day 5 ..still alive..barely

[buckledown]

here i go again....posting first thing in the morning...but it seems like a good wa to start my day...it is day 5 for me...and it seems like sooooooo much longer than that...i feel so much more clear headed and present...i have been complaing about the sleep and FINALLY i did get a much better nights sleep last night....i am still feeling overwhelming saddness...different from my depression...i dont like it at all..i want to be feeling elated...today is atough one for me as it is my monthly poker game with my friends and i simply cant go ...i am not strong enough to go and not drink and i dont want to mod yet...i now this now this morning but i will wrestle with this all day in my head..."I can go and i have i glass of wine"..."no i can't"..."yes i can"...what a yucky way to spend my day...arguing with myself....i do not want to talk myself into going.....so i am wring this now so i can read it later....any ideas on this...i am going to say affirmations and prayers on it and that will help and then hopefully the wine devil will stay away...as far as positives...i have been totally present with my kids for 5 days now...although a little edgy...but still i can remember eveything....no wine with homework or anything else....and my husband told me yesterday he was proud of me.... 2 great victories....so the positive is winning out....today seems like it is going to be a very challenging one as i love cards and fell like i am missing out ...it really pisses me off i cant just be a regular drinker like all the other girls there.....thanks for reading and any post would be truly appreciated...:new: buck

[betty boop]

day 5 ..still alive..barely

When I get tempted I remind myself just how bad I will feel in the morning, and how good I feel now xx

[Bella]

day 5 ..still alive..barely

Hello Buck, It sounds like it is really hard for you to make this decision to go or not. I have avoided social occassions especially at the beginning of being AF. I just did not trust myself at such an early stage. This abstinence is really important to you so i would not give yourself temptations yet. But see how you feel later maybe. I still have not been to my local pub, I just cant do it!

[rudemama]

day 5 ..still alive..barely

Buckledown,
Focus on the positive, I too am a card player, skipped last week. I am 7 days af. Don't know about cards this week....but do know that don't want to be drunk or hungover. Hang in there. Rudemama

[springrl]

day 5 ..still alive..barely

today is my day off, I have already spent the morning worrying if I will break down and have wine tonite. This site is helping me, reading all the encouraging posts. so far I have done 3 AF days in a row. I messed up last week, but did not get drunk. today will be day 2 if I make it

[Piddypat]

day 5 ..still alive..barely

Like spring, I am in the same boat. And I can relate sooo much to you buckle, when you battle in your brain, will I drink wine or will I not?? And it's good to hear that you are angry that you can't drink like others. I have always been really pissed that my friends and husband could say, no thank you, I've had enough, and I would ask for another glass. I listened to the cd's last night. They sure take a lot of time. I am trying to stick with it. Are you taking the topamax everyone talks about?

[buckledown]

day 5 ..still alive..barely

Great job everyone who has posted ...yes i am on the topa for 3 days 25 mm...it seems to help..i am also doing the calms forte in the evening...it seems to take some of the edge off...also it is suppose to help me sleep...i was not sleeping until last night....i do get mad that i cant just drink normally - but what is noraml- i am here trying to reprogram myself...and trying and positively affirming i am a good person and worthy of change and a good life and happiness... i do believe that and you should too...we all should...thanks for the posts...you guys are great ....we can do this....:new: :h buck

[Breez]

day 5 ..still alive..barely

Hi buck~

I would stop the debating & instead make up your mind to not go. Then make plans to do something else & focus all your attention in that "postive" direction. Your day is not wasted with this back & forth stuff and your mind is refocused on a more postive target.

[Elizabeth]

day 5 ..still alive..barely

give your mind and body a chance to settle into this new physical & mental way of bei

Hi Buckledown,

I had to do a full week before even considering socialising and I am now taking it slowly on the social calender but definately going out & about again. You've done brill but you need to give your mind and body a chance to settle into this new physical & mental way of being. Skip cards if you can this time and give yourself a chance. Watch a great movie and make your most favorite meal - anything to distract you for now. You'll be back to cards much stronger soon. I'm sending you lots of strong vibes. Keep at it. :goodjob:

[mustdobetter]

day 5 ..still alive..barely

I agree with SeaBreez - make a decision not to go and then make other plans, maybe with your husband and/or kids... then firm them up by telling/inviting and setting a time. Just go ahead and do it.

