etc. I just knew it wasn't going to be a part of my day.
                              This is what finally "clicked" for me. It became easier to not drink, than to drink. No worrying about stocking up for the night, or disposing of the empties, or trying to remember the nights activities. That was a lot of work!

                              You sound great...keep it up and know that the AL beast will rear his ugly head, but every time you ignore him, he gets weaker and you get stronger!

                              Stick close!
                              :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                              Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                              Comment

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