Afraid for my Life!

[Blessed25]

This is my first post. I'm AF for 2.5 days after more than 30 years drinking off and on. The last time I was sober was for about a month in 2010. I managed to abstain while I was pregnant with both of my children, but other than that, it's been a 5th per night almost non-stop. My most recent accident was tripping in the kitchen somehow and bashing my nose against the doorjam. Just the weight of my glasses hurt for three weeks and my nose bled constantly. I've been wanting to quit for as long as I can remember, but just couldn't make it happen. Sunday evening, I noticed that my left leg had swollen to twice the size of the other leg. I went to bed sunday night feeling like I may die in my sleep. I know this can be a symptom of liver problems and/or of heart issues. Did anyone else have this happen to them and what was the outcome. After almost 3 days of being AF and drinking lemon water the swelling is much better, but still present.

[Snapdragon]

Afraid for my Life!

Hi Blessed

Welcome and you have come to the right place - MWO has lots of friendly support here. I am no expert in health and the causes of leg swellings, but I do know that I spent years worrying myself stupid that I was on the verge of liver failure because I had been drinking so much for so long. When I finally plucked up the courage to seek help from my doctor and had blood tests I couldn't believe that they came back as perfectly normal. All those years of worry!!

The liver is an amazing and forgiving organ. Go and see your doctor to put your mind at rest and then put a serious plan together about putting your life back on track and throwing out the AL. I'm sure you will have lots of other MWO folk giving you advice too - so keep posting :l

[K9Lover]

Afraid for my Life!

Hi Blessed and Welcome!

I hear the fright and despair in your post. I was there too, believe me. I never had any major physical issues, other than the normal mysterious bruises and aches that would show up after a night of drinking. BUT, I did feel like I was on such a dangerous path in my behavior that it wouldn't be long before something irreversible happened. I'm glad to hear you are on day 3 AF...that's a huge accomplishment for folks like us! You should go over to the Newbies Nest thread and read around, there are people in all stages of recovery there. I'm sure you will find someone or something that hits home for you. Again, welcome and please keep posting so we can get to know you!

K9

[NoSugar]

Afraid for my Life!

Hi, Blessed and :welcome: !

Since you are worried, you probably should see a doctor and either get what you need or be reassured that you are ok.

If you are here to get rid of that demon, alcohol, you have come to a great place!!

The newbies nest (link in my signature) is full of people at all stages of this who will be happy to help you in anyway they can. The toolbox (also linked) is full of ideas to help you, too.

Hope to see you over in the nest!

Love, NS

[spiderwoman]

Afraid for my Life!

Hi there Blessed

I used to have all sorts of issues with my legs, swelling, itching etc. The injuries were also legendary, black eyes were common. I take comfort from the fact I don't have oesteoperosis (sp), can't have or I'd have broken half the bones in my body.

After just under four months all this has gone, and so has my uncontrolable high blood pressure, stick with us and you will feel so much better in a relatively short space of time, and remember, for every rotten day you have now, it does pass.

Good luck

Sylv

[Blessed25]

Afraid for my Life!

Afraid for my Life

Thank you all so much. I feel better already. The cravings are not as bad as I thought they would be--they are definitely still there, though. I think I was just scared silly the other night. Coming up is the hardest part of the day though--after 5. That's when I would go home and make my first drink right before I started making dinner...Here we go!!!

[NoSugar]

Afraid for my Life!

Hi, Blessed

Do you have an air-tight plan for how you are going to spend your evening?? It really helps if you do. Staying on MWO and reading and posting is a good option if you don't have other ideas.

Stay strong!!

NS

[K9Lover]

Afraid for my Life!

Hi Blessed!

Cooking and drinking seems to be a common theme around here. I used to do it too, although I must admit that when I was drinking I didn't really care about cooking. We ate a lot of junk food in those days because I was too drunk to do otherwise. My biggest trigger was just my couch. That was my "spot" and I loved it! I could sit there for hours and just drink beer after beer after beer...
When I first got sober I had to make some changes. I re-arranged the furniture and moved some lamps around. I had to change the way it looked so my brain would understand that "we don't drink here anymore!".
Is there anything in your nightly ritual you can change for a few days? Even if that involves NOT cooking? In the long run it will be worth it.
Great job on your AF time so far and stick close to us!

