Getting weak...

[mustdobetter]

Hi there folks. I have been reading the threads but haven't been posting because I sure don't feel like I can be much support these days. In the beginning of this adventure I felt very confident and strong willed. These past few days I am feeling weak and small. I want to have a drink at these familiar times... like sitting on the back porch with my husband, one of the first very warm days of the year, right before dinner on a Saturday afternoon, when we might normally enjoy an ice cold mixed drink of sorts. Or getting out on the boat, when we would normally have a few.

These times are part of us, and part of me. I am not sure if I miss the alcohol or the novelty. I know I have the choice to change these moments and make them new, alcohol free moments - but I don't really want to. What I want is to enjoy them the way I used to, without overdoing it and without getting plastered. Every so often, my husband and I like to hand the kids over to grandparents and go out and act like we're in our 20s again... get a little busted up, go dancing, go hang out at our favorite waterfront hole in the wall bar, head home and ----- well you know. I miss those times.

My goal is to moderate, but first I have committed to 30 days AF. So I am determined to make my 30 days. Just getting a little nostalgic I guess with the approach of Summer... hot, humid days that turn into warm cozy nights dressed with icy cold beverages. Prancing around downtown in flip flops and shorts, having a drink here and a drink there. Planting ourselves on the counter tops in the kitchen after the kids go to bed, talking about our days over a glass of something or another, with the windows open, listening to the sounds of the outdoors. Taking the boat out into the ocean on a hot day and then kicking back at the marina late afternoon while the sun goes down, having something nearly frozen and fruity...

It's my favorite time of year. I love the warm weather, downright hot weather. And seems that most of my good times are drizzled with adult beverages, for as long as I can remember. Honestly, I don't want to change that. I just want to manage it better. And to tell you the truth - I am afraid of it right now. What if I can't do it?

Sorry for going on so long. I am just feeling very down today after such a beautiful weekend. Strange way to be I suppose.

[Guest]

Getting weak...

I want to be like that again too... that is my goal. To have a few and have the good times without getting drunk. I am really going to work hard towards that. Right now I can't, but I will!!! I am not going to be like this forever, and you won't either. Believe in yourself as I am trying to and we can both do it! I am feeling very weak right now too.. it's getting warmer here and my husband and I did the same things together as you and yours. I want to get those moments back just as much as you do.

[Beaches]

Getting weak...

Hi Must,
Geez you sure do paint a pretty picture of those drinks. Almost romantic. It took me awhile after I started here to really get in the right mind frame. That if I was going to drink I had to be very conscious of how many I would drink and to not exceed that amount. I am hoping to get to a place in my life that I don't have to think about it so much and it's just a way of life.
You are doing great with 18 days, congrats

[Preciouspinot]

Getting weak...

I understand you MDB believe me, I do! It is possible to get there but, it's the slow and steady that wins the race. Try not to be in such a hurry to get there. We are boat people too and I really watch it on those days. I do have a few drinks but, I really pace myself. On the hot days it is easy to get carried away and I now I drink lots of water inbetween and realistically, it is plain dangerous to drink while boating. My hubby does not drink though but, I am the one who is looking after 3 kids and other boaters. Anyway, I do understand and it is possible to there....and you are on day 18!!!!!! Hello!!!

[rudemama]

Getting weak...

Hello Must Do Bettter, I can totally relate to your words and feelings. I too have been anticipating the warm weather and parties, the boat, the pier, the beer, the drinks, what will i do? how will i do it? at this point i don't really know i am only 5 days af. But i feel good no hang over, no puffiness. i can't exprapolate into the future i can only do now. Good Luck keep posting Rudemama

[marcel]

Getting weak...

We are here for yuo!!!

Yeah... day 18, hello.....!!! You are over 1/2 way there!!! You are doing such a great job. You are inspiring!! :yougo:

The summer ain't goin' anywhere without you, babe. It'll still be there when you are ready to decide if you are abs or mods. In fact, it won't even really be here yet. You are 18 AF, right? Summer doesn't get here until June!!! I know, it's the warmth that's getting to ya'. Be patient. Please? lease:

You won't be sorry. There are so many of us pulling for you.:cheering

Hang in there, darlin'.

