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[Nelz]

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kuya;1483400 wrote: Here is a concern.....a newbie chooses a mentor BUT I think one to one mentoring, in the context of an online site, should be for a limited initial period, while the newbie gets settled.

That takes the pressure off the sponsor to be available ad infinitum for folks who might take YEARS to get sober. This also means a newbie is never 'rejected' as such. There is a time limit to the arrangement after which time any newbie should have found their feet.

That sort of answers a question I had, what if the two dont "click" both parties should be able to have an option to change without any hurt feelings. Sometimes people just cant work together

[kuya]

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Nelz;1483404 wrote: That sort of answers a question I had, what if the two dont "click" both parties should be able to have an option to change without any hurt feelings. Sometimes people just cant work together

I think that the needs are pretty similar at the outset and personalities only come into play along the track. A newbie would choose a sponsor but the sponsor is not tied.

I think that, provided enough are willing, we could just add a ' sponsor available' line to our signature like


New member? Need :helpme:..... PM me

[NoSugar]

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kuya;1483409 wrote: I think that the needs are pretty similar at the outset and personalities only come into play along the track. A newbie would choose a sponsor but the sponsor is not tied.

I think that, provided enough are willing, we could just add a ' sponsor available' line to our signature like


New member? Need :helpme:..... PM me

I like this idea, Kuya.

That way, the Newbie feels less awkward reaching out and can do that to a person s/he relates to and can choose someone just a bit ahead of them in quit time or way ahead, whichever seems best.

I was scared out of my wits when I first wrote to you but your direct, data-driven approach to this problem resonated with me and I felt like you would be one who could help me straighten out my addled thinking, and you did.

If you had had 'I'm Available' in your signature (and it would be just so concordant with your friendly avatar!! :H ), I would have been a little less timid, I think.

One downside is that Newbies might feel that they cannot PM people who do not have 'Availability' noted. Some good interactions might be missed. Another is, I think MOST interaction should be on the boards, in public. The power of MWO is going to be lost if too much of the important work goes on behind the scenes.

Well, good brain-storming is going on here -- a solution probably will present itself pretty soon.

NS

[kuya]

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NoSugar;1483440 wrote: I like this idea, Kuya.

That way, the Newbie feels less awkward reaching out and can do that to a person s/he relates to and can choose someone just a bit ahead of them in quit time or way ahead, whichever seems best.

I was scared out of my wits when I first wrote to you but your direct, data-driven approach to this problem resonated with me and I felt like you would be one who could help me straighten out my addled thinking, and you did.

If you had had 'I'm Available' in your signature (and it would be just so concordant with your friendly avatar!! :H ), I would have been a little less timid, I think.

One downside is that Newbies might feel that they cannot PM people who do not have 'Availability' noted. Some good interactions might be missed. Another is, I think MOST interaction should be on the boards, in public. The power of MWO is going to be lost if too much of the important work goes on behind the scenes.

Well, good brain-storming is going on here -- a solution probably will present itself pretty soon.

NS

And I agree....this should only be an orienteering role.....as you say to help all most work should be public.

( there is a story behind the avatar NS.....but that should NOT be public! )

[Byrdlady]

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Great thread, and all great ideas!
I've been giving this some thought. I'm a girl who believes in working with what ya have. Maybe we can all become an army of one. Many of us here devote hours a day to helping others, and I guess that is a bit extreme (leave it to us to be extreme) but when I see a new poster who is reaching out, I make it a point to speak to them and try to give them some navigation tools (via my signature line). I try to do this as much as I can...to give new folks the sense that someone is listening and has been where they sit now. I direct them to the Newbie's Nest. For obvious reasons, they will find help there if they go. When I first started posting in the NN, there would only be 4 or 5 messages A DAY, and some of them talked about weather and the idiot who cut them off in traffic. Except for Lav, there wasn't much activity going on...I got discouraged and lost in the system (so to speak). We have, I'd say, 10-12 active posters in the nest at a given time? Sometimes more (like after a holiday weekend) sometimes less....there could be 6 or 7 pages of posts in any given day. My thoughts are that I spent 4-6 hours every night drunk on the couch...if it takes 20 or 30 minutes to catch up each days posts, that's not a bad investment. Plus, we talk about the exact things that Newbie's are struggling with. We are ON POINT to their problems. If a person is serious about quitting it is a great place to get settled. Where people get lost is going out on their own threads, they get a hit or two and then die away in the wash of new posts...That's where we are losing people, IMHO. Once new folks come into the nest, if I see someone struggling, I DO PM them...and I give them my cell phone number to call or text me if they need to. But by directing them to the NN, they will have a voice...because we respond to everyone! We embrace new people...ALWAYS. So this is just what I try to do. We have great success in the nest....lots of different approaches too, so there is something for everyone. I agree with NoSugar, what one person faces isn't unique and that's the power of the forum, and posting your feelings and getting input from others. That's my approach....for what it's worth. B

[NoSugar]

