Day 1: Onward and Upwards

[Want to Change]

Dear all,

I've made a couple of posts already but wanted to introduce myself. I've spent the last few hours reading through the site, and I'm feeling inspired by the motivation, conviction, courage and support in the posts.

Like for so many others, alcohol has taken over my life. This should be a happy time for me. I managed to escape horrible childhood and now have a good job, marriage and family. But the ghosts of past, present, and future still haunt me and I hide from these behind alcohol. I can easily drink 3 litres of wine in a day, and often much more. I can sometimes work from home, so start drinking from breakfast. But today I spent my time on here instead, logging back in when feeling particularly tempted to pour "just one glass". So, it's only been a few hours...but this already feels like an important achievement. I know the next few days (and nights) are going to be really tough.

My life is hardly worth living...I have no energy or interest in anything much that doesn't involve drinking. I've gone from UK size 8 to 14 and my self-esteem is rock bottom. I hate myself drunk, the things I do and say. I hate that fact that I never waken in the morning and remember going to bed the night before.

My hope is taper down so that I can eventually move to having a couple of glasses of wine one evening, then none the next. I haven't gone one day without alcohol probably for about a decade so this is an ambitious plan.

Please hope for me.

[halfway content]

Day 1: Onward and Upwards

Hello, Want to Change,

Welcome! I am no expert but like you I had an ambitious plan, and today is my Day 30 without alcohol. Everyone is different, everyone will try different things to stop. For me, I had to change my mindset from
"want to change" or " hope to change" to "going to change." Period. It was hard, it still is hard. However, I am happier, healthier and a whole lot smarter. I even remember the article that I read last night! Good luck to you. Start right now.

[prettytulip]

Day 1: Onward and Upwards

I just wanted to say hello and welcome :welcome:

I think that you are doing great already...any time that you are alcohol free is a great achievement - be it an hour, a day or longer. Checking into the site instead of having a drink is a great tool- I did the same, and the strength, motivation and advice from others really helped me to get started on my AF path.

Hope you stick around

[NoSugar]

Day 1: Onward and Upwards

Hi, Want to Change, and :welcome:

Good name!! That describes how most of us feel when we join MWO.

Have you looked through the toolbox and read back through the Newbies Nest? Both links are in my signature. The nest is a great place to hang out when you are just getting started -- there are people there at all stages of getting out of the grips of alcohol. Some have experience with tapering so if you have questions about how to do that --- just go there and ask away!! Someone will have an answer for you.

This CAN be done, Want to Change!! The keys I've found are to read and post often. The more you read, the more you will feel deep down that the change you want can be yours and the more you post, the more you will find yourself committing to the process.

Hope to see you in the nest!

NS

[Want to Change]

Day 1: Onward and Upwards

Thank you for the very warm welcome! It's great to have this support.

One problem I've struggled with for a long time is feeling like such a horrible person to allow things to get this bad. Just reading through the posts here it is clear that alcohol can be problematic for anyone, including intelligent, compassionate and generally lovely people.

[NoSugar]

Day 1: Onward and Upwards

Want to Change;1489715 wrote: Thank you for the very warm welcome! It's great to have this support.

One problem I've struggled with for a long time is feeling like such a horrible person to allow things to get this bad. Just reading through the posts here it is clear that alcohol can be problematic for anyone, including intelligent, compassionate and generally lovely people.

Hi, Want to Change

Probably a bigger struggle for me than not drinking has been forgiving myself for starting to drink (didn't even get going down this path until sometime in my mid 30s) and for not stopping when it started be be a problem (sometime over the last 10 years). I'm 54 now.

Anyway, I'm still pretty mad at myself about all of this but am making good progress . On one particularly dark day, I read this whole thread and it really helped: https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...ead-71728.html

You're in a good place to get past both hurdles!!

:h NS

[Struggles 106]

Day 1: Onward and Upwards

Hey Want to Change

Welcome to MWO! You have found a great place for support.

Don't beat yourself up over drinking in the past. Pat yourself on the back for recognizing and addressing the issue. That's a big part of it-many are still in denial and refuse to see what alcohol is doing to your life.

You are not to blame IMO; we are simply wired differently and it's something we have to deal with from day to day. After a while it is easier as you start to look around and notice all the things you were too drunk to see. It's nice.

Tapering was mentioned, which can be fine but since you are alcohol free you might want to try to stick with that. You sound like you were like me-there is no such thing as one or two.