:wave:

[Noella]

Getting weak...

I must say I hear you lound and clear - Now that the days are getting longer and warmer, I'm reminded of many many times when I just hung out somewhere outside with my friends, BS-ing and enjoying an ice cold something or other. I swear summer was made for nachos and margaritas!!! Beaches and Daiqueries (yes, I had to look up the spelling)!!! Hot crab legs and cold beer!!!

My long term goal is also moderation, but I'm GOING to make the 30 days w/o first and go from there...but I understand the worry about not being able to go back. If I decide to live in abs-ville, does that mean this summer (and every other) won't be the same good time? Fun, yes, but not the same?

As Marcel said - I guess it's just time to be patient, hang in there, and see

Here's to Balmy summer days!

Noella

[DidItForMe]

Getting weak...

icy cold beverages
having a drink here and a drink there
enjoy an ice cold mixed drink of sorts
having something nearly frozen and fruity
talking about our days over a glass of something or another

ice tea, fruit smootie, apple cider, lemonade, coke, root beer, 7 up, water, ginger ale, tonic with lime.

They don't sound as romantic, but when you realize that you will wake up the next day and still remember what a wonderful time you had while you and you husband were.....

sitting on the back porch
getting out on the boat
act like we're in our 20s again
dancing
Prancing around downtown in flip flops and shorts
Planting ourselves on the counter tops in the kitchen after the kids go to bed
listening to the sounds of the outdoors
Taking the boat out into the ocean on a hot day
and ----- well you know

All the same things wait for you MDB, you will just be in a better place for enjoying them. Stay strong.

[mustdobetter]

Getting weak...

Thanks again everyone for coming to my rescue. I am feeling a bit better now. I think I just want some other, better version of me to come back instead of living my days struggling over this. I think it will get easier with time.

Diditforme... your post made me smile because I thought to myself - when's the last time I enjoyed a lemonade straight up. Now that would be pretty refreshing. Thanks.

[mustdobetter]

Getting weak...

Noella - you have all the right combinations... mouthwatering. Not just the alcohol part, more the beaches, nachos, and crablegs. Yes - Summer has a lot to be desired. Here's to the coming Summer months and getting back to the basics - enjoying the surroundings, tasting the food, and sipping on whatever goes best with the day - worry free.

[Determinator]

Getting weak...

MDB, it's easy to see the things we miss and if we let it, we can become sad. You are on the most important journey in your life, (as am I) and part of that journey will be leaving things behind...maybe permanently, maybe not, but certainly seeing them differently for the rest of our lives as we grow into our new thoughts. Alcohol just artificially and violently raises blood levels of GABA...it's not magic. We can understand and then unravel the secrets of our enemy that will lure us with the romantic associations we have tied to it. We can have the best of times with or without it. Using meditation, nutrition, exercise, love etc. Even if you do go back to moderating it would be grand to have those tools fully developed. Don't mean to sound preachy...you are describing so many of my very own feelings and complex challenges and this is what I'm currently trying to do....rewire myself to be content and happy. Truly happy as I strive to pull apart the mysteries of my neglected and previously unguided brain. Be well.

[Noella]

Getting weak...

MDB -

Cheers!

-Noella

[Popeye]

Getting weak...

mustdobetter,
loving wishes headed your way.

[Barbie Ellen]

Getting weak...

Well damn girl you are 20 days AF you only got 10 more to accomplish your 30...stay strong. I know how you feel, I am an hour away from my first day AF...I understand about the summer and being on the boat at the marina have a few drinks, haning by the pool with something ice cold in your hand and having fun, letting your hair down. I dont want to change either, I wish I could be a mod drinker, I have tried numerous times and cant seem to get the hang of it - I just go all out!
This summer for me is gonna suck, I know I shouldnt feel that way but I do - what fun am I gonna have not drinking? But we got to look at the big picture and take it one day at a time. It is not silly to think the way we do - we are not the only ones!