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Byrdlady;1483612 wrote: Great thread, and all great ideas!
I've been giving this some thought. I'm a girl who believes in working with what ya have. Maybe we can all become an army of one. Many of us here devote hours a day to helping others, and I guess that is a bit extreme (leave it to us to be extreme) but when I see a new poster who is reaching out, I make it a point to speak to them and try to give them some navigation tools (via my signature line). I try to do this as much as I can...to give new folks the sense that someone is listening and has been where they sit now. I direct them to the Newbie's Nest. For obvious reasons, they will find help there if they go. When I first started posting in the NN, there would only be 4 or 5 messages A DAY, and some of them talked about weather and the idiot who cut them off in traffic. Except for Lav, there wasn't much activity going on...I got discouraged and lost in the system (so to speak). We have, I'd say, 10-12 active posters in the nest at a given time? Sometimes more (like after a holiday weekend) sometimes less....there could be 6 or 7 pages of posts in any given day. My thoughts are that I spent 4-6 hours every night drunk on the couch...if it takes 20 or 30 minutes to catch up each days posts, that's not a bad investment. Plus, we talk about the exact things that Newbie's are struggling with. We are ON POINT to their problems. If a person is serious about quitting it is a great place to get settled. Where people get lost is going out on their own threads, they get a hit or two and then die away in the wash of new posts...That's where we are losing people, IMHO. Once new folks come into the nest, if I see someone struggling, I DO PM them...and I give them my cell phone number to call or text me if they need to. But by directing them to the NN, they will have a voice...because we respond to everyone! We embrace new people...ALWAYS. So this is just what I try to do. We have great success in the nest....lots of different approaches too, so there is something for everyone. I agree with NoSugar, what one person faces isn't unique and that's the power of the forum, and posting your feelings and getting input from others. That's my approach....for what it's worth. B

Hi, Byrdie

As you know, I am a BIG BELIEVER in the Newbies Nest and what goes on there -- I think it works magic (at least it is doing that for me).

I was thinking about this last night --- any more experienced person who is interested in being a sponsor probably would need to be willing to 'hang out' in the nest quite a bit. MWO is just too big for a new person to identify an appropriate sponsor unless there is a particular place for them to look -- and the nest is a logical choice.

When I joined, there were probably about 6 or so of you experienced people posting regularly in the NN. Frankly, to me it seemed like you guys were IN CHARGE OF MWO. I was, and to a large extent still am, unsure about joining in on any of the threads that seem to have limited memberships. I realize now that they don't (e.g. non-Canadians can post in that one, you don't have to be from the southern hemisphere to post in another one, etc.) but at the beginning, it sure would not have occurred to me I could start posting in one of those and find a friend. The mess that was streaming out of my fingers at the beginning would not have fit into those conversation flows at all while it was pretty much par for the course in the nest -- which is exactly where I found the people and got the help I needed.

So, IMO -- the NN or something like it has to be available and wherever they enter MWO, new people should be encouraged to go there. And if there are mentors, they have to make themselves known there. If just the 6 or so of you that are very active there had AVAILABLE flashing in your signature, you would be quickly overwhelmed, I think.

This reminds me of Occupy Wallstreet --- we are a headless institution but good ideas can rise up. It just takes time.

NS

[Caper]

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I guess this is why I started this thread - my thread hasn't been visited in 3 or 4 days.. yet, where are:
kairos, daisy45, dav, mein sonnenschein, rainyday, MinStar, First Day Of, JingleJo, Litre2, honeysuckle, peaceseeker, Karmidillo, Faithful, Alarmed, InDreamsAwake, tree23, Stamphingeman, mywayin, stump68, ron491, Ificanyoucan, nototday, AGUYFROMNC, mimi911, questforthekey, aihflvt, grade1/2, gingersnap, peaceseeker, Irishtea, TribalRose, Lucelastic07, Nonamegirl, Snowflake, s1179, stacyluh, JeffyJeff, reriveritas,
DimensionDrifter, whatmesober, Tx Ellen, Talisman, dinnysis, PaisleyG, struggles, cuddle_demon, teezah, Sober22113, GeauxGirl, Dayum, free at last, Chillibird, had it, runningbird, Jagman, Matty_UK, ljeanner, Maibaby,
Johno60, Ambrose71, MommyKW, Columbia, bellbell, wobblehead, Twitch, kallie, noal, MinStar, Jay-J, Special Ed,
Lasha, Kitten2222, Caz 22, Shamefuldrinker, moody odie, MJL
My apologies to those I missed, and to those that I included that have kept up with this site, but I've missed their contributions.
Again, my point is, what if each and every one of the above had had someone who offered, immediately, to be their sponsor. Would they still be here or would they be among the missing? Just asking?

[JackieClaire]

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And what makes you so sure that someone hasn't reached out?
I'd like to bet there's a fair few of us oldies who keep in touch by PM, e-mails and even phone calls to some members.
I'm not going to make a song and dance about who I'm in touch with. It's a very private matter if that person chooses not to post openly.

