Worst I've ever been

[Joemero]

It's got me bad...every morning I wake up and say to myself that I will not drink today. Then something POWERFUL comes over me at around 2-3PM which convinces me to sneak one beer in before my wife gets home from work and notices. It doesn't matter, she can tell now simply by my voice over the phone, no matter how hard I try to cover it up. I can't hide it from her...then that one turns into 3, 4, 5, we know the story.

I am tired of writing "Day 1" on my iPhone notes app which is great to count days, yet I find my self deleting it and writing "Day 1" again, almost every day!!!

I'm looking into going into an AA meeting tonight, although there is an open one tomorrow which I'm thinking of inviting my wife to so she can see that I'm serious about quitting. She's fed up with me, I know she's consulted with her therapist and a divorce lawyer, but she hasn't left me yet. I don't want this to happen. thanks for reading.

[Cinders]

Worst I've ever been

Joe,

I know very well how you feel trying to quit. I can't believe my husband has not left me yet, either. I have put him through the wringer.

I hope you find a good AA group. It can be very helpful. Don't go just to convince your wife you are serious. Go because you want to quit.

I, too, have spent many years trying to quit.

I woke up a bit ago and realized I could not do it without some serious help. I started on Antabuse so that when my head started to chatter at me, I couldn't cave. It is a huge crutch for me.

I also am seeing a counselor who is the first one I have ever been able to really talk to and listen to.

AA is another group I use.

I also use MWO.

The best to you and I hope you can find it within yourself to realize that even though you really want to drink, you do not have to drink. One day at a time.

Cindi

[kuya]

Worst I've ever been

Joe .... Maybe you may need to identify what it is about quitting that scares you.

Losing your wife is what scares you ABOUT drinking but something else scares you more about stopping.

[Joemero]

Worst I've ever been

Losing your wife is what scares you ABOUT drinking but something else scares you more about stopping

I think it's the stigma of being "one of those" the one with a problem. I'm in sales, and it's hard not to socialize without drinking. I'm also afraid of not being able to enjoy that fine wine paired with a gourmet meal during a special occasion. I know these are stupid excuses...

[kuya]

Worst I've ever been

Joemero;1496411 wrote: I think it's the stigma of being "one of those" the one with a problem. I'm in sales, and it's hard not to socialize without drinking. I'm also afraid of not being able to enjoy that fine wine paired with a gourmet meal during a special occasion. I know these are stupid excuses...

No Joe , they are not stupid, they are YOUR reasons.

Do you think that if your wife leaves and your drinking escalates ( which it will from the stress) then it will spill over into work and you will end up being "one of those whose wife left because he drinks too much"?

Better to be proactive, save your marriage and your life and tell folks at work, for example, your blood pressure has gone up a lot and you HAVE to quit to get it under control. You will save face and when you are safely sober say 'hey I love being sober, why don't YOU try it?'

There is more than one path to the top of any mountain.

[Joemero]

Worst I've ever been

for example, your blood pressure has gone up a lot and you HAVE to quit to get it under control. You will save face and when you are safely sober say 'hey I love being sober, why don't YOU try it?'

I like that one...I'll give it a try I'm also afraid of the boredom of being sober in the beginning, I know it will get better with time. My wife thinks I have ADHD.

[K9Lover]

Worst I've ever been

Hi Joe!
Welcome back. I can completely understand where you are coming from. I thought I would NEVER get off that roller-coaster from HELL. Waking up every morning swearing I wouldn't drink that day, but, like you, by 3pm or so I felt much better and would start to plan which liquor store to stop at on the way home. I don't have a significant other putting any pressure on me, just the knowledge that I was hurting myself and my child. I KNEW if I didn't stop I was going to die either a horrible slow death or an instant fiery death in a drunken car wreck. Either way I'd be leaving my daughter without a mother, and I could not bear the thought of that.

We all have different "reasons" for stopping, but ultimately it has to be for YOU...all the other reasons will come to light eventually.

I, too, take Antabuse. I don't view it as a crutch, I see it as one of the many TOOLS available. Between Antabuse and MWO I have been sober for 483 days. You CAN do this too. Stick close to us and let us know how you are doing!

K9

[kuya]

Worst I've ever been

Joemero;1496421 wrote: I like that one...I'll give it a try I'm also afraid of the boredom of being sober in the beginning, I know it will get better with time. My wife thinks I have ADHD.