K9

[Running Aussie]

Afraid for my Life!

Blessed25;1487439 wrote: Thank you all so much. I feel better already. The cravings are not as bad as I thought they would be--they are definitely still there, though. I think I was just scared silly the other night. Coming up is the hardest part of the day though--after 5. That's when I would go home and make my first drink right before I started making dinner...Here we go!!!

Hi Blessed

Exactly my trigger time/activity! Cocktail or glass of wine as I cooked dinner and de-stressed from the day. Having another refreshing drink in hand is helpful. Mine is sparkling mineral water on ice with half a lemon squeezed in. Others like soda and cranberry or herbal tea.

I'm on day 5 and not feeling so great health wise but I know great energy and vitality are not far away so I'm staying sober for the first time in 20 years. Looking forward to journeying together if you are up to it.

Cheers
RA

[prettytulip]

Afraid for my Life!

hello blessed! and welcome!

well...i'm another one who loven cooking with a glass if wine and it was when i had the worst cravings. i followed k9's advice (thank you!) and made some physical changes to stop my mind making that connection. i used to love the ritual of 'setting the scene'...nice music, nice lights, chill out clothes. dnow i cook as soon as i get in from work with no music and all of the lights on - and it's really helped

[Mootsbill]

Afraid for my Life!

Welcome blessed. Your in the right place honey. You should see a doctor about your leg, you could discuss quitting alcohol with them too.
Xx

[thelaststraw]

Afraid for my Life!

Welcome Blessed,
Well, I have hope you will be blessed by this place. The Newbies Nest is great for comfort, support, and a place to be friendly with others bent on kicking AL to the ground.

I have been drinking, mostly on since 1971. I'd love the glass of wine before making dinner, glass
(or 2) with and then some hard stuff after.

Health food beer breakfast on weekend - the whole shebang.

When I married a tea totaler 9 years ago I stopped for a couple of months and didn't even blink about it - no cravings, I didn't think there was a possibility to drink. BUT Creepy AL found a way for me to sneek Vodka after he went to sleep. (I'd found I couldn't sleep sleep with him, so I'd go to my sleep sleep room after, ya know, and there would be Creepy AL.

I am so glad you found this place...the advice here is priceless.
Hope to hear from you soon.

-S-

[Blessed25]

Afraid for my Life!

@ SYLV "uncontrolable high blood pressure"...I have that too.

@ K9 - "sitting on couch"...I am just the opposite. When I drink, I rearrange the furniture, clean like a crazy woman, sort out closets. Anything that I truly don't enjoy doing but needs to get done by a wife and mother--that's what I do when I drink. It's almost like alcohol is my reward for doing all the crap that must get done when I'd rather be sitting around relaxing.

This is day four for me. I have changed my entire "at home" routine. Usually, I'd walk in, put on my comfy clothes, make a drink and BEGIN the job that is my second job after working all day long at the first job. Clean the kitchen from the night before, make dinner, clean house, fold laundry, help with homework--no time for me at all until I finally fall into bed convinced that there is no time for a shower. It's not uncommon or me to go 3-4 days without showering because I've convinced myself that there just isn't time. Then the next day, I'd come home and find the kitchen a mess again, glasses scattered all over the house, socks everywhere and it's time to start all over again. (The kids have a few hours at home after school before I get off work).

I think the biggest challenge for me is to walk in the front door and ignore all the chaos around the house and the mess, forget that if someone shows up unannounced and sees the state of our home, they will most certainly think I am the worst mother in the world that we live in such filth and keep telling myself that my sobriety is way more important than what people think of our house in its current state...BUT IT'S SO HARD!!!

[Overit44]

Afraid for my Life!

Blessed25;1487439 wrote: Thank you all so much. I feel better already. The cravings are not as bad as I thought they would be--they are definitely still there, though. I think I was just scared silly the other night. Coming up is the hardest part of the day though--after 5. That's when I would go home and make my first drink right before I started making dinner...Here we go!!!

Blessed-don't forget how scared you were, and you still need to be.