Take care and stick around

[Snapdragon]

Day 1: Onward and Upwards

Want to Change;1489715 wrote: Thank you for the very warm welcome! It's great to have this support.

One problem I've struggled with for a long time is feeling like such a horrible person to allow things to get this bad. Just reading through the posts here it is clear that alcohol can be problematic for anyone, including intelligent, compassionate and generally lovely people.

Hello Want to Change - and a warm welcome. I think most of us here can relate to 'feeling like a horrible person' because of AL. I cringe when I think of a couple of dear friends that I lost because they simply had enough of the 'drunk, opinionated me; the embarrassing situations which people still remind me of and snigger about (ie falling face down in the gutter getting out of a taxi after a work doo).

Contrary to common belief a huge majority of people with AL problems are very intelligent, compassionate and extremely lovely people - AL doesn't cherry pick its victims.

[BHOG]

Day 1: Onward and Upwards

Want To Change-Welcome

When I decided to get sober, I was on this site every waking hour, posting, chatting, I just needed somebody, anybody, to talk with me, to keep me from filling up a glass with wine; keep me from going bonkers.

You are in much the same boat. Do yourself a favor, grab a lifesaver off the site and save yourself. It can be done, it is not easy (else everyone would do it), but if you want it bad enough, you can do it. People on this site will help you. It is my opinion, that getting sober is worth it!

[free at last]

Day 1: Onward and Upwards

Welcome, Want to Change. You have seen lots of advice, another item is to come up with a plan to address the difficult period when you are most tempted to drink -- cooking dinner, first get home from work, whatever. I found going for a walk and taking no money with me helped. Also, my latest plan is that I can't even think about a glass of wine (my poison) until I have had three full glasses of seltzer water. That has been really helpful. Stay close.

[eiti]

Day 1: Onward and Upwards

Hi, Want To Change,

Our stories sound so similar. Wine is my choice. Last night I was alcohol free. Instead I drank a glass of tonic water with lemon slices. I made it through. I also driank only at night and while cooking. Today, I am so pleased with myself. Start with one night, I find, at least right now, I can't drink just one glass, so my best is to try and avoid the first glass. Good Luck to you.


Surviving means being born over and over- Erica Jong

[Running Aussie]

Day 1: Onward and Upwards

Want to Change;1489648 wrote:

My life is hardly worth living...I have no energy or interest in anything much that doesn't involve drinking. I've gone from UK size 8 to 14 and my self-esteem is rock bottom. I hate myself drunk, the things I do and say. I hate that fact that I never waken in the morning and remember going to bed the night before.

Lots of things will change for the better when you are AF including your energy, weight, motivation, memory, relationships, finances and self esteem. Imagine yourself happier, lighter, focused, motivated - take a long hard look at that new you. Now start working towards her now and don't look back.
Cheers
RA

[Want to Change]

Day 1: Onward and Upwards

Thank you everyone...

It was AMAZING to log on this morning to read all the supportive posts.

I did drink last night but at least half of what I have been doing recently and even managed to say "no more" when my partner offered me another glass. So I felt really irritable in the evening and hardly slept but despite that, do feel better for it today and even more committed to doing this.

A few people have mentioned action plans for the times it is going to be really hard (which I know it will). I've been to the shops this morning and bought sparkling water and lemon which I'll drink out of a wine glass.

I'm trying to replace craving thoughts with positive ones (being happy! losing weight! having energy!) and keep reminding myself of all the people here giving me support and who have managed to do what I'm just starting.

:thanks:

[anchorbird]

Day 1: Onward and Upwards

Good for you! I am also on a journey to decrease my intake instead of just going cold turkey.

I also had a nightmare of a childhood, but the way I see it, if I can make it through all those years, I can make it through this. One day at a time. Message me if you want to chat!

[Kradle123]

Day 1: Onward and Upwards

Want to Change;1489715 wrote: Thank you for the very warm welcome! It's great to have this support.

One problem I've struggled with for a long time is feeling like such a horrible person to allow things to get this bad. Just reading through the posts here it is clear that alcohol can be problematic for anyone, including intelligent, compassionate and generally lovely people.

Hi WTC and Welcome :welcome:

Your post brought some tears to my eye. I believe AL has truly strangled so much of our compassion, our generosity and intelligence. It's so awful. But The people here at MWO are incredlibly gifted and strong. You couldn't have landed in a better place to be who you were always meant to be.

Read a lot these early days to get the lay of the land. We are all here for you,
:l
Stay close