It DOES get better and quite quickly.

My kids still joke about how nice it is that I will sit and watch a film with them. When I was drinking I was always on the go, never relaxed.

There is very little boredom once you truly accept that you have made the decision. I honestly don't have enough hours in the day anymore. HOW did I spend four hours a night drinking ?????

The first week is rough. The first month is long. Then it starts to feel normal.

You have a wife who has been seriously short changed while you drank. Start doing things with her to repair the love.

[K9Lover]

Worst I've ever been

kuya;1496428 wrote: My kids still joke about how nice it is that I will sit and watch a film with them. When I was drinking I was always on the go, never relaxed.

I thought I was the only one that could drag out a 2 hour movie into a 5 hour project. Of course, after beer 8 or 9 I'd suddenly need to go rake the lawn. In the rain. In my pajamas.

[Tipplerette]

Worst I've ever been

I wish you lots of positive energy and self-love. When the calling comes, just remember how you will feel the next day, both physically and emotionally. That's a big deterrent for me. I am only on day nine or ten but as you hope for yourself, I hope this time it will be different.

I think when people refuse a drink in a social setting, there is a fair amount of guarded respect that people grudgingly feel for the abstainer like "Wow, he/she sure has self control..." so don't give too much information if you aren't comfortable when asked.

One of the catalysts for me to quit this time is that it is seriously affecting my sleep so that's my standard response now. I just say, "every time I drink a glass or two I end up spending the night wide awake so I've decided not to drink." A lot of people are having the same problems with booze.

[Joemero]

Worst I've ever been

Thanks Tipplerette!!! It's so encouraging to log on and see another reply As the day progresses and I'm beginning to feel a little better, I'm thinking of excuses not to go to my first AA meeting this evening. Afraid of being "that person" and "I'm better than that". But I know I am that person. The meeting is at 5:30pm I hope I find the courage to make it.

[spiderwoman]

Worst I've ever been

I hope you made your meeting Joemero, I agree wholeheartedly with what the others have said. As soon as you convince yourself you want to quit, not that you have to, or that you're being pressurised into it but that it is something you are doing for you and only you - the rest is plain sailing.

I used my high blood pressure as an excuse at first but now if asked, I'm beginning to say that it was getting to be a real problem because its the truth.

I'm still working hard on my personal relationship because I treat my partner so badly he would have left had we not been financially committed, we're not so bad now and letting things take a natural course, its getting better all the time.

Wishing you every success in your quit.

[Joemero]

Worst I've ever been

Thanks Spiderwoman. the meeting is in one hour...I'm scared about going! What kind of people am I going to run into?! I'm not one of those!! yet....I am.

Why is it that I can't stop thinking about my problem all day long? Everything I think about, alcohol has to be in the equation, for example...a business trip meeting "oh no, I'll drink alcohol, better try to control it", dinner with my wife at a restaurant "she wont want to go, because she knows ill drink" and on and on and on!

[kuya]

Worst I've ever been

Joemero;1496573 wrote: Thanks Spiderwoman. the meeting is in one hour...I'm scared about going! What kind of people am I going to run into?! I'm not one of those!! yet....I am.

Why is it that I can't stop thinking about my problem all day long? Everything I think about, alcohol has to be in the equation, for example...a business trip meeting "oh no, I'll drink alcohol, better try to control it", dinner with my wife at a restaurant "she wont want to go, because she knows ill drink" and on and on and on!

That obsession with a drug is called addiction. That is why we are ALL here.

It affects young old rich poor smart and dumb.

At the meeting you are going to run into people you can relate to, people who share this problem. You will be surprised to find the 'normal' people at the meeting......they all used to think they weren't 'one of them'.......

Relax, this is a great thing you are doing, here and at the meeting.

You can't fix a problem until you ACCEPT there is a problem to fix.

I wish you courage

[jenniech]

Worst I've ever been

At first AA can be quite intimidating. However, everyone there is in the same shoes as you. You all have an instant bond. With that common problem there are infinite amounts of empathy and care with no judgment. You will see if you go to more than just one. Give it a try.
Maybe make a short term commitment: say, go to AA meetings everyday this week and come onto MWO at least twice a day every day and post at least once a day to be accountable for what is going on....see how that helps you. I would bet they both make you feel better and stronger about your choice to quit, and your choice to NOT drink. It is simple as that. What choice will you make?
Good luck to you!