I also felt depressed in the beginning. I still do a bit, but not as bad. I think at first I felt like I had lost my best friend. That feeling is slowly going away though. I think it will happen for you also as time goes on.

Great job on 5 days. Congrats.

[Barbie Ellen]

day 5 ..still alive..barely

hey buck - this is my first day here and what an amazing place....i would take it easy tonight, I have been there so many times..saying I can go up to the bar and hang with friends and just drink club soda..yea right...if there is even a bit of an inkling that you would breakdown and give up dont do it....our lives are not worth the damn bottle...and see how great you feel now and happy and proud your family is.....just a thought

[Popeye]

day 5 ..still alive..barely

Hi Buck,
I must say if it was me, I wouldn't go until I felt comfortable with things. You will in a while I think.
Enjoy your night whatever you decide.
5 days AF.:goodjob:

[Guest]

day 5 ..still alive..barely

Hey Buck! I personally would not go..tell your girls you need a family night and make some popcorn (on the stove, it's always more fun) and some homemade french fries and watch a good 'Die Hard' movie..or something else that you like. Get into your PJ's and cuddle in with your hubby... congrats on making it this far!!! You are doing awesome chick! I have been moderating the last couple nights, only 2 glasses a night and then when I want more I come on this site and read everything and then by that time...I dont want anymore! So far it's working out...so far. To occupy my time today I did some major spring cleaning in the flat and reorganized my babes room and scrubbed everything down..she loves it, more room for her little legs to run from me.

[cassy]

day 5 ..still alive..barely

hi Buck

It drives us crazy at first when we cant be confident to go out and not drink...the first few weeks were wild in my head..i just couldnt do it...except with my friend who started this AF thing with me for LENT. After the first week I could go out to the pub but changed th pattern slightly...went early evening for a meal and then home to watch a DVD or whatever i planned IN ADVANCE.

For me forward planning is the key. Last weekend i went to the pub 3 nights..the first night an early meal( had a child with me) plus hubby who is doing AF with me for support. Played a few games of cards and hope by 9.30pm...that fet ok.

2nd night..met friends .again as was with hubby felt stronger as he ordered sodas and we said we wee on a healthy camapign for LENT to our friends...that went ok too

night 3..hubby and i went for a walk by the river , into a bistro for a meal....soft drinks only...home at 11 and felt so so good that I had coped with 3 nights.

i cant hide away from social occasions ..but I have to forward plan....I get all dressed up. new outfit, or new lippy...set out feeling good and its lovely to know i will return home sober,no guilt in the mornings either.


So my suggestion would be dont go anywhere unless you are reasonably confident you wont drink for the moment!

i have friends that I have managed to avoid purely because they were my permission in my head to drink to much with...ie a bottle of wine and then I would be slurring or going quiet as the alcohol numbed my brain!!!
These are really close friends ans I dont as yet want to discuss personal stuff re my drinking with them...so this weekend we are seeing them for the first time in 5 weeks...the last night i saw them was the last night i drank the full bottle of promised myself to moderate/ quit alcohol anythink but binge again!!!

So i,ve arranged tickets for a theatre with them.. instead of a meal and a drink..yes there will be booze there but i will offer to be the driver.

Some things have to change..so guess it will be fun to come up with ideas of different things to do with these friends than binge drink...well i hope so.. Sorry to ramble...GOO

GOOD LUCK..regards Cassy

[marcel]

day 5 ..still alive..barely

Hi Buck, 5 days is great!! Congratulations!! I agree with the advice to pass on the card game until you are stronger. The cards will still be there. Your friends at MWO will still be here, too, no matter what. Be well. Be strong.