[Byrdlady]

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You can put me on that list Jackie Clair. I have reached around to many on this list.
Caper, if you perceive this to be a problem, take it on! You could be the welcome wagon of MWO!
Who can say what happens to people...as you know, unless and until someone is ready to quit, no amount of nagging, I mean, mentoring helps much. I've said it so many times, but really ALL the information you need to get sober is on this site, but it is only a tool...as are we. I think if people are SERIOUS about getting sober, this place works GREAT! And then there are those who we try to help who push us away. We all are just doing the best we can. Byrdie

[kuya]

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I am in two minds also.

When I think about it I have 'mentored' a few and some are sober, some have disappeared. Some like my style some, hate my style.

If this were my job it would be tiring but I have a full time job, am a single parent and run a home. Sometimes I fear I may be unhelpful because I am tired.

The nest allows me to input when I can rather than on demand. I am only human.

[halo]

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A very interesting thread. I thought as a newbie and a 311 gang member I would add some comments. When I first posted back in Feb, I couldn't believe the warmth and understanding I felt from some of the members, I checked in for awhile, got ten days AF and relasped, I know it was because I wasn't committed. After a massive binge, I knew my effort to be AF had to be greater. I spent the time reading the posts in the Newbies Nest and reached out to someone whose insight and comments I respected, I believed taking the step in reaching out for personal help gave me ownership in becoming AF. The person has been a tremendous help. The 311 gang for me has been instrumental as well, however even with a smaller, easy to navigate thread dedicated to people, I believe there were 10 at the beginning, starting their AF life on March 11, many have not posted. Which I think supports the opinion the drive and desire to be AF has to come from within. I have found what works, am hoping to keep the 311 gang going for 60 days. All great ideas, I'm glad I found MW0, I'm even happier I finally found it within myself to say enough is enough, and want to fight for a better life.

[Siren136]

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Yes, Halo, this was one of my concerns about 'sponsors' initially and why I think the mentees need to choose their mentors. It really does need to be up to the person quitting to be in charge of their quit.

The triathlon mentoring group lasts just for one quarter - 3 months. People check in as they can. They ask questions, they post successes, etc. My first quarter I asked about what people wore, transitions, etc. Very basic newbie questions. It's very much the kind of thing the Nest offers, but as several have said - not everyone will feel comfortable just joining in right off the bat (not me - I'll strike up a conversation with a complete stranger). If we had a 'Sponsor' or 'Mentor' sticky thread, and long termers had their availability in their signature, then more people might reach out and ask for help privately.

Anyway, that's just how I think it could potentially work. Other people who don't have the time and energy to be a one-on-one mentor could still help those who feel comfortable posting in the Nest. Maybe the mentors could encourage their mentees to post more and share their stories in the Nest.

[nurdl]

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This is a very interesting discussion. Several things come to mind. I was one of the quiet ones who learned to keep posting to be noticed. To reach out when I needed it. It took a while to feel comfortable and that can be off-putting, especially in those early days. Now that I've got some sober time racked up I want to give back to this wonderful place. So I'd like to be on board with this if it moves forward. Keep me posted.

[Persephone1]

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Caper;1485840 wrote: I guess this is why I started this thread - my thread hasn't been visited in 3 or 4 days.. yet, where are:
kairos, daisy45, dav, mein sonnenschein, rainyday, MinStar, First Day Of, JingleJo, Litre2, honeysuckle, peaceseeker, Karmidillo, Faithful, Alarmed, InDreamsAwake, tree23, Stamphingeman, mywayin, stump68, ron491, Ificanyoucan, nototday, AGUYFROMNC, mimi911, questforthekey, aihflvt, grade1/2, gingersnap, peaceseeker, Irishtea, TribalRose, Lucelastic07, Nonamegirl, Snowflake, s1179, stacyluh, JeffyJeff, reriveritas,
DimensionDrifter, whatmesober, Tx Ellen, Talisman, dinnysis, PaisleyG, struggles, cuddle_demon, teezah, Sober22113, GeauxGirl, Dayum, free at last, Chillibird, had it, runningbird, Jagman, Matty_UK, ljeanner, Maibaby,
Johno60, Ambrose71, MommyKW, Columbia, bellbell, wobblehead, Twitch, kallie, noal, MinStar, Jay-J, Special Ed,
Lasha, Kitten2222, Caz 22, Shamefuldrinker, moody odie, MJL
My apologies to those I missed, and to those that I included that have kept up with this site, but I've missed their contributions.
Again, my point is, what if each and every one of the above had had someone who offered, immediately, to be their sponsor. Would they still be here or would they be among the missing? Just asking?

I have actually reached out and PM'd a decent amount of those who have disappeared after a few days. I'd be willing to devote some time on a regular basis to continuing this and think a 'team effort' would be even better and could be accomplished in a relatively simple and organized manner. I think it's worth the effort to let folks know that we noticed they were here & that they left and encourage them to COME BACK! I realize this is a bit off topic, but I thought it was worth suggesting...

Any thoughts? P.

[maddiemadison]

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What a wonderful idea, it's in the moment that often you need it the most and to have someone to reach out too would be amazing.. Great thinking Caper pls keep this going